r/KidsAreFuckingStupid 1d ago

story/text Way to be subtle!

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47.7k Upvotes

95 comments sorted by

1.6k

u/RidiculousPapaya 1d ago

One of my presents was revealed a few weeks ago. My 4yo walked in the door with my wife and said, "Daddy, I picked a Christmas present for you. It's a surprise! It's dice, do you want to see them?"

My wife tried explaining what a surprise meant, but he was too excited. I just laughed and told him "Thanks, buddy! But I'll open them on Christmas day."

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u/PatchesTheFirst 1d ago

Dice tax!

674

u/RidiculousPapaya 1d ago

He picked them out himself haha. Pizza dice!

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u/AutomaticFennel1658 1d ago

I guess you're raising RidiculousPapaya, Jr. correctly. You should be proud. 

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u/RedWizard92 1d ago

I look forward to the update when he gets his first dice set. When I first got into gaming my younger brother played my Dad's familiar.

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u/Cuminmymouthwhore 1d ago

I have 0 use for dice in my life....

But if you know where your 4 yo got these bad boys, I need a link!

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u/-Gurgi- 11h ago

Careful. No one chooses to become a dice goblin, it just happens.

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u/ToujoursFidele3 1d ago

That's a fantastic gift!

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u/AbstractStew5000 1d ago

They are magnificent dice. I don't have any like that.

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u/Shitposting-User 23h ago

You must be a great dad if this was your present.

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u/DtownBronx 1d ago

Around the same age I took my daughter to pick something out for her mom, the whole drive I tried talking about anything but what we bought her in hopes it would be forgotten. I even gave her a lol doll to open to keep her distracted. She runs straight into the house with her partially opened lol, crawls straight into her mom's lap and says I got you a robe, can you help me with this? Then on Christmas morning when her mom opens the other gift that kid hadn't been consulted on she was very adamantly claiming mom opened the wrong gift because it wasn't a robe.

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u/PopTrogdor 1d ago

I had this same thing when my boy was 4. They bought them online (my wife and him) in the living room, I was in the kitchen, and afterwards he just walked in and told me and when we told him he just burst into tears saying he was sorry he ruined everything.

Broke my heart. But luckily I actually forgot what he had bought me, and it was a genuine surprise when I opened them!

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u/ngjackson 1d ago

Reminds me of that sweet little video where the baby boy is absolutely REFUSING to tell dad what he got for christmas. Will not say it, even though dad's saying it's okay to, cause he doesn't want to upset mum. But then dad would say "did my shirt get delivered today?" And kiddo nods yes. Just can't put two and two together, it's so sweet 😂

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u/sth128 1d ago

Dice? Like the cube with different numbers on each side? Or like D&D dice so nice you go American Psycho?

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u/gathayah 1d ago

This is amazing

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u/CaRiSsA504 1d ago

Most of my cousins are much younger than I am. The story I have is in regards to the cousin born when i was 16. Fast forward to when he was about 3 and just adored me lol, he woke up early Christmas morning and unwrapped EVERYTHING in his house. Luckily he was an only child at the time lol. Well, my aunt spent Christmas morning frantically re-wrapping everything. All that effort....

... only for later at my grandma's for dinner, my cousin runs up to me and whispers "Do you want to know what we got you for Christmas?".
Me: It's okay, we're going to unwrap gifts after everyone eats. Cousin: but do you want me to tell you?
Me: No, it's supposed to be a surprise!
I don't remember what the gift was, but he told me anyway 😂

It's about this time my aunt noticed him whispering to me and me stealing glances at her. She comes over to ask me if he told me what my christmas gift is. Cousin is already GONE, he's run off to other mischief lol. I tell my aunt yes, but i'll act surprised.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is not the first nor last time that I saw my aunt throw her hands up and chase after that kid. He was a hoot but i probably only think that because i wasn't the one chasing after him 24/7/365!!!!!

9

u/Pls_PmTitsOrFDAU_Thx 1d ago

I did something similar when I was 4. Me and my dad got my mom a surprise. My dad hid it in the cabinet so my mom would see it when she opened it.

As soon as my mom got home I apparently started jumping and loudly telling my mom NOT to look in the cabinet lmao

1.4k

u/SpamDirector 1d ago

My brother said he was going out shopping for himself right after my dad and I got home from Christmas shopping when I was like 9-10, probably younger. I told him to be careful and not buy something big like a TV, and I kept emphasizing TV.

My dad stopped bringing me Christmas shopping after that year.

333

u/Darkboi98105 1d ago

Did you get a TV?

493

u/SpamDirector 1d ago edited 1d ago

We got him a TV. Though he did gift that same TV to me a couple years later when he got a new one.

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u/drunk_kronk 1d ago

So he was just gritting his teeth and baring it for those couple of years

81

u/SpamDirector 1d ago

He did actually want a TV since he didn't have one for his playstation. I worried he'd just buy himself one before we got the chance to gift him it. When he bought his new one a few years later, he found out I didn't have a TV for mine and gifted me it instead of tossing it.

Didn't mean that kind of regifting, but it sounds funnier with that interpretation.

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u/itsKevv 1d ago

Imagine if he came home and found you swallowing the TV whole. That would’ve certainly ruined Christmas for everyone!

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u/callmefreak 1d ago edited 20h ago

One year I wanted a mirror to see my entire body in since I couldn't do that with the bathroom mirror and my mom got one and wrapped it in front of my little brother. (I was probably playing at a friend's house at the time.) When I came home and saw the big, rectangular shaped gift he was like "that gift rhymes with "irror!" He pronounced it like ee-er to make it sound like "mirror" as much as possible.

Edit for context since I didn't explain it very well: He was a toddler- maybe four at the time. We usually pronounce it as "meer," but he wanted to tell me what it was without telling me what it was by exaggerating every syllable. Like if the word was "horror" he would've said "Or-Er!" with a small pause between the two syllables.

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u/DharmaCub 1d ago

...do you pronounce it meer-er? It's Mihr-er

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u/whimsical_trash 1d ago

I pronounce both those spellings the exact same

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u/americangame 1d ago

It's pronounced Nikolaj.

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u/TheSaiguy 1d ago

Nikolaj?

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u/cvsprinter1 1d ago

No, Nikolaj.

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u/TheSaiguy 1d ago

I feel like I'm saying it right

1

u/cookiequeen324 6m ago

almost there: nikolaj

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u/DharmaCub 1d ago

Ih and Ee sound nothing alike. One is a short I and one is a long E. What are you talking about?

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u/Mushgal 1d ago

English isn't phonetically consistent, this thing y'all native speakers do to try to convey pronunciations is conceptually stupid. Learn some IPA.

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u/ngjackson 1d ago

I'm a non-native speaker. I worked at a primary school for a while, as a TA. I learnt English through reading and hearing it on TV, so I learnt to pronounce stuff almost mechanically. Imagine my face, trying to simulatenously learn and teach these kids phonics/diagraphs/trigraphs. I probably looked like this the whole time:

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u/whimsical_trash 1d ago

Are you English? English tend to gatekeep pronunciation. And assume everyone pronounces letters the exact same way

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

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u/Master_Bat_3647 1d ago

Mirror absolutely does not rhyme with terror?

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

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u/Chrisf1020 1d ago

Whatever helps you sleep at night buddy

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u/jazzzhandz 1d ago

Mirror 100% rhymes with clearer

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u/just_momento_mori_ 1d ago

Mihr-er” rhymes with “terror”

Woah woah woah, I was following the argument just fine until you came out with this nonsense. Terror rhymes with fairer.

5

u/callmefreak 1d ago

He was a toddler. Maybe four? He probably didn't know how to say "mirror" correctly, let alone "irror."

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u/Alice_In_Hell_ 1d ago

See in my specific states dialect, it comes out as “meer” more often than not. Don’t even get me started on when we try to say horror.

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u/Ok_Astronaut7352 10h ago

If you say you like horror films, do people think you mean Pretty Woman?

1

u/Alice_In_Hell_ 6h ago

You know, I’m lucky if they assume pretty woman

3

u/Pls_PmTitsOrFDAU_Thx 1d ago

Hhahah from bus thread and personal experience, it seems like this happens a lot at 4 years old

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u/DivaDragon 1d ago

One time I was in the car with my aunt and she asked, jokingly I now realize, if I knew what my Grandma had gotten her for Christmas. I knew she wanted a new vacuum, and I knew my Grandma had gotten her a vacuum, so naturally my stupid ass said " oh I bet she got you a vacuum!". MyGrandma was also in the car and she just kind of froze and I instantly realized my mistake so I said "no, I'm just messing with you I'm sorry, I know you're really gonna love it, but it isn't a vacuum". She believed me, only to be delighted and completely surprised on Christmas to open the vacuum. The moral of the story is (checks notes) earn the favor of the adults in your life by lying to them! No...wait....shit

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u/Fisecraft 1d ago

Every time i have to get gifts for someone i say something like this but in the end its not that object

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u/notaspecialuser 1d ago

Give ‘em the ol’ razzle dazzle

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u/docrandol 1d ago

When my son was about 4, we bought his mom a watch for Christmas. A day or two later, said to her "What do you want for Christmas?... Say 'A watch'"

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u/Starlettohara23 1d ago

On Mother’s Day my husband and kids brought me breakfast in bed, my 5 year old son enthusiastically asked “Should we give Mom her new bike?” It’s been our gold standard saying about gifts for years.

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u/MagScaoil 1d ago

When my son was three, he greeted my wife when she got home by shouting, “Mommy, we got you a coat!” He had so much fun helping me pick it out, he couldn’t wait.

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u/BeginningAccording16 1d ago

Reminds me of when me and my mom bought my older sister a really nice backpack for her birthday because her current one at the time was falling apart, and for the next few days I kept asking her about her current backpack and saying how nice it would be for her to get a new one. 🤦

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u/Pretend-Theory-1891 1d ago

My partner is always playing with our 4yo’s kinetic slime, it’s like a stress ball for her, so I got her some essential oil infused “therapy dough” for Christmas. When it came he asked what it was and had to explain it was like his slime, “but not slime”

I wrapped it up and put it under tree and as soon as she got home he runs over to her and yells “daddy got you a new present under the tree! It’s not slime!” Hahaha

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u/Successful-Purple-54 1d ago

Plot twist. He bought you a bird. Thus making you the bird feeder.

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u/ShamFrancisco 1d ago

For Father's Day, I gave my dad hints to what his gift was. Let's see if any of you can decipher them: It's silver and it pops up toast

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u/frickyourtofu 1h ago

hmmm thats a reallt cryptic one. maybe a bicycle.

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u/Ok-Syrup-2837 1d ago

One Christmas, my daughter was so excited about the gift we picked out for her mom that she blurted it out as soon as we got home. My wife was still oblivious, but the look on my daughter's face when she realized she spilled the beans was priceless. She kept saying she was sorry, but honestly, it made the reveal even more special. Kids really do wear their hearts on their sleeves.

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u/zila113 1d ago

Lmao I remember getting surgery a few weeks before Christmas. After, when I was high on the anesthesia, I couldn't get comfortable on my pillow and kept moving around. My mom said "hey hun, you need help with your pillow?" I then said "A PILLOW! That's what I got you Christmas! Oh shit! I wasn't supposed to tell you!"😂

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u/rogerverbalkint 21h ago

Was playing Hangman with my 4 yo today and he came up to me in front of the room and asked ‘how do you spell blue?” in a low voice, then set up the word for the game.

Looked me straight in the eyes and said ‘I used a different word, daddy’. Guess what word the lil dude used?

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u/WonderCat6000 1d ago

I was Christmas shopping with my sister and niece. My sister bought pajamas for my mother and since we had discussed what mom would like in front on my niece, my sister told her to not tell grandma. The minute we got home my niece sees my mom and says “you got pajamas” lol

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u/Wask198812 1d ago

That's so sweet. It's the kind of story you'll remember for a lifetime ☺️

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u/TalaLeisu2 1d ago edited 14h ago

When my brother was SIX (not sick) he got my mom the SpongeBob movie for Christmas LOL

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u/StephSkysinger 20h ago

My dad always told me we got my mom a tea kettle. I'd then run off telling my mom "We didn't get you a tea kettle!" It was in fact never a tea kettle.

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u/the92playboy 19h ago

Years ago, my youngest daughter was around 4 or 5, and I had taken her Christmas shopping for her mom/my wife and told her to make sure to not tell her mom what she bought. So she gets home and says, "I won't tell you what it is, but it's sparkly and goes in your ears." Real subtle there, kid.

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u/Rexxington 1d ago

One time my mom wanted chopsticks for Christmas, so my dad took me to the kitchen store she found them in to buy them. Well she was going to pick me up, they were divorced at that point, at the mall to take me home.eofr her week. Well as soon as I saw her I asked her if she wanted to guess what Christmas gift I got her was. She played along, and I said "It starts with chop!". She about peed herself laughing, and still yelled this exact story every single Christmas.

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u/trainsacrossthesea 1d ago

Do the young’uns still call that the “ol switcheroo” ?

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u/SassyPantsPoni 9h ago

My daughter bought me a “mom” ring from the school Christmas elf shop… it’s gaudy and gold and my favorite gift ever. She was so excited to give it to me she ran out of school with it in her hand waving it above her head.. she kept running up to me, unwrapping it as fast as her lil hands could go… she runs up to me and says MAMA I GOT YOU A CHRISTMAS PRESENT HERE IT IS!! She has a fistful of wrapping bag, tape, pieces of box and this big ass ring with a mom tattoo looking design. It was the best gift I’ve ever gotten and the way she ran up with joy etched in her face… I’ll never forget it.

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u/joseg13 7h ago

Them are the best times. Their excitement over things like that are a true treasure.

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u/vinchenzo68 1d ago

Why did I believe him?

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u/jorrylee 23h ago

Thanks for the update! I was waiting to hear!

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u/Ok_Buy7599 1d ago

it’s NOT a bird feeder

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u/cb39154 1d ago

🤣😂🎅🎅🎅

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u/ulla_abandoned 1d ago

he needs two bird feeders.

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u/KittySweetwater 6h ago

My 4yo did something similar cause he was sooooo excited for me to open it, he got me a diamond painting kit that says 'I Love You to the Moon and Back' in cursive rainbow lettering, it's kind of our thing, I had a sticker with that phrase on his crib, he's got a door sign with it carved into it, and we say it all the time

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u/AnonismsPlight 5h ago

As a kid I heard my dad tell my mom her birthday present WASN'T a tomato. I thought it was hilarious when she opened her gift and there was a single tomato wrapped with the actual gift. I now occasionally do this with friends but not with tomatoes.

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u/xboxgamer2122 1d ago

Well, what was it? Inquiring minds...

-2

u/YogurtOld1372 1d ago

What a bad gift. Who even cares if the birbs eat?!

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u/Interesting_Cow5152 1d ago edited 1d ago

It's a child. It can't go to the store. it can't order online. Someone else bought the damn bird feeder.

Why pressure a child under such commercialism?

There are other ways.

Edit: Downvotes are fine, someone has to make you humps feel superior about your life ho ho.calling out mindless consumption is not a valid reason for calling the suicide line on me.

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u/Wohn-Jick-421 1d ago

referring to a child as “it” and being so incredibly negative about everything tells a lot

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u/anace 1d ago

nowhere does it say it was purchased anywhere. "bird feeder" is a common arts&crafts project for kids. Kid might have made it themself.

-3

u/Interesting_Cow5152 1d ago

yours is the only comment that makes sense so far.

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u/Golradiir 1d ago

You okay buddy?

-5

u/Interesting_Cow5152 16h ago

about this time of the year when the crass commercialism is in everyone's face, I like to point it out sometimes.

Do I need your approval to do so? Are you ok? Do you feel a need to control me?

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u/SiIversmith 1d ago

Are you ok?

7

u/Cuminmymouthwhore 1d ago

You clearly have never had a kid....or a childhood.

People close to the parents or the other parent, tend to take kids shopping and help them choose a gift for their parents.

It's like....basic knowledge.

-4

u/Interesting_Cow5152 16h ago

and a few othr people suggested it was hand made and not bought.

I wish you finger wagging judgemental individuals would find someone else to lecture.

Clearly I've never had a kid, but I have 4 grandkids.

Clearly I was born wholly formed out of the womb, or raised in an abusive environment that prevents children from being such.

Clearly, you are way to sensitive for social media Look at you, attacking me for...what? An opinion. You make all the broad based assumptions about my progeny body count, because of a few words.

You're sick, son. Go attack someone who deserves it. Let them prop your ego, I'm tired of doing it.

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u/Cuminmymouthwhore 15h ago

People are being critical of you because you took a seemingly positive, harmless post, and turned it into a lecture.

You made it something negative.

If you hadn't made the negative comment about turning kids to commercialism, people would have been a lot more chill.

But you put an opinion out there that didn't make much sense, and then tried to use it to lecture people on society.

You can't say something stupid, and use that as grounds to tell people how bad they are. People will generally dislike that.