True strength is built not just in physical workouts but also in how we manage our environments and relationships. Embracing a lifestyle centered around purpose, responsibility, and sustainability can elevate every aspect of our lives. How do you think creating a mindful, purposeful environment impacts growth? What habits are you focused on for your long-term personal evolution?

Self-improvement often starts with simple, repeatable habits. Whether it’s a morning walk, journaling, or learning a skill, what’s one habit that has made a measurable difference in your growth?

A truly grounded man must be able to define his personal boundaries, communicate those boundaries, and remove himself from any circumstance where those boundaries are continually crossed.

That means that he doesn’t shy away from controlled confrontation or disagreeing with others if he feels it’s necessary.

He must have the willingness to walk away from anyone—friends, family, romantic partners—if they continually disregard the boundaries he has established. This is where many men falter; they talk a good game, but when it comes time to actually enforce those boundaries, they don’t follow through.

The willingness to walk away isn’t something that can be faked, or done in a half-hearted manner. People are intuitive—they will know if you mean business. It will show it in your voice, how you express yourself, even in your eyes. You can tell when someone is done.

Setting boundaries for yourself must begin with knowing who you are. Ask yourself:

How do you respect to be treated How do YOU expect to treat others What matters to you in life, and what you value in your personal relationships Some misconstrue the concept of enforcing personal boundaries. They believe you have to be controlling, rigid, or that the slightest hint of disrespect should be met with swift consequences—like immediately cutting off a relationship.

This isn’t how a grounded persona establishes boundaries. The examples above are re-directed ego, not personal advocacy.

Reasonable, Respectful, Reciprocated

This is the framework I have set for myself with expressing boundaries in a grounded, effective manner. Remember, boundaries shouldn’t be an outlet for feelings. You don’t want to communicate boundaries in an angry or heightened emotional state; that will only inhibit clear communication.

Reasonable. Boundaries aren’t meant to be a litany of demands. Reasonable boundaries define how you expect to be treated. For instance, it’s reasonable to expect your partner to not flirt with others behind your back. However, it’s not realistic to expect them NEVER to be attracted to anyone else. Respectful. Your boundaries are meant to define what you are unwilling to accept, not act as a mode of control. If your boundaries are communicated with aggression or insults, they won’t be seen as legitimate. When we feel disrespected, it’s human inclination to respond with disrespect. If you want your boundaries to be recognized and respected, communicate in the same fashion. Reciprocated. If you can’t abide by the same standard you set for the other person, then don’t make it. Men with integrity don’t make hypocritical demands. As mentioned previously, constantly threatening to break up for minor infractions is an attempt to control. However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have consequences in place.

Simply put, removing yourself from someone who doesn’t respect your boundaries is the most powerful way to reiterate your message. It’s not about “punishing” them—it’s a no-bullshit way of demonstrating that you will not put yourself in situations that you find unacceptable.

Boundaries are there to ensure that your personal relationships are healthy. Upholding those boundaries consistently in a balanced manner is difficult but necessary.

Full article on topic: https://holdyourframe.substack.com/p/a-grounded-mans-guide-to-boundaries

TLDR: Dating success isn’t about natural talent—it’s about discipline. Start small with low-pressure interactions, track your progress, and focus on consistency over perfection. Embrace failure as part of the process. Watch this video for practical steps: https://youtu.be/SMPHf0_ZkAg

A lot of people ask, “How do I get better at dating if I don’t have looks or natural charisma?” The truth is, dating success isn’t about being born with certain traits—it’s about building the right mindset and skills. And that all starts with discipline.

Discipline gets a bad rep because people think it’s about forcing yourself to suffer. But it’s not. It’s about rewiring your mind to want the things that will lead you to success. Here’s how I used discipline to go from socially awkward to confident:

1. Break It Down into Small, Manageable Steps:When I started working on my social skills, I didn’t aim to get numbers or dates right away. That’s too much pressure and can lead to burnout. Instead, I started by practicing micro-interactions: smiling at strangers, saying “Hi” to a barista, or asking for the time. These low-stakes interactions build your comfort level and confidence over time.
2. Track Your Wins and Losses:One thing that changed the game for me was keeping a journal of my interactions. I wrote down who I talked to, how it went, and what I learned. It sounds nerdy, but tracking your progress helps you stay accountable and turn failures into learning experiences. Plus, when you see your “win count” go up, it’s incredibly motivating.
3. Focus on Consistency, Not Perfection:A lot of guys give up because they expect perfection. You don’t need to get every interaction “right.” What matters is showing up regularly and trying. If you miss a day or mess up, that’s fine—just get back on track the next day. Consistency compounds over time.

Bonus Tip: Embrace failure. Every time you “fail,” you’re one step closer to success. I know it sounds cheesy, but failure is how you grow. When you look at it as feedback instead of rejection, you’ll realize it’s just part of the process.

I dive deeper into these steps in this video: https://youtu.be/SMPHf0_ZkAg

If you’re working on building your confidence, take a look. Let me know what’s worked for you or if you have questions—I’d love to help!

In life, we often resist our natural states, whether it's pushing through exhaustion or suppressing emotions like anxiety. But what if there was a more efficient way to live? This video explores the principle of non-resistance and how it can revolutionize your approach to work, study, and emotions. Learn how to align with your body and mind to save energy, improve productivity, and achieve emotional clarity.

The video covers examples such as:

Fighting fatigue during long study sessions vs. listening to your body’s needs. The impact of resisting vs. accepting emotions like fear or anxiety. How embracing non-resistance can lead to greater self-awareness and lasting change. Imagine how much energy could be saved by eliminating resistance from your daily life.

Charisma accounts for 82% of how others perceive you, according to a 2007 Princeton study.

That’s a staggering figure—and it’s good news for us because charisma isn’t about being tall, rich, or conventionally handsome. Here’s what the study says: People judge us on two key traits—warmth (friendliness, approachability) and competence (confidence, skill).

Balancing these two traits is critical. Too much warmth without competence, and people may see you as likable but not serious. Too much competence without warmth, and you might come off as intimidating or aloof. It’s about mastering a balance between warmth and competence—two things anyone can learn to embody.

For Asian men, navigating stereotypes can feel like an uphill battle. Society often boxes us in, portraying us as either passive and invisible or overly competent but cold. To break free of these perceptions, charisma can be a game-changer.

So, how do we put this into action?

1️⃣ Warmth:

• Avoid the Asian Poker Face! Smile often, especially during introductions. A genuine smile signals trust and friendliness.
• Start by being genuinely interested in others. Use active listening—nod your head, tilt slightly toward the person speaking, and make consistent eye contact.
• Compliment others sincerely. When approaching women, instead of generic compliments, make them specific: “I love your red dress, you're very confident”.

2️⃣ Competence:

• Slow down your speech and lower your tone when speaking. This conveys authority and control. Avoid rushing or ending sentences on a rising intonation, as it can sound uncertain.
• Stand tall and practice open, expansive body language. Avoid crossing your arms or slouching, as these convey insecurity.
• Share stories of your experiences or achievements when appropriate. Competence is more impactful when it’s evident but not boastful.
• Your style and having a complete identity in your sexual avatar and social presentation, and paying attention to detail, can show a high level of competence.

I go into more detail about this in my latest video, breaking down how anyone can RizzMaxx their charisma.

Check it out if you’re interested: https://youtu.be/khvfdpNflXw

Every man remembers the first time he realized he was on his own. Just stumbling through life and figuring things out the hard way. For some of us, that realization hits hardest when it comes to dating and masculinity.

No guide. No mentor. Just trial and error—mostly error.

The truth is, we’re not meant to go at it alone. Studies show that strong male role models are crucial for personal development. They shape how we see ourselves, how we build confidence, and how we navigate relationships. Without them, men are more likely to struggle with self-doubt, low self-esteem, and poor decision-making in key areas of life—especially with women.

The absence of role models leaves us vulnerable to bad habits and beliefs that sabotage our success. It’s why so many guys waste years spinning their wheels, stuck in the same patterns, hoping for a different outcome. Without someone to emulate, we’re flying blind.

On the flip side, having a role model changes everything. Research has shown that when we see someone like us succeed—someone who’s been where we are and overcome the same challenges—it rewires our brain. We start to believe, “If he can do it, so can I.” Confidence grows. Motivation increases. And success in every area of life, including dating, becomes attainable.

That’s why I created this video: "Generation Lost: Why Role Models Are Important for Men." This isn’t just another pep talk. It’s a breakdown of why role models matter, how their absence impacts us, and how we can step up to fill the void—not just for ourselves, but for others.

Without strong examples to follow, men often flounder in relationships, unable to express their value or communicate effectively. But when you see someone navigate these challenges and thrive, it’s like flipping a switch. You don’t just learn techniques; you adopt a new mindset. That’s how real transformation happens.

It’s time to take ownership of our growth and stop waiting for someone else to lead the way. Watch the video, and start building the life and relationships you want. If no one’s going to be your role model, then become the role model. The choice is yours. 💪

After the last post I made, I dived deeper into this "gentleman lifestyle". I checked to see what this idea is really about.

A little backstory: Gentlemen had certain traits such as honor, respect, and refined manners, holding themselves to a code of conduct that balanced strength with humility. They were protectors, providers, and role models, respected not just for their status but for their character.

Today, the image of a gentleman has been ruined by modern trends glorifying arrogance and instant gratification. The quiet strength, respect, and dignity once celebrated are now undervalued, as society leans toward flashy personas and shallow markers of success. However, i came across this one post which stated that modern men should have the following elements in their back-pocket: mastering intellect, social charm, physical strength, health, financial independence, timeless style, and the art of balanced living.

I've been trying to find that page for a long time but I havent had any luck, but I need some thoughts on this. Are these traits the answer for a good life and would men these days want this type of lifestyle over the lifestyle portrayed by "alphas"?

Bio:

Age: 30
Gender: Male
Sexuality: Straight
Race: White
Relationship Status: Single
Height: 5'11
Weight: 185
Religion: Christian / Hebrew - I follow the Bible
Job: Pizza Delivery Driver
Hobbies: Studying the Bible, Exercising, Watching sports
Goal: Find a wife

I exercise regularly so I am in decent shape and have a decent physique. However, I don't have too many friends and would like to find a girlfriend.

Note that I have dark brown hair but it is already going gray and my hair is thinning out. If I had a full head of hair, I would be good looking. But because of my hair, I think it makes me average looking. I guess that's all subjective but that's my best guess.

I am a fairly strict believer in the Bible and I have yet to find a girlfriend who is as adament on following the Scriptures as I am. I have had 3 girlfriends over the years. 1 hot babe (when I was 21, she was 22) and 2 fat cougars (later when I got older) that were 7 years older than me. Note that I broke up with 2 of them because they didn't have the same beliefs as me. I broke up with one of the fat cougars because she just wasn't my type. - So I was the one to break it off with all 3.

Anytime I have attempted to ask women out it hasn't led to anything. The 3 girlfriends I have had were ones that pursued me. I personally believe the man should be older in the relationship (contradictory to the 3 relationships I have had).

I would like to find more people to hang out with as well as finding a wife. Maybe I should start with finding a better job.

Any ideas as to what I can do to increase my chances?

1. The Centered Man is accountable. He recognizes that he is the only person who is ultimately responsible for his successes and failures in life.

2. The Centered Man is authentic in his actions towards others. He respects his own needs, yet places a high value on making others feel good emotionally, regardless of looks or status. He understands his value, and is undeterred if others don't reciprocate his gestures.

The Nice Guy is devious. His actions towards others are based on his need for approval. He is shaken if his superficial friendliness is rejected by others, which is what often occurs.

1. The Centered Man is friendly and charming with all women. He is genuinely interested in each woman's story. When he meets a beautiful woman, interacting with her is seamless and second-nature.

The Nice Guy places women he is attracted to on a pedestal. He fetishizes their beauty, and becomes fearful and creepy in their presence.

1. The Centered Man prioritizes fun for himself and his date when he is out. He asks interesting questions to get to know her, and is not solely concerned with impressing her. He does not fantasize about relationships with women he just met, even if they are beautiful. He also is careful to determine if his date fits HIS criteria for a long-term partner.

The Nice Guy's primary objective is to impress and the win the heart of his date, even if he doesn't know her well. He is willing to spend extravagant amounts of money on expensive dates and gifts for women he just met. He expects affection or sex as a barter for these gifts, often in vain.

1. The Centered Man recognizes that humor is merely a component-- not the foundation-- of attraction. He doesn't feel the need to have a witty quip or pop culture reference throughout his conversations. He also knows that women often find him humorous because they already have a high level of attraction to him, not vice versa. The Nice Guy believes that humor is the primary way to attract a woman. On dates, he acts like a self-depreciating clown, and struggles to contribute to conversations with any substance.

2. The Centered Man makes an effort to set definitive date plans--time, day of the week, activity--even if he is in a long-term relationship. After making the initial plans, he shares his plans with partner/date and works with her to finalize. The Nice Guy defers to his partner first before making date plans, often burdening the woman with planning the date, making the Nice Guy appear (accurately) disinterested or lazy. Men who have been married for a long time are particularly egregious offenders in this category.

3. The Centered Man’s primary hobbies involve physical activity or developing a dynamic skill.

The Nice Guy's primary hobby is video games or watching movies and TV

8.The Centered Man maintains friendships with women whom he genuinely finds interesting and wants to be friends with, regardless if he is attracted to them or not. If a romantic interest rejects him, he does not feel obligated to maintain a friendship with her if he still has feelings for her. If he does not wish to maintain a friendship with a romantic interest, he explains his viewpoint respectfully, prioritizing his self-worth.

The Nice Guy willingly acts an emotional sounding board/tampon with romantic interests under the guise of friendship, even if it isn't his true intention-- which is to have a romantic/sexual relationship. After waiting in the wings with his intentions hidden, he will often resent the object of his unrequited affection, and will act out with insults and passive aggressiveness.

1. The Centered Man is boldly vulnerable, and is unafraid to reveal his true intentions, emotions, interests and history. He does not prioritize time with those who are unwilling to accept his true nature. He values freedom to be himself completely above all else. He views rejection, even from a beautiful woman, as an opportunity to effectively remove someone from his life who doesn't accept him wholeheartedly. He is not afraid to disagree with women he

The Nice Guy formulates his actions primarily based on winning the approval of others, particularly attractive women. He is afraid the reveal his true interests or intentions for fear of embarrassment or rejection. He views rejection as an indictment of his own self-worth, and avoids being polarizing in any fashion.

1. The Centered Man's happiness is derived from pursuing and achieving his own purpose, rather than his romantic relationships. He has a driving goal or interest that takes priority over sex, women, and relationships. He understands that high quality women are a (wonderful) byproduct of boldly pursuing one's ambitions without compromise. The Nice Guy's primary source of happiness comes from women, whether it is pursuit of romantic relationships, desire for numerous sexual partners, or dating women for purely egotistical purposes. They become downtrodden when this aspect of their life is not bearing fruit, and become unbalanced in their pursuits.

Full article on topic: https://holdyourframe.substack.com/p/centered-man-vs-nice-guy

Somewhere along the way, society’s view of masculinity seems to have taken a wrong turn. Today, we’re told that to be a ‘real man,’ you have to dominate, take up space, and always stay on top. But is that really strength? Or is it just noise?

True masculinity isn’t about how loud or assertive you are; it’s about mastering yourself. A gentleman’s path is one of integrity, quiet confidence, and respect—values that build genuine influence, not temporary power. Real men don’t chase validation. They live by their own principles, choosing substance over superficiality.

Thoughts on this

Breakup can mess your life up, especially if other things aren’t going well too.

Rule number one is: don’t date if you are not satisfied with yourself yet, never date if you are at a low point in your life. But if it’s too late for that advice, here’s a comprehensive guide on how to move on.

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The phase right after the breakup. You don’t want to live through it, but you can’t skip it. It is necessary to watch it to see the good things that come later.

Your biggest enemy now is time, but later—it will become your best friend. Time heals. Every day shrinks your attachment to that person (assuming you don’t stay in touch—don’t). Cutting your brain off all those nice feelings associated with her, often unexpected, feels horrible. Comforting memories becoming sad reminders is tough.

Acknowledge that she will pop up in your head at random times during the day, be mindful of these moments. Cut those thoughts off, every time. It is not easy, but throw these thoughts away as soon as they start drilling into your head, leaving nothing but a mess behind. If there’s anything you can control, it's what you think about.

Knowing that the wound will eventually heal with time doesn’t change the fact that now it’s wide open, don’t spread salt on it. Now it doesn't look like it, at all, but it will become nothing more than a lesson.

How to cope with this worst period?

Feel the feelings

Ignoring your emotions only pushes them deeper—get that all off you. Write down your thoughts, talk to someone you trust, stare at the wall for 2 hours. Feelings after a breakup are similar to grief, so treat it as such. Give yourself 2 days to truly farewell that person emotionally and sew the wound afterward—block her everywhere and get rid of things that will remind you. If you have some photos that you want to keep for whatever reason but she’s on them—put them on some physical drive and hide it. That way you won’t accidentally see them scrolling through your gallery but they will be there if you will ever need them.

Then:

Focus on yourself

That’s it, next post on Saturday. See ya! But seriously, get busy. Accept that this is the past and occupy your mind with important (or unimportant but engaging) things. Don’t avoid people, text an old friend, revive a hobby, start that project you keep pushing back, get a part-time job, go outside, engage in activities that require your full attention.

What happened was a powerful blow. This power will either break you, or you will use it to push your boundaries and improve yourself in ways you have always wanted but the comfort made you never take action on them. Those “fuck it” events give you the most growth. Breakup drains your self-esteem as you think there is something wrong with you. That’s why your focus should be on getting the bar from the floor and setting it up, higher than it ever has been.

Become so busy you don’t have time to think. Remember that the best revenge is your success.

Realize and analyze

Ask yourself a few questions and take time to answer:

• Why did you get involved in this relationship in the first place? Was it sincere and honest, or maybe you just didn't have other options at the time or were lonely?
• Was that love or attachment?
• Was she the kind of girl that only wanted to have fun?
• Was that her you were attracted to or could it be anybody with similar traits?
• Were both sides trying to make things right?

The last question is the most important.

It’s natural to idealize a potential partner. The less we know about the other side, the more good traits we assign to them. But people are not who you want them to be. You think she's angry, emotional, on her period. You think that maybe she's just unable, maybe she has some problems going on. Then you realize that there's not a single bit of goodwill in her, that she's just a genuinely bad person. You will run from this realization as long as possible because it is painful, but realizing that early will save you a lot of nerves.

Grab a pen and sheet of paper and make 2 avatars of that person: the one from your fantasies and the one from reality. I guarantee you they will be different. An avatar purged of projections and hopes will seem much more harsh, perhaps even rejecting.

Don't save her if she doesn't want to be saved.

Never go back

It’s natural for the wound to seal, it will with time, even if it may not seem like it right now. The only thing that can disrupt this healing is you. Don’t scratch the wound, and that’s how you win. Block her, 0 stalking. Move on and live your own life. Being with someone who doesn’t want you is a slow death.

Going back to your ex is like rewatching a movie, could be nice but you know damn well how it will end. And no, you can’t be friends, forget she exists.

"I am astounded by how many people want to be spectacular in life but also want to be normal. By being normal you are, by definition, aiming for average."

Stop trying to be normal. Fuck the noise. Focus on you.

A lot of guys think, “I’ll approach her once I feel confident.” But here’s the deal: confidence isn’t just some feeling you can wait for—it’s the result of action. Studies show that acting, even when you don’t feel ready, is one of the best ways to build skill-based competence, which naturally produces confidence. 

This is where the Confidence-Competence Loop (also known as the Conscious Competence Model) becomes a game-changer.

Each action you take, even if it’s imperfect, builds competence. And competence creates confidence. It’s a chicken-or-the-egg dilemma, but we know the answer—competence always comes first. Here’s a breakdown:

1. Unconscious Incompetence: You don’t know what you don’t know. At this stage, you’re unaware of what’s holding you back. For example, if you haven’t tried approaching someone in a meaningful way, you won’t yet recognize the areas where you can improve.
2. Conscious Incompetence: Now you start to see the gaps. Maybe you’ve tried talking to someone new and noticed that it doesn’t go smoothly. This realization can feel uncomfortable, but it’s actually a critical step. Studies show that awareness of skill gaps is a strong motivator for growth.
3. Conscious Competence: This is where practice kicks in. You’re trying new things, working on conversation skills, and taking action despite the discomfort. According to cognitive learning theory, consistent practice—even if it feels forced—strengthens the brain’s neural pathways, making these skills more natural.
4. Unconscious Competence: This is the confidence sweet spot. You’ve practiced enough that these skills now feel automatic. You can approach someone and start a conversation without thinking too hard about it. It flows naturally because you’ve trained your mind and body to handle it.

Research by psychologist Dr. Albert Bandura, a pioneer in self-efficacy theory, supports this: confidence grows through mastery experiences—practicing a skill until it becomes second nature. Bandura found that "successes build a robust belief in one’s personal efficacy," showing how the competence you gain through action ultimately fuels confidence. 

Waiting for confidence to show up before acting is like waiting for an empty glass to fill itself. Every time you act, you’re building that skill bank, and confidence naturally follows.

If you’re ready to dive into how to make this loop work for you, check out my latest video.
👉 The Biggest Lie About Confidence: Your Feelings Don’t Matter, Action Does

Confidence won’t magically arrive. Take action, build competence, and let confidence come as the reward.

How to prioritize action over words. Transition from talker to doer.

One person talks a lot, the other person does a lot. The difference between talkers and doers can make or break your success. How to identify which one you really are? How to change?

Key characteristic

What does it even mean? Where’s the border between doer and talker?

Talker:

• Seeks validation from others: Lots of ideas (often good ones) 0 of them getting into reality.
• Rarely finishes projects: Stars something new every month.
• Avoids risks: Sticks to what’s well-known and safe.
• Knows a lot about topics of interest: Says random fun facts that are nothing more than fun facts.
• Learns by observing others: Waits to take action.
• Tells everyone about their goals: Does nothing to achieve them further.

Doer:

• Has no need to brag: Doers can pull off the craziest success of their lives and talk to you about the weather.
• Not looking for excuses.
• Just does the thing without overanalyzing the consequences.
• Less knowledge than talker; gets further anyway.
• Learns by doing and correcting the course: Takes action as soon as possible.
• Works in silence.

Quit talking about what you will do

Telling others what you will do gives you a quick dopamine hit. You will feel compelled enough to take action. The first is true, the latter not really.

“Tell people about your goals and you’ll be motivated to achieve them!” Sadly, doesn’t work in most cases. In reality, you just tell people around and still don’t follow through + now you feel bad because people perceive you as unaccountable.

You don’t need to tell others if you really intend to act. If you really want to do it, you will. If not, telling around won’t change it.

Nobody cares

People care if you are rich or not, not how you got there. A jacked guy doesn’t wear ridiculously slim long sleeves, a gym newbie does. People don’t care about the process, they care about the event. Everyone person wears an invisible stick note on their head that says “Listen to me, make me feel important”.

Telling about your goals, no matter how big they are, is not impressive. Achieving them is.

Alternative - accountability buddy

An alternative may be getting an accountability buddy - someone responsible that you can compete with. The key word here: responsible. If your homie is the best beer buddy on earth but lacks focus when it comes to any serious things, it won’t work. It also makes things easier if you have the same goals.

Some apps, like Yazio for tracking calories, let you add friends to view each other's step counts and calorie intake. If your goal is to get fit - here you go.

“I don’t have anyone like that.” Then try creating a virtual one yourself. Set an automation to donate for an initiative you hate every time you repeat a bad habit. I don’t know the exact way to do that though, I gave you an idea but you have to figure it out yourself.

How to stop talking and start doing

Talk about your goal and obsess about it within the boundaries of your own mind.

What fuels motivation is not yapping about how great you will be, it’s action. Action fuels motivation and motivation fuels action. It’s like a very big and heavy wheel that spins smoothly once you put in the effort to build momentum. What can stop it is running out of fuel or small stones jamming the axle, but that’s a topic for another post.

Take responsibility

Talking is easier than doing it because there’s no risk. There’s nothing you invest apart from a few motions of your tongue and looking stupid in the future (if anyone will even remember what you said).

Taking responsibility means owning your goals and taking actions needed to reach them, without blaming circumstances, distractions or other people. Follow through when it's uncomfortable or risky. Talking is easier than doing because you choose it to be. There are people that have it in reverse, and no one said you can’t be one of them.

“Problems cannot be solved with the same mindset that created them.” ― Albert Einstein

Face the music.

Independent, self-assured, centered men don’t care about labels.

Seriously—think of all the truly impressive men you’ve encountered in your life.

The guys who command attention of a room, who can navigate social situations with ease, who give off a vibe that they’re not to be fucked with without saying a word. It’s palpable.

In my experience, those type of men have never referred to themselves as ‘alphas’—they would laugh at the label or at any attempt to appear as such.

Competence is currency as man, and the most powerful men have a quiet self assuredness of their individual abilities.

Conversely, the ones who are the most insecure, and get the least amount of respect from those around them, are concerned about projecting the image of an ‘alpha’. They crave validation.

The obsession with being Alpha is perpetuated by a bunch of pseudo-philosophical, mental masturbation on the Internet—mostly perpetuated by feeble, middle aged dudes hiding behind a persona.

Men with internal power live freely, regardless of the expectations of others. They are who they are, and aren’t concerned with how they’ve perceived.

They also aren’t afraid to be kind (not nice). They aren’t as self-focused, so they like to see others succeed. Often, those who subscribe to alpha male concept, have a false sense of bravado, and try to act domineering. They put others down to preserve an image of power. However, when they are confronted, they almost always fold.

If you thrive to be independent, self-assured, and centered emotionally, things will fall into place.

Worrying about the perception of others and overcompensating by putting on a false front is the behavior of a truly weak man.

Full article on topic: https://holdyourframe.substack.com/p/alpha-male-bullshit

Can failure bring success? Is it OK to have failure? Can failure be a good thing? Yes...

Failure is necessary. Don't think that you can avoid it, almost all successful people have a graveyard of failures behind them. It's common to “waste” days, weeks, months or even years on something that eventually flops, but you learn something along the way, and that snowballs. Eventually, the snowball is so big that it can force gates to success. Failure is the way forward.

“A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor”

Mistakes is what builds you

We are afraid to fail, but you should be willing to. Every failure is a step on the stairs that leads to success. Some mistakes will be made along the way and that is the status quo, that is how things work, this is natural and unnatural would be making absolutely no mistakes. Mistakes are inevitable in any journey, and they are not signs of weakness; they are simply the natural bumps along the road, sign of weakness is not learning from them.

The absence of mistakes isn't a badge of honor, it's a sign of stagnation. If you don’t get haters, you are doing something wrong. If you succed in everything you do, you are not doing much. The most successful people in any field have a long trail of failures behind them. They have stumbled, they have fallen, but they've also learned and adapted. At the end of the day people don’t care about how many times you failed, they care if you will fail now.

You learn best on your own mistakes

Ever given someone a great advice but never life applied it to your own life? Ever known something was wrong, but did it anyway? You learn the most from your own experiences, counterintuitively some people won’t learn if they don’t experience something themselves, but those who can leverage the mistakes of others to avoid doing them themselves will be ahead. I’m not talking about eating asbestos, you don’t need to see someone do it to know it’s rather bad for you. I’m talking falling in love with someone that has more red flags than a Chinese military parade. Do you know it’s bad? Yes. Will that stop you? Most likely not. Will you do it again after learning your lesson? No.

You got many holes, and sometimes need something strong to fill them. In this case, only knowing it’s wrong and you will regret it is like putting cotton wool in it, learning your lesson yourself is like cement.

Can I succeed after failing?

Not only you can, but you are more likely to. Every misstep, every setback, is a valuable lesson learned, a stepping stone on the path to mastery. Successful people aren't those who avoid failure; they're the ones who learn from it, adapt, and keep moving forward. The most inspiring stories of success are often full of failures. The worldwide hit series “Squid Game” was rejected countless times before Netflix gave it a chance. Michael Jordan reportedly missed 12,345 shots in his career – but he also made the game-winning ones. Does that make you feel better? It should. Why? You must acknowledge that the place you are in now is temporary, and you don’t see people grinding and failing on your daily doom scroll session, you see the winners celebrating. You see the result, not the path. Process, not event.

For years, I struggled with dating while constantly comparing myself to my 3 white friends who were my main wingmen. They seemed to be succeeding effortlessly, getting dates and making connections while I felt like I was always falling short. And we had all started at the same time, but like a couple of months in, I felt like I was being left in the dust by their progress and the immediate, positive reactions from women they'd get.

Every time I saw them with women, I couldn’t help but wonder, What am I doing wrong? This constant comparison nearly ruined my confidence and my dating life.

I was putting in the work—going out four to six nights a week, practicing my approaches, racking up hundreds of interactions—but every small win felt like it wasn’t enough compared to their success. It was exhausting, and each time I compared myself to them, I felt more discouraged. I started to internalize the belief that my race, my height, and my appearance as an Asian guy were holding me back. That’s when I realized I was stuck in a toxic loop of comparison.

But here’s the breakthrough I had: Everyone has their own unique journey.

My white friends weren’t necessarily “better” at dating—they were playing the game on a different difficulty level due to societal perceptions. Once I stopped measuring my progress against theirs and started focusing on my own growth and improvements, everything began to change for me.

It wasn’t easy, but the moment I shifted my mindset and began to focus on my own journey instead of feeling inadequate compared to others, I started seeing real results. I embraced my uniqueness, worked on my self-confidence, and let go of the idea that I had to match anyone else's progress to feel successful.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re not measuring up, or if comparison is holding you back in dating (or life), I want to share my story and how I overcame this mindset. My latest video dives deep into the struggles I faced and how I finally let go of comparison to transform my dating life.

You can check out the full video here: https://youtu.be/dmqMBKtYOrI

5 common habits that harm your productivity and how to fix them. No unnecessary words.

The quality of your life is a reflection of your ability to focus. This article has a simple form of: Bad habit → tips to fix it.

1. Small distractions

“The secret to success in almost all fields is large, uninterrupted blocks of focused time.” ― Ryan Holiday

The foundation of productivity is focus. And focus is like the surface of water, even a small pebble can disrupt it. Create your environment to serve you, not the other way around.

That means:

1. Identify your distractions (phone in most cases). Track what you do for one day. Note down every activity and the time you spend on it. Have you ever tracked calories? It’s surprising how much (or little) you eat when the numbers are here. The same case may be with time. Also, put a screen time widget on the home screen of your phone.
2. Reduce. Why not eliminate? It will result in failure. Most of us can’t just switch behaviors like a… switch. Declutter your digital space, keep only the notifications you absolutely need, focus mode, phone in a different room. The end goal is to shift your mindset so you're so focused on your goal that you won’t even want to reach for your phone. But if you struggle with focus, these steps will help.
3. Keep track in real-time. Create a simple Excel sheet. I have one where I record each work session. It automatically sums up my total time and gives me a nice, satisfying visual graph. We like numbers, and what we like even more is seeing numbers growing.

2. Wondering around

“If a man knows not which port he sails, no wind is favorable.” ― Seneca

This is directly tied to the first habit, if wondering around is the vehicle, small distractions are the fuel.

I start right after I do this, and that, and that, and... it's already evening.

The simplest way to avoid wasting time is to create a plan and a schedule. Every idiot can do that though, the hard part is sticking to it.

How to make it easier for yourself:

• Plan for realistic circumstances, not for dreams.
• Eat the frog - the most important task, the one that moves your life forward the most, first.
• Adjust - if your initial system of planning and doing doesn’t work, change it. It will change during your journey anyway as you progress and realize new things.
• Set time blocks for specific tasks. Set an intention in your mind too: for this time I will focus absolutely and only on the task before me.
• Your breaks should generate obligations. Don’t start something you know you won’t be able to finish during a break.
• Don’t think, start. Just sit down and start doing the most important thing of the day.

Stop Horsin’ around, or you end up like BoJack.

3. Too much theory, not enough practice

“Knowledge without practice is useless. Practice without knowledge is dangerous.” ― Confucius

You need balance. Reading books is useless if you don’t intend to take lessons from them. Listening to podcasts is useless if you don’t implement what you learn.

Real learning often happens through doing. Actually, real learning can’t happen without doing (not including some rare cases maybe). A strong foundation of knowledge is valuable, sure. There comes a point though, where accumulating more information becomes counterproductive. As with many things in life - the key is balance. The most successful people are rarely those who wait for the perfect preparation. They are those who took action and figured things out along the way. This is also usually the faster way.

Knowledge without action is like a fancy car with no gas – it goes nowhere.

4. Multitasking

“Multitasking is the ability to screw everything up simultaneously.” — Jeremy Clarkson

It gives you the illusion of faster progress, it’s slower in reality. Switching between tasks is not like flipping a light switch, more like turning a big ship. Your attention lags behind and needs time to catch up.

Focus on one thing at a time.

5. Scrolling first thing after waking up

“Action isn’t just the effect of motivation; it’s also the cause of it.” ― Mark Manson

Last but not least, the easiest way to ruin your day. What I’ve found works best is to prevent this from happening instead of fighting it. If you have a slow morning, it’s veeery tempting to check your notifications, and that’s where it all starts.

Grab your phone first thing after opening your eyes. Check Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, watch some “fast food essay” on YouTube. Eat a big, heavy, sugary meal. Now about 2 hours passed, great! You can now start your day and do… nothing, your brain will run like a rusty engine and your attention span will be short like a soap bubble's life. How do I start my day then?

Bonus

Don't work when you're too tired, just go to sleep, the quality of what you do will be shitty and full of stupid mistakes that will have to be fixed tomorrow.

Marilyn Monroe famously said, “If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do any anything.”

And this is a message that is reinforced over and over again to guys. When women talk about guys they like, they often mention how funny he is. They seemingly always mention how a sense of humor is the most important trait to them.

A lot of guys see this, and they think “Well, I have to make her laugh for her to like me.” This is a misconception that a lot of Nice Guys make. They lean into the role of the clown, someone whose primary objective is to make her laugh, and hope her attraction will follow.

If they take on this frame, they neglect other attractive characteristics, such as maintaining a masculine, protective energy. This is difficult to maintain when you’re focused on being the affable clown.

Guys will often feel the need to be overly self-deprecating, or attempt to constantly make humorous observations, rattle off jokes endlessly.

A sense of humor and whimsical attitude IS an important component of an attractive personality, but it’s not the primary ingredient. Demonstrate your humor through light teasing, though your wit and observation, not by constantly cracking jokes—especially about yourself.

Demonstrated wit is far more attractive than simply being funny.

If you have a fun, goofy personality, don’t hide who you are, but bring some balance.

Women want a man who can make them laugh, but they also want a man who can make them feel safe, who demonstrates social competency and status, not someone who hides in a humorous persona.

Important: Also take cause and effect into consideration. If a woman is attracted or has feelings for a guy, his positive qualities will be amplified. He will seem funnier than he really is to her, or she might think he’s better in bed. Something to think about.

Full article: https://holdyourframe.substack.com/p/stop-clowning-yourself

I've been getting some good vibes on replies I've given on living your best life during your 20s (which I can thankfully tick off).

So, I decided to spill the beans on how I lived out my 20s so that it may be able to help some folks who might be struggling with what to do and how to go about it.

1/ Travel and/or live-work abroad

If you can, save money and travel.

I was fortunate enough to backpack through Asia, Europe, and the Americas during my early 20s, then worked and lived in the US for close to 10 years.

Exploring new places regardless of how close or far is one of the best experiences you will ever have. Period.

Travel brings a lot of rewards and challenges with it - learning new languages, appreciating (and even tolerating) other cultures/religions, and opening your eyes to a world very different from yours.

Living abroad is another step up but not for everyone. However, if you ever get an opportunity to do so, give it a try. You will gain so much life experience in a short period of time.

2/ Network & Build Connections

Networking in your 20s is underrated.

But, networking makes me feel uncomfortable. I'm not a natural extrovert. This was a tough one for me.

I found the best way is to attend events and gatherings that align with your interests i.e. sports, anime, etc. I tend to avoid generic mixers, but that's just me.

Introduce yourself to others and find ways to collaborate. Even if nothing comes out of it, at least you'll have built a connection.

Some of the best relationships I now have are a result of randomly meeting people at parties, events, and overseas during my travels, some of whom have now become close friends.

3/ Have Adventures

This is the decade when you start building memories as an adult - make it count.

Adventures isn't just about traveling (although it does play a big part), it's also about the people you spend it with and the moments you share with each other.

Going camping/hiking, running your first marathon, having a first date, going out on the town with your best friends, attending a music festival, etc. are all adventures.

It is your moral duty to have fun and have as many adventures as possible.

4/ Invest in your health

Your 20s go by fast.

Sometimes your health can take a back seat to everything else that's going on in your life.

Building good habits and routines around your health is a long term investment that will pay dividends into the future.

Go to the gym, lift weights, run, cycle, swim etc. I'm a big fan of living a hybrid lifestyle of both strength training and endurance.

Regular fitness and exercise are the single best things you can do for your physical and mental health.

Doing this as early as possible builds strong habits that can take you into your later years.

5/ Invest in your financial future

Learn to invest for the long term.

It's so easy to splurge and spend when you're young, which you definitely should.

BUT, it's also about being responsible for your financial future.

Save a portion of your income and put it in a few buckets:

• A rainy-day fund
  
• Your retirement fund (401k or otherwise)
  
• A high-yield savings account with a reasonable APY
  
• Invest in stocks and equities (ETFs and Index funds)
  
• Invest in real estate if you have the funds
  

Any remaining funds are yours to enjoy.

I was very carefree in my early 20s but really buckled down when I hit 25. The earlier the better.

You won't have as much money as you want to spend (now) but you certainly know that it's being invested in assets that will earn income and appreciate in the long-term.

NOTE: This is not investing or financial advice!

6/ Avoid stupidity

Reminder to self - don't get into trouble or injure yourself!

When you're young, you'll be surrounded by people encouraging you to do stupid sh*t.

It's easy to be peer-pressured.

It's up to you to say no if it can affect you and your future.

Avoid getting a criminal record.

Avoid injuring yourself to the extent that it affects your long-term health.

Avoid taking extremely high risks without a backup plan.

Avoid making friends with the wrong people which can trickle into the above.

Live out your best 20s but ensure you're there at the end of it so you can head into your 30s unscathed.

7/ Surround yourself with the right people

You're going to meet a lot of people along the way.

Some of them will become lifelong connections, but others will be questionable.

Choose your people carefully.

Avoid those who make you feel uncomfortable, put you down, want to take advantage of you, and convince you to do things you don't want to do.

Build out your friend detector so you know the right people to hang out with.

8/ Find someone you care about

Hit the dating circuit.

The happiest people I know were able to find a partner they cared about and with whom they could share experiences.

It might take a while to find the right person, but you'll never know unless you go out there and mingle.

Even if you don't end up together forever, you'll at least be grateful for all the times you spent with each other and those memories and experiences still count.

Some people prefer to be a lone wolf, but it's so much better with someone by your side.

9/ Level up your skills

It's your duty to develop useful skills.

Explore different areas and find what sticks.

University/college can only do so much.

• Start a business.
  
• Learn how to code.
  
• Learn how to write.
  
• Learn how to sell.
  
• Learn how to market yourself
  
• Learn how to communicate
  

Skilling up will put you ahead of 99% of your peers.

This makes it easier to find a job, build a business, build relationships with others, and set you up for long-term success.

10/ Move out of your parent's home

It's easy to stay comfortable at home. I get it - Mom's free delicious food, free laundry service, free accommodation, etc.

This is a mistake.

Move out and find your own place once you have the financial capacity to do so.

It's going to be hard at first, but you'll eventually find that it provides you with so much freedom and liberation.

It means you now have responsibilities.

You will learn a lot from living without the safety net of your parents.

All of this will make you stronger and more resilient.

Ultimately, if you can follow any of the above tips, there's no doubt that you will have no regrets.

You would have lived your best life priming yourself for your 30s and beyond.

Hope this has been helpful.

If you like this, give me a follow, and share it with others who need a bit of guidance.

This might be an unpopular thought, but spending all your willpower resisting watching porn is making things harder for yourself in the long run.

I realised it’s like managing a paycheck. You only have so much money each month, we save X money for Rent, Y money for bills and Z money for food, because we understand once the money is spent we can't get it back.

But with willpower, we believe we can be superheroes and tap into an unlimited supply - resisting urges, suppressing negative emotion, going to the gym, cooking healthy meals, all at once. But willpower is finite, just like money. If you spend it all resisting urges, there’s none left for positive changes that make your life better.

I’ve been watching p*rn since I was about 11, and over time, it escalated - from bras, to lingerie, to naked girls, to 2 hardcore videos on separate screens. Vulnerability is the opposite of shame and I made sure absolutely no one knew the extent of my problem. I tried to rely on willpower for years, every time I’d get the urge, I’d fight it, but it would always come back stronger. It became a tiring, endless cycle. I made progress, cutting down how much I watched, but eventually, I hit a wall - I was stuck.

Until I had an idea to change strategies, instead of spending all my willpower on resisting the urge, why not accept it when it happens and use my willpower on positive things? So, when I got the urge, I let it happen without beating myself up. And weirdly enough, it gave me some peace it was immediately noticeable that the emotional pull had weakened. The urges still came, but without that heavy emotional drag that kept me stuck, so refraining was way, way easier.

Don’t waste all your energy fighting something when you could be building good habits instead. Focus your willpower on things that improve your life - going to the gym, learning new skills, or eating better.

The key to a fulfilling life is not just avoiding bad habits but actively pursuing the good ones.

Why I stopped resisting watching p*rn - YouTube

Gentlemen, I appear to be growing rather stout. I go to the gym but may the lord forgive me I eat far too much. So, here's my plan: I'm going to post my weight-trend graph from my phone here every Monday. 1kg down every week for 17 weeks until I'm at my absolute physical peak. (72kg, 189cm.) If I succeed, it will be an encouragement to weak, fallible men everywhere!

Also, I'm going to give up all internet after 10pm and read, write in my journal and study an ancient and obscure language until I sleep. So, I've made a calendar note to update you all on my progress next week.

This is a 17 week programme and will finish on 3 February 2025. If anyone else has any 17-week challenges they want to work on, feel free to write them below or get in touch.

As you were, gents.

Grab your phone first thing after opening your eyes. Check Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, watch some “fast food essay” on YouTube. Eat a big, heavy, sugary meal. Now about 2 hours passed, great! You can now start your day and do… nothing, your brain will run like a rusty engine and your attention span will be short like a soap bubble's life. How do I start my day then?

Morning routine for focus and maximum productivity

Get up! That’s the hardest part. Why? You want to wake up a little bit earlier, so there’s nobody up yet to interrupt you.

What should wake you up isn't your phone (which should be in a different room), but a regular alarm clock. If you don't have one, it's probably one of the best price-to-efficacy productivity tools you can get.

Eat, shower, brush your teeth – whatever gets your morning routine rolling. With one rule, though - don’t do anything stimulating. Don’t watch YouTube while eating, don’t scroll brainless content. Ideally, leave your phone entirely untouched for the first hour or two after waking up.

If you don’t have a to-do list (or basically just plan what you’re going to do) make one. You got a few tasks. Now, ask yourself - “If I was allowed to do only one thing today, which would it be?”, mark that one on your list.

And here's the game-changer: do the most important thing of the day first. I like to work in 90 minutes blocks of time. In that case - I would sit for 90 minutes and just try to do the tasks with full focus. If a task seems too hard - break it down into parts you understand. If a task takes longer - plan in detail the steps you will have to take to finish it, and just do as much as you can today.

The first 1-1.5 hours (or however much time you can dedicate) of your day: only you and your work, no multitasking, no distractions, full focus.

I find that way of doing things way easier than doing them later in the day or after doing something much more enjoyable and dopamine-rich.

How to start the day energized

But all that will fail if you wake up feeling like a pile of crap.

If you want to go more in detail about your sleep, I got an article about it.

Now I will just give you a few quick tips.

• Get some sunlight: You are not a vampire. As soon as you wake up, go outside and get some sunlight. This helps regulate your body's natural sleep-wake cycle, making it easier to feel energized throughout the day, and wakes you up.
• Drink some water: Start your day with a glass of water (or two!) to rehydrate your body after a night's sleep. This simple step will improve your focus and overall well-being.
• Fuel Your Body Wisely: Skip the sugary cereals. Opt for protein and complex carbohydrates. Avoid sugary options that might lead to a later crash. Fasting is not a bad idea too.
• Sleep in a cold and dark room: Aim for a cool room 20-15°C (around 60–67 degrees Fahrenheit) and minimize light exposure.
• And last but not least: Get enough sleep! No way around that.