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Apr 06 '23 edited Apr 06 '23
Everyday. Winning it sober, too.
Edit: These comments have been amazingly heartfelt. I didn't expect to get teary-eyed from so many kind words.
I appreciate yall. Sometimes the mind plays tricks on us, so reading these genuine comments means a lot and really made my day. Amazing motivation to wake up to.
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u/goodguybryan Apr 06 '23
Awesome!!!
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Apr 06 '23
Why do we have to not tell anyone about it though? What’s so noble about that, it seems self defeating and like some form of empty bravado
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u/ajbags26 Apr 06 '23
Often times, sharing your current “war” can actually slow your process. If it’s head down focus, it’s easier to maintain. Doesn’t mean your s/o or family can’t ask and you be honest about it, just don’t go on Facebook and talk about your 3 lbs lost.
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Apr 06 '23 edited Feb 20 '24
pathetic unwritten office imagine slave summer grey depend theory marry
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u/tgifmondays Apr 06 '23
Yeah I learned about this years ago and it describes so much of my self defeating tendencies. Even in my own head. Then comes the fear that I wont live up to the accomplishments I've already promised myself.
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Apr 06 '23 edited Feb 20 '24
afterthought psychotic capable jellyfish lunchroom obscene quaint disagreeable ask attempt
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u/tgifmondays Apr 06 '23
Yeah this is a good mindset, thank you. Also doing a lot of work around general mindfulness. If I can find joy and accomplishment with my work her and now that’s what really matters.
Any future tripping or past regrets just take away from that. Of course it’s easier said than done, but it’s like you said, always a work in progress
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Apr 06 '23
Absolutely. I have a dramatic past and I've moved forward. We are human and even when we tell ourselves that life is about the experience, that we need to cherish the moment. We will have feelings and it's never easy. But resonating with your thoughts gets you through. You have to be strong, hopeful of the future and cherish moments. Way easier said than done.
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Apr 06 '23
That’s not true and you’re thinking of sharing goals not adversity
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u/ajbags26 Apr 06 '23
Your goal is to win the war?
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Apr 06 '23
That’s not sharing adversity
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u/CreamyPussyCum Apr 06 '23
Speak for yourself. I have my own wars I will never talk about out loud for a myriad of reasons. No one here is saying you can't talk about your own wars though. Where in this quote did it mention that? Where exactly did it say not to share your war? Where exactly huh?
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u/mynameisnotshamus Apr 06 '23
Who is saying it’s noble or for purposes of bravado? It’s done for many reasons, none of which are as you depict. Shame, self preservation, lack of skills to share, lack of trusted people to share with and many other deeply personal reasons. I commend you being one of the apparent lucky ones to not have experienced this though.
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u/FamilyStyle2505 Apr 06 '23
Exactly. Sometimes our "war" is working on past trauma and it's not something we want to talk about outside of maybe therapy. Sometimes the war involves a daily battle where you just wish you could NOT think about the thing for one damn day. Or have a happy moment without your brain being like "hey bro, remember that horrible thing that happened? No time to be happy!' Also people may not understand your struggle and if talking about it makes you feel like you're reliving it, you may keep it quiet.
Obviously it doesn't need to be that deep, as others have pointed out, but it's definitely a reason we may be fighting a war we tell (almost) no one about.
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u/panundeerus Apr 06 '23
No1 said you have to not tell anyone about it.
Its just a straight up fact that big part dont tell about their wars because they are embarrassed about the war itself/dont want other people to know In Case they fail etc etc.
You are free to share your wars to the world.
Stop putting People down ,Who doesnt want to share their war, with your mocking words
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u/tnharwal55 Apr 06 '23
I saw it more as a personal struggle that you win. Not that we should never talk about our struggles, but some people just prefer not to talk about things and this card is still rooting for them.
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u/LillyTheElf Apr 06 '23
I highly encourage people tell a therapist but not every struggle should be or can be shared with family and friends.
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u/fruskydekke Apr 06 '23
Because it's painful and frightening? It puts you at risk of people rejecting you for your flaws?
Nobody's saying it's noble not to say anything about it. Just that a lot of people have struggles that they dare not talk about. I know I do.
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u/kplong02 Apr 06 '23
Clearly, you've never had to deal with anything you had to learn the hard way was better to keep to yourself. Hopefully, you never have to and can keep on invalidating everyone else.
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u/Justhrowitaway42069 Apr 06 '23
There are personal battles I've shared with many. I can think of two that I'm struggling with right now that I don't want to share. Sometimes in life there are things we keep to our chest. This quote is for those times.
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u/SlutPuppyNumber9 Apr 06 '23
Sharing what you are really going through can be defeating. Most people in this world DO NOT CARE about your problems, and what's more, feel put upon or burdened when hearing them. We all have our own shit, and we don't need each other's.
If you want to be even semi-successful, then you have to put on a mask for the world to see—
Big smile, friendly attitude, treat every obstacle as a new challenge that will only serve to help you grow in the long run... It does not matter that you are fighting hard, struggling, and doing your best each and every. single. day., what matters is that you appear to be pleasant to be around.
If you don't believe me, then consider this:
What is the appropriate response to, "Hey, how's it going?"The only acceptable answer is some form of, "Good.", "Fine.", "Not bad.", etc.
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u/joejimbobjones Apr 06 '23
Because talking about it keeps you in the past. The more people you share it with the more you have to talk about it. And it's never talking about the now, it's talking about the then and the movement you've made.
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u/Solaced_Tree Apr 06 '23 edited Apr 08 '23
The thought of opening up and telling someone important to me gives me way too much anxiety. I am ashamed of myself for letting myself go in the first place. I project that onto others, in that I assume they will shame me too. So I remain silent.
2 weeks sober tho (from weed)
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u/manuplow Apr 06 '23
I also think maybe this is referring to the likelihood that we all carry inner battles that maybe aren’t ever shared with others. Not that they shouldn’t be shared, per se. And maybe this doesn’t feel like it applies to some, but it certainly applies to many.
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u/Verth_ Apr 06 '23
What I think it means It's not that you can't tell anyone about the war you're facing. It means "I hope you win the war you don't want to tell anyone about" You won't tell as in maybe you would feel embarrassed/ashamed about it. Maybe you're afraid of being judged.
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Apr 06 '23
Done people need others to feel empowered. It's not fully healthy. But.. for this we let it go.
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u/Low-Director9969 Apr 06 '23
Oh shit. Sobriety huh? No, I feel you. Just not quite there yet myself.
I Have not been able to cut back but I've started stretching before shots. It hasn't really improved the experience at all but I do feel better about myself.
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Apr 06 '23
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u/Grave26 Apr 06 '23
Thank you for your words. Its very hard sometimes. I keep telling myself if I mess up, try again tomorrow. Keep trying that's the key. You stumble and fall, pick yourself back up and try again.
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u/mflmani Apr 06 '23
Hey also sober. Idk what battles you’ve fought but this one’s hard as fuck. Good luck man!
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u/Cerebral_Reprogram Apr 06 '23
Hey fellow sobernaut. I'm at week 11, personally. Feeling really great. I'm proud of you, let's keep it going, never forget the despair we felt at our lowest, no matter how much time passes-- we could always get dragged back if we aren't vigilant.
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u/mflmani Apr 06 '23
It’s so easy to forget how shit our substance made us feel. For me it’s easy to forget how terrible it is to go through every day with a hangover or drunk (to chase away the hangover). Just hit 3 months myself! Not my longest but all the same I’m proud of both of us.
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Apr 06 '23
I needed this! Yall are spot on! I'm at day 50 and I don't wanna go backward!
I'm proud of all of us!
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Apr 06 '23
Thank you tremendously! I appreciate that! Best of luck to you too!
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u/mflmani Apr 06 '23
We got this shit! Or sometimes we don’t. Either way it’s okay and we’ll be alright, just have to remember that.
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u/MrApplePolisher Apr 06 '23
Congratulations! I hope you are having a fantastic day! Keep up the fantastic work!
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u/nestcto Apr 06 '23
Sobriety can be extremely difficult, especially when you have to take prescribed, addictive substances so you can behave how society expects.
Good work, and don't feel discouraged if you fail once in a while. Success is often build on a foundation of failures.
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u/Nerdcubing Apr 06 '23
Damn this hits hard, I already lost though hah
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u/smile-a-while Apr 06 '23
Lost the game
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u/HK47WasRightMeatbag Apr 06 '23
I hope your anus itches when you are in a public place
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u/LonelyNeedleworker33 Apr 06 '23
Nah don't worry, its a "special operation"
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Apr 06 '23
That was my first thought as well
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u/TurdKid69 Apr 06 '23
lol I was like "who is this for? Is this a weird attempt to taunt russian soldiers?"
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u/nadal20 Apr 06 '23
Wow!! This got me.
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u/goodguybryan Apr 06 '23
Me too bro! Everyone have their own war (depression, anxiety, financial, etc) and I hope we win every one of them!
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u/Odd-Establishment815 Apr 06 '23
I don’t think I will. Mom is going to get worse soon and she’ll be gone. I’m going to miss her so much. I’m trying to stay strong in front of her but it hurts
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u/Petah55 Apr 06 '23
I'm speaking here knowing full well that I don't know your situation. So I apologize in advance if I say something insensitive: Considering how you say you'll miss her, I'm assuming that you have a loving relationship towards each other. If that is the case, then your mom is your mom no matter what state she is in and you are her child no matter what state you are in. If she is so weak that you showing your feelings in front of her would worsen her condition, then I understand why you would want to remain strong in front of her. That however is rarely the case, from what I've heard of others who lost your parents and loved ones.
Maybe, just once, you could show her what it does to you. Knowing that she will be gone hurts and she's allowed to see that. I'm not saying she has to, rather, in all seriousness, she's ALLOWED to. You can give her the chance to be your mother and help you accept that pain. Maybe she lost people too, probably even her own parents and so she could support you with the process. It wouldn't be just for you to have a warm embrace. It would also be for her, so she can go while be both cared for and also caring.
I'm not saying you should turn into a weeping mess anytime you see her (would be understandable though), remain strong for as much as you can. At the same time, the stories I've heard of people who lost loved ones, who remain stable afterwards, many times involve all emotions. People laugh, people cry, people remeber the good times and sometimes they apologize for the bad ones. While she is still alive, you have the chance to give her (and most importantly yourself) experiences of wholeness.
I don't really know why I felt the need to write this, maybe it doesn't apply to your situation at all. Still, I felt like it needed to be said. In any case, I wish you all the strength for your situation. Sorry you have to go through this, it is a heavy weight to carry, I hope you don't have to do it completely alone.
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u/HalfOfHumanity Apr 06 '23
I learned don’t reminisce on the past and don’t worry about the future. It draws you away from the only thing that exists which is the present. The past and future are illusions and don’t actually exist.
Enjoy the here and now.
Isn’t it strange that things that haven’t happened can make us sad?
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u/Odd-Establishment815 Apr 06 '23
Thank you for your insight. I agree, truly is strange. It also truly sucks
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u/Apotheothena Apr 06 '23
I lost my mother in November and a day hasn’t gone by where she’s been in my thoughts. It’s difficult, but I’ve found solace in my memories with her and knowing that she’s at peace now. The path is lined with tears, but there is a path.
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u/Odd-Establishment815 Apr 06 '23
Thank you. It does help to know that it gets better. All I feel now is trepidation and guilt. Oh the guilt…
And of course I still laugh, and I still try to enjoy myself. But after I forget for a bit, I feel guilty for forgetting
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u/Apotheothena Apr 06 '23
My dad says the same thing—he feels so guilty when he realizes that he stopped thinking about her for a bit. I can’t speak to that guilt, but I can say that my mother didn’t want us all to stop living just to remember her. That she’d probably be happy to hear that we’ve led fulfilling lives and not spent every waking hour lost in remorse.
Good luck on your journey, and I hope you both cherish the time you have left together!
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u/Odd-Establishment815 Apr 06 '23
Thank you very much. I always wondered why people would post this kind of stuff online to strangers (well, not exactly, but I wondered how much it would actually help…) but it does help a lot
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u/Silver_Confection_57 Apr 06 '23
This is a fucking amazing quote.thank you
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u/Tony_Earll Apr 06 '23 edited Apr 06 '23
Ah yes. Internalizing personal "wars" and doing it without help is super amazing. Way to be a man
Edit: You all are taking this way to seriously. Get some help, holy shit.
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u/Silver_Confection_57 Apr 06 '23
Your ignorance is outstanding.
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u/J_Krezz Apr 06 '23
Sometimes just admitting that you are struggling is the first step. Negativity isn’t the purpose of this post so while you may be “man” enough to seek help some aren’t. You’re comments won’t help anyone.
If you don’t have anything nice to say, it might be fine to take a break from the internet.
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u/floorshitter69 Apr 06 '23
After being relentlessly mentally and physically abused for most of my childhood, molested by a male and raped by a female on many occasions, neglected and parent delinquent on child support so growing up in poverty. After years of therapy and leaning, I'm now old enough to have a few grey hairs coming in. I still don't think what happened to me was as bad as others have had it. Here's to those of us who never wanted to live but made it anyway. 🍻
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u/starpum Apr 06 '23
These weeks are def. harder than usual but so far I'm going in the right direction
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u/aznology Apr 06 '23
Dang I needed this coupled with "Don't tell anyone until it's done" 😂😂
Thank you brother I'm actually getting close to winning too
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u/Meeoikeisiintoihin Apr 06 '23
Thanks, I'm currently in Ecuador inciting a revolt among the citizens so this really helped!
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u/monstrinhotron Apr 06 '23
Not unless they actually find a cure for the ol' T1 diabeetus i'm not. Best i can do is not die today.
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u/MNCPA Apr 06 '23
I used to wake up in cold sweats, in the middle of the night. Dads going through divorces really have no resources other than "man up" or some nonsense. It's better now.
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u/YergaysThrowaway Apr 06 '23
By the end of this year--all my lovely blossoms will have their bloom...
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u/Reginald__Cousins Apr 06 '23
I feel like the reason I'm not telling anyone about my "war" is because it's a losing battle
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u/Whack-a-med Apr 06 '23
I'm losing the MCAT war while everybody around me thinks my job is the reason why I'm so stressed and exhausted.
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u/Solsagan11 Apr 06 '23
Or you, you know, talk about your problems and struggles? Maybe i am just too beta.
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u/joblagz2 Apr 06 '23
every correct decision i make, helps me win the war. sometimes i give in and lose.. the goal is to make more right decisions than wrong ones. everyday is a war.
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u/Darkbluejeanjacket Apr 06 '23
I hope you get the reddit gold you were aiming for? Hey look at the sky! An upvote! wow
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u/potjehova Apr 12 '23
Usually I don't mind talking about my personal war with others, but sometimes (in specific cases) I just keep that kind of stuff to myself.
Those who have never experienced the problem I am facing right now, usually aren't even in the position to understand, let alone help me. Also, some people think they know everything better and give me apsurdly stupid advices, so I'd rather just stfu about everything to avoid potential conflict. I mean, why would I argue with an self-righteous, close-minded, know-it-all, stubborn idiot? It's just a waste of time and energy.
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u/Own_Leadership_7607 Apr 06 '23
My Ukrainian friends are on war now... I hope they all will back to home alive...
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Apr 06 '23
Ah yes, generic moral encouragement from a source that doesn't know me and is using emotional support and happiness to avoid actually doing anything to create positive change. Exactly what we need.
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u/cjsixpointfive Apr 06 '23
One look at the comments will show that while posts like these may not be creating the immediate positive change that you want to see, it is actually motivating dozens, even hundreds of people to create positive change all over the world. When it comes to creating positive change, everything counts, no matter how small.
I'm sorry this didn't work for you, but as Gandhi said, YOU can be the change you want to see!
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Apr 06 '23
That "positive change" is nice for a split second before coming back to reality. Change is meaningless if it's only temporary. No matter how positive you are towards me, it won't change how hard it is to pay my bills, how my problems affect me, and so on.
All this post is is a painkiller. It might help in the moment, but it won't stop the cancer and it will still kill.
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u/cjsixpointfive Apr 06 '23
Are you saying you have cancer? If so, I'm sorry. Either way, you are right, the only thing that will create real change is real action.
Therefore, it is absurd to expect any post on Reddit to solve anyone's problems. It's also absurd to behave as if the best response to posts like these is to double down with negativity. To your point about cancer, what's worse, telling you I hope you get through it, or telling you that you might as well give up because it's hopeless?
Sure, actual treatment would be far more helpful, but I'm not a doctor, so the best thing I can do is offer words of kindness.
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u/Tony_Earll Apr 06 '23
Nothing like battling a war by yourself and not telling anyone or talking about it. Is that a win?
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u/mattyag Apr 06 '23
Winning the war of my secret bisexuality in this day and age is overwhelming exhausting
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Apr 06 '23
Ha sry but no. I a veteran and u need be loud n proud about the war u fite n. Why else do it? A lot in this country seem to forget who out there fiting for them. You better bet I have veteran hat on all the time n use the discounts lol. Now I telling me shut up! Wow thanks a lot I bet u be so much happier if I didnt fite off the taliban for you? This country man. Going to hells hand baskit
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u/FleshCabinet Apr 06 '23
What is this? Facebook? Feels like I'm scrolling through my aunt's feed or something
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Apr 06 '23
Ah yes i am in dire need of this motivation because i gonna be breaking the world record of jer*king of 57 times. Wish me luck boys. I am at 32 and im sore now
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u/BrockChocolate Apr 06 '23
Thanks! Those moles who keep ruining my garden aren't prepared for the coming summer
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u/happyanathema Apr 06 '23
Is this from a range of fortune cookies aimed specifically at Vladimir Putin?
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u/B00OBSMOLA Apr 06 '23
thought this was motivation for putin at first since he's hiding the war (calling it a special operation).
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u/LillyTheElf Apr 06 '23
Im already a causality, part of me is just gonna be kinda fucked forever. But there is other stuff to live for. Room for growth, love, friendship, passions, adventure, family and fulfillment. But some wounds are from a Morgul blade.
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u/wclevel47nice Apr 06 '23
The war on tiredness. Trying to figure the optimal combination of things to have my adult self feeling the way my teenage self did. That bastard was able to feel good and awake all the time without caffeine or a selective diet
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u/schoolruler Apr 06 '23
You can't tell them because it would put them in danger. Think about your loved ones.
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u/zsts Apr 06 '23
Sometimes when I feel down i say to myself "you are goddamn warrior and war is not over yet"
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u/DustinWheat Apr 06 '23
The secret wars are dangerous but with Spider Mans help i think we might just win
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u/Roseysdaddy Apr 06 '23
Brave to think that almost everyone isn't proudly posting every tribulation they have on social media.
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u/ooojaeger Apr 06 '23
I hope you tell people about the war. Probably why it's a war and not a battle because you have no support
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u/BeefStevenson Apr 06 '23
There’s no “winning” against grief, not really, but I appreciate the message.
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u/tranda_ Apr 06 '23
When i have to write something like a job application or a passport form my hands get so shaky to the point I can't write and i don't know how to deal with it. Mostly happens if people are around me or watching me write it.
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u/HugePurpleNipples Apr 06 '23
A therapist friend once told me that depressed people often feel lazy or guilty for lack of motivation and progress. He said “they’re not lazy, they just use most of their energy trying to survive.”
That one really got me.