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u/lulu-bell 18h ago
My stomach hurt so bad I had to push out a fart. It was loud, loud. My husbands son asked HIM from the other room: “Dad was that you or the dog?”. I was so embarrassed I just silently laughed until I cried. Was that you or the dog- geesh
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u/AstroAlchimia 21h ago
One time I farted myself awake and looked over and my newish partner at the time was very much awake. He was nice and pretended not to hear it I think.
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u/RonaldTheGiraffe 12h ago
My now ex wife farted on my leg naked in her sleep on our first night together. She’s an ex wife for non fart related issues.
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u/Ok_Spray_2640 18h ago
when i was 17 i was sleeping over at my boyfriends house we were sat watching the tv and i farted, it felt moist so i went the toilet and had in fact shit myself in light jeans
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u/Future_Ad5848 21h ago
I entered my building lift, I could smell as someone had farted. The lift was empty, and then while going down, the lift stopped at one of the floors and two girls from my apt entered, they could smell it too and thought it was me😭 I was so helpless and embarrassed lol
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u/Longest_boat 13h ago
I’d of been like ‘mate the dude before me dropped that I’ve been dying in here’
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u/WorldsWorstTroll 16h ago
One day I was in line at the grocery store and I couldn’t hold it any longer. I let it fly. Thankfully, the noise was covered up by the noise of the store. It smelled so bad I ignored it. Then, the couple in front of me smelled it. They looked around, then the dad checked their baby’s diaper. When the dad didn’t see anything, the mom started complaining that he was only saying that because he didn’t want to change the diaper. So she checked their baby’s diaper.
I will never forget her saying, “God damn…. How did that come out of her?”
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u/MassholeForLife 19h ago edited 15h ago
Not me my wife:
My wife silently Dutch ovened my dorm room with 8 people in it freshman year of college in 1985. Everyone left and I was like what the fuck just happened I looked over and she was sitting at my desk silently and hysterically laugh crying. Did you drop that bomb? I asked? All she could do was shake her head yes she was laugh crying so hard. Almost 40 years later and I still say that was the day I fell in love with that woman. No pun intended but she is a hot shit.
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u/General-Cheesecake28 18h ago
I was taking classes at a local MMA gym and didn't realize I had gas during open grapple sparring, and my opponent grabbed me around the waist hard enough to force a big one out of me. Everyone within ear shot immediately stopped wrestling because they were laughing so hard.
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u/Outrageous_Picture39 18h ago
I took my grandmother to see her sister (my great-aunt) and her sister’s son.
One day we’re hanging out and talking in my great-aunt’s dining room, and she, being a woman nearing 80 with diminished bodily function control, lets out what might possibly have been the longest fart I have heard in my four decades.
I couldn’t help myself, and started laughing while also trying to stifle that laugh. I was completely embarrassed because the other three people in the room were giving me the “that’s not funny” glare. Took several minutes for us to get back to normal conversation.
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u/Zauberhorn 17h ago
Went to Ikea with my two kids(4&6). Had to fart before going into the elevator but the smell kind of stayed. More people got on and everyone was scrunching their nose and looking at my kids blaming them. I laughed tears later when telling my husband.
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u/GrimeyScorpioDuffman 21h ago
I was alone in an elevator at work and let out a smelly fart. Then the doors opened at the next floor and like 5 people I knew got on
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u/FallsOffCliffs12 16h ago
Not me thank god but I know someone who, at her first ever gyn appointment, was so nervous that when the dr asked her to scooch down to the end of the table, she scooched too far, fell off the table and landed with her cootch in the dr's face, and then queefed for good measure.
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u/turquoisesand 16h ago
Long ago, I was at a summer camp. A bunch of other kids and I were sitting in a circle. I felt a huge fart coming up, but I just stayed still and waited for it to pass. I was kneeling.
My best friend, who was next to me and had no clue of my state, starts messing with me like she usually did. She starts poking me, and since I didn’t want any possible distractions, I pushed her away.
Well, she pushed me back pretty hard. Like I said, I was kneeling, so I kinda just got knocked over and tried to catch my fall with my arm. But my butt hit the ground, and the loudest fart I’ve ever heard ripped out.
I was so mortified, and the other kids couldn’t even laugh much. They all just looked so shocked at what came out.
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u/paperbrilliant 15h ago
- I'm a 18 year old freshman. My small private catholic collage has a little rec room with a pool table and some vending machines. Two guys are playing pool. I go to the vending machine and some unholy wind from the depths of hell gurgle up from my bowels and I rip the loudest fart ever just as I bend over to get my diet coke. Both guys look up at me with surprise and astonishment like they'd never heard a young lady pass gas before. I look between the two dudes then book ass out of there as fast as I can.
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u/fuzzykat72 17h ago
Staying in a hotel room and the room was stifling hot so opened the window to let the considerable breeze in. Boyfriend farted by the room door and it fought physics and somehow still smacked me in the face with its stench in spite of me at the open window facing outside with the breeze blowing so hard it was moving my hair. Still married him.
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u/Little-You8108 15h ago
I was sleeping after eating an epic bacon, blue cheese burger. I farted in my sleep. I woke up gagging, thinking the dogs had shit in the bedroom. My wife woke up because of my gagging. I told her I thought the dogs had shit in the bedroom. She hid under the blanket to get away from the smell and nearly threw up.
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u/HippoPebo 15h ago
First fight I ever was in. Dude who was about to hit me did not like me at all. I was certain he was gonna knock my teeth out.
Thankfully he went for a gut shot. Moment of impact I released an atomic bomb of an ass explosion that just instantly ended the fight. We both started laughing so hard we couldn’t stand up (which is good because I kinda shit my pants).
We were good buddies after that and never had an issue.
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u/Hot_Dragonfruit_1412 15h ago
5 almost 6 years ive never farted in front of my husband, the other night i tried to sneak one out and it was silent... but violent... he asked if i farted and at first i said no but about 15 mins later i started cracking up and told him i farted.. he said I KNEW YOU FARTED IT SMELLS HORRIBLE. and that embarrassed the hell out of me for no reason hahahha
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u/BackgroundRelative39 15h ago
Started seeing this absolutely beautiful woman a while back, I think it was the second night in and she cooked me a steak dinner(pretty decent) and then made our way to the bedroom… I’ll spare the details 😂 but later on I let one rip while we’re laying there watching TV, it was abhorrent, one them greasy, sticky kinda stank clouds that fill the whole room with steamy fermented ass and boy… she didn’t say anything in the moment but needless to say we didn’t see each other for much longer after that 😂🤷♂️👋
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u/rabbitfire 10h ago
Wife and I were car shopping. We enter the all glass foyer of the fancy showroom. It was like a pre-room before entering the marble floor showroom. The reception desk was on the other side of the glass doors with an attractive greeter waiting for us to enter. Before opening the doors, I asked my wife to hold on one moment so I could let out a nice long loud one of about 9.4 seconds. I stared directly into the eyes of the receptionist, knowing full well she couldnt hear me inside this glass enclosed foyer. Just a good old fashioned stared down between me and her while my butt trumpet hit a high C. My wife asked “what the hell are you doing?” I replied “Relax she can’t hear us in here”. My wife points upward, directing my attention to the fact the foyer had no ceiling whatsoever. Just these glass walls that served as some sort of wind barrier from the outdoors I guess. So I just stared at this pretty young lady behind the desk and smiled while ripping a fart for she and I to enjoy. My wife was mortified. No car was bought that day.
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u/Batnode07 17h ago
I had walked into the living room and just by the door i farted for like 20 seconds straight in front of my family
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u/Negative-Drag-7007 16h ago
When I was blowing up the bathroom and someone was using it right next to me at the same time when I need to fart like loudly
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u/Academic_Vanilla_736 14h ago
A few years ago, I was putting the Christmas tree up with the kids. Let out a silent little toot & carried on... 15 minutes later, we were all stood in the garden, every door in the house wide open to try & let the smell out. We stood out there for about 20 minutes, before the house was marginally habitable again 🤣
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u/cvidetich13 13h ago
Climbing into my buddies brand new truck with my wife’s friend right behind me, it’s just flew right out of me right into her face, stunk up the whole truck
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u/Longest_boat 13h ago
I didn’t want to fart in from of her for the first time. I was only 17. I went to the bathroom and put a towel between my arse to try fart as I squatted on the floor. Her mum walked in. Luckily they understood and laughed about it however I was mortified.
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u/Wren_Rat 9h ago
I was hanging out with my two best friends on my birthday, they were about to leave and I farted really loudly and one of them looked at me like 🤨
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u/Sandpaper_Pants 8h ago
My wife was on the phone in the living room with a well-known bicycling figure, and I walked in and unintentionally farted really loud. REALLY LOUD. She unintentionally paused her talking, and it was dead silent for what seemed like forever. What can you say at that point? We made eye contact as she tried to hold back laughing. We laughed later, but my wife was super embarrassed.
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u/OzzmanSlays 8h ago
Had a relay race in jr high that involved crunches. Crunches was my part of the relay, 50 crunches and on the last one my ass let the winds of the heavens roar. My partner holding my feet and I both fell over in a laughing fit and my coach never understood why we fell over laughing.
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u/dadspeed55 8h ago
Friend jabbed me in the side while I was waiting in line at the college cafeteria (only 700 students total) and I let one rip bad and still had to wait in line for my food.
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u/sfdc_dude 7h ago
Had my first colonoscopy. For those of you that've never had the experience, they essentially shove a hose up your ass with a camera attached. And in the process they fill you with air so they can maneuver the camera.
After the procedure I'm in the recovery area which is essentially a big open room with a dozen beds with curtains separating the beds. I wake up and I have to go to the bathroom bad. Luckily there's a bathroom at the end of the room so I go and do my business. I sit down and OMG the loudest, longest fart comes out. FAAAAAARRRRRRTTTTT! It sounds like I'm playing the tuba in the can! But am I done? Hell No! Five more equally obnoxious farts later I finally get rid of all the gas. I come out of the bathroom and the bed closest to me starts clapping!
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u/hashbrownsinketchup 17h ago
I want to start this off by saying I am not proud of what I did but it was freshman year of high school so I was immature….that said; I had eaten a lot of egg salad for dinner made with real Mayo (so even more egg) for dinner. The next day at school I had PE class first period. It was a rainy day so PE was indoors that day. My farts were rank….I mean sulphur cloud level egg farts! I accidentally let one go in the gym while a bunch of us where standing around and everyone with 20 feet where gasping and going crazy over the stink. People were finger pointing and trying to figure out who it was some pointed to me and I said no way it was me and pointed to the mentally challenged kid that was standing near us laugh. I said it must be him because he’s laughing about us all acting crazy!!!
Everyone blamed him. I felt so bad for doing it and was embarrassed about how bad my gas was. I was so scared another one would come out. Luckily it didn’t but I was so embarrassed about it that I lowered myself to blaming an innocent mentally challenged kid.
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u/michaelmcguire287 15h ago
In fourth grade, I forgot where I was once, then reared to the side and letter rip. The screws on my desk seat were loose and it had a beautiful musical quality to it. I smiled satisfied, then noticed I wasn't alone. There was no explanation and the teacher didn't ask for one. How life continued after that, no one will ever know.
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u/blue_gaze 7h ago
Man I remember this time in junior high math, this one kid who wasn’t the brightest bulb raised his hand to answer a question. The teacher was impressed so she called on him, he said nothing but lifted his right cheek and ripped a banger off those plastic school chairs. I think it’s still echoing to this day!
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u/nylapsetime 6h ago
One time I farted out of my mouth and everybody looked at me but I didn't even notice because I had my headphones on but I was listening to Nirvana and banging my head as well which made it worse. I only found out because my mate vomited all over the place and when everyone asked why he pointed at me and then everyone laughed and I no longer speak to them but it's ok because I live in another country now.
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u/blenneman05 4h ago
I was at job corps in 2016.
No gallbladder but the food was wreaking havoc on my digestive system. I farted in class and it smelled like I had crapped myself. I excused myself to the bathroom and I didn’t crap myself.
My teacher later pulled me aside and asked me to step into the hallway if I felt the need to fart.
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u/Suspicious-Soup-7490 19h ago
I was hanging out with my crush in a super quiet park, just talking. Everything was going great, and I was trying to impress him with how chill I was, but then I sneezed, and when I did, I farted. He looked at me so confused, like, “Was that... you?” And I tried to keep it cool, but inside I was screaming. I swear I could never look him in the eye the same way again.