r/facepalm Aug 27 '24

šŸ‡²ā€‹šŸ‡®ā€‹šŸ‡øā€‹šŸ‡Øā€‹ Welp

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29.9k Upvotes

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4.2k

u/VibraniumRhino Aug 27 '24

BUT BUT BUT ISNā€™T THIS JUST SO MUCH BETTER NOW THAT GOD IS PLEASED?

2.1k

u/OddDragonfruit7993 Aug 27 '24

Blood for the blood god!

884

u/say_it_aint_slow Aug 27 '24

Skulls for the skull throne.

799

u/PrimaryCoolantShower Aug 27 '24

Babies for the Baby Oil.

436

u/firechaos70 Autistic vaccine enjoyer Aug 27 '24

"Hey, buddy, is this made of real or artificial babies?"

391

u/Bastardjuice Aug 27 '24

Cold-pressed, extra-virginā€¦

Iā€™m sorry, Iā€™ll see myself out.

267

u/MechanicalBengal Aug 27 '24

Itā€™s a red state, so 50/50 on whether any given baby is a virgin

69

u/VibraniumRhino Aug 28 '24

LOL god damn. I miss awards.

49

u/TehMephs Aug 28 '24

šŸ’€

14

u/PrinceoftheMad Aug 28 '24

I hate youā€¦ noā€¦ LOATHE you. Take my upvote you filthy cretin

6

u/Professional_Buy_615 Aug 28 '24

Sithrak would be pleased.

111

u/BKStephens Aug 27 '24

This better fucking be organic!

78

u/willclerkforfood Aug 27 '24

Donā€™t want some damn GMO babies in my baby oil

7

u/mptorian Aug 28 '24

This is all part of the Big baby industry plan to make baby oil unaffordable for all of us so we have to make and press our own babies. And if I have to press my own babies then what am I going to eat for dinner.

5

u/Dillo64 Aug 28 '24

Quit your belly-achinā€™ ya Big Baby!

ā€¦. no, seriously, I mean that. Big Baby needs to make better product, their cheap knock off crap is causing me severe gastro-intestinal distress!

8

u/TangoRomeoKilo Aug 28 '24

I'm pro GMO I'll take those babies baby

4

u/dorksided787 Aug 28 '24

GMO or not, you just have to be ok with microplastics in your baby

2

u/Bluetower85 Aug 28 '24

Excuse me, is this baby oil gluten-free?

10

u/zmbjebus Aug 28 '24

With all the medicine they get at birth I doubt any baby would qualify as 100% USDA or OMRI organic

5

u/sometacosfordinner Aug 28 '24

And gluten free I'm not celiac just an asshole

8

u/AbominableSnowPickle Aug 28 '24

Small batch, locally sourced babies, no less!

48

u/kleighk Aug 27 '24

This reminded me of a horrible, yet somehow hilarious, thing my college roommate used to say: ā€œThat sounds about as fun as a blender full of babies.ā€ I canā€™t explain it.

5

u/Nihilistic_Navigator Aug 28 '24

wish dead baby jokes were still a thing.

whats worse than a dead baby in a trash can?

a dead baby in 2 trash cans.

2

u/kleighk Aug 28 '24

šŸ˜‚Thatā€™s me 20 years ago in response.

šŸ˜«(me now) Yeah, I guess itā€™s in REALLLY bad taste these days.

2

u/Nihilistic_Navigator Aug 28 '24

Idk maybe we can harness that power for good? Suggestion:

Whats worse than a dead baby? ..... project 2025

2

u/kleighk Aug 28 '24

I like your positive spin!

8

u/KiwiObserver Aug 28 '24

Is synthetic baby oil made from real babies?

6

u/PokeRay68 Aug 28 '24

Can't be, can it?

5

u/PokeRay68 Aug 28 '24

"We use only the finest organic babies here, sir."

3

u/GIOverdrive Aug 28 '24

microplastics in babies so uhh......yes

83

u/Mord4k Aug 27 '24

Slanesh is suddenly very curious where this is going

6

u/buttered_scone Aug 28 '24

Dicks for the dick god?

52

u/Comfortable_Swim_380 Aug 27 '24

Shit this thread just got hella dark all of a sudden. And that's impressive given the topic was abandoning babies.

8

u/Caine_sin Aug 28 '24

You haven't played warhammer have you...

8

u/No_Maybe_IDontKnow Aug 27 '24

This right here is the agenda.

3

u/BamaGiJoe13 Aug 28 '24

Nulin oil comes from babies ?!?!?

5

u/AerolothLorien666 Aug 27 '24

Abort the aborters!

1

u/TheFleshGordon Aug 28 '24

Do you use heirloom babies in your baby oil?

1

u/Phoenix-Quill Aug 28 '24

No wonder this is a trend in America!

54

u/Levonorgestrelfairy1 Aug 27 '24

Blood for the Emperor. Skulls for the golden Throne!

22

u/Rangerjon94 Aug 27 '24

We found the Zealot...

19

u/thebearbearington Aug 27 '24

Milk for the Khorne Flakes!

6

u/solacir18 Aug 28 '24

FOR CADIA!

3

u/[deleted] Aug 28 '24

Water for the drowning god. šŸ¤£ sorry I was thinking of Game of Thrones. Anyway Texass is the worst fucking state Iā€™ve ever lived in and Iā€™ve lived in Kansas.

2

u/Voidless-One Aug 28 '24

Cords shall give us eyes!

1

u/Legitimate-Maize-826 Sep 02 '24

All hail Khorne!

17

u/V7I_TheSeventhSector Aug 27 '24

he did like killing orphans

5

u/SuperBub321 Aug 28 '24

only in self defense though

7

u/KrillingIt Aug 27 '24

Today is the day I start calling the Christian god the god of blood

4

u/OddDragonfruit7993 Aug 28 '24

I heartily agree with that description.

8

u/colorfulzeeb Aug 27 '24

He did draw first blood

4

u/Wheeljack239 Aug 28 '24

They do really just want 40k, except without all the obscenely violent sci-fi combat that makes it cool. Fucking theocrats.

4

u/brankinginthenorth Aug 27 '24

Dirt for the Dirtman!

3

u/Ok-Professional-1727 Aug 27 '24

"Harriers for the cup!"

3

u/[deleted] Aug 28 '24

Lol. mohg from elden ring is getting a little stiff

2

u/WardenDresden83 Aug 27 '24

Whaaaaaaaaaag

2

u/Titanbeard Aug 28 '24

I dunno man, pretty sure Khorne would be pro-choice. If you can't defeat them in combat, it wouldn't be worth it.

265

u/patrickab7 Aug 27 '24

At least they weren't aborted!

Now if they survive, they can live to be shot in school!

131

u/[deleted] Aug 27 '24

[deleted]

108

u/patrickab7 Aug 27 '24

Thank the heaven's that no guns will be harmed!

34

u/NeedsMoreSpicy Aug 28 '24

The American Dream šŸ„°

9

u/green__problem Aug 28 '24

And if they survive compulsory education, they can live to secure decades worth of college and medical debt.

6

u/patrickab7 Aug 28 '24

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! šŸ‡ŗšŸ‡øšŸ‡ŗšŸ‡øšŸ‡ŗšŸ‡ø

10

u/VibraniumRhino Aug 28 '24

ā€œGreatest country in the world!ā€

  • someone who has never left their own state, only watched local news and actively votes against their own basic needs and blames other people for it

120

u/grated_testes Aug 27 '24

Surely the god who supports cannibalism, blood sacrifice, slavery, and the daily deaths of thousands of children cares a whole lot about abortion!

24

u/[deleted] Aug 27 '24

Donā€™t forget the god of sex slavery and genocide.

2

u/shellofbiomatter Aug 28 '24

Which one of those?

2

u/[deleted] Aug 28 '24

The Bible one:

Numbers 31:17-18
17Ā Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him.

18Ā But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves.

60

u/DarthGayAgenda Aug 27 '24

Only if they sacrificed them in His name, like he was trying to make Abraham do to Isaac.

47

u/LurkLurkleton Aug 27 '24

But then God was like "Sike!"

27

u/willclerkforfood Aug 27 '24

ā€œLOL J/K!!! Oh my Me, look at the look on your face! Since weā€™re here tho, idk, fuckin kill that goat or somethin.ā€

5

u/IzarkKiaTarj Aug 28 '24

Oh, He wasn't joking, He just

noticed a mistake
.

5

u/Boodikii Aug 27 '24

Obviously they didn't sacrifice enough goats, God sent his angel of death to em.

9

u/ShaggysGTI Aug 27 '24

I know itā€™s fun to poke fun at this shit but seriously, this is what they voted for and unfortunately will continue to vote for.

3

u/VibraniumRhino Aug 28 '24

Yep. Somehow thereā€™s a legal separation of church and state that happened butā€¦ itā€™s okay for a huge number of the Republican senate to be proud Christians? Wild times.

6

u/bokmcdok Aug 28 '24

If this pleases your God, then that God is not good.

3

u/VibraniumRhino Aug 28 '24

Almost none of them are.

6

u/sallyhags Aug 28 '24

I think the Republican pedophiles will just reopen orphanages so they'll literally have a place to go to abuse all the unwanted children.

4

u/VibraniumRhino Aug 28 '24

Orphanages are where you go if you donā€™t get human trafficked. Itā€™s like the new purgatory of the foster care system.

23

u/crazy_farmer Aug 27 '24

Itā€™s not about god. Itā€™s about control.

2

u/VibraniumRhino Aug 28 '24

Their cultists are obsessed with the Bible and they totally lean into that. If itā€™s not about god, it involves him either way.

1

u/mtl514mtl Aug 28 '24

Let he without sin cast the first stoneā€¦. Itā€™s not about god or the bible. Itā€™s about control.

5

u/PokeRay68 Aug 28 '24

I'm so glad for the common sense that allows me to understand this without the "/s".

4

u/VibraniumRhino Aug 28 '24

Part of me was worried after I hit ā€˜sendā€™ that I still might have needed it. Thankfully I didnā€™t for the majority it seems.

4

u/Ghoulscomecrawling Aug 28 '24

CLEARLY THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER, NO EMBRYOS BEING REMOVED. YOU KNOW THOSE THINGS WITH NO THOUGHTS OR CONCEPT OF PAIN OR EXISTENCE?

JUST FULLY BORN BABIES BEING DUMPED WHERE EVER.

PRAISE THE LORD

7

u/Cyclesadrift Aug 27 '24

This sentence makes religion feel that much much crazier

5

u/Happy_Bigs1021 Aug 27 '24

Itā€™s ignorant of people to think theyā€™d understand what an omnipotent superior dietyā€™s designs would be.

8

u/Federal_Sympathy4667 Aug 27 '24

Well it is not so much ignorance as it is contemptuos.

5

u/VibraniumRhino Aug 28 '24

I think we are intelligent enough to break down what we do know: - he likes rape - he hates women - he created both of those things, including The Devilā„¢, the biggest scapegoat for toxic behaviour - he would rather watch a woman and baby struggle through a difficult ā€œlifeā€ (that he caused) than allow a woman to make a choice to terminate a pregnancy (not ā€œkilling a babyā€;a baby isnā€™t a baby until itā€™s born) and potentially allow her to make a choice LATER to have a baby she can successfully care for and raise. Definitely better to watch them both her struggle and die, just so he can [checks notes] bring them before him once again and judge them based on their actions? - heā€™s totally cool with billionaires trafficking underaged children on a worldwide scale and allows that show to go on, and since so many are good praying Christianā€™s and Catholics, they get to absolve their sins and love in eternal bliss, after living a life of terrorizing others existences.

Fuck the god cults.

3

u/becauseusoft Aug 28 '24

Also arrogant. What a stellar combination, ignorance and arrogance.

5

u/Birkin07 Aug 27 '24

The god that created abortion so we didnā€™t have to suffer through all this republican bullshit?

3

u/VibraniumRhino Aug 28 '24

Nah, any plot holes are covered by ā€œthe devil did it!ā€ so they never ever have to bother critically thinking. Knuckle-dragging cultists are extremely easy to manipulate to vote, as weā€™ve seen, so theyā€™re going to keep pedaling their religion bullshit until it stops working in their favor.

2

u/Bamce Aug 28 '24

He truly works in mysterious ways

2

u/NothingAndNow111 Aug 28 '24

Tbf god has been pretty ambivalent about dead babies in the past. Unless he's the one killing them, then he's quite animated.

4

u/Living_Job_8127 Aug 27 '24

Lmao as if a Being that created the whole universe and all life in it would simply be pleased by canceling abortion. But hey at least the kid gets a chance at a life, even without parents.

2

u/VibraniumRhino Aug 28 '24

As if it would care at all about literally anything we do down here. If it existed, we couldnā€™t even perceive it.

It makes bashing on gays and hooking up with pre-teens in 2024 just such a fucking crazy reaction to it all.

1

u/Living_Job_8127 Aug 28 '24

Nobody could possibly understand a being like God, how could we? All we know is there are consequences for our actions, like if you commit a crime you go to jail. Basic logic anyway

4

u/intotheirishole Aug 27 '24

Yes indeed it is better, because these 6 babies and many other babies will grow up ignorant and miserable and finally will become GOP voters. As intended by GOP policies.

3

u/VibraniumRhino Aug 28 '24

Itā€™s depressing how accurate this is.

1

u/SymmetricSoles Aug 28 '24

Sacrificing children to satisfy the god sounds eerily similar to what the Christians call Gehenna. Fun fact: the word Gehenna is translated in some English bibles as 'hell.'

1

u/VibraniumRhino Aug 28 '24

Child sacrifice somehow is perfectly on-brand here. And thatā€™sā€¦ enough Reddit for me for one day lol.

1

u/KatokaMika Aug 28 '24

That's what pisses me about these laws about abortion. It just ignores all the scientific facts and is purely about people's beliefs. And that is just crazy for me

1

u/HowCanThisBeMyGenX Aug 28 '24

These people wouldnā€™t know God if they stepped up and punched each of these losers right square in the face.

1

u/Cajun_Queen_318 Aug 31 '24

God committed murder....but who's gonna prosecute God, the writer of hypocritical laws for humans that God neither enforces for self or humans? Exactly.

1

u/Status-Biscotti Aug 27 '24

Well two of the babies died, soā€¦.

-6

u/Alldaybagpipes Aug 27 '24

All part of the plan!

ā€¦have faith!

-13

u/Bushwhacker-XII Aug 27 '24

so killing a baby is ok?

8

u/VibraniumRhino Aug 28 '24

Good god, please do more research before joining in. Or, explain how putting an unloved baby into an abused system just to fuck over the mother, is somehow the better option? Does watching other people suffer like that make you feel closer to god? He wants that? A rape victim doesnā€™t have an option and has to carry that baby to full term, and somehow sentencing both the mother AND the child to a miserable life is something that pleases your god? How about this ā€˜godā€™ sounds like a fucking demon lol. Banning abortion literally ends two lives, you lot are just too brainwashed to see it because you canā€™t emotionally handle the conversation.

Good old Christian Loveā„¢ though, amirite?

0

u/Bushwhacker-XII Aug 29 '24

The better option was not the condom?

I understand exceptions but don't tell me that all abortions are incest// rape or mothers in health threat

1

u/VibraniumRhino Aug 30 '24

ā€˜Not wearing a condomā€™ should not subject two lives to eternal misery. What kind of world do you wish to live in? One that always dishes out the most severe consequences? Suffering is cool as long as you donā€™t like what a person did?

I ask you this. Even ruling out the rape/incest cases: do you truly want to make people who (going back to the condom thing) clearly do not make the most informed life choices and do not want to raise a child, raising their own children? Have you ever even once in your life made the comment ā€œwow, I hope that person never procreatesā€¦ā€ and yet here we are now fucking making them against their will. What kind of adult does that child turn out to be? Probably the exact kind of adult you also likely complain about. And you want more abused, poorly raised adults walking around becauseā€¦. you donā€™t like the idea of abortion?

Time for you all to put on your critical thinking caps already, because this topic stopped being a proper debate a while ago.

Edit: autocorrects

0

u/Bushwhacker-XII Aug 30 '24

So you consider abortion as a contraceptive Method Wow itā€™s sad

1

u/VibraniumRhino Aug 30 '24

Such a smooth-brained take. Educate yourself and come back to the adult table later.

0

u/Bushwhacker-XII Aug 30 '24

Well you are not answering It shows you just pro abortion and answer like a bot

1

u/VibraniumRhino Aug 31 '24

Nah. Me not engaging with someone who can barely type is not the flex you think it is in your end lol. Good day.

-16

u/Miguel_Legacy Aug 27 '24

So selfish people who wanted to kill the inconvenient baby growing inside them go through the trouble of giving birth then even more selfishly and outright evil still kill the babies instead of taking them to a safe surrender site. Outcome is the same, babies still die. At least now more have a chance at life.

8

u/VibraniumRhino Aug 28 '24

At least now more have a chance at life.

Show your work, please? Because, this is the part you folks are tragically misunderstanding. Voting for people than ban abortion, are the exact same politicians that are striking down social services like free kids lunches at schools, free daycare for parentsā€¦ those are all things conservatives actively vote against [even though the places they live in, often need it the most].

So selfish people who wanted to kill the inconvenient baby

Aaaaaand here you are shouting the same tired rhetoric as if liberal women are lining up to get their babies aborted šŸ™„. Itā€™s beyond asinine, itā€™s just fucking insulting to womenā€™s intelligence at this point, when you lot are clearly the ones who either never passed or never attended a proper sexual health course in your lifetime to be talking about this shit at all. When so many women are uneducated about their own bodies and itā€™s just getting worse with more and more Red states striking down sex Ed in lieu of fucking Bible study LOL. Separation of church and state, though, right? Your cult is still very much in charge, and of things they have no damn right to be.

So please explain to me how forcing a child into an underfunded and highly abusive system that you [respectfully] clearly donā€™t understand enough about, is somehow a better outcome? Just because you think a fetus is a baby, and its removal gives you ā€œicky feelingsā€, does not give you the right to judge others. But you will, because thatā€™s just Christian Loveā„¢.