I don’t think I will. Mom is going to get worse soon and she’ll be gone. I’m going to miss her so much. I’m trying to stay strong in front of her but it hurts
I'm speaking here knowing full well that I don't know your situation. So I apologize in advance if I say something insensitive:
Considering how you say you'll miss her, I'm assuming that you have a loving relationship towards each other. If that is the case, then your mom is your mom no matter what state she is in and you are her child no matter what state you are in. If she is so weak that you showing your feelings in front of her would worsen her condition, then I understand why you would want to remain strong in front of her. That however is rarely the case, from what I've heard of others who lost your parents and loved ones.
Maybe, just once, you could show her what it does to you. Knowing that she will be gone hurts and she's allowed to see that. I'm not saying she has to, rather, in all seriousness, she's ALLOWED to. You can give her the chance to be your mother and help you accept that pain. Maybe she lost people too, probably even her own parents and so she could support you with the process. It wouldn't be just for you to have a warm embrace. It would also be for her, so she can go while be both cared for and also caring.
I'm not saying you should turn into a weeping mess anytime you see her (would be understandable though), remain strong for as much as you can. At the same time, the stories I've heard of people who lost loved ones, who remain stable afterwards, many times involve all emotions. People laugh, people cry, people remeber the good times and sometimes they apologize for the bad ones. While she is still alive, you have the chance to give her (and most importantly yourself) experiences of wholeness.
I don't really know why I felt the need to write this, maybe it doesn't apply to your situation at all. Still, I felt like it needed to be said.
In any case, I wish you all the strength for your situation. Sorry you have to go through this, it is a heavy weight to carry, I hope you don't have to do it completely alone.
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u/Odd-Establishment815 Apr 06 '23
I don’t think I will. Mom is going to get worse soon and she’ll be gone. I’m going to miss her so much. I’m trying to stay strong in front of her but it hurts