r/stopdrinking • u/alliebeelove • 1d ago
First Time Posting.
This is my first time posting here. I’ve looked at this sub before but always thought that I was ok to keep drinking a little. But last night was the last straw for me. I drank far too much and don’t remember the night ending. My husband said I was cruel and demeaning. He said I said some really mean stuff (stuff I don’t even actually feel). I’m just so sad. I had such a great time with family and my drinking ruined the night and today. I’m so ashamed. I thought posting here might help me really start this journey. Day 1…
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u/Wanttobebetter76 68 days 1d ago
One of many reasons I can't drink is the mean and terrible shit I say while drunk that I literally don't know where my brain found it, because I don't mean it at all. I'm glad you're here. IWNDWYT 💜
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u/alliebeelove 1d ago
That’s the scariest part of it all. I don’t know where it comes from because I literally don’t think that at all. I hate how mean I can be when I drink, I don’t like the version of me. I’m so glad I posted this today. It’s really helping me validate that this is the right path. Thank you for your comment!
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u/Wanttobebetter76 68 days 1d ago
Absolutely! I used to type the mean shit in text messages, so the evidence was there the next day. And I would be shocked by the things I had typed because I actively did not agree with or feel the fucked up things I would type. I'm glad you posted, too. This community and the people in it are so wonderful, and they/it are helping me save my life one day at a time.
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u/MyBestCuratedLife 43 days 1d ago
That is how cunning, baffling, and powerful alcoholism is! It makes us say things that aren’t true. Like, where does that come from? I do think that anyone who has a partner who is not an alcoholic can benefit from al anon. Being in a relationship with us is crazy! Counseling is great too, but al anon is free and often a lot more available. Good luck friend, today’s a new day!
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u/kissxxdaisies1 1 day 1d ago
Welcome my friend, you never have to feel this way again. IWNDWYT 💜
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u/alliebeelove 1d ago
Thank you so much for that! I’ve been wanting this for a while but never really followed through. I feel this is different though. I’m so ready to never feel this shame again.
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u/DannyX567 1d ago
This could be the last time you ever wake up feeling like this! It’s your call! Glad you are here.
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u/kissxxdaisies1 1 day 22h ago
Getting sober is a lot easier with a good support system 💜. Be kind to yourself and remember we're all human. You may or may not slip up during this journey but what matters is you recognize that you're powerless over alcohol and you want better for yourself and those you love. As long as you're trying you're winning. We're here for you!
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u/BudgetKaleidoscope62 1 day 1d ago
It’s good that you’re here, dropping a comment daily helped me remember not to drink. I messed ip too and I’m back to day 1 but I stand up and fight again. I will not be drinking today with you
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u/stopdrinkingalt21 1 day 1d ago
I am with you, can't believe how mean I am. How reckless. This isn't who we are, lets prove it to our loved ones with actions and not cheap talk
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u/alliebeelove 1d ago
Thank you! I want to so badly show my husband how much I love him and how I didn’t mean anything that I said while drunk and angry. I just can’t believe I said any of the things I said. I feel so horrible. Thank you for your comment. I know we can show our loved ones who we truly are.
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u/Owlhooo 4907 days 1d ago
I’m so happy you are here, friend! I have found the best way to show those I love how much I care, is to not drink! As long as I don’t drink, I will never lose control of my mouth like I used to when I was drunk.
I’m excited for you and what this new life will bring. Keep posting and checking in. It’s a rollercoaster, but I promise it’s SO worth it!!
Much love, friend!
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u/alliebeelove 1d ago
Thank you for your kind words! I’m so grateful I chose to post today! I’m ready for this new life! 💕
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u/ascensionjourney1 23h ago
Be easy on yourself, it could have been much worse. He is still with you and he forgives you. You’re truly blessed.
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u/Enough_Spirit6208 362 days 1d ago
Last NYE I was an azz hat. And that was it, have been sober since. The shame can do good things for you, believe it or not. You can do it.
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u/Constant_Surprise_10 33 days 1d ago
I am the same way. I'm the sweetest and most patient person when sober. It's always my Husband who gets the brunt of it all. You can do this. I am rooting for us. We are not alone! 😊🙏
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u/alliebeelove 1d ago
Thank you for your comment! I am ready for the change and to show my husband that I didn’t mean any of the mean things I said. Thank you again, I feel less alone and so much more hopeful than I did earlier today. I know change is possible.
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u/Constant_Surprise_10 33 days 1d ago
Of course, don't beat yourself up! That's not who you are. ❤️❤️❤️
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u/alliebeelove 21h ago
Thank you! It’s been a rough day and I’m trying to remind myself that I can change.
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u/WanderingSoul-7632 1d ago
Drunk looks awful on me too! I haven’t worn that look in over 8 years and I started just as you are with one day. Those days add up dear heart. Sounds like you’ve gotten the gift of desperation💕 I will not drink with you today
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u/alliebeelove 1d ago edited 1d ago
Thank you! Your words are such an inspiration! I’m so ready to never feel like this again! I’m grateful I chose to post today! I will not drink with you today. 💕
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u/Hot-Chemical-4706 1d ago
It’s good you’re here, my mum behaves the same way when she’s drinking, at some stage of the night she’ll turn on someone and ruin it for everyone. I stopped visiting her because of it and now we haven’t spoken for the best part of a year which to be honest has been good for me, I wouldn’t want my kids to be saying that about me though I’d rather not drink. It’s not worth it.
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u/Crazee_cat_lady 258 days 1d ago
You aren’t alone. Evidently, I’m a mean drunk only to my husband. He wouldn’t even repeat some of the things I’ve said to him while blacked out. It kills me still not knowing as I love him dearly. You’re on the right path and this sub is a wonderful place for support. I can’t believe I have made it this far and never would’ve been strong enough to attempt quitting if not for the inspiring people here. You’ve got this. IWNDWYT. 💚
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u/ParkingTradition799 1d ago
Hi an welcome! There's no judgment, just support. We all started where you are. Drinking that bit too much, feeling ashamed, an wanting to quit. So, in the next few days, weeks or months you might change your mind or think that it wasn't too bad. ( it's OK to think that) the problem might be that actually, it was that bad. The joy of this sub is that there are people around to help encourage you an support you through those moments. To help remind you that giving up is better than going back. Be strong an be kind to yourself. Your about to go on a hard journey. Chin up! IWNDWYT
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u/Wobs9 144 days 19h ago
"I said some really mean stuff " After i did that over and over, and getting caught secretly drinking 1l rum a day, my wife put the divorce papers in front of me. Was the shock i needed to stop drinking. Hope thats your kickstart to sober path also.
Keep strong, dont drink and open up with him. Reveal you have a problem, you will fight it and will talk each day of it so you never go back.
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u/Cmargot 243 days 1d ago
Iwndwyt Just think how lovely next holiday will feel when you think back on this hangover. And how proud you will be. I’m already proud, day one is HARD.
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u/alliebeelove 23h ago
You’re so sweet! Thank you for your encouragement! I really need it today! It’s only day 1 but it’s the first day to never feeling like this again!
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u/MopingAppraiser 16 days 22h ago
Hello and welcome to the team! Thank you for posting and getting out your feelings. I’m only on day 15 but this place has been a tremendous resource. You will see that you’ll receive overwhelming, non judgmental support in here. I highly encourage you to check out the daily check ins and post here as much as you’d like. IWNDWYT!
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u/alliebeelove 21h ago
Thank you so much! Today has been rough but I’m grateful I chose to come to this community. Knowing I am not alone and that I can change is so wonderful. I’m still so hungover and sick but I’m grateful that it’s the last time I’ll ever feel this way again.
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u/freshfroot666 22h ago
Been there countless times. I wish you luck, if you're like me, the guilt will keep you from drinking. Think about your health too! Sending hugs
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u/pineappleonpizza27 20h ago
I'm on my day 1 too, I was motivated to start my sobriety due to similar events that happened last night. We can do this
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u/alliebeelove 20h ago
We’ve got this! I truly believe this is the best decision either of us could have made! 💕
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u/Janedont1990 14 days 16h ago
Just passed my phone to my partner and asked, “Sound familiar?” Thank you for posting. IWNDWYT.
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u/alliebeelove 3h ago
I will not drink with you today 💕 it’s horrible how we can hurt those we love when we’re drunk but I’m grateful that it never has to happen again.
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u/One-Profit5950 397 days 1d ago
I had that same day about fifty times. Good on you for recognizing this opportunity. IWNDWYT.