I (20F) met this guy (26) on a dating app last year. After we met in person his interest in me plummeted. Idk if he thought I was ugly IRL (I don’t use filters on my photos), thought I was annoying, or what he didn’t like about me. Anyways, for whatever reason he wanted to stay friends with me.

Cool. Or so I thought. I honestly needed a friend, i was new in town, and barely knew anyone else. I admittedly was also hoping he’d change his mind.

Turns out, a year later, that he seems to be changing his tune about me.

The unfortunate thing is, that I’ve finally realized what a fool I was. He tried ‘getting with’ many other girls. Most of whom were a lot more attractive than myself.

I think he finally realized he was trying to date girls way out of his league. He knows I’m a safe bet. Making me the back-up. The second choice.

In short: I finally got what I want, and I hate it. Now I have to turn down the guy I was pining over for an entire year.

I’m a fool. Please don’t do what what I’ve done.

Having spent the past 6 months healing from a pretty soul-crushing heartbreak, I am preparing myself to reenter the world of dating apps in the next couple of months.

My goal is a long term relationship and I intend to make that clear in my Hinge profile. I will include enough information about myself so people get a good idea of my personality, what I am (ideally) looking for, etc. As regards pictures, I will lead with a couple of close ups of my face/smile, a picture of me doing one of the activities I enjoy (hiking, surfing or skiing) and a full body shot where I’m wearing a dress so people can see I clean up well too LOL. I don’t do selfies, so they’re all candids.

Here’s my question: Is it ok to include a swimsuit photo? And, if so, which one? (Two options linked below, from a trip a couple of months ago)

https://imgur.com/a/5SF3HfU

I’ve never had one up on dating apps before (hence my resorting to reddit) and I’m aware it might potentially send the wrong message, so I’m looking for advice, especially from 30+ men who are looking to date seriously. Would you find this attractive or, on contrary, be put off by it?

I care about fitness/active lifestyle and I am generally very body-positive, so I am ideally looking for someone who holds similar views. This is my main reason for considering including a swimsuit pic though obviously a bit of an ego boost would be nice too :’)

P.S. I’m not too phased by the prospect of creepy comments as I’ve gotten those before on entirely “skin-free” photos, so I feel like creeps be creeping regardless…

The girl that i have been seeing for about six months just got from a girls trip and aside from the fact that i could feel something off when she got back, the communication lately has been almost non-existent.

now you can argue that people get busy; for sure things happen, life gets busy, and sometimes it takes us a minute to respond...but let's face it, that's a choice too. it doesn't take much to say "hey, busy right now!"

but here's the other thing: she is currently unemployed, she constantly posts to social media and even sends reels to me, she is the type of person that has her phone on the table at dinner. she ALWAYS has her phone on her...always.

in this day and age, we get alerts for everything. not responding to a text for a couple hours, no big deal; not responding at all means you read the message and chose not to respond. she is prioritizing responding to friends, posting to social media, and whatever else she has going on...which is fine! everyone has their own life to live, but i'm not going to prioritize someone who has prioritized me so little in their own life that you can't be bothered to text me back.

if this is happening to you, maybe you're inclined to text first, maybe you want to excuse it like something has come up...but if in your gut you feel anxious over their not responding, that is your body feeling wrong about the whole thing. think back, do you text first in the morning frequently? do you feel like you're always carrying the conversation? do you feel like they don't actually take an active interest in your life, or are the only conversations you have about them or their issues?

if you said yes to any of those, you are not their priority and they are actively choosing to not converse with you. move on. sure it'll hurt, but from bitter experience, i can tell you that it will not hurt anywhere as much as trying to salvage something that needs to end

For the record, i know im not ugly, and that I definitely have an above-average-looking face, and an athletic/muscular body, often called handsome by women other than my mother...

But this girl i'm dating is super hot so i guess there are levels to this game, son..

Anyway i saw some messages to her friend saying that she knows im not super handsome, and that sometimes she thinks she can do better. Also to the same friend she said that the guy she was hooking up with before me was taller, funnier and better looking.

Now i saw this guy shes speaking of and apart from being over 6 ft, (i'm 5 ft 9), hes kinda mid, objectively....So it just makes me think that aesthetically i'm really not my girls type.

She's really nice to me most of the time, and put a lot of effort and time into my xmas presents this year, created cool ceramics by hand, and nice gifts that must have cost a lot of money and time, considering she has no money. it means a lot.

Which leads me to my next point: Thankfully, I'm doing very well financially. And this isn't because of my parents. They're immigrant civil service workers and did the best they could. I started businesses and theyre doing quite well, and flew us both business class to new york for xmas and new years. When we're together I pay for everything, and recently i gave her a $800 sephora gift card and she spent it all and later remarked that the products are what she has anyway and nothing special.

However, she doesnt appreciate this at all and often says i just have mediocre wealth, "only rich compared to poor", and she kind of expects this treatment. Again, the ex she was hooking up with before me is a rich kid who lives in his parents mansion in costa rica and so yeah, their wealth as a family dwarves mine.

A bit about us - we get along really well, both have a great sense of humour, and similar values. She isn't obnoxious like a lot of attractive women, shes a qualified vet and is intelligent, self aware and very, very supportive of me and my work, often helping and giving ideas. Always asks me how she can help and to use her for assistance in my fashion brand. shes unique and special in so many ways and I love her and wouldn't want to lose her.

And i think im a cool guy, i have a fashion brand, and other fun business ventures, i'm caring, generous, i dress well and am pretty funny at times! But recently in an off comment she said i'm cool "like a dad" which really made me cringe. And this was really the last straw for me.

So here I am, with what i consider my 3 greatest attributes as a partner and man; my ability to provide, my looks and my charm/personality, all kinda diminished and ridiculed by my partner.

I brought this up to her and she says im being ridiculous and insecure, and that being "cool like a dad" is a compliment, and if its all true then why is she even with me? I wonder that too, and part of me thinks its kinda convenient for her.

And also btw, the ex she was hooking up with I think kinda ghosted her, but she is adamant they could be together if she chose. Maybe she's right and that is what she is always comparing me to. The opportunity cost.

She is a great person most of the time and she must like me, you can't really fake it. But the disrespect gets to me. Although she is hot and can find someone else, she's also 31 so maybe looking to settle? I don't know.

Should i just get a grip and be thankful for what I have? Because my self esteem is being chipped away even though i know i have a lot to offer, and that most women would be super appreciative.

I wonder if there are any ways a guy can identify if he's in the same "league" with a girl he's attracted to?

Being a very analitical guy, I realize that girls I'm naturally attracted to - are most probably attractive to many other men as well. Which is why they are in high demand, and can pick any guy they like. Which means to compete for them - you need to have objectively high "value" yourself (be in their "league").

I don't consider myself a very high-value man, based on my previous interactions with girls, and also looking at myself objectively. I lack many qualities associated with "high-value man", and I'm fine with it. It's not self-pity or wining - I just don't desire to chase high status and success and fame, and become top-X % by any cost necessary. I value my comfort and my time too much, and want to enjoy life - not suffer for the sake of some ghostly over-achievements.

Which is why I conclude that going after the aforementioned girls would be a waste of time, and also probably freak them out. You know how girls estimate how good they are - by the caliber of men approaching them? A man below their league showing interest - would make them uncomfortable, as in "Who does he think he is, going after me? Do I really look that bad or needy, that he thinks he got a chance?".

Guess I just want to minimize frustration on both sides and target girls that would be more "my level" and receptive to my aspirations. Any advice?

Needless to say, it’s been a struggle over here. I’m constantly attracting the worst kinds of people.

I’m feeling unsure about how I handled a situation and could use some advice.

Last night, after a work party, a coworker and I ended up spending the night together. We’ve always been friendly, was second time we spend time out of work have been together.

Here’s what happened. We had a great time at the party and were tipsy, but not drunk. We went back to my bedroom, and one thing led to another. We ended up sleeping together for the firt time.

Later in the night, she woke up and started walking toward the door that leads outside completely naked. I asked what she was doing, and she said she needed to pee. I stopped her, put a towel around her, and guided her to the bathroom. Once we were there, I stayed inside the bathroom to help her since she seemed disoriented. Had the light off until she was just about to finish. (I live with housemates and also were a few people in the living room).

Now I’m wondering if I handled it the right way. I Should have just let her handle things on her own or waited outside instead of staying in the bathroom with her? My intention was to make sure she was safe, but I don’t want her to feel like I crossed a line.

Did I handle this okay, or I should have done something differently? I want to make sure I did the right thing.

Me (28F) and my boyfriend (32M) have been together for about 4 years now.

Earlier this year, I looked through his phone (which he always said I could look whenever I wanted because he never had anything to hide) and i found that he keeps snapchat just to talk to his ex from 10+ years ago. At first I didnt mind because the length of their relationship and how long its been since its ended didnt seem serious. But then it became a habit of him ONLY using this app to talk to her daily while I was working a second job during nights. I brought it up to stop since it made me uncomfortable, and he deleted the app.

For backstory, each night that I was working at my second job thats when they would talk, he had a long history of porn sites he would go through, and hentai roleplaying sites. So each night I was away he was doing something behind my back it seemed.

I caught him multiple times back on the app and denied it repeatedly until I showed proof that I knew he was on it. He still says conversations are harmless and he has nothing on his conscious that he did anything wrong, he just didnt want me to be upset about it.

At one point, they talked on the phone and i caught him deleting his phone call log. His response was that he just didnt want to see her name pop up on his screen anymore, even though hes ok with hiding that he talks to her.

On top of this, every time that he goes through a random phase of using snapchat at his big age to talk to an ex, he simultaneously goes through a roleplay hentai addiction…..how the two connect I do not know.

He researches the best roleplaying anime AI chats to “mess with them” but lets be honest, chatGPT exists. This was also something thats been brought up in the past that makes me feel pretty insecure. But he never has an explanation for why he does it besides “it was a moment of weakness” or “pure curiosity”.

To be fair, i wouldnt bash him for his taste but it hurts that Im constantly being lied to about it.

He says he wants to propose this year but I cant imagine proposing to someone that i am constantly lying to. AIO or is this a big issue?

EDIT: He did deactivate his account officially. Besides this, he has always been a provider since day 1. He is really my best friend and everything Ive dreamed of in a partner, besides this. He says he likes the stories that are with the anime AI and thinks its the same as me since i read mainly romance books. Is this alone something I need to reconsider?

It’s becoming harder for me to take the phrase “modern dating” seriously because it’s often overused and poorly contextualized. For instance, when someone in their early 20s asks if dating has become harder or if "modern dating" is bad, it’s frustrating because they typically lack the age or life experience to genuinely compare different dating periods.

There are so many repetitive posts asking the same questions: “Why don’t I have a relationship when I have [insert list of personal attributes]?” Rarely do these posts mention having a social life or putting effort into building social connections. The common pattern seems to be: “I do solo activities, then go home.” Of course, it’s going to be difficult to meet people without putting yourself in social spaces.

If someone lists their education, looks, job, car, pet, or living situation and then wonders why they’re still single, it’s worth asking: What about social skills? Do you have friends, social hobbies, or opportunities to meet new people?

It feels like we’re sometimes overlooking this vital piece of the puzzle—whether out of frustration, a desire for an easy solution, or simply not realizing its importance. Building relationships takes effort, and a key part of that effort involves putting yourself in environments where connections can actually happen.

Touching grass is more than a meme. It also wont solve you're problems overnight.

My ex once told me socializing is a muscle, its gonna take more than one session to strengthen it.

If you fail or feel like a fool try to change perspective and look at what you did that made you feel that way and work on it.

When you fell off your bike while learning, you didn't just go, that's it! Never doing that again!

Or… what reasons do you think might cause someone to do? Also, Did you ever regret ghosting someone? If so, what do you wish you could have done differently or how would you have handled it?

Confidence is seriously the most attractive thing, tbh. Not in a 'huge ego' way, but more like letting the other person relax without feeling like they need to reassure you every five minutes. If they’re on a date with you, they’re obviously intrigued!

One of my favorite moments was when a guy asked me, 'Does this make me look fat?' and I straight-up said, 'Yes!' We both laughed, and honestly, it was such a vibe. Sometimes it’s all about showing you’re glad to be there—ask them a question, smile, and just enjoy the moment.

Also, can we talk about preferences? Like, Mother Nature clearly loves variety, right? Freckles, curly hair, dimples—there’s always something unique that clicks. I still remember melting when a guy finally took off his baseball cap to reveal the cutest fringe of curls.

At the end of the day, it’s not about being perfect—it’s about being real. Enjoy the moment, share some laughs, and who knows? Maybe it’s the start of something amazing. What’s your go-to way to break the ice on a first date?

35F.

I don’t know what it is, but when I come around men I find attractive, I tense up. I’m convinced that I might have high functioning autism because I can’t even make eye contact when meeting a guy. I literally have no idea how to act. I am so I my head that I just come off as weird. I find myself to be more relaxed when I’m around women or in work settings. (The funny thing is that I’m the only woman in my department at work.)

I don’t remember the last time I even been on a date. I’ve had one boyfriend lasted six months and that was 15 years ago. I wanna find someone but I literally have no idea how to start or where to start.

Also, what’s a non-weird way to tell someone my ideal date is sitting in silence? (I know it’s not practical lol) I’m 100% willing to compromise and do an activity like mini golf or bowling, but I’m not trying to have dinner or go to the bar or watch a movie. I just wanna feel comfortable and not be so in my head overthinking things.

I usually go 9-24+ months between dates and I've never gotten a second, even when they say I'm a really good guy, they enjoyed the date, and we had a lot in common but "they're not feeling sparks" but are open to just being friends. Every time I try to ask friends or family for input, they just reassure me I'm doing everything right and the right one will come along. After over a decade, I no longer believe that. I have to be doing something catastrophically wrong that even the worst men I know are doing right.

What are some behaviors I could be missing that take me out of the running as dating material but make them want to stay friends?

A new study recently published indicates that 4 out of 10 young men (18-30 years old) in Sweden don't dare to flirt with women.

The study is in Swedish and behind a pay-wall, but I link it anyway: https://amelia.expressen.se/premium/svart-att-ragga-sa-blir-det-lattare/

Me myself, 24M from Sweden, have never flirted or kissed a girl, mostly because fear of being perceived as weird or creepy. I am also a shy guy, which I guess isn't helpful in these circumstances.

But I want to know how it is where you live!

Is it the same over there or do you have other experiences?

I hear a lot about lists of ideal traits/characteristics, but not much about non-negotiables. What are some of yours?

I feel like dating nowadays (especially for average guys) is harder than ever before because of social media etc. Im also a virgin at 21 and never had a girlfriend before despite being good looking, taking care of my hygiene etc. Dating apps also dont seem to work. Whats your opinion on this?

I’ve(24F) been on and off with B(24F) for 2+ years now. We deeply love each other, but things like mental health, long distance and life circumstances caused us to break 2 times during these 2 years. Until recently, she was the only person I’ve been with. I’m also bi sexual.

B broke up with me in early November, and it was really messy and left me feeling extremely hurt. I wasn’t sure she ever wanted anything to do with me. In a bid to try to get over her, and to boost my self esteem (I struggle with really low self worth, am in therapy for it), I made an hinge account.

One day, after a party at my place, I was very drunk and high and lonely and decided to invite a totally random guy to my place to hookup. We did it and afterwards he left. I felt extreme guilt and shame in the morning when I was clear headed and decided that hookups weren’t for me. Two weeks after that, I was similarly drunk and high, and ended up inviting a random guy again to hook up, felt the same shame and guilt and self hatred the moment u was clear headed.

Yesterday, I was hanging out with a friend, and we were drinking and getting high and watching a movie. He started to make a move on me, and despite the fact that I am not attracted to him at all and had no desire to do anything with him, I didn’t stop him. I let him take off his and my clothes and then I guess I finally make to my senses and stopped him and made him swear to never tell anyone because i felt extremely shitty about it and didn’t know how to deal. I promptly left his place but the event and the shame and guilt are still going through my head.

B reached out to me about a week ago and said she wanted to be my friend and that she wants to eventually be with me, but she doesn’t feel ready yet.

I just feel like an incredibly shitty human. I am feeling so much shame and self loathing about these random hookups that I didn’t even enjoy, and know that I never want to do again. But I knew that after the first time, then why did I do it again? Why didn’t i stop my friend the moment he started hitting on me? Does this all make me a horrible person? And should I tell B about all this? It wasn’t cheating because we weren’t together, but I still feel like I betrayed her somehow. If I should tell her, how should I go about it?

My head is spinning and I would appreciate any advice you guys have.

For a long time I (F23) had a long distance on/off again situation ship with an Australian (M25 I believe) who I adored practically from the moment I met him. We were both in the bdsm community so there was some consensual hypno involved. Unfortunately it frequently seemed like I was the only one making effort to maintain contact so i went through highs and lows partially because of an anxious attachment style due to past trauma. I was usually the one breaking things off because of this. Last time I rekindled it had been 9+ months since we'd spoken to each other. We talked to each other for a week or two and then he joked about using slurrs while gaming and my brain lit that up as a huge red flag so I ended things. It's been almost a year I think, and I still think about and dream about him and miss him. Because all my past relationships that ended poorly ended because of outright abuse or extremely toxic behavior, I can't tell if what he did is actually worth getting hung up over or not, or if I'm just making excuses for him because I miss him. I even did a cord cutting ritual and it did nothing. Brain says I overacted, husband(we’re poly) says the relationship was really bad for me. I keep thinking maybe Australia is far behind culturally and reminding myself how many United States American men think that behavior is acceptable but I don’t want to give in to my feelings if I am literally just making excuses bc I like him, but I really do miss him. I hate crying over a boy 🙄 Any and all opinions and advice welcome. I also am somewhat concerned that the hypno left me too bonded bc it was amplified by my feelings and that itself is influencing me

i feel like it’s easier to get women in bed with me but it’s like they never want a relationship with me i don’t know why, i’ve had so many situationships to even count and i feel like i am attracted to the emotionally unavailable aspect of women, i don’t know if im lacking depth or something else or maybe because im alternative, but it’s always been a struggle and was wondering if there could be any constructive criticism

I give up lol.

I’m (supposedly) what women want. But it just ain’t in the cards for me

I’m 22m, 6fig net worth and income, nice apt and car. Conventionally attractive (5”10) and I have been lifting for over 6 years. I don’t party, I have hobbies and a dog, travel, have a post grad education. And I’m not a shithead lol

But I don’t get it. I tried a little of hinge and got a few matches but all in all just am so discouraged by today’s dating environment. It just seems like the juice isn’t worth the squeeze

I was in a relationship from 16-22. Ran its course and I learned a lot but I’m beginning to just prepare myself that wife and kids just aren’t in the cards…I’m already out of school, and work at a small company. I don’t really have friends due to the 6 yr relationship and lack of wanting to go to bars esp alone.

Seems as though I fit the bill for what girls say they want but it feels like the odds are stacked against me. Anyone else?

We keep snapping each other and its been a bit since we last saw eachother. We want to see eachother again and I want to text her, “hey, been thinking of you. You still doing alright?”

This ok?

So this guy, that I’ve been talking to for a while, has just landed in my country (he lives in the U.S. and I live in Europe) today in the afternoon. The main reason for his visit is meeting up with his college friends but also meeting me. He landed pretty late and he went out for dinner with his friends and now he is asking me to go for a drink with him because he cannot wait to meet me. I personally think 10:30pm is a bit late, but given the circumstances I kind of understand. Should I meet up with him or should we just move the “first date” until tomorrow?

Hi guys so I early 30s female, I need advice, I’m trying to get back into the dating scene. 2020 COVID killed it for me and then afterwards from 2022 to 2024. It’s just been me myself and I, for the New Year want to make good changes myself and try dating again. But I don’t know how or where to start. I tried one dating app Facebook date app. It didn’t work out!! So I was hoping this community could give me advice on dos and fonts, as well as some good places to start. I would appreciate it, Thanks guys

Hello, I am 37 M mid-Atlantic region of the US. I have done a bit of soul searching the past few months. I have come to the conclusion that maybe a relationship is just not right for me. I have never been in one. But I have just come to think that maybe I am not built for a committed relationship.

I am still interested in casual dating or a friend's with benefits sort of relationship. I have never really done either of these as well- but I am still interested in them.

One issue I might have is that I have never had much of an online footprint. I have had dating apps occasionally but none right now. I do not have Facebook, Instagram or twitter or any other social networking site.

Do people think it is still possible for someone like me to get into casual dating and friends with benefits relationships? Or will I have to get fully on board with the new online world. Like getting a Facebook page and having a social presence online?

Has anyone out there had a happy casual dating life without having any online profiles? Any other advice in general about casual dating would be greatly appreciated. Thank you all so much.

35M, More of a rant if anything. Went to a speed dating event, matched with a few ladies. Texted one back, she was my first choice if I wanted to match with anyone. I'm sure wasn't her first option 😅.

We exchanged texts for a week, we're being fun, jokes, flirting. I let her know I enjoyed our chat and her energy and see if she was interested in a date within the next week. Her words are "I'd love to". I found a place and time, texted to let her know, being thoughtful told her to let me know if it'll work for her or if there's another option she would like we can do that too. Texted her in the morning around 9am, she's had a habit of not texting back for 3-5 hours, 5 hours goes by then 10, 12, then a day and she doesn't respond. I know she's seen it cause her "read" receipts are on.

I'm sure guys ghost too so not bashing women or this particular lady. But don't be immature and ghost, if you changed your mind then let that person know.

Thanks for reading!