r/howtonotgiveafuck • u/Plastic-Cabinet-4840 • 3d ago
brothers..
my existence generally bothers me. elaboration, things such as talking to people, the way i have talked to people, the interactions i have with people i call friends. it all bothers me. i could be having the best time ever and the sudden realization that others can perceive me pulls me right out of it. the fact that i live in a house, brush my teeth, doing everyday things makes me feel embarrassed.
i get negative feelings thinking about family the most. just knowing that they’ve seen me grow up from a little kid makes me feel so icky and stupid.
i’m not sure if it stems from all the bad interactions i’ve had, like having a hard time understanding what people mean or say. i’ve learned over the years how people work and communicate and it’s helped me improve interactions. yet, i still have trouble dealing with the aftermath. did i say something stupid? did i sound extremely dumb to anyone? why am i here? did epstein kill himself? blah blah blah
all of this to ask, how do i cope with my existence? how do all of you not get embarrassed or overwhelmed by past experiences? how do you… not give a fuck?
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u/DocMcCracken 3d ago
No one cares. Most of the specifics of our interactions are immediately forgotten. People don't remember what you said, they remember how you made them feel. You still need to forgive yourself, you're only human after all.
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u/Plastic-Cabinet-4840 1d ago
you’re right, what you said about the remembrance of only feelings helped. we’re all only temporary anyway
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u/Ben_Mojo 3d ago edited 3d ago
Like the other comment said, forgive yourself. Whatever you did growing up you were growing up. So it's expected to make mistakes.
And even now, you don't have to be perfect. And you might be overanalyzing things from a place of anxiety, feeling the weight of your own thoughts and judgment.
But what you think people think about you might not be accurate. People will think any sorts of things about you and you have no control over it. And in most cases it's more about them and their own beliefs and life experience than it is about you. Some will not care or notice, some will judge you for no valid reason, some will have compassion and understanding and will love you anyway.
You need to start looking at what you do right. I have no shadow of a doubt you have value and you do and say good things.
At the end of the day, how you feel about yourself is your responsibility. You need to be nicer to yourself, validate yourself, be there for yourself. No amount of exterior validation will reassure you if you don't start doing it for yourself.
When you're your main source of validation, you care less about people's judgment and worry less about it.
If you're in a dark place, seeking professionnal help is an option.
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u/Lucidgreeneyes09 2d ago
Beautiful. 👏 I want to be there for myself, that's the goal. Seems like this means finishing what I start, doing what I say I'm gonna do, forgiving myself for mistakes. All this I'm still learning to do.
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u/Unhappy_Race1162 1d ago
I get the same. I'll be having a fine day, then my brother or dad pop into my head, and then I'm basically like "what are you smiling at, you look so stupid" and then that's that.
Basically, I've been beaten or yelled at for so many various reasons that I can have a negative connection to almost anything I see. Everything reminds me of how stupid I am, how ugly, how much a failure, etc.
I'm learning that a lot of it is a mixture of adhd, autism, and having horrific family members.
My family basically stopped getting together when my maga uncle was accused of touching his niece. Drove a wedge right through everything, then he refused the COVID vax and died pretty quick. He was very overweight, an asshole, and apparently a pedo -always made me very uncomfortable and I'm not sure he didn't touch me too and i just don't remember. I have a terrible memory and for all i know I've blocked it out. Every Christmas was uncomfortable.
I have no family left.
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