r/facepalm • u/javelin3000 • Aug 23 '24

🇲​🇮​🇸​🇨​ Oh dear...

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24.8k Upvotes

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2.6k

u/fgzhtsp Aug 23 '24

Donvict is a great name.

1.4k

u/n3Ver9h0st Aug 23 '24

So is Felonald

1.2k

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '24

Felonald Donvict sounds like a D&D name. Lol

166

u/Acceptingoptimist Aug 23 '24

The local town of Hemel on the lake has a wanted poster for Felonald Donvict, but through well-timed NPC exposition monologues, and a few successful persuasion checks, you learn he's actually a warlock. After the final combat, it is revealed he was a mere stooge. He was coerced into this pact by a higher villain: Vladimir Pissant. An evil gnome who obsconded his throne through treachery and murder.

48

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '24

Just that little bit right there sounds like such a fun campaign. So good. Lol

27

u/twodogsfighting Aug 23 '24

It's always a fucking evil gnome.

1

u/Acceptingoptimist Aug 23 '24

If I had a copper for every time....

3

u/great_red_dragon Aug 23 '24

The ancient hempsteade of Hemel, is in fact, a complete shithole

3

u/Immediate-Season-293 Aug 23 '24

May I suggest the name Baldimir instead of Vladimir?

2

u/abousono Aug 23 '24

If he’s a Stooge, he’s most likely a Shemp, or even worse, a Joe. One of the least liked Stooges.

2

u/txn_gay Aug 23 '24

Thanks for the campaign idea.

254

u/Beagle313 Aug 23 '24

You gave me an idea for my next BBEG

98

u/billy_goatboi Aug 23 '24

Sounds more like the waste shovelling village idiot

89

u/YDoEyeNeedAName Aug 23 '24

More of a snake oil sales man that projects the image of wealth but Is actually destitute and is working on weakening the kingdom from the inside by sewing discontent, fear of outsiders, and promoting isolationism, all becuase his paltry finances are being buoyed by hostile kingdoms trying to gain power in the local region.

23

u/SpilledSalt4U Aug 23 '24

Maybe he's sewing a discontent quilt.

14

u/Vascular_Mind Aug 23 '24

So, a small bad evil guy instead of a BBEG.

3

u/_Boom___Beard_ Aug 23 '24

BBEG with small hands

3

u/youpayyourway Aug 23 '24

Small sad evil guy

14

u/LightRobb Aug 23 '24

Tho the guy shoveling poo at least does something useful.

1

u/billy_goatboi Aug 23 '24

Depends on where to he's shovelling

3

u/Lewtwin Aug 23 '24

the Poopsmith?

1

u/StoneLuca97 Aug 23 '24

Rogue that for some damn reason has put all his stats anywhere else but stealth

25

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '24

Lol. Hell yeah. I was thinking the same thing.

31

u/LoganBassist Aug 23 '24

I'm afraid to tell my DM, but also very excited

22

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '24

Why? It's a great name for a baddie. Are they just kinda uptight about their stories or something?

2

u/hypnoskills Aug 23 '24

Or a bard.

1

u/LoganBassist Aug 24 '24

I'm afraid what he'd do with it hahaha. I don't think we're ready for Felonald Donvict

8

u/Justprunes-6344 Aug 23 '24

In 20 years when Mara Logo becomes a federal prison complex akin to Mordor but wetter

9

u/Axel_Raden Aug 23 '24

Make Faerûn great again MFGA

3

u/shibemu Aug 23 '24

"I will build the greatest undead army, best in the world and the skeletons are going to pay for it." - Flonald Donvict

1

u/nasandre Aug 23 '24

What would be his signature move?

2

u/Beagle313 Aug 23 '24

Probably something along the lines of Propaganda - Each creature in 50ft radius has to make a DC 15 Wisdom saving throw or lose its free will, now obeying the orders of the caster for the next 24 hours. After that, the creatures will believe that whatever they had done was for the better good.

1

u/lucianobartolucci Aug 23 '24

It's my idea forn a side character my players will not suspect from because theyre idiots

2

u/TerrakSteeltalon Aug 23 '24

A friend of mine once said that, what with Trump’s ability to avoid real consequences for anything up through looking at an eclipse, he’s like a character being played by the DM

1

u/fgzhtsp Aug 23 '24

He is a bard/warlock.

1

u/Imaginary_Wizard800 Aug 23 '24

Sounds like an evolution line from Pokémon💀

1

u/ladyzowy Aug 23 '24

Or a porn star name

1

u/Project_Rees Aug 23 '24

Oh. My. Gosh.

Yes, stealing it for my next campaign. Thank you.

1

u/QuietGrudge Aug 23 '24

My next Baldur's Gate Durge character.

1

u/thewaldenpuddle Aug 23 '24

The chamber of Epstein side quest?!?

1

u/Oviedius Aug 23 '24

I saw DonOld, liked that one too!

1

u/FedoraMask Aug 23 '24

Donvict Felonald sounds like an amazing Gamertag. 😂🤣

15

u/philster666 Aug 23 '24

Doesn’t roll off the tongue though

3

u/BESTtaylorINTHEWORLD Aug 23 '24

Rolls down on a shaft 🤷... I'll see myself out

1

u/TonarinoTotoro1719 Aug 23 '24

Try singing it. Feliz Felonald, Feliz Felonald…

25

u/Dry_Masterpiece8319 Aug 23 '24

ConDon

2

u/good_from_afar Aug 23 '24

Nice never heard this one yet

15

u/Dry_Masterpiece8319 Aug 23 '24

ConDon

2

u/good_from_afar Aug 23 '24

Heard this one before but still great

2

u/fernatic19 Aug 23 '24

Felonald sounds so formal. Only the best black tie kiddie parties for sir Felonald.

2

u/Sylvert0ngue Aug 23 '24

Some despicable me villain ahh name

2

u/Dynomite186 Aug 23 '24

That sounds like an prescription opioid.

1

u/Arahor Aug 23 '24

I prefer Don Diaper

1

u/Only-Capital5393 Aug 23 '24

Tonald Drumpf

1

u/Dujak_Yevrah Aug 23 '24

Fentanyl mentioned. Gonna do something crazy now.

2

u/DoggoKing4937 Aug 23 '24

I hereby sentence Donvict to transportation to KissMyAsstralia for touching kids and getting orange paint all over the courtrooms and bribing the mentally challenged.

2

u/hellhoundtheone Aug 23 '24

pls can you tell me why this dude breaks the law on a regular base but never gets punished? is you law system really that bad?? he gets away even if there is a ton of evidence?? cant rap my mind arround it.... this is a real question

1

u/fgzhtsp Aug 23 '24

Corrupt to the very root.

2

u/Tdanger78 Aug 23 '24

Donvict von Schitzenpantz

1

u/textmint Aug 23 '24

It’s not Donvict. It’s Donold. 😀😀😀

1

u/HailYeah21 Aug 23 '24

Donold is my go-to now

1

u/MrAuster Aug 23 '24

Bro I read Convict 💀

1

u/livinginfutureworld Aug 23 '24

I'm partial to Felonious Trump

1

u/Spence10873 Aug 23 '24

Everyone is saying it

1

u/Ancient-Cap-6197 Aug 23 '24

Donvict, Music, and you know we're felons

1

u/Regular-Switch454 Aug 23 '24

Imma borrow that one.

1

u/splycedaddy Aug 24 '24

Keep it simple. DonOLD says it all