r/stepparents • u/DallasLace • 1d ago

Advice Right to be annoyed?

Fed up that every holiday season the parenting arrangements go out the window. BM decided that SD (young teen) can do what she wants over Xmas and NY after spending Xmas eve and Xmas day with her. This nicely coincides with my annual leave. We usually have weekends free and SD mon-thurs. OH has decided to take it upon himself to decide SD will now stay with us from yesterday to NYE. He didn’t even bother to ask me or tell me. I found out by asking. I hate the way he makes this decisions without consulting me. I also own this house, it’s my home. My holidays. It disgusts me the way he just does this and expects me not to feel upset. He hasn’t bothered to ask what my plans are, what I would like to do. It’s always about him and his daughter and what HE wants to do. I didn’t sleep, lay awake in flight or fight. I told him I was annoyed yesterday and he ignored me. Brushed it all under the carpet. I need to get out, but feel too much of an emotional wreck.

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u/Coollogin 1d ago

He hasn’t bothered to ask what my plans are, what I would like to do.

I think his perspective is that there’s no reason to ask because he doesn’t care.

You should follow suit.

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u/No_Tomatillo7668 1d ago

I don't know if it is.

At first I didn't ask permission for my kids to be here. Then I started reading boards online and felt bad that I didn't ask. So I started.

My husband, after a few times of me asking him, asked me why I felt I needed his permission for my kids to be at their home.

From that, I learned it's all about an individuals attitude about who call a house a home.

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u/mathlady2023 1d ago

In these situations people confuse asking permission with informing your spouse. You should inform your spouse of any changes to the schedule so they can plan ahead. You don’t spring things on them last minute.