It feels like the response should be the opposite, where getting in a groove of something that feels good should make me want to do it more? It’s almost like there is a fear of that consistency… maybe a fear of ultimate failure? Or a fear of actually feeling good after so many years with anxiety…

I'm 24F, going to grad school. I have been a person who is hypersensitive to any kind of emotion/situation thrown at me. I was a in a phase where i was toooo clueless and took CBT for anxiety, frequent panic attacks and was given medications for the same and to cope w depression. That was 2 years ago. Few call me a "giver", "a friend they can rely on" and few call me "inconsiderate and that I always just take", "I always make it about myself" .. and things like that. My take on me - i think, I need i have the need to be recognized, I feel like a missing piece of a puzzle sometimes (a missing person), I'm not feeling the sense of power when I'm consistent, religious, open-minded - career wise. Rn, I think it's high time that I changed my behavioral patterns, way I operate in my social life, the attitude i need to have when people throw at me - their lives, emotions and themselves (sometimes I feel like i ask for it - but i don't wanna be doing that!). So - my dearest honest redditors, please. I want to reinvent myself. I want to be focused, consistent, more emotionally stable, more decisive and confident about what i want and not let anything affect me until I achieve what I aim for. Give me all your thoughts and probable ways I can choose from - to make myself a stronger woman. I just want to cut the bullying! Ugh!

Long story short, guy I was dating broke things off with me recently. I genuinely believe that guy is the one. I still do. I made a lot of mistakes and, due to alot of trauma, abuse, and past relationships, drove this guy away. I have worked on my issues on and off over the years but now is like an oh shit moment. Found the most perfect man on the planet and managed to sabotage myself. I'm accepting my problems and got reenrolled in therapy. Things that happened in my life aren't my fault but I can't project my distrust and all that onto others anymore. He's the sweetest and kindest guy I've ever met. I don't even want to try anymore until I learn to love myself. I really feel like I have nothing else to lose after losing him and it can only be up from here. It has to be. Outside of the basic therapy, self help books, etc. What are some ways to learn to love yourself? I'm going on a cruise this weekend and am working to travel more. I feel like it's good to get a fresh perspective that way, but any advice is helpful. Thank you.

i always listened to everyone who told me that i didnt need to be talented or gifted, i just had to work hard. everyday i strive for self discipline, but im still super duper lazy. to put it i a funny way, i have the stress of a person working 80 hours a week while only doing 5 hours a week. all this stressing and trying to build a work ethic has gotten me nowhere, what am i doing wrong?

TLDR: During a relationship that only lasted 2 weeks, we (17M) (16F) (1Year gap) got really close, and I sent her an embarrassing video and now I'm scared she still might have it.

Important(THIS HAPPENED A YEAR AGO(I'm now 18 and she is now 17)

A year ago, I met this girl on wizz who was living in Singapore, whilst I lived in belgium, which are obviously very far away. But we talked a lot and felt a connection and quickly both got attached to eachother, which looking back was dumb because that isn't how relationships work but I was dumb. I mean, I literally sent her a love letter, after knowing her for a day, and she said it made her cry, which looking back again shows that neither of us were ready for a relationship.

3 days later, we sent eachother some spicy texts(No pics), which looking back was a bad idea considering we didn't know eachother too much, and considering it was both of our first times doing this. In one of those texts, I called her a goddess which she said she thought was sweet. I then started saying it more, which she said she then later kind of liked, but also didn't beacuse she felt like it was going against god.

So rather than asking her to clarify, and actually communicating, I just a vidoe of me to her which she said she would download but watch later, which contained me for a minute on my knees calling her a godess. After she watched it later, she said she didn't like it and it was too much, and that she deleted it. After I then thought about it and realised that this goddess crap probably just made her uncomfortable, and so I apolgoised, promised to never send her some crap like that again, and I also stopped the sexting because it felt wrong since I put the fact that after first meeting, she told me most guys sent creepy messages or wanted nudes, and realised that I was being one of those guys. So we kept talking because she wanted too, but I felt really ashamed at this point.

A week later were talking about where we want to go for university, and she wants to stay in singapore, and I want to stay in belgium, and because of that, I thought maybe we shouldn't be together, so I told her, she started crying, saying no guy said all the nice stuff I did to her, no guy ever listned to her, wrote the poems that I did for her, helped her with her homework etc. Like I did for her. I also sad because I had never done any of those things for a girl before(and to this day haven't), but most of all, she later told me that she felt insecure about her body, and told me a bunch of her trauma, which I sat on call with her with, listening to and trying to help her work through it which went on for about 5 hours.

Looking back now, I feel very ashamed about everything that unfolded here and haven't done anything since, but the thought popped back into my mind about her a month after we broke up, and we just dry texted. Additionally, after we broke up, she unadded me from her followers on instgram, but kept following me. Eventually I unadded her, and then we didn't talk for a while and I forogot about the video, until a week ago when I randomly remembered all of this. I still feel ashamed about this whole ordeal, and haven't sexted or anything like that since, but I'm worried if maybe after we broke up, since even though after the long call she said that she deleted it, that she went to recently deleted, got back the video and maybe spread it around and I don't know if I should try contacting her again or what.

This summer I finally decided to delete the instagram app. I still have an account, but I log in only from my pc, once every 2/3 days to check inbox or if I really want to look up at something. I'm sticking to it and I absolutely don't miss the garbage I consumed every day in there.
But I hoped that this decision would dramatically improve my life. It didn't.

I estimate that I saved about 8 hours a week, but:

- 2 or 3 of them were in meaningless moments (breaks at work, commuting...) I now feel my emotions in that times or am just more aware of my surrounding and enjoy looking around myself, that's kinda good

- I didn't find a meaningful occupation to fill this time. Yes I did some things like putting some order to old files and photos, but not much more

- A share of this time went to facebook shorts which are the same shit in weaker form or on youtube videos (which I find more interesting, but still I reached the limit)

- I had more time to realize how deep down lonely and mediocre I feel with my current situation, but didn't get enough fuel to commit to a bold move and change something in my life

- Removing ig distraction and ''external noise'' didn't provide me peace and clarity, it just cut a share of my anesthetic

I know it was a somewhat brave and good decision all in all, but I'm still missing the piece to turn it into a great decision with big impact on my life.

It's mostly an end of the year note to myself, but if you want to share your take/experiences on this I'd be glad to hear it

Dear Reddit,

During the pandemic, I felt isolated and needed someone in my life. Two years prior we started this relationship, and while it served a purpose back then, I’ve come to realize that it’s no longer what I need or deserve. I gave so much—my time, my trust, even loaning him money—but he didn’t put in the same effort. He constantly let me down, whether it was not showing up when I invited him, after work, only during working hours, making weak excuses, or failing to repay even small amounts of the money he owed me.

This year's company Christmas party incident was the final straw. I had planned everything to make it easy and enjoyable, even booking a hotel room, but he still couldn’t be bothered to come. That disrespect, along with his pattern of behavior, made me realize I couldn’t keep doing this. I deserve someone who shows up, puts in effort, and values me.

Looking back, there were so many red flags. Like the time he showed up in ripped jeans to see me at home, while on the clock—that was just embarrassing and thoughtless. I’m glad my parents weren’t home then, because it would’ve reflected poorly on me. And honestly, I’ve come to see that he assumed my financial situation meant it didn’t matter that he wasn’t repaying me. But when he asked for even more money ( for replacement car tires), I had to put my foot down. I told him I wasn’t going to throw good money after bad, and I meant it.

It’s clear now that I can do better. The pandemic is over, and I’m in a different place in my life. I don’t need someone who brings chaos or disrespect—I need someone who matches my energy, effort, and values. I’m frustrated and hurt by his behavior, but I’m also stronger for recognizing that I deserve more. Moving forward, I’m focused on building connections that uplift me, not ones that drag me down. I’ve learned a lot from this, and I know I’ll come out of it better and wiser.

It's clear that I will be harder to date after this when the time eventually comes and I'm ready, but damn, this took me for some freaking ride. But happy that I made it out, but angry that it had to come to that.

I feel kind of alone.

Hello guys, I’m a bit desperate, I really hate my life, I hate uni, I hate how people talk to me, im tired of everything and I can’t enjoy life if there’s something to enjoy about it… My bf says that my life is good and that I shouldn’t feel this way, but I really hate everything about my life I don’t like to do anything everything I do makes me want to crawl to bed and desapear… How can I stop being like this? I want to get better but everywhere I look I just feel even more miserable

I have been trying to have native English origins friends but idk what is happining with me, some of ppl only sended "hello" to me then disappear, and some muslims of them (because I'm seeking to muslim friends) aren't really interesting when I requested from them to being my friends and aid me to improve my English speaking skill and have good times together. Is there something make them uncomfortable and I can't understand it?

im 22M in my first year of uni and i study comp science. problem with me is i havent had a rational thought in a while. even though youd expect someone from a math background to think rationally and always do math in their head but i still get imposter syndrome whne i do calculations in my head and my mind completely shuts off and zones out. also i get brain fogs often. i use a lot of social media and occasionally
jerk off which i think is messing up my rational thinking abilities. how do i overcome this i seriously need help

A few months ago I had a coming to God moment. After being crushed under all my guilt, regrets, and sorrow for almost a year. I had gotten so bad that I knew if it didn't stop, I was going to die.

I have shattered and been rebuilt more times than I can count since coming to Christ. The whole process was inexplicable. Much like the pain I went through every day beforehand.

I've been working on cleaning my room, but there is still so much left. So far, I've pulled seven 33gl trash bags full out of this room. I'm a little less than half way done if that gives any perspective into exactly how far gone I was.

I've experienced so many things since repenting. I have purpose and direction. I feel the Lord guiding me in everything I do now. I know what it's like to be hungry again. I can feel the warmth of my beating heart for the first time in my life. I've forgiven people I never thought I'd be able to forgive.

I've been writing songs about this journey as well. Trying to document it as thoroughly as possible. But I've found that people don't really want to see me or listen to me.

I've been isolated My entire life. Covid exposed my lifestyle for what it truly was. Quarantine. Yet, as I kept chasing the purpose given to me. I found myself deeply hurt that no one cared about what I had to say.

I had a talk with a fellow redditor and they suggested going to church. Honestly, I resisted because I feel like everyone sees me as evil. As a monster. That's why they look away from me.

But this person wouldn't take no for an answer. So against my better judgment, I looked up churches near me. I knew exactly what I was looking for. I just didn't believe it existed.

Yet, there was one church that had everything I needed. I will tell you, the Lord is not without a sense of irony or comedy. This one church just so happens to be on the road I used to take so long ago. On my way to commit fleshly sin.

I'm going this Sunday. But here's the rub.

I haven't showered in months. I haven't changed my clothes in well over a year. I haven't left the front of this house since November of last year.

I need to shower, shave, change my clothes, clean the rest of my room, replace my old, tattered bedding with new ones.

I have everything I need. I've got brand new clothes in boxes from Walmart. I've got brand new bedding as well. I've got premium soap to bathe. I've got premium deodorant. I've even got cologne.

I keep telling myself it's just one small step at a time. But I am faced with deadlines I've put on myself and the clock is ticking right this second.

It's so hard for me to do this. Every thought in my head is screaming for me to stop. I make excuses. I distract myself. I lie to myself. I'll start after this cigarette. I'll start when I wake up. I'm not feeling good right now.

Just sitting up sometimes makes me lightheaded. Walking to the kitchen is largely the only exercise I've gotten since November of last year. Walking to the front door is difficult, and when I manage to do it, I can only stand for maybe 20 seconds tops before I have to turn back.

I've also got a song that I wrote that I'm planning to release in my next YouTube video. It's called "The Cave"

I wanted to show people that they aren't alone. By showing glimpses of my room as I've cleaned it. My idea is, once I've gotten all the trash out and swept the floor, I'll get my TV and console set up. My bed made with the new bedding. Show that off. Then take a shower, shave, and change my clothes, clip my fingernails and toenails, and reveal myself renewed. Then, sit there for a few minutes as my song plays. I'll be using a video editor to overlay the track rather than playing it aloud through my TV.

The title of this video is a work in progress, but right now I'm looking at "eyes on Jesus"

But I'd like my song to stick. My words aren't just empty. I've been in that cave. I know what it's like. Which is the overarching theme of the entire song. You're not alone.

If I can make it out. You will too. I promise. But I know who made this all possible in the first place. To Christ be the glory.

Yet, I'm facing this and I'm struggling. Church. Clean your room. Take care of your body. Make a soul bearing video despite the fact that no one will likely even care. No one really has so far. Only one has been with me this far. I'm sure I don't need to tell you who.

It has taken me 8 days to get this far with my room. I've got less than 4 to finish. This is literally "new year, new me"

I need help.

I changed my entire personality to be socially accepted and it makes me feel dead inside. I pretend to be dumb so my parents won’t hit me. I pretend to be dumb and happy at school so people won’t see me as a threat and hurt me. I just want to do my best in life and expand my mind without being threatened. How does anyone get past being fake based on expectations of those in power and be who they are and do what they want?

I'm trying to get out of a nasty relationship. Some kind words of strength would be very nice right now. I feel like I'm falling apart. I'm pretty sure he has narcissistic tendencies and I'm just a vulnerable sap who let's him walk all over me.

I've been trying to tell him I'm not happy and I wanna work on it. He's ignoring me. We've been sharing my second car bc my main car won't start. I've been dumping money into it but no luck. I got in my car this morning to come to work after he used it for work last night and the gas light was on. We live 20 miles from town and about 30 from where I work. The whole way to work this morning all I've thought about is telling him he can no longer drive my cars. I'm so done feeling like this. I want him out of the house. I feel like he needs to go instead of me bc I have the children and he's not even on the lease.

Thank you for letting me rant. Hope you guys have a wonderful Friday!

hi. i’m 17 years old and i suffer from extreme anxiety and bad body image. I don’t know what happened in my childhood/anxiety journey for me to switch personalities but i am a shit person. i pick on my friends, and seeing people laugh and be happy fills me with disgust and anger. my friends and family said i’ve changed, and i can’t help but think i’m a monster

i’m not looking for sympathy bc obviously i did what i did but i don’t want to live like this anymore - filled with pure rage and disgust at the slightest peak of love and happiness. Help.

i turned 18 a few months ago and I have realized I have not matured at all. ive never worked a job, my parents cook my meals everyday, im failing my a levels because of my bad mh. I’ve been really suicidal too. im straight up a bum. my a level exams are in 6 months and im gonna study very hard for them but i feel like I’m so behind. I still live with my parents and have no clue about finances and adult life, I feel like I’m still a kid. everyone’s working and being adults whereas I’m just behind. it makes me feel so inadequate because I am. i never really wanted to go to university either but it’s not like I can anyway because of my grades.

im a bum and I just want to change, any tips? please don’t ridicule me

I was kinda hesitant to write this post, but decided to share hoping it might help someone like me.I used to be a complete mess - missing appointments, forgetting important stuff, always running late. Hit rock bottom when I missed my kid's doctor appointment and ran out of cat food... again.Started using simple reminders 3 months ago. That's it. No fancy life hacks or complicated systems. Just basic reminders for important stuff. Now I'm able to

• Actually show up on time
• Remember essential tasks
• Less mental clutter

Brain feels lighter. Still not perfect (who is?) but definitely better than before.Sometimes having the right tool really helps you become a better person.

Hello everybody, just wanna share that I finally purchase something for myself, and guess what it is, a whitening toothpaste and it's quite expensive for me.

It's been so many days of hesitation of wether should I purchase it or not but finally decided to buy.

As someone who always priorities her family's needs over hers it's too much for me to spend this amount.

So yahhh am just proud of myself, and I really really really want to improve from physical, emotional, and social aspect of my life.

Do you think it's a good start?

So yeah, pretty much what the title says. So I always have been a chilled person, i do things if i need to do it compulsorily, otherwise i dont really do anything. Even if I think ai wanna do sth, i just get anxious thinking abt the process, i try breaking them down into smaller chunk but that feels idk what but i will kind of neglect it, maybe i feel like whats the use of doing this, i might fail,deep down. But I really wanna overcome this, this habit has made me like a bed bug and procrastination to my peak, i am reaching at that stage where it might be now or never.

1. Hit the gym and get into hiking.

2. Eat better-no more takeaways!

3. Write and journal more.

4. Be a kinder, more patient partner.

5. Set boundaries so work doesn’t take over my personal life.

6. Commit to a weekly date night-dressing up and making an effort included.

Want to buddy up? I'd love to connect - happy to exchange social media and chat with an actual person!

P.S. I’m not waiting until New Year I’m getting dressed now for my first hike!

Dear Soda, Screw you, you sugary beast of addiction. Sincerely, me.

Edit: I know edits can be frowned upon, but I hope you'll forgive me for this one. I just wanted to take a moment to sincerely thank everyone who has commented. It might sound cliché, but I genuinely didn’t expect this level of support—especially for something that might seem trivial to most.

This winter has been incredibly tough for me mentally, and I really stopped taking care of myself. Quitting soda was the first goal I set for myself as a step toward being better. I really wanted to share this victory, but posting something felt so outside my comfort zone because of my social anxiety. (I mean, I’ve reread this text like 376 times, worrying it’s too much or too dumb—thanks, anxiety brain.)

But honestly, your kind words have truly made my day. It’s amazing how simple encouragement can have such a huge impact on someone. Thank you all, truly.

Edit 2: For those asking how I did it, I probably should’ve included this in the original post (live and learn!). Here’s what worked for me:

Cold Turkey vs Gradual Cutting Back: A lot of people succeed by gradually cutting back—like reducing from one soda a day to one every other day, and so on. If that works for you, great! For me, though, it didn’t. My self-control is, uh, not the best. I’d start with “just one,” and before I knew it, I’d convince myself it was okay to have a second, third, or more—especially on bad days. This always led to “I’ll start next week,” and then the cycle repeated. So, I had to quit cold turkey—no soda, no diet soda, just full stop.

Set Small Goals: Instead of thinking about forever, I told myself I’d quit for two weeks. I used a habit-tracking app to mark off each day, which really helped me visualize my progress. Once I hit two weeks, I adjusted and kept going.

Cravings and Milestones: The first few days were rough. Honestly, I had pretty strong cravings for the first three weeks. It was slowly getting better day by day, but it wasn’t until after the third week that things shifted. The cravings became less intense—a whisper instead of a scream—and much easier to ignore.

Flavored Water Helps: Going straight from sugary soda to plain water was too big of a leap for me. Those little water flavor drops really helped (just watch out for ones with as much sugar as soda). Even adding a bit of lemon juice to my water made a difference. Over time, I’ve actually started enjoying plain water more—especially in the last week.

Fizzy Alternatives: Flavored sparkling water (the kind without sugar or sweeteners) was a lifesaver on days I really wanted something fizzy. It’s not the same as soda, but it was close enough to take the edge off.

I hope some of this helps anyone else trying to quit. Thanks again for all the support—you’ve made this journey a lot easier. 😊

What is the one mental health promise you're making to yourself for the next year: non-negotiable, no exceptions? Mine is to truly listen, giving people the space and respect they deserve. I know I’ve struggled with being a good listener, and it’s something I need to change. If I want to be heard, I must learn to hear first. What’s yours?

Hey everyone,

I’m a 30-year-old woman, and I’ve been unhappy for years. Whatever changes I try only give me short-term relief before I’m right back where I started—feeling stuck and unfulfilled.

Last week, I had a miscarriage that required surgery and almost took my life due to complications. Coming out of the hospital, something in me shifted. I can’t keep living like this anymore, but I also don’t know how to change. I feel lost and desperate for real, lasting transformation.

A bit about me—I used to be genuinely happy in my 20s, but adulthood has completely worn me down. I feel spineless, unmotivated, and unsure of what steps to take. I’ve tried so many things—working out, journaling, meditating, doing activities I used to enjoy, and even therapy. Nothing has stuck or made a meaningful impact.

I feel like I have the foundation to be happy, but it’s not clicking. I’m starting to think I need to make drastic changes, but I don’t even know where to start.

Has anyone else been here? What actually helped you turn things around? I’d really appreciate any advice or insights.

Thanks so much for reading.

Hey all,

I broke up with my girlfriend for the second time on Christmas Eve. I did it because I feel like I’m not really applying myself to anything and haven’t for years and didn’t want to take her down on a sinking ship.

I was ready to sewer slide in November but I’ve gotten sober and stopped thinking about that as much.

I have no idea what I’m doing with my life after college. I believe the gift that I have is being a confidant for others, I’ve always enjoyed and been good at that, so I’ve considered going for further school to be a therapist, but it requires so much more school and I’m about to graduate with 0 debt.

I’m working on repairing things with my gf, bc we didn’t fully break up, I just needed space. I have trouble making decisions and doing more than just the minimum. I’d love to provide more information, but don’t want to make this too long.

When am I going to find out what my purpose is? How can I find it faster? Am I looking in the wrong places?

I want to be better! Just don’t know what to do other than work out, eat right, and the general stuff. I want purpose so I can be better.

I keep failing my friend consistently from having constant promises broken and he finally broke out tonight . His crash out is reasonable as he is constantly being left out and i dont hang out with him often since hes my friend online and i got family and work and irl friends . This has been going on for months . He has a passion project i disregarded along with my other friends . Should i just let this slide and go or should i keep pushing ? I genuenly dont know how to approach this since it seems selfish no matter what i do at this point

FIELD REPORT

Summary - disaster

Duration - 1 hr 20 min

1. First girl - stunning blonde - waived at her and said Hi how are you merry xmas , one glance at e and went back to looking at her mobile.

2. One girl wearing full winter jacket and white tights followed 3 km but did not ask (something I need to work on). Instead, when I was few meters away from the girl, an Asian woman appeared in front of me with her dog, and I engaged her. It was awkward, I was nervius and I was speaking to fast. She coud not understand. And when she finally realized when I am saying shes cute, she laughed and she walked off.

3. A Korean girl was taking pictures. I passed her by and came back 10 min later and she was still there. I opened with her and she said with a smile that her English ain't good. That's when I realized theres no point engaging her. But just to be respectful, I opened translator on my phone and asked her if she needs any help. She said no. We both wished each other well and I left.

4. There's a small passageway along a big construction thats happening and I tried engaging a woman there. Didn't even last 10 seconds.

5. Tried engaging a ravishing women with purple hair. She was the first women I actually managed to stop while walking and engage her for a 10-15 seconds (second longest engagement after the Korean one). She left as soon as I called her cute. I realized direct approach is actually failing me and I could have started the conversation way better had I used indirect approach.

Missed approaching 3 women coz I didn't have the guts and there were people around. I don't know why but I am shit scared when people are around.

I have been trying direct approaches so far , thinking it will increase my guts but I am very bad. I am going to do indirect approaches even though they act as my crutch, at least I will be able to hold to a conversation.

Indirect gives me a little more confidence. And I will be using indirect only as an icebreaker. In less than a minute I will be saying she's cute/ pretty / beautiful whatever.

I am determined to meet someone new this festive season.

I have been at this on and off for some time but hopefully will be more disciplined in every aspect of my life in 2025.

Edit- BTW I forgot mentioning one Asian girl. I just said "How are you" to her and she loudly said "FO!". Probably disturbed or something. That's when I decided it's time to call it a day.