I have agoraphobia and achieved a lot of goals to get rid of it this year. Even went to a club alone. But after this success I realized that I find most people absolutely boring. I’m very open and don’t judge people by their appearance but when smalltalk starts I’m out.

As most people like to meet new people this has to be my own problem but how do I solve it??? Maybe I should become a better conversation starter to get over smalltalk soon but then?

Is it too personal to ask for their job right at the beginning? I can mostly get some topics out of that.

What is a good topic/wuestion to start that is not too personal but not smalltalk?

Imagine a safe place where you can join a group of people where you can try out different moves / skills. And multiple people will give you real-time feedback on how you're coming off, inviting playful experimentation. I'm thinking about creating one. Anyone would be interested?

Edit: And how much would you pay for something like this?

what tricks or realizations made you relax around people?

Hello Reddit,

I have noticed a trend and am curious as to your thoughts.

If I reach out to “friends,” co-workers, etc. and ask how their Christmas went, or how their day is going, how their recent move went, or whatever, they usually answer in one-word responses or very brief sentences. And they do not reciprocate and ask me the same question…it’s pretty clear that they are only interested in themselves and not interested in conversing or hearing what I have to say. The conversation just ends there and I’m left frustrated. Not everybody does this, but it seems like a lot of people do.

Aren’t people supposed to reciprocate in a conversation like this? Is it ridiculous that I expect people to converse and go back-and-forth and actually talk to me?

Any feedback is appreciated. Thanks in advance.

Something I've become more acutely aware of in the last couple of years is that when I meet new people, we get along fine. But after a while I can begin to detect that they dislike me - they avoid me generally. I've never got into any kinds of argument. I don't talk about anyone behind their back. I'm not super negative. I don't say anything unkind. I'm not arrogant. Yet after a while I always seem to feel there is something about me people don't like.

On the whole I am a quiet person. However, I do go out of my way to speak to people in work etc. But still they don't really want to talk to me.

I know this isn't a lot to go on. I'd ask a friend, but ... i don't really have any.

Anyone else experienced anything similar?

Sometimes I’ll wake up and be like oh fuck it’s one of those days… small talk doesn’t come naturally, neither do jokes, things fly over my head, even chatting with friends can feel grueling, in fact my my head is just devoid of thoughts for the most part.

On other days I’m like a talk show host on crack effortlessly cracking quips and puns and I could sell ham at a bat mitzvah.

The curious thing is that this isn’t contingent on factors you might suspect; sleep, diet, exercise, stress really don’t seem to have much effect.

It’s possible that I’m hypomanic but it doesn’t seem to impact anything besides my social skills so I doubt it.

I try not to let it steer me off course - even when I’m feeling off I try to hold firm to any social commitments, dates, parties etc but it’s tough.

I know everyone has good and bad days and social skills can vary to some degree but does anyone else experience more significance variations?

I don’t spend a lot of time with groups of people, but during Christmas, I spent some time with family; and my brother and uncle were making fun of my partner and I. My male partner who is on the shorter side and me being female being on the bigger side, they said that my partner chose me because he needed a bouncer to defend him.

At the time, I did not know how to react and laughed it off because this is not the first time they made fun of me or someone else in the family as a way to “have fun”. But I wonder if me being offended is because I’m too sensitive and taking things too seriously, or is this thing where people make fun of others to “socialize” is taken too far?

Why do people do that? And why does everyone laugh? I don’t find it funny and felt like I should laugh along to keep the peace.

Normally I’m always anxious, but I’ve found that being more deliberate , giving myself more time to think and also just listening more have all improved my conversational skills. Which has helped me during small talk, I’m in a much better spot now than I was at the beginning of the year.

I want to build on this, but it feels good to be in this spot after feeling hopeless. Sharing my experience, maybe it’ll help one of you guys too!

2025 is almost here, and social skills can open so many doors—better connections, smoother conversations, and less awkward silences. What’s your game plan for leveling up socially this year? Share your thoughts or ideas!

It's so annoying and I get so much cognitive dissonance and emotional pain from it. People always describe me in superlatives like "he's such a nice/handsome/smart guy etc.". Like I genuinely can't remember the last time someone non jokingly criticized me for my behaviour. Yet I can almost never find new friends or people who'd like to have anything to do with me. It almost always ends on me being ghosted or just abandoned for no apparent reason. For example literally the last girl I was talking to me rejected my advances yet still wanted to be friends, to which I agreed. Few days later she basically politely told me to fuck off while calling me an "extremely handsome, smart and cool guy with almost no negative traits". And that's just one of many examples. I feel like I am going insane and I don't know what I am doing wrong. Sometimes I just wish someone straight up called me a piece of shit and listed all my sins. Then I'd at least know what to fix...

So recently my older brother has been verbally abuse to my mom and sometimes damages things in the house out of Pettiness he is also a very narcissistic gaslighter he has beaten me and my sister when we were younger and had been arrested at 16 for stomping on my back when I was 10, and even a year ago he had recently attacked me with a knife because I told him to get out of my room though I wasn’t really in the right either but who would ever try to stab there lil brother. Anyways he ended up cutting a tenant my thumb when edging his knife between my thumb and index finger. So this kid has caused many traumatic events in this house when my father wasn’t around. So anyways this one night he had ended up arguing with my mom because there was a lack of food even though he wasn’t even supposed to be at the house and that he needed a job because all he did was stay home smoke weed and play 2K on his PlayStation while constantly gaslighting my mom and manipulating her. And while he was arguing with my mother he threw out our dinner she was making and called her a cunt while I ended up confronting him and arguing with him while my mom was threatening to call the cops because he had a warrant out for his arrest already so he ended up leaving for the night not without him trying to lure me outside to catch the fade with him though I denied even though I was confident I would give him the works. Come the next morning and he ended up sneaking into the apartment through the window and started insulting me and my mom. And called me a pussy and insecure, and that I will never be an mma fighter (I been training muy Thai and boxing for the last 7 months and wrestling for 4 years). So once he said I wish you would hit me kid. And I gave him the Left hook of death chinNed him cold and got on top of him holding him he was out for about 10 seconds before stumbling up and my mom pushing him out the door I felt so relived and guilty at the same time. It’s been a week since the event happened and he keeps trying get me to spar him downstairs and keeps tryna taunt me though I don’t wanna do damage him to because I know he is a fragile little man though I don’t understand if it’s just his ego thinking he can still beat me or he is just embarrassed, Help me out here guys. And how do me and my mom deal with this without police

I honestly just don't know even anymore I'm sick of it like why was I born just be called ugly unattractive by strangers people I know from school high school etc I'm legit sick of its been my entire fucking life now I'm numb I wonder why I'm such nice person but the moment I tried to express anything more then friendship it's ew your ugly ew gross or ew your hideous why would you even ask..

I find this sub really useful in terms of improving social skills of all kinds. But what's with the vaguely misanthropic posts? 'i hate small talk', 'i find xyz type of person annoying' etc. What's the point of posting that? You can't be advised out of disliking something and there's a massive difference between 'I hate X's and 'I'm terrible at X but want to get better'. Maybe we need a 2nd sub-Reddit for that stuff.

So I have a Narcissist family member in a foreign country, who messaged me on Facebook after a long time, initially he thought he could manipulate me to invest money with him…but I blocked him, which made him very angry and went to my parents to ask for my phone number and he kept asking them but they didn’t give him because I told them not to.

He ended up faking a document that requests phone number, address, work, etc and he said it’s very important for his kids and he gave it to my father and said that I must fill it or his kids application will be refused.

I faked my address and other info but my father has my phone number and he gave it to him…

I think In his mind he won because he thinks he got my phone number and (wrong) info despite me rejecting to give him this info.

I'm not sure what he might do next but, should I change my phone number because I think he will call at some point or should I wait or what should I do ?

Thank you

I can make people laugh and help conversation get going in groups and I thought people enjoyed my company.

My social confidence has definitely improved massively which I’m forever grateful for.

But socialising is so confusing: I thought I was finally confident and people wanted to talk to me but sometimes it seems the complete opposite.

How do I know if I’m boring and if people actually like me?

I’ve been told people’s opinions of me through others but why can’t people just say it directly?😂

I don’t think anyone would reach out to me over text/call if I didn’t first.

I know the online world is something completely different but it hurts when all your chats are practically empty.

I actually don't know how to turn it off.

I'm an introvert (or at least I think I am??), and usually enjoy doing things alone (or with family only). I enjoy being in my room alone, walking home from school alone, buying things alone, etc.

but for some reason, whenever I'm in public, I'm like an "extrovert"

I'm talkative with others, I tend to talk with people a lot, from quiet peeps to loud ones. I can approach anyone, I'm friendly with everyone and everyone is friendly with me.

I'm even one of the loudest in the classroom at school, I tend to do reckless things (e.g. skipping classes, getting scolded by our lecturers for doing smth in class, etc.)

the thing is, I wasnt like this before. I was generally one of the quietest ppl in school, but I just wanted to try being more open I guess, and suddenly I came from going home after class immediately to coming home from going to a random place two hours away from our city.

its so draining and I want to go back, but I cant help it 😞😞 I just automatically turn into a social butterfly in public.

What’s the ice breaker. I don’t smoke anymore so my icebreaker is gone. Lol. Want to meet people. But don’t even know how. 42M

I've noticed that even though I've improved a lot in social skills certain questions still trigger me. Especially asking about areas of my life where I'm not going to live up to the social norms. I know that literally just saying anything is better than getting defensive or otherwise "being weird about it", but it's like my brain just has gotten fixated over certain questions over the years as "they are prying, they are judging, it's society, f*** them" and it's like I just can't think about it clearly or avoid giving a weird response.

Has anyone dealt with this successfully?

My best guess is that just decide what you want to say ahead or time and practice in front of a mirror. Or "more meditation, less coffee". Arrgh.

I don't know why I feel like I don't gel with my own family. A good portion of my family, who are around my age of 20-30 are super into raves while I am not. Whenever there's always a family gathering like yesterday in Christmas, they just talk about raves and all the fun they have, talking about the drugs they have tried. Then there's me, I am not really into them and never went to one before. I'm more about going to the gym, and trying to up my education so I can get into a career I want, while also being into cars; owning a 2007 Mitsubishi Evolution 9 MR myself. The only person in my family that's within the age range that's also not into raves is my older sister, saying she would rather relax at home and be more productive. But still, I feel like considering my interests of trying to make myself physically fit and self-improvement and being into cars, just makes me feel like an outsider to a good portion of my relatives that are just into raves.

Hello, I am 22F. I usually have been shy with a lot of problems to socialise, like how to start a conversation, how to keep it and how to finish it, awkward attitude, and very silent. I recommend you to learn some " security sentences" for the possible situations that makes you more anxious, ChatGPT it's a good advicer and trainer. ( I always ask him my doubts) Today, I feel that my beliefs have changed. I don't have any interest in giving a good impression to people who are literally nothing to me. I am really starting to lose that fear of judgement, It is just that don't give a simple fuck about them. I think that these years of pure insecurity makes me so tired. It happens, I promise.

When chatting with someone you're not very familiar with, and the other person is very enthusiastic and talkative, but their topics make you feel a bit uncomfortable, how can you end the conversation naturally without making them feel awkward?

It often seems that an untimely rejection can make me appear tense in social situations.

I’m genuinely just curious. What are some reasons that you stare at someone that you don’t know in public?

What are some unique and engaging conversation starters for texting, other than the usual ones like "How are you doing?" or "How's your day/week going?"

This is my first post ever on Reddit, I saw the community is really helpful so I´ll try to give it a go. Just to let you guys know, English is not my first language.

I am a fairly good looking, somewhat smart guy with tons of hobbies and things I love to talk about. I am really passionate about learning things but one of the things I couldn't really ever learn is social skills.

Since I was little I always had trouble socializing. I always made acquaintances, but rarely has it ever progressed to a full blown friendship. I do have character flaws, sometimes I come off as arrogant even tho is not my intention. I have strong facial features, like thick eyebrows, strong gaze, and general demenour that comes of as a bit structured (My family comes from the navy).

I obviously know about these things and how that may be detrimental to socializing, so I´ve been trying to moderate it for the last 4 to 5 years with unstable results. As time passes by I fear that I am just unlikable, not as a low self esteem statement, but just a characteristic, like being blonde or having dark eyes. I´ve read a couple of books about the topic, watched uncountable videos and tried to dissect the subject, but with little success.

One things I do have success is with women and I groove just fine with them, but men in particular is more difficult, I yet have to find a close male friend, or a small group. I would love to go on vacations with them, or go clubbing or just do guy stuff, but one way or another it feels like something is off.

For example, one things that no one ever does is ask for my Instagram. I feel like I always have to ask for the other person socials. I´ve never had lots of acquaintances on instagram, and everyone else always seem to follow everyone they meet and get followed back. For example, friends in high school have eachother in their socials since like forever (all of them follow each other one), and I only have 6 or 7 of them added, and on top of that, of the few people that I do have added, I have noticed that as years go by they even begin to unfollow me. Sometimes I dont take it personally, since I see that they deleted other people too, but sometimes they just unfollow me, and It does hit a nerve. And sometimes people that unfollow me happen to be someone that I had a stronger connection with, and then it really hurts. It is like people slowly and steadily reject me, almost as if I am being singled out, because damn that is what is feels. I try to be likeable, I try to not be needy, or arrogant, I try to study my behaviour and catch what may come off as unlikable, but it just wont work. And I´ve tried to be authentic, I just wont work, normal people just dont vibe the same way I do. Sometimes I feel like its targeted only to me and I go crazy just analyzing what it may be.

And it is a me thing, I am the common denominator. I´ve always been "special", a rare type of guy, not in a bad way, all of the contrary. I have got tons of compliments about being smart, handsome and interesting, but rarely I got a situation where friends come effortlessly, like some people do. I see how people slowly unfriend me, stop talking to me, and I have been becoming ever more increasingly isolated. I dont pretend to be the most popular guy, I just want to have a normal experience.

And I do make the effort, again, without coming off as creepy or needy (maybe I do but I dont recognize it). I ask questions, get geniunly interested in the other person, make the first step, invite them for a beer, being funny. But even tho I check all the classic steps, they dont reciprocate. I mean, they have a great time, but never have I have gotten a follow up text or call to make plans again...Its as if I dont keep trying, the relationship dies right there. Again, they dont even ask for my socials, like EVERYONE does, it is as normal as drinking water. Guys at the gym have each other added even tho they are acquaintances, I just dont know how to bridge that step, again I already try, so asking for socials on top of everything else seems a bit needy and I just stick to reciprocating their attitudes, If they dont try, I guess it is because they dont want to, and It would be a mistake to keep pushing.

Anyways, it is an ever repeating pattern that I cant seem to grasp. Maybe it is just that I am unlikable, I know people that are like that, it justs scares me the fuck out to just accept that I have to live with that "stigma" my whole life.

Thanks for reading! I would love to read your opinions and feel free to ask anything, there are surely things I left out. Cheers!

My school life is over and now the only stuff that is left is giving pratical and my final examinations and in HS I hated that I couldn't find any people in my school to vibe with despite not being an introvert or socially awkward. I always tried to talk to other people be polite etc and still I always felt people ignored tf out of me I didn't knew what I was doing wrong it felt so bad that despite putting efforts and having good intentions no one really cared to talk to me and consider me their friend that's y I hope I find my tribe in college.

Also I'm not a people Pleaser or anything like that I am extremely self assured( worked on my personality and mindset a lot), outgoing. All I ever want is to have fun and make connections with people but I keep facing this issue for God knows what reason.

I have posted this same question in r/college just the question is different.