Every year I get invited to a half dozen things all destructive in their own way.

Every year I set the tone for the next 12 months by waking up hung over on a massive comedown.

Not this time Satan, ima take my husky to my grandmas and be in bed by 10.

Hi! I’m 21, my life is so disorganized.

I deeply crave that “wake up at 5am , go for a walk , go to the gym 4-5x a week , have a morning routine , a night routine , a weekly cleaning schedule , get 8hr of sleep every night, ‘that girl’ productive” kind of lifestyle .

i NEED some routine that i know I can stick to. I feel so cluttered without one, which stresses me out. I need structure and order.

But i have an inconsistent job schedule and work different hours each day .

I have impulsive late night hang outs with my friends and random nights of staying up late and drinking. Typical early 20s stupid stuff. And that’s kind of a non negotiable for me. I seek experiences! Those moments make me most happy, i want to live my life. But I also want organization and routine.

Surely, there can be some balance? Anyone have it figured out? (Or, at the very least, share your routine so maybe i can take what i like or what will work with me)

I (M33) am about 50 lbs overweight, depressed, anxious and incredibly sad. I feel lethargic all the time. I set up a plan to start running but completely skipped the first week and feel like crap because of it. I feel like a waste of space but I am tired of feeling this way. I want to do something to change but I don’t know where to start. I’m in therapy, on a low dose anti depressant and recently gave up alcohol and caffeine but I don’t know where to go next.

(3 ways to tell if you're the "fill-in friend" and what to do about it.)

1. Surface Level Conversations - Your friends don't really know what's going on in your life. If you've told them, they forget and they don't ask for progress updates.
2. You're Always Contributing - You're never invited to just show up. Invites come with a task or a responsibility. [Bring snacks, be the driver and so on.]
3. Lack of Reciprocity - Your efforts to reach out are appreciated but not reciprocated. They may answer your calls and texts, but they won't reach out first.

Being the "fill-in friend" is confusing and disheartening.

On one hand they seem like they want you around but on the other hand, they don't light up when they see you and treat you as good as their other friends.

Now what can you do to change it?

• → Stop worrying if you are good enough for them.
• → Shift towards discovering if they are the friends that you want.

1. Have Deeper Conversations - Tell them about what's going on with you and hold them accountable if they don't remember. You're not an afterthought.
2. Show Up Empty-Handed - Stop buying or completing tasks for them. Your presence is a gift.
3. Return the Energy Given - If they aren't reaching out to you, then don't reach out to them. Put energy into others that appreciate you.

You got this!

I tried dating this woman that rejected me for not having any hobbies. Now she's dating someone, And It makes me jealous because I can't move on as fast as her.Also im not sure if I will get to date anyone in this life because of my lack of experience and lack of a personality. How would you guys approach this problem?

I'm a proud haver of carpal tunnel in both of my beautiful hands that only seems to get worse. I'm looking for new ways to spend some time over this break and pursue new interests in a way that won't hurt me. Here's what I have so far:

• running
• Reading
• Singing/listening to music
• Watching videos online

Humans are really great at forgetting things.

We get comfortable.

Entropy – the slow decline into chaos that everything in the universe experiences – slowly takes over.

Our intentions fall to the back of our mind instead of the front.

But this is one of the worst things you can let happen when you’re attempting something that takes a long-term commitment, like quitting for good.

It’s deceptively easy to simply lose sight of why you’re doing it.

So part of your job is to regularly remind yourself of what you’re doing and why.

Keep your Future Vision top of mind, and let it pull you forward and give you the strength to make the right decisions.

Have a great day.

For a long time I struggled with feeling sadness and angst because I didn’t receive male validation. I also had a problem with comparing myself to other women and constantly feeling insecure and inferior. I wanted to be perceived and told I was attractive and have a guy to ensure that I’m enough. Because I didn’t receive that treatment I felt awful and depressed because I didn’t receive much attention I know that it sounds odd for someone who identifies under the ace umbrella to be seeking so much attention and validation from men but I’ve realized that it stems from the unhealthy need of a relationship. For a while I felt I was inferior because I wasn’t anyone’s dream girl or someone’s girl friend. In all honesty I’m still taking the time to decenter male validation. To set the record straight I’ve had a healthy relationship with my family but I’ve never had a healthy connection with my boyfriends. I’ve had horrible relationships where I’ve been invalidated and not love for who I am. Since August I’ve taken big steps to heal myself: therapy, more self care, practicing more self love , continuing my hobbies, focusing on my studies, seeking more lgbtq friends who would understand my feelings, and journaling. As well as coming to terms with being ace/demi. I know that this will affect my relationships and how I’m perceived but I honestly don’t care anymore. I’m slowly becoming happier in my skin and feeling more like myself. Slowly the need for a relationship is just becoming a want. I’m still on my journey but I’m glad I’m getting somewhere :). Hopefully next year I’ll get more towards where I want to be. Please leave some advice if you have any!

I've been trying for months to open up to my "boyfriend". He just doesn't care. We got into an argument Tuesday night in front of our eldest. All I asked was is it too much to ask for some communication. He had texted me and said he was on his way home. 2 hrs later I call him and he's making up some story. I'm so fed up. I told him that night he's got 2 weeks to get out. But I know he won't leave. He's too comfortable in this life I've built.

So I know I have to get myself and my children out of this situation. But I don't really know how. I'm trying to make it to tax time so I'll have some money for a deposit to move. He's shown me how much he really cares and now I don't care anymore. He still says he loves me but I don't respond. I just want out. Please share some encouraging words to help me hold onto my sanity for the next few months!

Ever felt stuck, overwhelmed, or frustrated with life? Mel Robbins’ Let Them Theory might just change your perspective. It’s a simple, yet powerful idea: Instead of trying to control everything around you, just let them.

• Friends canceling plans? Let them.
• Someone ghosting you? Let them.
• Your crush isn’t ready to commit? Let them.

By letting go of control, you free yourself from stress, protect your peace, and focus on what truly matters.

How do you handle situations where you feel powerless?

Christmas went as planned. I had a great breakfast with my mom, brother, and sister. We all opened gifts and enjoyed our morning. Then our grandparents came by and we exchanged gifts again. I got my mom and grandparents a photo collage photograph which they both liked. I wasn't sure what they may want to do with it so I didn't get frames. After that we hung out for a bit until people slowly started leaving. I think we were all just too tired to keep staying out there. It was a great day. Later on after much napping my mom and I enjoyed dinner and watched the movie Big Daddy. I couldn't handle another Christmas movie after hearing them all month. It was fun to watch and produced plenty of laughs. I kept thinking about resolutions and what to do for the year. Resolutions never seem to work but maybe I'm now more committed to taking journeys and improving my life. I have a few ideas and steps. I know I want to eat more whole foods. I don't have to be perfect but slowly easing it as much as possible into my diet. Replacing deli meats with chicken cooked the night before. Something along that line. I had a plan to finish my resume a couple weeks ago. Then a lot of different stuff got in the way. I want to finish that and find a new job this year. I want to get back into developing hobbies instead of just doing the same two or three things each day. I want to read more and interact socially more with people outside of my family. These are just a few ideas. My overall goal though is just to improve. Take what I learned so far and just up the ante. I'm far from perfect and far from over in this journey. I have so much to improve and to learn from. Maybe I can take advantage of the year going from 2024 to 2025. Because I'm now more serious about having a better life and can just allow the stupid revolution around the Sun to be a catalyst for more to come.

SBIST was the response from my cousin from the care package my family and I sent him. He ended up getting it on Christmas and it made my whole day. He was very happy with receiving it and thanked me for the card I wrote as well. He said I didn't overstep in doing what I did so it was a relief. I miss his mom and I'm happy to do something I know she would do. I wanted the actions she so often would do to carry over. Losing her was difficult and still is but keeping her alive by sharing her name and doing what she would do keeps her alive. My wish is to do that as long as possible.

Tomorrow work is off as well since the shop is down. I don't really have anything planned but to rest. I need to get that social battery recharged. I plan on watching some Squid Game since season 2 is coming out. Plans are not crazy but that is okay. I'm excited to just rest and feel good about the relaxation. After that work starts up again and I'll have New Year's Eve to look forward to. Thank you my conjurers of the power banks. You hold some charge to boost up my batteries when I need it in moments of desperation.

In my last post a little over a month ago, I told the story about meeting a woman this summer on a train across Canada

We were both traveling the world solo, and we just clicked. Never in my life have I had so much fun getting to know somebody. We chatted for hours on the train, and once we got to Vancouver and split ways. We ended up meeting at the Vancouver airport in the following day just by fate again. Where we chatted for several more hours. Before we officially part of ways.

My trip was Canada 🇨🇦 and Australia 🇦🇺. Her trip was Canada 🇨🇦 New Zealand 🇳🇿 Singapore 🇸🇬 and Thailand 🇹🇭. We got to learn about the same part of the world through each other.

Skip forward to now. Since we are both back at home, we don’t talk very much. But that’s perfectly fine we’ve already made the arrangements for me to come visit her in Europe in April 2025.

Here’s the progress update. If I have learned anything a relationship is like a proverbial tennis match. I sent her a message and she did not respond for almost 2 months. I’m staying on my grind and whatever will be will be. Yesterday on Christmas Day you sent me a nice message. Wishing me a merry Christmas. And she sent me a whole detailed itinerary for my visit with her in the spring!

Be patient people. I fell in love with her at first sight, but based on my past experiences, I know to take my time. Time and distance will help you emotions build, and make the relationship stronger.

And it’s also weird how the universe works. I went to a European style Christmas market near where I live here in the USA. I took some pictures and ate some food from the country where she’s from. Told her I was thinking about her when I did that. She sent me a message yesterday, that she went to a Christmas market as well and felt the same exact things about me.

When I was in Australia 🇦🇺, I bought a stuffed kangaroo and opal necklace. I’m bringing to give to her when we reunite at the airport. So excited to get back to see her

I'm in a toxic relationship. My partner is a high functioning alcoholic and has been on medication for Bipolar disorder in the past. I got diagnosed with depression 2 years into our (now almost 10 year) relationship. I've been on SSRis but came off them a few years back and have been in Therapy for about 8 years now. Im working on fixing the elements of our communication that is toxic, it's very reactive. I am often reactive too.. I feel like I'm putting in a lot of work and not getting anywhere. He says he feels the same. He told me today that he feels manipulated. That I've had him wrapped around his little finger and he's bent over backwards to make me happy (all of this while i was sitting on the couch breastfeeding our youngest)

This is one of many times he's blown up and said mean things to me... usually it's when he's really drunk and it's way worse. But apparently that's the edge I push him to.

I know I'm not perfect. I know that I have avoidant attachment and am not good at communicating my feelings (or even accessing them) because of my childhood experiences. I know i am hypersensitive to critisim. But it does feel like hes almost constantly annoyed and frustrated by things im doing or not doing. I honestly feel like I've taken on a lot of his bad traits in the time of our relationship.

I'm reeling now and feeling so dysregulated I really needed to get this off my chest.

My new years resolution list

I am posting my new years resolution here because I am pretty done seeking validation or approval from my friends or colleagues about what I should do. This is for me and me alone.

Background about me: I am 28 year old male and a Software QA Engineer making around 60k, single, and live by myself in a studio apartment. I am roughly 5' 8" and have been fluctuating between 250 lbs and 260 lbs most of the year.

First and foremost:

My goals that I am going to try to achieve for the entire year are the following:

• Lose weight (particularly get under 200 lbs and start bulking)
• Quit drinking alcohol for first 3 months of year
• I have a heavy weed habit and I've tried to quit cold turkey only to cave a week or two later. I'm still productive when I'm sober, so my plan is essentially don't smoke until 8pm or 9pm Monday through Thursday (I'm usually home by 620, I have a 50 minute commute to work) and 6pm Friday, Saturday, and Sunday
• Make sure to do laundry once a week (Ive been doing every other week lately. My hygiene isn't great, but I also have a lot of clothes)
• Up keep my apartment cleaning, may try to clean 10-15 minutes a day. I just did a long cleaning session before Christmas day.

Personal goals aside, my professional goals are a slightly different beast. Basically, I plan to:

Spend the first half of the year (January - June) working on technical interview skills. For starters, I have a sheet of paper of common manual testing questions and plan to memorize that. Even 30 minutes a week day and 1-2 hours on weekends will add up over time those 6 months.

If I see a job in my area I think is a fit, I'll apply but not going to stress it too hard.

The 2nd half of the year, I plan to get more aggressive with job applications. I'm hopeful the tech market will rebound in 2025, there are signs pointing in that direction.

That's basically it, my biggest priority is health and losing weight in general, but I'm trying to be more pragmatic with finding a new job given the current market conditions.

A lot has happened this year. We just had our first NYE together. She got interested in someone else and decided to pursue the connection. It was a crossroads moment for us. We broke up after 6yrs and it's been 9mos already. I saw them having an international vacation already. That could've been the life I'm living right now but now I feel like I'm in a different world.

I realized that I stopped living in the present when we're together because I was too caught up in the future we envisioned together. We planned to cohabitate since we live far from each other. We already bought a place to live in. I had to make time seeing her after work and weekends. We saw each other 1-2x a week. I wanted to maintain the connection. I envisioned myself going home to her after hanging out with friends more frequent, do hobbies, etc. These things were put on hold so we can still have date nights. And maybe because I thought I can only pursue other things when we're in a place where we can at least have a shared life.

My life is so different than the life I had with her. I think I'm happier now that I'm doing things that I like. I pursued hobbies, classes, etc. I have more time with my friends, meeting new people, and community. I've rekindled old connections. I started getting into fitness. I also now appreciate nature more. I used to just drink after work and that led to some bad decisions. It's mostly what I do after work. For the first time in 13yrs, I'm making plans for myself. I created a bucketlist. I also have a to-do list of my goals. The breakup really pushed me to commit to myself. I lost myself in that relationship and I was too busy with my career. I know I can only blame myself because I got complacent. My mindset shifted and I became more hopeful about life. I can't help but think that this is the version I could've been while I was with her.

I know I wanted to work on myself but she's with someone else now. The things I've asked for, she's given to her new person. The breakup also shook her. Surreal to look at her life right now like a could've been version if I stayed. I think I'd be equally happy.

I’ve fallen into a deep depression after a breakup. I was emotionally abusive stemming from my anxiety that I’ve struggled with for years, although not an excuse. I’ve behaved like this in a previous relationship. I struggle to maintain friendships for a prolonged period of time and I feel like I’m peripheral to everyone. I’m in my mid 20s and feel like such a loser still living with my parents. How do I pick myself up out of this and make myself someone people want to be around?

I don’t want to be a creepy nice guy anymore. I harass women and constantly make them uncomfortable and I never understand them. I never know I make them uncomfortable until they lash out at me and I lash out back and it makes me feel like shit.

Currently, every aspect of my life isn't going well: family, partner, job, friends, and hobbies. All of these tell me about how I am doing something wrong.

Of course, when I get told what I'm doing wrong, I try my best to understand, listen, and try to fix what is wrong. But I just can't get it together and do better. This makes me feel really not good enough and no matter how hard I try, I won't be good enough.

Sometimes I just want to tell these people I am not good enough, that I try but I can't meet their expectations. But when I tell them these feelings, I get told to stop the self pity, stop making it about yourself, and suck it up and do better.

I just feel this overwhelming sense of worthlessness growing for the past 2 years and I don't know what to do. I've scheduled a therapy appointment but it's a couple months out and am reallt struggling right now.

How do I express my feelings of low self worth? I just want to be heard but no one wants to listen. I just feel immense sadness but bottle it up so much and I don't know how to get it out in a healthy way.

i just find it so hard to self validate because i have the “facts” in front of me. for example, i find it hard to think that i’m pretty because no guy approaches me or talks to me, they unadd me when i show my face on snapchat, or i think i’m dumb because i keep getting low grades on several subjects. like no matter how much i tell myself that i’m not those things it’s so hard to believe because of certain situations that does prove i am those things

This year started pretty rough.

Beginning of the year I was an agoraphobic shut in. Also my fucked up parents put my life on pause, cuz my dad cheated and I had to literally hold everything together for my mom while she fell apart for almost the whole year. And had to put my two older brothers through rehab cuz I came home from college and saw how much of a dumpster fire my family was living. Starting the gym was my first step forward. That evolved to feeding myself regularly, which evolved to getting a routine and fixing my sleep, which evolved to holding down a job w the family business, to moving out to my own apartment, to evolving my social life and having a great group of friends, to now being confident enough to date / put myself out there. I’ve been in therapy since 2020, I’m on ADHD meds which rlly help me, I’ve been working very week on getting Top Surgery and I’m on Testosterone as a trans man, I have a bachelors degree, I don’t have any addictions, I’m a nice and normal enough guy

Life threw a bunch of traumatic events even at my big age of 24 this year but I swallowed it. My mom has been trying desperately to hold me back from all the progress I’m making so it constantly feels like swimming upstream. My parents are toxic and fucked up, but rich and generous, it’s really confusing. My mom and dad are really nice to me, they love me a lot, but everything about them just feels bad. Its like, they’re good parents and good people to me today, they’ve changed a lot. But in the past they were such shitty abusive humans, it makes me sick. My fucked up dad, my mom who can’t stand him and forces me to do all the family’s dirty work.

I’ve been going to the gym for 1 year, learned how to meal prep, got on EBT so I don’t have to worry about how I’m gonna feed myself. My skin is clearing up. My hair is growing longer. I’m finally applying for grad school, I got letters of rec down and it’s all lined up for me. I’m taking every step forward I need to take.

But I still really fucking hate my life. I just hate my life. I hate my family, I want to love them but it hurts me to even be around them, our relationship is positive and our communication is good because I’ve been working on it in therapy. but I still hate them from how much they’ve fucked up and traumatized me. I love my apartment and my roommates, but I feel stuck every day. I feel like I’m running in place, and I constantly come back to this disgusting self destructive ugly feeling. I hate how fucking complicated it has to be. I hate my fucking life even tho I’m doing fine, I just hate it

26F here, just need to get a few things off my chest and I've talked fo friends (and therapist) about it, but not really to strangers, and I guess I'm honestly curious about your take.

Short summary: early this year I broke off an 8 year relationship. I was with this guy since I was 18. My whole early twenties I stuck by him. He was kind, emotionally mature, had a warm family and home, I loved him. But if I'm honest, I think 2 years in I already started feeling some dissatisfaction on my end. We were quite different people, different hobbies, different pasts, different priorities. I used to think it strengthened our relationship, but in hindsight it was just incompatibility.

I stuck by him. There were several turning points where I considered breaking it off earlier, and each time I didn't. Out of fear, familiarity, I don't know, whatever reasons people stick to relationships when they shouldn't.

I've spent the past year at my dad's place, mostly unemployed (I've had 5 shortlasting jobs way below my degree), figuring out wtf to do with myself and how the hell I ended up here. Self-esteem nowhere to be found.

I'm on the way out, and I'm actually pretty optimistic about 2025. Me and action have never been best friends, but I've realized the only way out is through.

I guess the only thing I really struggle to understand about myself, especially compared to my peers: how come other people knew exactly when to break up with their partners? Most people my age have had a few relationships, and have found their life partner by now. I feel like I'm just starting, and I wasted the window of figuring it out and it's just annoying to really feel how men are just less attracted to me than they used to be when I was younger but still in a relationship. It's pretty painful and really rubs my life choices in my face.

I've been trying to forgive myself by saying "hey, this is also my first time being alive, how could I have known better?", but seeing so few other people my age relate to me and have the same experience feels pretty isolating and like there's really something wrong with me.

For me, I've just always taken what life's thrown at me and clinged onto it, trying to make it my own and make the best of it. It seems that's not the way to go.

What is it about life and taking action to create the life you want that seems to come so naturally to others, when it never has to me?

Next year, I have a few goals I'm working on, but there's one that stands out as it impacts my personality and decision-making overall. My biggest goal is to stop trying to please everyone and stop entertaining people. I’m also done with engaging in workplace gossip—there’s so much of it, and it’s exhausting. It often makes me feel like everyone is whispering about me, but you know what? Who cares? I'm here to do my job, collect my paycheck, and move on next year. Period.

"When you start to see the results, the grind becomes addictive"

It takes months to see small changes, years to see your body actually becoming something but a moment to know what you are capable of. Once you realize that, game over for everyone.

I am writing this post as I saw a lot of people want to how to get in shape for the upcoming year. Sad to say, people who are "motivated" to get in shape for a new year goal, give up after 3 months more or less. I am writing this to get that fuel in your mind to stay consistent and disciplined.

I was a skinny af dude who went to the gym to gain some weight and stamina, instead, I got addicted to working out, and now I have a physique that my peers compliment day in and day out. You can see my progress in my Reddit post history

For people who want to start going to the GYM, you don't need to know anything. I didn't know anything, but I gradually learned, made mistakes, and researched about workouts, diet, and foods to eat and avoid.

All you have to do is show up at the gym 3 days or 4 days a week. You won't see any changes in months and that's where people start losing their interest but going to the gym is not about only just getting that anime physique, there are a lot of added benefits that can keep you consistent.

1. Better sleep
2. Better skin due to sweating, eating healthy
3. Confidence and Ego boost from breaking your Personal records
4. Feeling better that you showed up and spent 1 hour despite not wanting to do anything.
5. Building that mental fortitude and resilience
6. Gain respect and aura in your surroundings

You have to love the pain, love the mental strength you gain, and love the decision that makes you better than 99% of people. If you envision your new year goal only to get that body you want, you will give up. Instead, you have to look around at the other benefits working out will help you to achieve.

For the first year, it's all about knowing your body, your capabilities, and the workouts you hate and like to do. You will fail, you will learn, you will make mistakes and you will feel body pain. But who is judging you? That guy who drinks and smokes every night? People will drag you down for not achieving any progress, that's why you keep all the noise down that you will be joining the gym. Keep doing the work in silence, bombard that Aesthetic physique after a few years and people will be awestruck at what you achieved (Been there, done that). All you have to do is fall in love with the journey, enjoy the pain, and feel better that you are eating healthy and gaining strength. Getting in shape should be your least expected concern cause deep down, everyone knows, that following a diet and working out will eventually get you the body you want. But people fail to acknowledge the side benefits, working out gives you. Those take very little time to be visible and they will keep you consistent.

DM me if you wanna know more about how to get out of the struggle to go to the gym.

Lately, I've been feeling so stressed at the fact that I have always been single and probably always will be. But the thing is, why is it important? or why does it feel so important to us in our hearts? when it is really not that big of a deal yet it stops us from enjoying life to its fullest potential. It pisses me off that no matter what I tell myself, every day I wake up, it's the first thing that comes to mind. How do I stop thinking about being single so much?

25m, feel like I’m boring as hell! I’ve had a super interesting life so far, lived in Asia for a good year, lived in the UK for 2 years and now currently based in Australia. I’ve visited almost 30 countries in total and have a bunch of stories from them all. I also get into a lot of interesting sports and hobbies like rock climbing, slack lining (and high lining) mountain biking, surfing, kite surfing, you name it. I studied economics and worked in business advisory for a while at a big 4 accounting firm and currently work in sales for a tech company.

Given all of that, I feel like I’m the most boring person on the face of this earth when I’m interacting with other people. I hate to talk about myself or share my stories and get real weird when people ask. I always seem to find myself talking to others about career, future plans, finance etc. at parties I’ll look over at other people and they will be laughing telling stories while I’m stuck one on one talking about a deep topic and not laughing at all. I get super interested in other people and their stories, I end up just asking them a million questions but then not really answering questions they ask me so it feels very one sided.

I’d class myself as a bit of an energy taker rather than an energy maker and would like to change that.

What has been other people’s experiences, does anyone else feel similar, what have your done or tried to ‘be better’?