[discussion] How do you fix your mindset ?

[u/Akashh23_pop]

I think the reason I'm behind in life because mainly because I have weak mindset always overthinking, worrying all day instead of taking actions. Choosing to live in victimization and feeling non deserving. Looks like people who are genuinely happy and confident and successful are hard working people who would struggle and embrace pain because they know good things will come in life. They chose sacrifice over comfort. And it's like one side of my brain knows this but other side of brain is always feeling resistant in doing. And I'm so sick of battling back and forth.

[u/j_on]

Challenging thoughts, feelings, and stories your brain generates are normal. It's just how the brain evolved. You have identified that there is another part of your brain that can notice when that happens.

The ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) approach is not to fight with this but to just accept it, defuse from it, and move on with life as guided by your values.

Next time you don't do something because of your brain, actively think: "I notice I'm feeling anxious/unwilling/sad/overwhelmed/ whatever" or "I notice I'm thinking that..." to get some distance from the thought or feeling. Maybe say "Thanks mind" or imagine your thoughts as spoken by a cartoon character, to gain even more distance. Don't make fun of that part of your brain and don't fight it, but realize that there's a YOU apart from those thoughts and feelings.

Think about or write down actions (internal or external) that move you towards what you want, and actions that move you away from what you want.

Commit to making a "towards move".

Do an exercise that Russ Harris calls "Dropping Anchor" in his book The Happiness Trap. Basically it goes like this (there are many variations):

1. Notice and name the thought or feeling.
2. Focus on your body for 20 seconds (maybe press your hands together and take some deep breaths).
3. Focus on the world around you for 20 seconds (name some things that you see, that you hear, that you smell).

This will help you not to get swept away by the thoughts or feelings and enable you to act anyway. You can do this many times a day.

This is just a little glimpse into ACT. It helps me tremendously and it's been studied extensively as a therapeutic approach.