I paid for my Stepdaughter to fly here for Christmas. I bought her gifts, I planned and paid for special outings and I went out of my way to make it special. We all had a great weekend. She went home and posted photos of her and her Dad and brothers and left out me and my kids. He didn't even want her to come. I am done trying. It is never enough. No matter how kind you are, how generous you are or how loving you are, you are always going to be treated like garbage.

I'm a super boring person. I go to work, take care of my kids, and hang out with DH. Why she is still obsessed 3 years later is beyond me. I'm not special, I'm just wife number 2.

I just went outside on break at work and see BM's car do a slow roll by, make a U turn at the light and slow roll past in the other direction. Yes, I'm at work. Why do you care? The kids are with her! Go spend time with them, go to your job and work, go visit a friend. Do something other than check up on where I might be. I was half tempted to wave at her.

I am almost a year post exit and am reveling in how much better my holiday season has been! I hope that this encourages someone on this fence. Last year, my SD got a giant haul of gifts from her entire family and SO passed all of mine at our house plus her stocking that I searched far and wide to fill with the perfect treats as his or “from Santa.” His mother also gave me the EXACT same gifts she gave BM, and left a Christmas lunch that I worked my ass off on early to go meet BM to give them to her. I pawned mine several months ago for a tank of gas and it felt great! No more buying gifts for an overindulged child that doesn’t thank anyone, no more crazy in laws trying to invite BM to my home “to see what SD got from Santa there,” and no more holidays with an SO that can hemorrhage money for everyone else, but didn’t get me even a stocking last year. I got a cheap plastic tripod on Amazon to mount my phone to take photos with while I filled the tree with presents for him. This Christmas I spent a wonderful few days with my parents, grandmother, amazing new boyfriend, and my new 8 week old yellow lab puppy! The holidays don’t have to be filled with dread-GET OUT!

I gave DW $1K to buy gifts

and stuffed SKs’ stockings because DW always forgets.

and took BS4 to buy SKs a round of gifts.

And gave DW a sentimental gift from her childhood as well as an expensive bathroom remodel that she wanted. Stuffed her stocking. Lots of nice gifts for her.

And paid over $6K for a vacation to a place SKs wanted to go.

And paid for them to bring a friend.

And gave DW $150 to give to SKs, asking her to tell them to pick a Christmas gift from me.

DW took credit for the $150. Told them it was from her. Didn’t take them to get something for me.

They are 12 and 16. I’ve been in their lives 8 years.

After a 6-day Christmas bonanza of the trip + Christmas morning, I woke up the 26th exhausted. DW woke me and BS4 up at 2am and it took us forever to fall back asleep. I laid down on the couch tired. I was also irritated with DW because she has ADHD and makes SO MUCH NOISE at night banging around looking for dopamine hits. It’s inconsiderate.

She scolded me for “ruining her good mood with my bad energy.” For laying down and resting. She said it in front of SD12 & BS4. I took BS4 to my mom’s hotel and wept. DW told me I was playing the victim.

If you’re considering this stepparent life - don’t.

I know SKs hate me, and they shouldn’t give a gift if they didn’t want to. But God. How much more can someone give? What would it even take to make these people happy? I am not a cartoon character - I can’t be perfectly energetic and happy all day long.

Posted here a couple of days ago about how DH invited SD and SS over to our house (separately, because these kids hate each other other) for half of my break from work without asking me and deleted it, because I thought I should just get over it. SD is leaving the house today to go back to her Mom’s, and I figured SS was supposed to come over this evening/tomorrow. Come to find out that SS is due to come over tomorrow and the day after, leaving me three whole days of no kids. On a 12 day break from work.

DH seems to think that everything is fine, I’ve been playing well with SD and I told him that he’s welcome to bring SS as he’s already invited him (and just ignored me) so it would be rude to SS to take that back.

I’m a door mat. Spent this whole time with SD cleaning up after them both and fuck me, I guess I should have said no to SS but then I’m the bad guy. Again.

John and Julie Gottman talk about resentment being one of the four horsemen heralding divorce. Wonder how many years I’ll be putting up with DH just making plans with his bratty kids before it gets too much.

My husband's daughter is 20 and living at home full time. She goes to University which is good she's at least doing that since it's a fight to get her to do anything. Still she would never consider even trying to get even a very part time job to pay for a few things on her own because she's physically lazy and wouldn't bother applying for any entry level job since that's beneath her. Honestly, even if she worked just four hours on a Saturday or Sunday that would give her enough money to pay for a few groceries on her own. She works full time during the summer and saved up 10 grand but has never paid for anything with her own money. My husband said she paid for her own tuition but I can guarantee she didn't and he ponied up all the cash. Just recently she needed a new laptop and she agreed to pay half but my husband let it slip that she didn't pay him anything. Apparently she can't take money out of her account since she doesn't know how to etransfer and also doesn't know how to use the atm to take out cash 🤷

I hate to be that passive aggressive person but I've resorted to pointing out how expensive it is to feed her and making comments about how she takes such big portions leaving nothing for others. She always makes sure to come to the kitchen and help herself to the more expensive pre-made meals as well. Meanwhile, my husband is eating ramen noodles and KD and seems unwell lately. For Christmas, I got him some gifts cards for groceries. It will just end up buying food for his little princess since he is all about making all the sacrifices in the world for someone who deserves nothing. I can't wait until next year when the second kid is in University and will put us through even more financial ruin. I suggested that they apply for scholarships but they won't because they're lazy.

I’ve paid my retainer, have my resume together, applied to multiple jobs, and have a plan to move.

Tonight I got him on video telling me he wants our son to live with me! I’m so relieved. While I know he could change his mind, this video he was saying I was a good parent and wants our son to be with his mom.

He did threaten to call CPS and get my step daughter (multiple issues there drug abuse, theft, creating CP on her phone and pretending to be an adult) to give statements about me being unstable and losing my temper, but I have a good lawyer on standby just in case.

I feel like I’m on my way to having my life back and I just wanted to share!

My SO is at work and is going to pick up one to two more overtime shifts during the portion of winter break that we have SKs. I told him I'm tired of being the default parent for our two bio kids together and his four from previous marriage as I am typically the planner and the "rememberer". He said "sorry, but we need the money" and "You know they are our kids, they see you as their mom." okay, that's why they are running around like crazy and one of them won't stop rolling their damn eyes but when SO is home they are much better behaved. Ugh.. Grrrrrr

My SO (41m) said he was taking a shower and SD (6) is begging to shower w him bc she never gets to. I was cringing listening to her whine about showering with him.

Is this normal? It's two of the four step kids that are screaming. It's SS9 and SS14, they wrestle constantly. It starts off as playful and always ends with them being very aggressive, hurting each other and crying. They do this a dozen times a day. First screaming, laughing to a volume that you can hear it loudly any room in the house. After about 15mins of this their voice start become frustrated and aggressive, screaming things like "stop kicking me". This goes in for another 10ish mins before one or both of them is chasing their dad down telling in each other while crying. The whole time this is happening Dad is screaming even louder than them a couple times a minute for them to "stop". They pay him no attention. When I voice how much I hate this dynamic and want it to stop my SO proclaims this is normal boy behavior. I am child free and I fucking hate living in this chaos. If it's normal behavior for a child then fine, why can't they take it outside? Maybe I'm too old to remember but I don't recall any of my three brothers doing this. I think my SO is telling me it's normal in an attempt to gaslight me because he allows it. Why is he screaming "stop" over and over if it's so normal?

I just wanted to stop in and say I have mad respect for you guys and gals who step up and become step parents. I've seen a lot of great scenarios where 2 new beings come together to create a beautiful family and are able to prosper.

I thought I could do the same. I thought I could step up and marry a woman with 2 daughters and help make their life better and be that missing piece of the puzzle.

But after 10 years of trying I've realized there is just no way in hell that I will ever be able to satisfy these 3 that I care very much for. My wifes ex husband caused them to have a very rough life prior to meeting me. Mind you I am not like him in the slightest but because I have something between my legs I must be as evil as he was. Instead of rising up from the past and deciding to move forward my wife and her oldest (19 y/o) continue to play the victim role to a) try to make excuses for their behavior b) continue to abuse me verbally mentally, emotionally. Financially etc each and every day I have known them.

I see so much potential in all 3 of them if they applied themselves and took ownership of their past and present. The youngest is the most sane at (15 y/o) because her dad won parental rights and has her 98% of the time.

I love them so much and wish I could continue to be there for them but this year I have come to realize that I have lost all happiness and desire to live. I have to be selfish and choose myself now or I will become even more of a shell or I would regret the actions that I may feel forced to make. I need to admit when I've lost at the game of life and walk away and file papers for a divorce. We've tried counseling multiple times and she refuses to even try what the counselor tells us to do, I try talking to her telling her what I need in a relationship and it falls on deaf ears. There is no other way out of this, it has to end and I have to do it now in hopes that someday I'll be able to become that happy person I once was.

If you've made it this far in my ramblings thank you for sticking along for the ride and I hope yoire able to ride the waves of life better than I can.

Title speaks for itself. But seriously…. My son has a great relationship with his father and I. We’ve been separated/divorced almost 3 years and he says on an almost daily basis about loving mom and dad plus gives little to no issues going between houses. No conflict between my ex husband and I in front of him, he freely goes to both sides of family members when he wants as well as both sides getting along well for the sake of my child. Do a complete 180, and my SKs live in absolute hell. Having HCBM tell them how awful my husband, myself and all our family is… making them verbally say that their house is better on an almost weekly basis. The list goes on but it’s absolutely sickening and as a BM myself I have tried and tried relentlessly to understand the need for validation on her end and I’ll NEVER get it nor would I ever even think about putting my child through that. Hurts my heart to end to watch these kiddos go through this. Anyone have any success stories of teen or adult SKs being able to come through a situation like this?

Just need comfort I guess

Does anyone just ever feel like they can’t do this? I’ve been with my partner for 3 years and he has a daughter(8) and he treats me really well and we’re happy. There’s little to no drama but sometimes I just feel like I can’t do it. Like some days I just feel like I don’t want to have his ex in our lives all the time or I feel like why am I stressed out from helping raise a child that I didn’t birth. I know this sounds ridiculous like “why are you there then” but i don’t feel this way all the time. But sometimes i just feel this way and I can’t help it. Especially during times he has to be with his daughter and her mom and I feel like I don’t belong here

I’m just looking for similar outlooks/experience and maybe some advice

Thank yall ❤️

I hope I’m in the right group if not someone please redirect me . Step father here. 5 year old step daughter has always had issues with potty training she’s had issues with constipation and we had things fixed for about 6 months .

Then her father had a baby and the week her brother was born it was a 100% regression so we put her back in pull ups and started therapy and went back to the doctors . Well, this situation has turned into wiping feces on blankets, her mattress , walls every thing . It’s worst at her father house as she hates her step mom ( women who had the baby) but we’ve noticed it here too. She will literally poop in blankets , wipe her poop covered hands on things .

We have tried everything we can think of . Taking things away , giving her things to do, playing with her giving her a job such as helping around the house to give her a purpose and positive praise , giving her rewards when she doesn’t do it giving her positive attention such as reminding her we love her. Therapist she tells us we are doing everything we can, her pediatrician who says nothing is wrong with her physically . We don’t give her attention over it as we’ve been told this is what she’s trying to do she wants any attention she can get . We aren’t having these big huge screaming blowups at her . She admitted to step mom and the therapist she’s doing it with step mom because she hates her and wishes she would go away and step mom is scared to have her 3 month old baby around a child whose retaliating against her with poop , but we don’t know why she’s doing it here .

We tried to ask her why she’s doing it at mom’s house and she looks at you with this deer in the head lights . Blank stare right through you and says “I don’t know “

this sounds more like a psychological issue but we’ve tried to ask therapists we’ve tried to ask doctors and no one can tell us what we can do for it. What can we do?? This is coming SO unsafe and she loves the attention. The research I could do about this says to not give it attention which we haven’t but it doesn’t stop. She’s seeing here therapist weekly and even her therapist can’t get through to her as to what’s going on and despite the talks in therapy over it she doesn’t care .

I will not leave my partner over this situation so please don’t suggest that. While this situation is HORRIBLE I refuse to leave my partner over this or make it even worst for her kid by throwing them to the streets I just don’t know what will make this stop or if we need to find another doctor ..

So Christmas was horrible. Yesterday my MIL asks ME via text how the last day of Christmas was going. If SS has slept in his bed and if he has vomited again (he vomits if he doesn't get what he wants ) First question in my head was : why is she asking me instead of her son? Well I'm over the "I have to play nice and if everything is fine" so i answered that it was horrible, that ss slept AGAIN in our bed. That I was awake since 5.30 because SO and SS had played with his firealarm and were yelling because there was a "fire". That SS had another day of no correction or guiding.
So now, she doesn't answer me while she would have an ongoing conversation for hours if I would have played the "everything was wonderful" game. She was obviously annoyed from SO and SS when we were invited at her house on Christmas and even suggested (in a very nice way) that SO has to parent more and be less of a buddy for his child. So now I suggest I'm the mean one again for saying things out loud that everyone is thinking. 😂

Anyone else have a SIL who is friends with BM and her flying monkey spy? But also just generally awful?

Just spent 4 days watching her kid while she and BIL stayed at a hotel (coming to our house for food but otherwise treating DH and I like babysitters). Was late xmas am (so kids had to wait for presents), ate breakfast, then left to take a 3-hour nap, didn’t meaningfully help with meals or cleanup, then didn’t show up until afternoon the next day (no warning) bc (I strongly suspect) she was having breakfast with BM and reporting everything we did/said/etc. Cause she claims to have a “responsibility” to BM. (She literally said that when we called her out on the spying.)

She spent 3 hours playing Switch w the kids after dinner in order to avoid helping with dishes, which meant the kids did not help. Didn’t even clear her own plate. She then marched in the kitchen asking to help, knowing I had finished already.

I would very much like to ban her from my house … she’s a terrible person and teaches the kids terrible behavior (like skip out on cleanup by playing Mario Kart) … but that would cause issues for my husband bc he loves his brother (her husband).

My boyfriend (37m) and I (34f) have been dating for about 8 months. He has a 7-year-old son who I met for the first time about six weeks ago. My bf and I did a lot of research and discussed how to best introduce me and his son - I met son’s mom first, we had a nice “get to know you” dinner and ended up having some really good conversation about this new scenario for all of us (I am the first person either my bf or his ex has dated since they split in 2023). When it was time to meet the kiddo, we took him to a kid-centered painting place and I brought him a small bag of his favorite candy, arrived separately and only spent about an hour together that first day. We’ve slowly increased the time spent on each outing, have taken him to dinner and to fun kid activities, and now have “graduated” to me spending time with the two of them at their house.

The kid is great, he’s sweet and cute and a bit enamored of me (which I know will change). I do notice that he doesn’t seem able to entertain himself and wants/needs attention from whatever grown ups are around. He is my boyfriend’s only child, but he does have an older sibling at home who he appears to not be very close with, and I’m very much not used to “singleton” kids - my family is huge, no only children, and almost everyone has a sibling within 1-2 years of them, so I’m way more used to pairs of kids, or kids who have a sibling close in age and are used to keeping themselves entertained at least some of the time.

There are a couple of behavioral things that I’ve noticed, all normal for a 7 year old but also things that he’s old enough to learn (clean up the toy you’re playing with before you take out another, say “excuse me” and wait your turn to speak instead of interrupting). If he were one of my nephews or little cousins (I’m the family babysitter) I would correct it without a thought and move on, but I’m hesitant to do it with him. I just want to make sure that I’m not overstepping or being a wicked (future) stepmother. I also want to reiterate that this is a good kid, both his parents are seemingly on the same page with the big stuff, and I’m not coming in with a “here’s all the things I want to fix about your kid” mindset.

I guess I’m just looking for advice - is there anything you wish you’d done better or differently at this stage? How did you handle the gradual increase of you as one of the “in charge” grown ups? What surprised you about taking on this role that I might not have thought about yet?

Having an issue that you just want a quick vent about and not an entire post? This is the place! This daily post is not very active, but it's a great place for a quick vent .

So Ive been in my SD's life since she was 6 (now 14). My wife and I don't have any other children and Bio Dad has never been in the picture.

She's honestly the most lovely human being, very accepting of me as her parent.

The reason I ask is because I really struggle to connect with her. There's no reason I shouldn't like I said above but for some reason she doesn't feel like mine.

Do other people feel this way?? How long did it take you to love your SK as your own?

Hello all

Myself 29m and my partner 31f have a daughter each from previous relationships, they are both aged 6

At Christmas we buy them both presents collectively as a family of 4 would. This makes it equal in our family. However this is where it gets complicated my daughter’s time is split between myself and her bio mother, while my stepdaughter is full time with myself and her mother with no involvement from bio dad.

This means at Christmas my daughter gets equal presents at my house with her step sibling but then gets a further round of gifts from her bio mother and her relatives. Creating a bit of inequality in times like this.

My daughter is very loving towards her step sibling and doesn’t rub it in intentionally however as a 6 year old it’s hard for her not to mention it a few times about the presents she’s getting from her bio mum.

Does anyone have any tips on how to manage a scenario like this, at Christmas but also other times. It is a fact my daughter will have the support of two primary households while my step daughter will always have one.

It is worth adding my earnings are almost double my partners so options where we kept finances separate would still result in inequality for the kids.

Additionally myself and my daughters bio mum don’t get along well so options for me coordinating with her to ease this aren’t possible either

I expressed to her I strongly dislike being. A step parent. It’s been a Brutal Christmas. I bought him a $400 steam deck. $30 robot, $15 volcano, $30 science experiments for us to do and much more shit. I did all the presents with him while she stood around trying to play with his toys by herself. All for his mom to need help with something else financially.. I tell her Christmas kinda put me in a bind between her son and my family she say, “well you know I didn’t ask you to buy all of that, I had Christmas by myself” but might I add the literal only toys he played with on Christmas was the ones I bought him because I know him well and you know what I got for Christmas? Nothing. I will be honest though she found out her brother passed 3 days before Christmas. we also got into an argument prior because she stated she was only giving her son things for Christmas and nobody else which made me upset because it’s our first Christmas together and I have to watch him open all these presents while I get nothing. So me getting nothing despite her brother dying kinda stirred up the step parent feelings of “I’ll never be put first” even if she did spend the last moments of Christmas Eve looking for presents for him… not one thought was given for a single present for me. She admitted she was gonna write me a love letter which I’ve been asking for because it’s my love language but not hers and give me $100 Best Buy gift card since I like electronics but when her brother died.. she never got around to it. When I told my family she got me nothing, they claimed she was using me and her brother wasn’t an excuse but I have more empathy. sigh “she’s using you” sigh I’ve heard this so many times.

anyway, it’d been a rough Christmas. I also found out on Christmas my grandma might have early dementia. I expressed to her after Christmas that I don’t really like being a step parent because I do so much all for her to say “I didn’t ask you to” and ask me for more money. She says she wants to be with somebody who helps her financially whenever she asks but I don’t have any kids and I’m only 26 with my first real job trying to save up to move out so for me, Christmas was expensive and I told her in January I can help financially again but it’s like when I choose not to help, all of a sudden i dont help at all. It’s confusing and I want a kid with her but my god do I have to take up the financial burden of a child that’s not mine too? She says all she wants me to do is offer her help with groceries or gas when she needs it. I could if I didn’t already put in money for her son. We don’t live together yet because we’re both saving however her 1 bedroom apartment that I spend the night in just to be with her…. Has me scared about our future.

She cosleeps with her son every single night and tells me she’s gonna put him first regardless of how I feel about not wanting to cosleep which I understand. If he wants to cosleep, she will readily move for him to cosleep. I’ve seen this happen every night. He’s 6 and has severe asthma and he wakes up almost every single night because of his breathing and from a recent sleep study we also found out he has sleep apnea which makes matters worst. Because of this, she cosleeps every night and he literally depends on it to go to sleep it drives me crazy despite understanding I still feel lonely in my relationship because of this. We could be cuddling having sex, the second he barges in, “okay baby mommy’s coming” which impacts me because your child comes first but whew, idk how many more of those I can take when we actually move in. What’s wrong with a baby monitor to check on his breathing at night and enforce sleeping in his own bed. the second he sees her sleeping with me, cuddling with her midday, he pushes me off and asks me to move. We could be cuddling together comfortable and relaxed, he’ll come barge in between us asking me to move so he could be next to mommy I literally just move to another space because of this and she claims I move everytime he comes around or wants to be up under her and I’m fucked up for that but it’s like he literally asks me to move and makes me so uncomfortable just to be next to you.

Then if he sees us laying together at night he has to make sure “are you gonna sleep with me?” “Are you gonna get in the bed with me” She does explain to me if she had more than 1 bed room she wouldn’t co sleep even though the couple of first nights he gets his own room will be tough and she may give in which I understand as kids need time for change to take place and try to test boundaries. My whole thing is… let’s say I do get a 2 bedroom maybe even a house with her. I’ve already tried to talk about separate living because I’m not too fond of living with her son esp in this 1 bedroom and she asked me to move in but I literally have no privacy, space, or even space for my belongings. Her asking me that is a reflection of how this relationship feels, it’s only space for her and her son but my feelings and shit come after that always. I talked about separate living but she says she doesn’t want separate living with her partner as that isn’t ideal for her but I just don’t know how long she will give in to him wanting to cosleep and I’m not paying bills outside of my mother house for the first time with the inability to sleep in my own room because of him. Even if she says she won’t if he gets his own space… with his condition and his whining, I don’t see her making the necessary actions to ensure he’s comfortable and adjusted to his new space. I see her giving in. fear is she’ll give in and he’ll cosleep with us for years causing me to sleep on the floor in a space I pay my own bills.

And to make matters worst, before me and her son had a good bond and I was always babysitting but I guess the step parent blues has soured our relationship. From differing parenting styles, spoiling the child the way I never would, I think he’s starting to see my feelings regarding her parenting come out against him or he feels threatened because I don’t want to cosleep anymore like I used to and I take him away from her.

her son was very mean for Christmas, he doesn’t listen when I tell him to throw his plate away, he ignores me, when I sing he asks me, “can you just be quiet,” he pulled my hair (I have long hair so ouch), he literally bucked at me when she wasn’t looking and he has been pushing me to the side whenever he sees me close to his mom and sometimes she will say “be nice to him you wouldn’t like that if somebody did it to you” but it’s just so annoying having to go through because sometimes I just want to spend time with her without being annoyed to death by him. I know these are things you go through dating a single parent I know I know I can still be annoyed. And my god is his entitlement and privilege annoying as hell and she enables it. I think I’m starting to resent him and I hate myself for it. I just have fears about how he will turn out getting everything he wants and how it’s going to affect my lifestyle. After she said that I told her, I will never buy him anything else for Christmas or anything.. birthday but that’s it. We got him all these toys… even the the night before Christmas Eve she was trying to get him a toy he told Santa too late about. It’s like I have to tell her “it’s okay for kids not to have everything they want” she told her therapist she feels like she overcompensates for him because he doesn’t have a dad and she wants to be enough as a parent but shit it’s affecting me. He got all that shit for Christmas and complained because he didn’t like the type of VR mommy got him even more he was asking for more toys after opening all his presents despite the fact that she paid over $400 too and I know kids don’t understand the struggle of money but my god is it hard to watch a kid I’m supposed to be helping raise be so ungrateful and she continues to go out of her way to get him what he wants. He’ll be like “mommy throw this away for me” “okay bubba” “mommy get me some juice” “okay bubba” it’s like I’m choosing to tolerate a little guy who’s stealing the joy of my relationship and my wife. The night of Christmas Eve we were all tired coming from her mom’s house and we had wrapped all these presents for him and got on the road around 12ish. He expresses he wants McDonald’s and boy was the McDonald’s line long of course she gets in for him it despite us all being tired… we got in that line for an hour and never got food because they never came out and the whole time it was chicken nuggets in the house and he never ate anything when we got in the house and if it were me, I would have said no you can’t have McDonald’s eat the chicken nuggets in the fricking house I wanted to go home the entire time. I feel like she puts his wants before way too fucking much without considering how I feel and idk I know this is all over the place but I’m so tired I just feel like it’s best we don’t move in until her son is way older and less dependent, less of a nuisance but he’s 6 I’ve read stories bout kids cosleeping until fucking 12 and with his condition I don’t know if she’ll be strong enough to let him sleep on own. Idk Reddit, tell me if it’s it worth it to choose to live with them for my near future. Tell me if any of this is worth it.

Yesterday I saw my SO's chats (he was showing me his phone) and saw that his ex-wife/BM is still saved as "My love." He basically never bothered to change it after their separation. I tried to dismiss the feeling of uneasiness, but he noticed I wasn't okay, so I told him calmly that seeing his chats was pretty awkward, but I didn't feel like discussing the reason. He fretted because he couldn't figure out what I was referring to. He went: "Are you referring to X? She's a colleague/friend, nothing more," basically going through every chat except the one with his ex. I obviously know that he communicates with his BM for the kid, so he couldn't see what was wrong. I know he's just blind to the name he gave her out of habit, but it still hurt.

My so (40m) and I (30f) have been dating for 1,5 years now. We don't live together yet. Since this year, custody changed from my partner having his daughter (11yo) every weekend, to a 50/50 schedule. The bm(45f) moved back to the same city and since all these changes they grew all closer to eachother, calling each other often, having lunch together, .. since the beginning of our relationship I have a gut feeling something is off. Because of following; - Partner is very secretive on why they split, of their seperation. Only thing I know is they split 10 years ago after just buying and renovating their dream house. - partner chose his job place close to the previous address of bm. Once he could not reach home because of train delays, he stayed over at his bm parents - it has been difficult to make plans like holidays, living together, ... because of his situation as a single father but I start to question if the bm is involved in his decisions too - ever since the bm moved back to the city, my partner quit his job to be fully available for his daughter - we barely go on weekends or holidays because it would be too much for him and his daughter with autism; but once we were invited for a wedding in another city he asked me if bm and his daughter could join

There is more to add but now in the near future there is the 12th birthday coming up from the child. The bm organised a party where she invites two friends of hers, my partner and me. Because of all what happened in the past and the impossibility to talk about it without having a major discussion; I feel a lot of doubt if I want to be there. Even though I am on good terms wirh his child, I feel as if I don't have any role in this constellation. Please help.

I have three adult step kids and i have four children who are minors. We live in the house my step kids grew up in. My kids are using their rooms. How normal is this thing? My step kids try and make us feel terrible about it because those used to be their rooms. Those rooms were empty because when they left they insisted on taking their stuff. They didn't want my kids using their stuff so I got my kids new bedroom stuff.

I almost want to get a new house because wr have to live with rhe SK always saying...thay used to be my room. They grew up and moved out.

Should we sell and get a different house so it's ours and nothing is theirs or what should we do?

I am a step mom to a 13 year old girl and have historically had a very tense relationship with BM. Over the past 5 years, I’ve witnessed this woman in various different states. She is currently pregnant with baby #2 and is the nicest version of herself I have ever seen.

We speculated a couple times over the years that she may have untreated BP. We have even brought this up to her before in an attempt to get her professional help, but she denies and gets angry. There have been periods where she is very depressed and her home is left in a disgusting state (my step daughters clothes were stained with animal feces and urine), she doesn’t pay utilities, step kid goes hungry. Then weeks where BM is up all night posting on social media absolutely wild things and deep cleaning her house and sending us long novels over text. It was particularly bad last year and we basically had my step daughter 100% of the time.

She got pregnant a few months ago and in an attempt to get her life back on track, she moved back in with family. She is now being the nicest person ever and so motherly towards her daughter again. It’s honestly been such a nice few months for me and my husband to have a stable loving coparent who is easy to talk to and coordinate with. And even the breaks we have now when she watches her daughter have been so great for my marriage. Feels like everything is clicking with step parenting and co parenting.

However, I feel like the other shoe is going to drop and I just keep thinking about how awful it could potentially get again. Are these just her pregnancy hormones? Is stuff gonna get way bad again after she has this baby? Are the pregnancy hormones potentially helping her potential BP? So many questions and wondering if anyone has any insight or experience with this.