r/facepalm • u/javelin3000 • Aug 23 '24

🇲​🇮​🇸​🇨​ Oh dear...

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24.8k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

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11.6k

u/1oddfish Aug 23 '24

He's gonna have to take off his shoes for the Donald/Barron numbers.

5.2k

u/spiforever Aug 23 '24

Donvict was 48 when Tiffany was born.

2.6k

u/fgzhtsp Aug 23 '24

Donvict is a great name.

1.4k

u/n3Ver9h0st Aug 23 '24

So is Felonald

1.2k

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '24

Felonald Donvict sounds like a D&D name. Lol

166

u/Acceptingoptimist Aug 23 '24

The local town of Hemel on the lake has a wanted poster for Felonald Donvict, but through well-timed NPC exposition monologues, and a few successful persuasion checks, you learn he's actually a warlock. After the final combat, it is revealed he was a mere stooge. He was coerced into this pact by a higher villain: Vladimir Pissant. An evil gnome who obsconded his throne through treachery and murder.

52

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '24

Just that little bit right there sounds like such a fun campaign. So good. Lol

30

u/twodogsfighting Aug 23 '24

It's always a fucking evil gnome.

1

u/Acceptingoptimist Aug 23 '24

If I had a copper for every time....

3

u/great_red_dragon Aug 23 '24

The ancient hempsteade of Hemel, is in fact, a complete shithole

3

u/Immediate-Season-293 Aug 23 '24

May I suggest the name Baldimir instead of Vladimir?

2

u/abousono Aug 23 '24

If he’s a Stooge, he’s most likely a Shemp, or even worse, a Joe. One of the least liked Stooges.

2

u/txn_gay Aug 23 '24

Thanks for the campaign idea.

254

u/Beagle313 Aug 23 '24

You gave me an idea for my next BBEG

104

u/billy_goatboi Aug 23 '24

Sounds more like the waste shovelling village idiot

94

u/YDoEyeNeedAName Aug 23 '24

More of a snake oil sales man that projects the image of wealth but Is actually destitute and is working on weakening the kingdom from the inside by sewing discontent, fear of outsiders, and promoting isolationism, all becuase his paltry finances are being buoyed by hostile kingdoms trying to gain power in the local region.

23

u/SpilledSalt4U Aug 23 '24

Maybe he's sewing a discontent quilt.

13

u/Vascular_Mind Aug 23 '24

So, a small bad evil guy instead of a BBEG.

5

u/_Boom___Beard_ Aug 23 '24

BBEG with small hands

3

u/youpayyourway Aug 23 '24

Small sad evil guy

14

u/LightRobb Aug 23 '24

Tho the guy shoveling poo at least does something useful.

1

u/billy_goatboi Aug 23 '24

Depends on where to he's shovelling

3

u/Lewtwin Aug 23 '24

the Poopsmith?

1

u/StoneLuca97 Aug 23 '24

Rogue that for some damn reason has put all his stats anywhere else but stealth

26

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '24

Lol. Hell yeah. I was thinking the same thing.

32

u/LoganBassist Aug 23 '24

I'm afraid to tell my DM, but also very excited

19

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '24

Why? It's a great name for a baddie. Are they just kinda uptight about their stories or something?

2

u/hypnoskills Aug 23 '24

Or a bard.

1

u/LoganBassist Aug 24 '24

I'm afraid what he'd do with it hahaha. I don't think we're ready for Felonald Donvict

11

u/Justprunes-6344 Aug 23 '24

In 20 years when Mara Logo becomes a federal prison complex akin to Mordor but wetter

8

u/Axel_Raden Aug 23 '24

Make Faerûn great again MFGA

3

u/shibemu Aug 23 '24

"I will build the greatest undead army, best in the world and the skeletons are going to pay for it." - Flonald Donvict

1

u/nasandre Aug 23 '24

What would be his signature move?

2

u/Beagle313 Aug 23 '24

Probably something along the lines of Propaganda - Each creature in 50ft radius has to make a DC 15 Wisdom saving throw or lose its free will, now obeying the orders of the caster for the next 24 hours. After that, the creatures will believe that whatever they had done was for the better good.

1

u/lucianobartolucci Aug 23 '24

It's my idea forn a side character my players will not suspect from because theyre idiots

2

u/TerrakSteeltalon Aug 23 '24

A friend of mine once said that, what with Trump’s ability to avoid real consequences for anything up through looking at an eclipse, he’s like a character being played by the DM

1

u/fgzhtsp Aug 23 '24

He is a bard/warlock.

1

u/Imaginary_Wizard800 Aug 23 '24

Sounds like an evolution line from Pokémon💀

1

u/ladyzowy Aug 23 '24

Or a porn star name

1

u/Project_Rees Aug 23 '24

Oh. My. Gosh.

Yes, stealing it for my next campaign. Thank you.

1

u/QuietGrudge Aug 23 '24

My next Baldur's Gate Durge character.

1

u/thewaldenpuddle Aug 23 '24

The chamber of Epstein side quest?!?

1

u/Oviedius Aug 23 '24

I saw DonOld, liked that one too!

1

u/FedoraMask Aug 23 '24

Donvict Felonald sounds like an amazing Gamertag. 😂🤣

13

u/philster666 Aug 23 '24

Doesn’t roll off the tongue though

3

u/BESTtaylorINTHEWORLD Aug 23 '24

Rolls down on a shaft 🤷... I'll see myself out

1

u/TonarinoTotoro1719 Aug 23 '24

Try singing it. Feliz Felonald, Feliz Felonald…

24

u/Dry_Masterpiece8319 Aug 23 '24

ConDon

2

u/good_from_afar Aug 23 '24

Nice never heard this one yet

16

u/Dry_Masterpiece8319 Aug 23 '24

ConDon

2

u/good_from_afar Aug 23 '24

Heard this one before but still great

2

u/fernatic19 Aug 23 '24

Felonald sounds so formal. Only the best black tie kiddie parties for sir Felonald.

2

u/Sylvert0ngue Aug 23 '24

Some despicable me villain ahh name

2

u/Dynomite186 Aug 23 '24

That sounds like an prescription opioid.

1

u/Arahor Aug 23 '24

I prefer Don Diaper

1

u/Only-Capital5393 Aug 23 '24

Tonald Drumpf

1

u/Dujak_Yevrah Aug 23 '24

Fentanyl mentioned. Gonna do something crazy now.

2

u/DoggoKing4937 Aug 23 '24

I hereby sentence Donvict to transportation to KissMyAsstralia for touching kids and getting orange paint all over the courtrooms and bribing the mentally challenged.

2

u/hellhoundtheone Aug 23 '24

pls can you tell me why this dude breaks the law on a regular base but never gets punished? is you law system really that bad?? he gets away even if there is a ton of evidence?? cant rap my mind arround it.... this is a real question

1

u/fgzhtsp Aug 23 '24

Corrupt to the very root.

2

u/Tdanger78 Aug 23 '24

Donvict von Schitzenpantz

1

u/textmint Aug 23 '24

It’s not Donvict. It’s Donold. 😀😀😀

1

u/HailYeah21 Aug 23 '24

Donold is my go-to now

1

u/MrAuster Aug 23 '24

Bro I read Convict 💀

1

u/livinginfutureworld Aug 23 '24

I'm partial to Felonious Trump

1

u/Spence10873 Aug 23 '24

Everyone is saying it

1

u/Ancient-Cap-6197 Aug 23 '24

Donvict, Music, and you know we're felons

1

u/Regular-Switch454 Aug 23 '24

Imma borrow that one.

1

u/splycedaddy Aug 24 '24

Keep it simple. DonOLD says it all

200

u/heffel77 Aug 23 '24

I had to do a double take when I was listening to Bill Clinton. It makes sense but the fact that Don is older than Bill, the guy who was president while I was in high school in the early 90’s, and he still is trying to run really hit home how fucking old Drumpf really is!

21

u/Lane-Kiffin Aug 23 '24

Also Ronald Reagan (born 1911) is older than John F. Kennedy (born 1917), as well as Nixon and Ford and Carter.

If JFK was a septuagenarian (like the last two presidents), he would have been president in the 1990s.

376

u/dwbaz01 Aug 23 '24

... and 3 months shy of 60 when Barron was born.

82

u/vcwalden Aug 23 '24

The Donvict was 59 when Barron was born. That milk was way beyond it's "Best Used by Date" and needed to be thrown away in the dumpster long before it was used!

54

u/LeftyLifeIsRoughLife Aug 23 '24

And 60 when Baron (the guarded child) was born.

28

u/Regular_Climate_6885 Aug 23 '24

The demon child

46

u/JDPdawg Aug 23 '24

I also approve of this message.

6

u/Earth_Friendly-5892 Aug 23 '24

These people obviously don’t do any research before they spew their bike rhetoric.

3

u/auguriesoffilth Aug 23 '24

Which is more than 47 and also more than 43. Why are there both in the post?

5

u/Responsible-End7361 Aug 23 '24

Tiffany was 12 when Barron was born.

Or to put it another way, Trump had a son when he was Walz's cureent age, so if you want to criticize Walz for having a son 17 years ago...

2

u/matt-r_hatter Aug 23 '24

Donvict, yessss!!!

2

u/thesilentbob123 Aug 23 '24

We all know he doesn't care about Tiffany

2

u/Ganymede_Aoede Aug 23 '24

I call him Diaper Rump, but I really like yours.

2

u/Slipsonic Aug 23 '24

Fred Trump was 41 when Donald was conceived. The hypocrisy with these people is almost enough to put me in a coma. Fuck.

2

u/DatabaseThis9637 Aug 23 '24

Excuse me, but we don't compare the donold to common people. His shit don't stink, and his semen is always fresh! /s

BTW, semen doesn't sit around in the testicles, waiting for 48 years to be called upon. It likely wasn't more than a week old.

2

u/MurseWoods Aug 24 '24

Props!! All these years and I thought I’d heard every great nickname for Cheeto McTweeto, but yours is my favorite in a long while!!

1

u/MrJamesMadrid07 Aug 23 '24

Donvict lolz.

1

u/ThatWasFortunate Aug 23 '24

And like 60 when baron was

1

u/DoctorMelvinMirby Aug 23 '24

And when he tried to bang her the first time?

1

u/countrysurprise Aug 23 '24

And 60 when Barron was born

1

u/briantoofine Aug 23 '24

And 60 when Barron was born

1

u/PupLondon Aug 23 '24

DonOld was 62 when Barron was born

1

u/HeavyTea Aug 23 '24

So 60 for Barron (B-Villain)

1

u/shnoby Aug 23 '24

60 when Barron was born.

1

u/laundryghostie Aug 23 '24

Means he was really old when Barron was born.