brothers..

[u/Plastic-Cabinet-4840]

my existence generally bothers me. elaboration, things such as talking to people, the way i have talked to people, the interactions i have with people i call friends. it all bothers me. i could be having the best time ever and the sudden realization that others can perceive me pulls me right out of it. the fact that i live in a house, brush my teeth, doing everyday things makes me feel embarrassed.

i get negative feelings thinking about family the most. just knowing that they’ve seen me grow up from a little kid makes me feel so icky and stupid.

i’m not sure if it stems from all the bad interactions i’ve had, like having a hard time understanding what people mean or say. i’ve learned over the years how people work and communicate and it’s helped me improve interactions. yet, i still have trouble dealing with the aftermath. did i say something stupid? did i sound extremely dumb to anyone? why am i here? did epstein kill himself? blah blah blah

all of this to ask, how do i cope with my existence? how do all of you not get embarrassed or overwhelmed by past experiences? how do you… not give a fuck?

[u/Ben_Mojo]

Like the other comment said, forgive yourself. Whatever you did growing up you were growing up. So it's expected to make mistakes.

And even now, you don't have to be perfect. And you might be overanalyzing things from a place of anxiety, feeling the weight of your own thoughts and judgment.

But what you think people think about you might not be accurate. People will think any sorts of things about you and you have no control over it. And in most cases it's more about them and their own beliefs and life experience than it is about you. Some will not care or notice, some will judge you for no valid reason, some will have compassion and understanding and will love you anyway.

You need to start looking at what you do right. I have no shadow of a doubt you have value and you do and say good things.

At the end of the day, how you feel about yourself is your responsibility. You need to be nicer to yourself, validate yourself, be there for yourself. No amount of exterior validation will reassure you if you don't start doing it for yourself.

When you're your main source of validation, you care less about people's judgment and worry less about it.

If you're in a dark place, seeking professionnal help is an option.

[u/Lucidgreeneyes09 → u/Ben_Mojo]

Beautiful. 👏 I want to be there for myself, that's the goal. Seems like this means finishing what I start, doing what I say I'm gonna do, forgiving myself for mistakes. All this I'm still learning to do.