r/confidence • u/rafikGk21 • Apr 21 '20
If you've been looking for a solid resource to help you become more confident, this guide is for you.
This is the ultimate guide that will show how to be confident. You'll find EVERYTHING you need to know about confidence in this single blog post.
It's going to be a bit long but trust me, you won't regret reading the whole thing.
Ready? Let's dive in.
I'll divide the post into several chapters. Here's what I'll cover.
Chapter 1:
What is self-confidence?
Chapter 2:
Why is self-confidence important?
Chapter 3:
Signs of low self-confidence
Chapter 4:
Why you're not confident
Chapter 5:
How to be confident
Chapter 6:
Frequently asked questions
In this chapter, we're going to cover what self-confidence actually is.
Why? It's because I see a lot of confusion surrounding this term so we're going to define what confidence is exactly.
So what is self-confidence? According to Wikipedia, it's a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgement.
Basically, being confident means trusting your abilities and judgement. Some people seem to think that confidence means being arrogant, acting like you know everything or being a narcissist.
That's totally wrong.
I wanted to start things off with this short chapter just so we can agree on what confidence really is. Now that we got the basic definition out of the way, let's see why confidence is important in the first place.
Everyone talks about how you should become confident, but do you actually know why it's important?
There are a couple of reasons why confidence is a big deal. In this chapter, we're going to see why you should become confident and how it can positively affect your life.📷
Basically, you feel much better about yourself. When you're confident, you feel like you have the power to change, to do stuff you want to do. You feel like you're good enough and you're not constantly worrying and doubting yourself.
Why it's important:
You feel good about yourself, which means that your happiness level will increase.
Usually, confident people outperform those who are insecure and full of doubt. Why? It's because they have a different way of thinking.
Let me explain.
You see, in most cases, someone who's insecure will typically be more hesitant, less determined, less likely to try or learn new things...etc. This means that when you're insecure, you're less likely to succeed at anything.
However, a confident person is someone who believes in their abilities. This means that they're more likely to learn, try new things and take risks in life. This will inevitably lead to more success and bigger achievements.
In other words, confident people know that they can actually succeed, so they try, that’s it.
Why it's important:
Basically, you'll do everything in a better way.
In other words, you actually know where your life is going and what you want to do with it. Generally speaking, confident people always know what they're doing. They know where they are and where they want to go in life.
They have goals, and they execute their plans to make them a reality.
Why it's important:
You're less stressed, more focused and more effective in your life.
Confidence alone isn't enough to become the most charismatic person in the world, but it certainly helps. The vibe that you give to other people will affect how they treat you.
Simply being more confident will greatly impact the way you interact with others, and how others percieve you. In the real world, this means that it will be easier for you to make friends, resolve conflicts, getting people to value your ideas, earning others respect ... and the list goes on.
Why it's important:
You'll get what you want out of your relationships more easily.
Now that you know what self-confidence is and why it's important, here are 4 warning signs of low confidence you should look out for.
This means that you feel the need to act like someone else to look cooler or better than who you really are.
If you feel like you need to act a certain way to impress other people, then you're lacking confidence.
If you're too indecisive and you're constantly questioning your own decisions and judgement, chances are you're not confident.
When you always doubt yourself, you'll turn to other people to tell you what to do. When you're relying on others to make the decisions for you, you're basically stripping yourself away from control over your life.
Of course, sometimes it is necessary to get external feedback but doing it too often is a sign that you don't know where you're going in your life.
You're always saying to yourself "I can't do [insert whatever you want]". This is a BIG problem.
Why?
Because when you have so many limiting beliefs, it's really hard to get rid of them. The simple act of repeating these things to yourself reinforces these beliefs in your mind, and doing this for years and years means you basically think your limiting beliefs and reality are the same thing now.
When you think you can't do something, you won't even try. That's exactly what will stop you from learning anything.
Basically, self-limiting beliefs will totally block you from having anything good in life.
This doesn't always mean that you're not confident. Some people just don't care, and that's fine.
However, I find that most people who have low self-confidence don't really know what they want out of life. This is closely linked to having a lot of self-limiting beliefs. As a result, most people won't even dare to dream big so they settle for an easy life with no clear goals or direction.
Why am I not confident?
Did you ever ask yourself that question? My guess is yes.
Here are the most likely reasons why you're not confident.
If someone says something negative about you, you automatically label it as a fact, without thinking that it's just what somebody else thinks, which means that they could be wrong.
To give you a better perspective, let's have a look at the dictionary:
opinion : A view or judgement formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.
fact : A thing that is known or proved to be true.
Do you see the difference?
If you're treating opinions (which can be wrong) as facts (which are always true), it's no wonder that you'll destroy your confidence.
If you don't have any skills you're good at, it will be hard for you to become confident. Why? Because having a proven record of success reinforces your confidence.
It's like you're saying to yourself "I managed to do X, it means that I can certainly do this as well."
However, when you don't have any skills you're good at, you don't have any past experiences that make you feel confident, so you'll start doubting yourself because you never achieved anything that requires you to have a certain skill or knowledge.
Pushing your limits means that you’ll keep doing something difficult when you want to quit. This is also a big reason that could be stopping you from being confident.
When you’re always living in the “comfort zone” you’re always dealing with those comfortable situations that don’t require you to grow as a person.
The result? You never grow. Since you always deal with familiar situations, you're never forced to think, use your willpower or do any amount of effort.
This lack of exposure to adversity makes you really used to that comfort, and the moment you’re forced to do something unusual, you start to doubt your ability to pull it off.
If you're constantly at the same level of skill or knowledge, you won't become confident because you lack the feeling of achievement and progress. When you feel like you're just stagnant, it's hard to trust your abilities.
I know that failure is a part of life, but it's still something that can affect your confidence. Having failed a number of times in the past will greatly contribute to fuel self-doubt and make you question yourself in the future.
Instead of doing something that will benefit you, you come up with all sorts of excuses to avoid putting in the effort.
Now that you have a solid grasp of what self-confidence is and how it works, let's get to the fun part: how to actually build it.
In this chapter, I'll break down the practical steps you need to build your confidence from scratch.📷
First, check out this excellent video :
We'll get to the more practical stuff in a minute, I promise. But before we do that, you first need to change the way you think.
There's one fundamental mindset shift you need to make right now: stop thinking that you're inferior.
Look, if you lack confidence, you've probably been conditioned to think this way. Either by your family, your friends or anyone else. The thing you should understand here is that you can't stop feeling like you're inferior overnight because you've been telling yourself this for years.
However, you can become aware that you were conditioned, and make a conscious effort to reject that idea and replace it with its opposite.
To do: Make a conscious effort to believe that you're not an inferior person.
Now we get to the practical stuff. After all, I promised right? :D
Look, one of the main reasons why you're not confident is because you're not really good at anything. Being skillful gives you a strong sense of self-satisfaction and fulfillment.
In addition, it helps you break your self-limiting beliefs.
When you go through the learning process and you can actually witness your own progress, you'll slowly get rid of your self-limiting beliefs because instead of thinking negative stuff like "I can't do [something]", now you can actually see that you're learning and getting better.
In other words, your positive experience will beat your negative ideas.
So, how to choose a skill?
Ideally, you should choose something that interests you, or something you're passionate about. That way, you'll actually do something you like that will potentially help you in life and you're building your confidence at the same time.
That's how you can cultivate a skill to become confident.
To do: choose a skill and become good at it.
You'll find many articles and videos online claiming that body language can transform the way you feel.
Well, let me tell you that it won't happen overnight.
However, you can use your body language to help you feel more confident. How? Use these techniques :
These poses will help you convey confidence and feel a little bit more confident yourself. However, don't overdo it. Instead, use them from time to time and they'll gradually become like second nature.
To do: use these postures to convey confidence.
When someone says something bad about you, always remember to take that as their opinion, not as a cold hard truth.
I know that it's not easy, I've been there. However, you have to force yourself to change how you perceive what other people say about you.
Look, whatever someone says about you (be it good or bad), it remains their opinion, not the absolute truth.
Of course, some people have good intentions and can actually give you constructive feedback but for the most part, you should ignore all the noise out there.
To do: Take what other people say as an opinion instead of assuming they're always right
If you're asking yourself if this really works, let me tell you that it does.
How do I know? Well, I tried it.
It might seem like it's too simple but trust me, it works. At first, you'll have to act like a confident person but after a few months, you'll become more and more confident.
All you have to do is ask yourself: How would a confident person act? and do just that. Be careful however, I'm not telling you to act arrogantly but to act like someone who's sure of himself.
There's a big difference, it's that arrogant people always try hard to show they're better than anyone else but confident people don't feel the need to prove themselves to others. You know, because they're confident.
To do: Act like a confident person would📷
There are many common questions I always see people asking about self-confidence.
In this chapter, I'll answer any questions you might still have to give you a cristal clear picture.
Arrogance: an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions.
Confidence: a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgement.
The difference is simple: "Confidence is silent, insecurities are loud". In other words, when you're confident you don't need to prove anything. But when you're arrogant, you always act as if you know better than other people.
Yes of course. Being confident simply means trusting your abilities and your judgement. It's totally possible to be confident in yourself and humble at the same time.
You can't. It takes time to overcome your limiting beliefs and change your mindset.Do you still have some questions?
I want to answer every question you might have so go ahead and leave a comment. I'll personally respond to every single one.
r/confidence • u/nonnapplicable • 2h ago
i'm a 16 year old girl in high school, and by no means am i comparing myself to other people but i want to change my appearance so that i not only feel good, but act more confident and feel better about myself. i already work out regularly and have quite clear skin, yet i feel like i am lacking in some way. i'd really appreciate any advice here :))
r/confidence • u/ProfessionalShake716 • 21h ago
I think I’ve finally come to a point in my life where I’m happy with the way I look, and while it does boost my confidence a little, I still can’t seem to carry myself with confidence. I know there’s more to confidence than looks and it probably has most to do with contentment with yourself and knowing your values, etc, but what are some other things to focus on to boost your confidence?
r/confidence • u/Plantmadeco • 22h ago
https://youtu.be/V2jR6LPKCvI?si=Nik4jvTEMQ4g7WwU
Life isn't fair, the sooner you accept the happier you will be
Nobody knows what they’re doing, everyone is guessing. Just over time…some people get more confident in their ability to guess.
Experience is what you get on the opposite end of failure. So don't be scared to fail. When you apply for a job they want the person with the most experience. That's the person who has failed the most. At a certain point you will have to decide on what is scarier, the fear of never trying or the fear of other people seeing you try.
Whatever you feel in your 20s, you'll feel again throughout life. Your body has a limited way of communicating with you, so learn to process the signals. When your phone hits 20%, you don’t panic—because you know how to deal with that signal. Your body is no different. Whether it’s feeling lost, stuck, anxious, or lonely, learn to manage it now so you can handle it as it happens throughout your life.
There are three versions of life: when you're born, when you realize you're going to die, and when your confidence kicks in because you finally stop caring what anyone thinks about you. Get to that third version as quickly as possible.
Don't feel like you're behind. Whatever you feel at your current age is what that age is supposed to feel like. If you make life a race, expect to feel all of the discomfort that comes with running it. And realistically, by time you get to the milestone age you probably won't care about that goal anymore. Just FYI The guy who started Walmart was 44 when he started, Vera Wang was 40 and on her third career and Robert Greene was 38 when he wrote the 48 laws of power. People are always switching careers and trying new things. It's part of life.
Define everything for yourself- especially what happiness is for you. Its hard to find a destination that you haven't set.
You can’t compete with people who have a different starting line than you. You dont know what help or support someone else is receiving so just focus on you. The people who laugh at where you are today would applaud you if they understood how far youve come.
The Short cut is the long way. You can’t cut corners. If you can’t see yourself doing something for at least 10 years, find something else to do. Becoming a doctor is a guaranteed career and most doctors don't start their careers until their early 30s so give your career sometime to pan out.
If people have never done what you are trying to do, you have to teach them how to support you, including your parents. If you're on a journey to success and the path seems a little unclear, don't be mad when people suggest alternate routes. They're just trying to help. Explaining your route and realistic timelines will help other people support you. And remember, your friends and family aren’t your audience.
If you’re trying to reinvent the wheel. You're doing it wrong. 80% of what you do should be a remix of something that already exists
Nothing is ever free.
Be someone worth mentoring. But If you can't find a mentor, go on youtube and pick one. Mentorship has been democratized. You can watch a million interviews from Kobe and thought leaders in your industry. I like to look at the lineups for summits and other conferences then i pick a few names and I watch all of their interviews. Its a great way to get into the the minds of a person without having access to them
Find your sasha fierce. When Beyonce was 27 she started struggling with confidence. So she created a character that would be the version of herself that would take all of the risks. Find that version of you if you need to
Feeling lost is a blessing because it gives you a chance to find yourself. If you don't know what to pursue and you feel lost, start by pursuing yourself. There are so many people starting over in their 30s and 40s, because whatever they were doing isnt making them happy anymore.
Direction is more important than speed. It’s better your life go slow and in the right direction than fast and in the wrong one . and remember, extraordinary people are just people who do the ordinary, extra
Networking is a waste of time if you don't have something to offer. A lot of people confuse movement with progress. If you become great at something, the network will find you. The world is small, your city is tiny, and your industry is even smaller than that.
https://youtu.be/V2jR6LPKCvI?si=_CjP3Ot87J12CJm8
click to see the rest of the list !
r/confidence • u/Last_Preparation_981 • 22h ago
I’m trying to help a friend out. Her bf is to complacent for her (she told me herself) and I see it to. Their relationship has been on and off since first grade and she says it’s because she feels safe around him and it’s hard for her to build that trust with anyone else. Personally I’ve always been working on confidence since about 5 so I don’t have an issue with it and don’t know how to help someone in a way worse situation than me. I’ve got all of 2025 to help her so give me everything you got. Thanks ahead of time and I wish you all the best Sincerely LastPrep.
r/confidence • u/Ok-Growth-2160 • 21h ago
I’m not sure if this situation is usual or not but would like to use your thoughts/help.
My company is a really traditional(conservative) consulting company and has strict rules on dress code. One day I was having a team dinner and this person (35ish F) commented on my fit (28F) “You must have chosen that outfit to catch someone's eye tonight.”
I didn’t know what to say because I didn’t want to get the vibe intense but this disgusting judgement has been bothering me so much.
What could I say to nicely shut her down?
r/confidence • u/Plastic_Mood_8386 • 2d ago
I finally achieved it but now I don't remember why I was gunning for this mindset in the first place. I used to get so upset about losing or being rejected but now I feel literally nothing when it happens. I just accept it and move on.
Is this good? I've heard it is, but I'm not sure if it actually is.
r/confidence • u/Sufficient-Ant-3991 • 2d ago
Ok I have fried my brain talking to too many people about friendship or dating. So many people say don't give energy to a one sided relationship but i feel like that is overused.
I will use my life a particular person as a example. So this person never once text me to hang or prioritize my friendship. However, their body language and actions show that they are open.
However we never text and they do prioritize other relationships over me. Like I don't get invited to inner circle hangouts. And it's winter break and I haven't heard from them. This indicates that if it wasn't for school, we wouldn't talk.
So does that make it a one sided relationship or does that mean have to initiate. I will be honest I have never text them except one time to study. And they said no because they were studying with a guy they like. That's 8 months ago and we weren't as close. But I haven't since. So like I said I'm confused because I want to work on building relationships. Is this good soil and is this how it goes in general with people.
r/confidence • u/Sensitive-Vast-4979 • 3d ago
So i used to be relatively confident , couldn't talk to girls still but I've improved on that but for most of my subjects I'm struggling with confidence, I used to be in the second set (the class based on your intelligence) and I was in the top 3 smartest in the class and now thst I've been moved up to top set now I'm one of the dumbest and it makes me feel self conscious about my intelligence.
Also I feel as if I'm ugly and annoying based off what 1 or 2 people have said but how some act as well .
r/confidence • u/Hopeful-Mud5536 • 3d ago
Anyone else also has this struggle??? Sometimes people pisses you off but you can't immediate think of any good way to shut them down. Then you keep thinking about it for days, while you are eating, walking, and anything else. It's basically just bothering you so much.
Like one day, this person judged my outfit in the office by saying "Casual Friday, not pajamas day"
In my mind I was like b*tch it's not your business but didn't know what to say actually.
How would you respond to sarcastic sh*t like that? And how would you quickly react to similar situations?
r/confidence • u/Peacefulbeing670 • 3d ago
I 18f will be 19 in January. I was hoping to get some insight on specific things that maybe you do on a daily basis that made you grow when it comes to self confidence and self love, embracing and just being happy with the body you’re in and fighting negative thoughts. I know insecurities are normal especially probably around my age, but I’m struggling to build my confidence. I’m severely skinny which also comes with me being rather flat chested and nothing really in my glute area and it’s been a reoccurring topic that numerous people in all types of different relationships all throughout my life up to current day comment on, just a disclaimer this is due to my extremely fast metabolism and just my body being my body. This has taken a big toll on my confidence amongst other things like acne, not feeling feminine enough and feeling like my personality doesn’t make up for what some people might say my “shortcomings“ physically. I’ve been in the most amazing relationship for about almost 6 months and I’m so scared that my insecurities will ruin it, my mind is always racing with “what if he wishes I was different” or “what if he cheats on me with someone he finds prettier”. I have considered finding a good therapist because my own confidence is my issue. Hopefully I can get your guy’s input and help a girl out :)
r/confidence • u/Sufficient-Ant-3991 • 3d ago
I don't know if people have experienced this before. But I am what you call the popular floater/loner friend. Like I am well known but not popular. Friendly but no one puts me in their inner circle. There's benefits to it. Like I can talk to anyone in class and most people know the role I play so they will play along. They will entertain me and carry on a convo. It just ends where it starts once I walk away. Sometimes I am invited to parties. People seem happy to talk to me and I will be in a pictures that they share later. But no one will ever follow up behind it.
One time I got so drunk that I went to the club and started a dance party. Everyone in my class seem to like it. I remember people smiling and dancing along. They even posted me in the group chat. No one and I mean no one talked about it in class except for a few people.
After that, I stop hanging out as much. No ever ask why I don't go out anymore. Tbh, they acted like this before i got drunk so its not surprising. Lol everyone forgot my birthday and when someone found out through snapchat. People scramble to post in the chat that it was my birthday and some people tried to buy me cupcakes. I question all of it because after my birthday was over. People no longer reached out.
So thats a snapshot of my life. How do I fix it?
r/confidence • u/Akashh23_pop • 4d ago
I think part of reason I seem to lack confidence is because I have low self esteem and I think this problem has occurred because I've never really challenged myself and accepted defeat easily. I also didn't go outside comfort zone. I seem to put off tasks and worry all day instead of doing something about it.
r/confidence • u/Mymindisanenigma__ • 4d ago
I (23F) have a few posts about my mom not allowing me to do certain things although im an adult. I am obese (300lb) and for 2025 i decided to set a goal to revive passions of mine I left behind once I started working full time at 19. Learning portuguese, playing piano and the big one is cycling. I have a goal to cycling around 24 miles on my 24th birthday.
I was just in my room watching cycling videos and she came and asked what i was doing. I said watching biking videos.
She then says, “thats stupid, you should be watching something about God that will edify your body!” Then walks away.
Um as ironic as that sounds… she does this with everything. I am very scattered brained about my goals but truly see myself accomplishing them. I enjoy fishing but everytime I bring up going she yells and tell me how dumb i am and how dangerous people are. I dream of visiting brazil and various countries and she says its dumb and i dont care anything about my safety or the state of the world.
I get very discouraged and unmotivated. It affects my work life as well as i don’t have confidence in what my hands can do. My self esteem sucks too.
Ive tried multiple times to express how i feel inside and it’s at a point it’s not even explicable. But an excruciating agony of feeling tied down by a sinking anchor. She just yells and fusses until i give up and cry myself to sleep.
i don’t mention how i take long drives alone to the city just to clear my mind because she would be livid.
People tell me to just say fuck her and do me but its hard for me to. Its not like im out here having casual sex and doing illicit substances
But how can i begin to start living my life? How i want to live it?
r/confidence • u/SearchPast7402 • 4d ago
So i go to this certain cram school where there were very few students present yesterday and only 3 guys were present. me and my 'kind of friend' and his friend.
So when she looked like 3-4 times at the back, I thought what the fuck is happening right now tbh im not that attractive kinda overweight, catfish mustache.
I thought that she was looking after me but i had second guesses but it was when i heard the guys sitting next to me that she's looking at me, well they were whispering to each other and i heard and acted like what are you guys talking about? They didn't say much.
When i noticed her turning back at me I kept a straight face and kept looking at the teacher's notes on the front, and one time when the entire class was laughing i looked at her and said a few words regarding the topic.
Now im confused what to do, should i confront her about the glaze or just carry on with what im doing.
Also a week earlier she approached me for doubts but as soon as i started explaining something happened my legs started shaking and voice started to shiver and the knowledge left my brain and i made a fool out of myself well kind of.
this has never happened to me
r/confidence • u/khaheereya • 4d ago
There’s like 30+ people I haven’t seen in 10 years and it’ll be all at once in a span of 2-3 days.
I want my focus to be on the excitement of seeing everyone again and not myself and my anxiety. I’ve learned that nobody really cares and is paying attention more than myself—folks are so caught up in their own worlds and problems so they really aren’t paying you too much attention. I’m trying to remember these truths and focus on the happiness of seeing everyone instead of myself.
I live alone and work alone—life happens—so its hard not to get out of my own head. But I’ll attempt when I visit.
Do you rehearse and practice what you’ll say, your smile in the mirror, your posture, body language? I think I’m not as bad as I think—I just hate when I’m overwhelmed and feel spastic and go blank or say something I didn’t mean to say because I’m trying to fill the silence.
Do gummies work to calm the nerves? 😅
Edit: I’ll kinda be the center of attention…sigh.
Edit: need to get Christmas shopping done today but i’ll try to reply as much as I can
r/confidence • u/Turbulent-Incident28 • 4d ago
Confidence comes from embracing your unique gifts and talents. Too often, we waste energy trying to be like others or chasing what's trendy, instead of exploring the things that come naturally to us.
For example, I've always been a source of encouragement, a listening ear, and someone people turn to for advice. Instead of taking that for granted, I chose to master this skill through education and practice. When you lean into what you're naturally good at and invest in developing it, confidence grows. Let's talk about discovering your strengths and building a life rooted in them!
r/confidence • u/Wise-Milk-604 • 3d ago
!Trigger Warning!
This post contains sensitive content, which includes child and sexual abuse. I also want to include the number for the suicide crisis helpline for those who require additional support: 988. To protect the minor's identity, no identifying information will be provided, including my own; no names or dates will be shared. The events described herein are well documented, and there is both audio and legal documentation to substantiate the concerns presented. I will carefully consider the legal implications before sharing any supporting information to ensure my protection. It is my belief that the public needs to be made aware of these matters, as I am advocating for adjustments to policies that will enhance child safety. Additionally, I hope to identify avenues of support for the mother. Prior to sharing this information, I obtained the mother’s consent. I am dedicated to advocating for children and social justice; therefore, if anyone wishes to share their experiences and contribute to raising awareness about the need for changes in child protection laws, I encourage you to do so in the comments if you are comfortable.
The mother took her child to the Calgary Children's Hospital following a visit with the father. Upon placing the child in the car seat, the child exhibited significant distress, crying in pain. She kept close observation of her child. During a bath, it became apparent that the child had concerning symptoms, including dilation of both orifices resembling the size of a loonie, a slight tear and evidence of a prolapsed anus. Recognizing the gravity of the situation, the mother contacted support for assistance in taking the child to the hospital.
At the hospital, the child displayed considerable pain, requiring her to be swaddled in a blanket for vital sign assessments and necessitating sedation for a medical examination. Initial evaluations included meetings with a physician and a social worker. Upon viewing the child’s genitalia, the doctor informed the mother that they would perform DNA testing, blood work, take photographs, and notify law enforcement. With the social worker, the mother disclosed finding child pornography in her ex’s possession. The doctor left the room to make calls and had a changed demeanour upon return. He subsequently stated that they would refrain from the aforementioned actions and redirected the mother to a facility named Luna, which was purportedly better equipped for such evaluations (rape kit) but advised her to go the following day.
Upon contacting Luna the next day, the mother was informed that they could not perform evaluations without a physician's referral. This led to distress when the mother later discovered that the attending physician at the Children's Hospital had minimized his findings in the medical report. The documentation minimized the conditions, reporting laxity and redness, stating the mother overreacted over a previously unnoticed skin tag. It was also recorded that the child did not appear to be in pain, despite observable evidence to the contrary, and multiple witnesses confirmed that the child faced difficulties even sitting for an extended period thereafter.
Follow the mother accommodated her child’s hygiene by performing peri-care. The child displayed defensiveness when her genital area was touched, displaying signs of fear. Mother worked with the police, who instructed her to photograph the incident. Eight days post-incident, the mother photographed the affected area, which she presented to law enforcement. It is noteworthy that pediatric healing can occur rapidly, potentially complicating the confirmation of sexual abuse. Nevertheless, the condition observed after eight days prompted police recommendations for a second opinion. I want to mention that this opinion would be based on images as the time period was too far between for a genital examination.
After consulting with a nearby health center, another doctor reviewed the image and requested the mother return the following day for a pediatric evaluation, during which police would also be present. Upon returning, the mother found no pediatrician or law enforcement available. Another physician assessed the child’s vitals and abdominal area and verbally expressed concern over the image taken of the child eight days post-incident. He subsequently contacted the Children’s Hospital, which dismissed abnormalities as likely constipation, despite the mother asserting the child had soft stools and the doctor not detecting obstructions.
It is essential to highlight that during the initial and subsequent visits to the health center, physicians neither directly examined the child's genitalia. The health assessments were limited to vital signs and abdominal palpation. As the child sat on the hospital bed of the health centre, she repeatedly expressed discomfort, verbally, saying, “Owe, owe, owe.” Again, this has been almost two weeks since the Children’s Hospital.
In response to the mother pursuing a second opinion, the Children’s Hospital reported her to Child and Family Services (CFS) on the grounds of purported emotional abuse. CFS was directed to inform the mother she was prohibited from seeking further medical intervention for her daughter.
Two weeks following the initial incident, the child exhibited persistent itching in the genital area, prompting the mother to return to the hospital after being prompted by three different supporters. During this visit, a different doctor undertook a comprehensive examination. The child was again sedated to verify the integrity of her hymen, which thankfully was confirmed as intact.
Treatment included a prescription for medication targeting potential parasitic infections to treat itchiness despite no evidence confirming worms. During this evaluation, the mother disclosed that a police investigation related to child pornography had concluded, proceeding to the King's Bench regarding what charges to be placed on her ex.
However, complications arose when the doctor, in poor taste, documented that the mother expressed concerns regarding the ex awaiting charges that he was unaware of, despite the mother telling the doctor in confidence. This allowed the father to see what was discussed in private. The doctor articulated that if these concerns had been substantiated, they would not be in this current situation, indicating that child protection measures would have been enacted. I want to note that this particular pediatrician had previously received communication from the health center physician and had initially reported the mother to CFS without seeing the child until this point. This interaction with the pediatrician led to further complications with the child protection agency and other emergency professionals.
As the mother previously mentioned, the father was eventually charged with 4 different counts relating to sexual crimes against children. Law enforcement referred to the Children's Hospital’s physician's report to support and advocate for the father in maintaining parental rights over his child. Currently, the father remains prohibited from contact with minors under the age of 16, with the exception of his daughter, who exhibited ongoing signs of potential sexual abuse.
The documented evidence demonstrates that the Children's Hospital’s actions created significant barriers for the mother to secure necessary medical interventions for her daughter during emergencies. The authorities ceased to assist, and CFS treated the mother’s actions with skepticism, leading to concerns about the child being further subjected to abuse.
Faced with these challenges, the mother sought assistance from non-emergency services but was further condemned. I desperately sought assistance and called many local support services to see if they could provide the mother and child with any type of assistance. Due to the complexities, they were unable to assist but did attempt to report stated concerns to CFS, who never followed up.
The child repeatedly returned with noticeably altered genitalia with consistent swelling and dilation and notable behavioural changes. CFS ordered the mother not to take her child for medical intervention relating to the abuse, and despite her attempts to reach out for their assistance to maintain their demands she was met with no response. She was met with similar experiences when reaching out to law enforcement. At this point, she was unaware of what she was to do and concerned if she took any action, it would be met with repercussions.
After a particularly distressing episode, I provided encouraging support to the mother, who hesitantly agreed to seek hospital assistance once more for her child.
During this visit, the mother met with a physician who made a note of whatever flag she was under. He appeared irritated and sighed audibly while saying, “This again?” The mother acknowledged his irritation by expressing she knew he did not see her as credible but to please assist her child. After she presented the physician with images, without saying another word, he respectfully excused himself promptly to seek additional assistance from a pediatrician. To me, this incident confirmed that the discrimination exhibited by the Children’s Hospital contributed to biased perceptions, causing a child to be previously denied care and affecting the overall quality of care amongst different areas of services.
Fortunately, the child was seen by an exceptionally professional pediatrician who addressed the child with compassion. Before examining the child, she analyzed the images of the previous incident and expressed deep concern. She proceeded to educate the mother on the difficulty of confirming sexual abuse, particularly in children. She highlighted and emphasized the importance of ensuring that children are presented for medical evaluation immediately following any potential abuse, regardless of the challenges in confirming such incidents. Timely medical documentation and evaluation is crucial, as it can play a vital role in assessing and managing the child's care.
She continued to educate that medical is unable to confirm sexual abuse unless there are visible tears or semen present that can be collected. She instructed the mother to seek immediate medical attention during any future occurrences of suspected abuse and even behaviour changes. She assured the mother that she would make a note for other medical professionals to see with instructions to document their observations thoroughly.
Despite the comprehensive nature of these accounts, the mother continues to face scrutiny and barriers within child welfare systems. While no definitive conclusion can be drawn regarding the allegations of abuse, the prevailing circumstances indicate that the child remains vulnerable, as the mother finds herself navigating the failing systems as she supports her daughter’s needs.
Shortly thereafter, the mother was visited by CFS, who informed her that she was once again under investigation for emotional abuse. They stated, “There has been direction historically from medical professionals that you are not supposed to take her in again because nothing has been found in the regards of those concerns.” Consequently, she was once again subjected to an investigation due to her decision to take her child to the hospital following another incident of potential assault.
The pediatrician had concerns but was limited to help based on set policies that failed to protect children. This investigation occurred despite the fact that a medical professional had advised her to seek care. The Children’s Hospital's previous directives implied that she could not bring her child to the hospital, even in light of documented discrepancies noted by a pediatrician and specific instructions indicating the necessity for further evaluation when confronted with similar concerns.
They seemed to prioritize concerns regarding the mother's decision to seek medical attention for her daughter in relation to potential emotional abuse rather than addressing the more pressing issue of the child’s exposure to an individual who had been charged with four counts related to harm against children, thereby potentially subjecting a child to further abuse and removing protective barriers which maintain a vulnerable child’s safety. They also ignore signs of child returning with bruising, without items of clothing, lethargic, disoriented, and among other concerns which are minimized or disregarded.
I want to emphasize that in accordance with the Child, Youth and Family Enhancement Act, the Convention on the Rights of the Child, and the standards of practice set forth by the College of Physicians & Surgeons of Alberta, as well as the Alberta College of Social Workers, professionals are prohibited from denying or restricting care to patients, particularly within vulnerable populations such as children. These professionals are responsible for adhering to the laws, advocating for children's rights, and working toward reforming injustice policies. What I have observed in my perception constitutes a direct violation of both the child's and the guardian's human rights. Furthermore, the Provincial Policing Standards state, "No one is above the law," underscoring the obligation to uphold justice and accountability.
r/confidence • u/Penalty_Designer • 4d ago
Have you ever noticed situation when you don’t know what to say but what do really care about the current situation? It can be independently from the area e.g. at the work where you want to provide an input or with friends when you truly appreciate something but don’t know what to say.
Do you have it too? How do you handle it? How it can be improved? Is it something to do with the confidence, maybe lack of knowledge or even something else?
I appreciate your feedbacks!
r/confidence • u/Acceptable_Yak_9278 • 6d ago
It seems like all of the guys in my college either have a girlfriend or talk to a bunch of girls. I haven’t talked to any girls so far outside of class and the only one I talked to was because we were in the same group. I don’t really have any self confidence, cause even though I go to the gym I don’t have much muscle, and I’m also boring as fuck so I mostly just stay inside my dorm all day. I’m ok at talking to people for like the first five minutes, but then things always get awkward because I never know what to say, which is probably important cause girls love talking. All I want is to start a family and have kids, but I’ve never kissed a girl or even held a girl’s hand. Is it bad that I get a hopeless feeling in my heart whenever I see an attractive girl instead of excitement or joy? Should I be feeling something different? I don’t know. All I know is I’m definitely doing something wrong. Someone please help
r/confidence • u/Accurate-File1600 • 5d ago
I’ve played soccer since I was a little kid and i love it and used to be really good at it but since joining my high schools soccer team I’ve struggled to compete in the simplest tasks. In my first year I had gotten shin splints effecting about everything I did on/off the ball and I started noticing me improving way less. After that year I thought I was going to do better but now I’ve gotten myself a sore hip flexor, I can’t wait out practices or games, and no matter what I do I can’t do anything to fix it. I can’t even shoot a simple goal anymore or dribble (something I used to be great at). It sounds really dumb but I swear it’s effecting how I am even outside of soccer. Im constantly in my own head with things that have nothing to do with soccer and I’m falling behind in school. I’m to a point where I just want to give up on soccer entirely but I don’t even know who I’d be without it because it used to be the only thing giving me confidence and without id feel empty but failing in it is making me feel even worse. Everytime I sneeze or cough or jump or run my hip hurts reminding me of soccer and how I’ve dropped so much on who Ive used to be and I just can’t do anything but keep trying and getting worse and worse and feeling like a disappointment in something I love and I feel like it hates me which sounds stupid to say but I swear nothing can go my way. I struggle to talk to girls I like, I’m quieter in class, and just anything that takes the smallest bit of confidence makes me nervous that I’m going to fail somehow and embarrass myself in front of people I care what think of me. I’m sorry for making it so long but if somebody could help me somehow I’d be so eternally grateful
r/confidence • u/Mad_Prog_1 • 6d ago
For years, I’ve been struggling with connecting with people, especially when it is not in person. Since graduating several years ago and reaching out to reconnect, I’ve been ignored a lot. I would send a quick message and say I hope things are well or congrats on the marriage, job, kids, etc. and never hear back, even though it says they have seen it.
I just don’t get it. You would think, even if I didn’t study with them or even know them as well, they would at least acknowledge it or say thanks. I would think people of similar backgrounds or interests might want to spend a few minutes with it. Likewise, I can’t think of me doing anything that would justify them going no contact. I can only think of one time where I got upset at someone and told them to F off, before coming back a few minutes later and apologizing. I know I shouldn’t have done that, but they must have pretty thin skin if that is the worst they have heard.
I know people are busy and have their own problems, but that excuse doesn’t impress me. My life has been very easy compared to so many, but it still had its difficulties. I’ve worked full time since I was 22, and was in school or working part time since I was 18. I’ve struggled with OCD, migraines, job loss, work stress, school stress, rejection. I grew up with loving parents, but money was often tight and this caused a lot of disagreement. I think much of the issue was my dad had undiagnosed ADHD and dyslexia. He lost his job after getting quite sick with Hep. C (back when chemo was the only treatment). Thankfully, he got better. My mom had breast cancer more recently, but thankfully it was caught early and treated. Sorry if that was a bit of a rant, but it felt good getting it out. And I should mention that I have never told anyone of those things, so it’s not like I’m trying to dump that on them.
But despite that, I still make time for people. I would still get back to someone who reached out to me, even if it is just a sentence. Sometimes I did it out of feeling interested. Other times, it was out of politeness.
I feel like there are only two reasons that it could be:
So, what do you think it is? Should I take a more neutral approach to people, or is it just that some people don’t how else to say no? Or am I just dealing with assholes?
Update: Everyone, thank you for the advice and information. It really has clarified things. I think I was feeling overwhelmed that day and I just had to dump all my feelings here. I've also realized that I wasn't always the best at getting back at people (though I usually did, even if it was a week later).
In the past, I had a lot of issues with being lonely, especially when away from my family. I felt weak, scared, hurt. I was clawing out in almost desperation for validation and friendship. I feel better now about things, feeling more confident in my abilities, work, sexuality, as well as physically feeling better with a better diet and exercise.
For one of the people I contacted, maybe he will get back, as he's taken well over a week in the past, and I know the holidays are tough and busy. I think what might have hurt about that one was that I essentially developed a bit of a crush on him. When I knew him, I had no attraction. But looking back, seeing old photos of him back when he was my age now (he's about 7 years older than me), I started to imagine being at least his friend. I've never had a sexual fantasy about another man before, and that was very intense, pleasurable, even transformative. I never let on my feelings towards him (or anyone regarding my identity), but it might have clouded my feelings a bit.
I know I have to go forward. I will still always be friendly, open, and willing to talk anytime about anything. I would rather be a little too friendly and learn from the experience rather than be the hurt, angry, and frustrated person I often was in the past. It literally feels physically good to open my heart and be okay with getting scratched up, like my heart doesn't have to pump as hard.
As an aside...
I think the other thing is that by being so close to my parents, it has made me a bit old-fashioned when it comes to interacting with people. They grew up in an era before answering machines and caller id. You always answered the phone, and unless you were going to just hang up on someone (which you just didn't do unless they did something really offensive), you were essentially expected to hold a conversation with them. Maybe it was better, maybe worse than today, but it is what people did.
Just the other day, my mom got a bit pissed off about my cousin (her niece). And she's the type of person who is nice to a fault. She had messaged her a few times, and eventually came right out and asked "Why are you ghosting me?" My mom felt insulted, and it doesn't help that my cousin came from a wealthier family than us, so it feels like a bit of snobbery, which it very well could be. Not making excuses for her treating mom like this. Mom was genuinely concerned about her, including the fact my cousin sometimes didn't treat her own parents (mom's sister) all that well, and that my cousin has struggled with being bi-polar. She had talked with with her quite a bit in the past, often giving her emotional support, so I do see how it can feel a bit like being used. But it is an interesting highlight about how someone born in the 1950s handles communication different than someone from the 1990s.
r/confidence • u/Horror_Meeting9674 • 5d ago
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r/confidence • u/kundaliniredneck1 • 6d ago
But I was reflecting on what would truly give me confidence and I came up with a weird answer, abs. I’ve always been in mostly decent shape but I just decided that I’m going to shoot for a fully visible 6 pack. Seems like a good goal for the new year. Thoughts?
r/confidence • u/damonky23 • 7d ago
What is the difference between confidence and optimism of the future?
Here’s some context: I (25M) decided to pivot careers early on. Two years ago, I was ahead of the curve and scored a fairly high position purely through hard work and being smarter than the last guy. I was liked, appreciated, had a pretty comfortable income and a very pretty picture of the future was painted for me of future promotions by upper management. For lack of a better term, I was being groomed for leadership down the line in a quickly growing small business. About 3 colleagues of mine had very private and personal talks about turning back. They said I was too young and I should explore other careers before I get stuck like they did. I took that to heart and it hit me like a truck. I don’t think their words convinced me but I remembered the things I was passionate about and what I wanted to do before. So, basically I threw away the two years of work prior, and quit and for what it’s worth I 100% know that was the right move.
That was kind of a hard reset. Moved back with my parents and had a slow year compared to what I was used to. Felt like a bum. But things are starting to pick up again. While I am not confident in my self right now. Im making a lot of changes. I’m losing weight, greatly improving hygiene and grooming, honing my hobbies, and most importantly, in school again. As awesome as these things are, I have nothing to show for it. Went from being ahead of the pack to being a bartender living with the parents. That’s a weight on the confidence for sure.
So basically I feel like Bitcoin in 2009. Give me some time and I know I’ll be amazing. It’s not about comparing myself to others. I just mean I have this faith and optimism in myself. I know I will be exactly where the teenage me dreamt of being in 3-4 years time. But as of right now, I’m kind of a nobody. I lack confidence and almost ashamed of where I am at. People can tell I lack confidence right now. I’m nervous even around old friends of mine. I’ve received fairly constructive comments on my demeanor. Does anyone have any advice on how I can translate that optimism into confidence now?
r/confidence • u/SingleCoconut7536 • 8d ago
Have had shaky hands for as long as I remember. At first i thought it was my diet, shaped it up and it didn’t help. Then i thought it was anxiety but got help and still hasn’t revolved. Last guess was maybe a general lack of confidence, has anyone ever had physical symptoms as a lack of confidence?