r/stepparents • u/DallasLace • 1d ago
Advice Right to be annoyed?
Fed up that every holiday season the parenting arrangements go out the window. BM decided that SD (young teen) can do what she wants over Xmas and NY after spending Xmas eve and Xmas day with her. This nicely coincides with my annual leave. We usually have weekends free and SD mon-thurs. OH has decided to take it upon himself to decide SD will now stay with us from yesterday to NYE. He didn’t even bother to ask me or tell me. I found out by asking. I hate the way he makes this decisions without consulting me. I also own this house, it’s my home. My holidays. It disgusts me the way he just does this and expects me not to feel upset. He hasn’t bothered to ask what my plans are, what I would like to do. It’s always about him and his daughter and what HE wants to do. I didn’t sleep, lay awake in flight or fight. I told him I was annoyed yesterday and he ignored me. Brushed it all under the carpet. I need to get out, but feel too much of an emotional wreck.
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u/mathlady2023 14h ago
Why do I come across many threads where a financially independent childless woman moved some man and his kids into her home? Women need to recognize this pattern of single dads preying on financially accomplished childless women. They have dependents and are financially handicapped from the divorce and child support. So they will love bomb an unsuspecting childless woman so they can get access to her resources for his kids.
Stop dating broke single dads who can’t afford to house their own kids. The type of person that would mooch off you financially will be an inconsiderate person bc they are a user that only cares for their comfort and that of their offspring. They are self serving and don’t care how their actions affect others.
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u/Just-Fix-2657 17h ago
He’s incredibly disrespectful and you deserve better. I would spend very little time with him or SD during your leave. Take care of yourself and prioritize yourself and have tons of fun.
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u/Charlottej1289 17h ago
My husband had just done this. Added 3 more days to his weekend and tried to gaslight me by telling me that he’d told me already. I don’t need to be told, I need to be asked.
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u/mathlady2023 14h ago
That’s when you book a weekend getaway and let him do all his child care. Do not tell him just go. If he asks, why you didn’t tell him, gaslight him and tell him you told him already.
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u/Coollogin 21h ago
He hasn’t bothered to ask what my plans are, what I would like to do.
I think his perspective is that there’s no reason to ask because he doesn’t care.
You should follow suit.
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u/No_Tomatillo7668 16h ago
I don't know if it is.
At first I didn't ask permission for my kids to be here. Then I started reading boards online and felt bad that I didn't ask. So I started.
My husband, after a few times of me asking him, asked me why I felt I needed his permission for my kids to be at their home.
From that, I learned it's all about an individuals attitude about who call a house a home.
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u/mathlady2023 14h ago
In these situations people confuse asking permission with informing your spouse. You should inform your spouse of any changes to the schedule so they can plan ahead. You don’t spring things on them last minute.
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u/AdForsaken2949 22h ago
That’s not only annoying but straight up disrespectful of your time. I would plan a few fun things you can do alone between now and NY (go to a spa, museum, day trip, take yourself on a date to a fancy restaurant) and in the meantime rethink the whole situation. What are you getting out of this? Is it worth it? Are you being used? Once you answer these questions you’ll know what to do. Sometimes being alone is the best option, maybe you will miss the occasional companionship but at least you will eliminate a huge source of stress and disappointment. Stop living someone else’s life!
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u/bookyface That bitch who is at fault for it all 21h ago
I’m in the exact same situation. YES. You’re right to be annoyed. This is disrespectful at best.
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u/Plastic_Ad_2142 21h ago
I would also be annoyed especially if it’s your break from work. Maybe you could encourage him to go see family with SD during this time so you can have some peace during your break.
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