r/AskMenAdvice • u/PotentialCapable9125 • 1d ago
Do men ask women out anymore?
For the men… do you/ would you ask out a woman if you’re just out and about and saw someone you found attractive in some way?? Oo and has a woman ever asked you out?? If I find the guts.. I would love to ask a guy out next year.
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u/Small_Trainer_9680 1d ago
Men get a lot of mixed messages in regards to unsolicited asking out, so many don’t.
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u/Haventyouheard3 man 1d ago
I asked for a girl's number twice. It worked once, it was a real number, but she never replied.
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u/Original_Estimate_88 man 1d ago
That happened to me at a work program I went to after finishing High School... years ago,
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u/NPC_no_name_ 1d ago
Why would I. How many times had we seen a tiktok where a guy is humiliated when they ask out a girl..
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u/antzcrashing man 1d ago
Wait, if it is on tiktok, do you think maybe that biased the results of the approach?
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u/Particular_Product64 man 1d ago
In public? Not as much as before. Too many women get off on embrassing men
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u/Eatdie555 man 1d ago
not really anymore because most cases.. she ain't even worth all that effort, trouble and time to be wasted on. I just admire from afar , smile and carry on....
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u/HotPocketsForDinner man 1d ago
Facts. If a woman is truly interested, she will put herself in your space.
If not, she hasn’t noticed you. Which means, she’s not interested and only enjoying the attention if she continues to talk to you.
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u/Eatdie555 man 1d ago
yep. we as men know we got the courage to take the initiative to chase a girl at anytime vs women who usually don' t have the courage to do so and waits for the men to do all the chasing, but if she ain't interested. Why waste our precious time, effort and go through the trouble for? I rather spend my time and energy on something more important and beneficial for myself than keep giving these females my free undivided attention. She wants some of this.. come to my court. No Seat Reservations, first come first served. We live in a world with endless options and services that caters to a man's needs and wants.
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u/deadlydreamz 1d ago
Yeah and you still have to be aware enough to realize she’s sending out approach invitations via proximity and have the skills to begin a conversation, flirt with her, know when to STOP flirting with her and grab her number, get her on a date, etc.
Way over most of your heads for sure.
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u/twizle89 1d ago
Nope, cause I don't want to be labeled whatever might be floating around in their head. I think most guys are this way now. The women have to take the lead in this, sorry, but if you like a guy, go ask them.
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u/Exciting-Ad-3469 1d ago
I’m not a red pill kind of person, but I have to admit, there’s reasons why it’s getting more and more popular, it’s factually based.
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u/Important-Stable-842 man 1d ago edited 1d ago
i would want to have a handful of one-on-one chats first. maybe even just one really good meeting where I'm compelled to ask when we can meet again. probably not just out and about, I don't know anything about them. obviously I need to find them attractive but this is secondary (and honestly I sort of take it for granted, my "physical standards" are not very high).
i think modern social messaging means that a lot of men will be apprehensive approaching female strangers in a setting that isn't a bar, pub, nightclub, or such like.
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u/Relevant-Rise1954 man 1d ago
Not out of the blue.
If we're chatting at a thing, and I'm getting a good vibe from her, I'll ask for her number. Or, if I'm feeling brave, I'll go, "Want to go out, sometime?" but that will always involve an exchange of numbers.
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u/LingualEvisceration man 1d ago
Not really. It's almost criminalized to express interest in someone nowadays, so I just don't, except in situations where they've explicitly provided consent to be propositioned i.e. ;Dating apps.
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u/huuaaang man 1d ago
For the men… do you/ would you ask out a woman if you’re just out and about and saw someone you found attractive in some way?? Oo and has a woman ever asked you out??
No and no. All the women I've dated over the decades been one of:
- Someone in a social circle that I got to know and just sort of shifted into dating
- Set up by a mutual friend
- Dating site/app
I don't think I've ever turned a first time meeting IRL into a date.
I see so many attractive women that I just kind of become numb to it. That's just not enough to want to make myself vulnerable and ask her out.
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u/Ok-Cake9189 man 1d ago
I was a salesman at a furniture store. An attractive woman came in needing to furnish her new condo she was moving into after being recently divorced. I really liked her, but I was seeing someone, and she wasn't giving off an "available" vibe. She bought a lot of furniture and our interaction was really cool.
1 year later and I had broken up with someone 2 days earlier when she came into the store, asked for me, and said 'I don't know if you remember me, you helped me a year ago, and I was wondering if you'd like to go out for dinner sometime?"
I did, and we got married 18 months later.
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u/Original_Estimate_88 man 1d ago
I don't have the confidence to approach women in public... even when they give me a hint that they're interested in, I don't have confidence in my looks so that plays a part
also my other reason is since I prefer women of my own race aka black females like a lot of them will try to embarrass you in front of their friends if they with their friends... not my experience personally but I have seen it done to other guys usually black males
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u/Chameleon_coin man 1d ago
Half of women ask for it the other half say to never do so under any circumstance and will not hesitate to put you on blast online even though you didn't actually do anything wrong. Lot of guys have just said they'd rather not risk it
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u/MoggyFluffyDevilKat man 1d ago
Yes, in the past. Both given and received. These days, with the prospect of becoming a #metoo statistic? No chance.
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u/NoRiskBusiness man 1d ago
I’ve never asked for anyone’s number, and I’ve never been “asked out” per se but all of my relationships have been with women who expressed some kind of interest first. I wouldn’t go as far as some people here (“feminists ruined it for everyone”) but I will say that trying to start a relationship in a social setting is significantly more frowned upon now than it was in the past. “Why can’t men just be friends with women, why do they always have to think about sex or dating” is a real stigma men have to contend with. Personally I often don’t try to approach women like that because I don’t want to be seen as That Guy who can only see women as objects of affection.
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u/ThanosRickshawDriver man 1d ago
The risk that you will be seen as creepy, called out for god knows what, blamed for harassment because they were offended that "how dare you think that you can ask me out" - clearly outweighs the 'benefits' so to speak. People who are not like the ones I mentioned just avoid the hassle all together. If you're not religious it's high time to be one and pray to god that women ask you out themselves. (Not everyone is like that ofcourse)
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u/Jimbo_Jigs man 1d ago
It's too risky, I don't want my life ruined because someone falsely accuses me of something.
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u/Helpful-Dot-8586 1d ago
In my 33 years of life I’ve never approached a woman in a public setting and asked for her number or even struck conversation, I’ve always worried about not only being denied but coming off as weird or creepy lol.
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u/Top-Hat5131 man 1d ago
Just walk up and ask them out? Nope, never.
Smile, say hello, see if they actually have any interest in having a conversation? Rarely but occasionally.
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u/MonctonDude man 1d ago
10 years ago yes. I haven't been single in 8 years but if I did have to enter the dating scene again I would not.
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u/MiramarBeach8 man 1d ago
Im not sure if this is good or bad. However, I've only ever been asked out. I get it's an industry thing but even way back when. I was either usually too shy nervous whatever to ask or the asking was just skipped right over.
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u/Mediocre-Hotel-8991 1d ago
I haven't asked for a girl's number in a very long time. Outside of dating apps, which I refuse to use now. I never did bad on dating apps. But asking for a girl's number in person? No thanks. Ain't dealing with that.
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u/Sokard814 man 1d ago
Nope, social media tells us that unless we're over 6ft tall, a model, and make a load of money, we'll be seen as a creep for showing any interest in a woman we find attractive. Would I like someone to ask me out, sure, but I'd still wonder if it's a prank and I'm gonna be put up as a joke on the internet somewhere.
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u/GothHimbo414 1d ago
I do not anymore outside of dating apps. I do not have the social awareness to know if I am being weird or creepy so I just dont.
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u/fiftysevenpunchkid man 1d ago edited 1d ago
No. I have been told that many women are made uncomfortable by being approached in public. It's not about me and worries about how they will react to me, it's me not wanting to make people uncomfortable.
The closest I have been to being asked out by a woman in public was at a house party with some friends. We already knew each other reasonably well, though.
OTOH, I have been hit on by many gay men in public. Unfortunately, I don't swing that way, but it is nice to know that someone finds me attractive.
If you are interested in a guy, make sure that you are being more than just friendly. Many women complain that they can't be friendly with a man without them thinking that they are interested in them. Most men will only make a move if you have made it extremely clear that it will be well received.
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u/MrGeorgeSorosSmite man 1d ago
Well, I have never been asked out by women.
Ususally not asking out. Since there is no proper place for dating, you have to risk at your job/ school, which can be very humiliating, and social/ economic suicide.
I've asked out 2 women at my job, they give me their contacts, looked good, but they ghosted me.
At least the HR didn't look after me for harrassment. lol.
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u/Suitable-Print7235 1d ago
31 here, no i hope a woman sparks a conversation with me then i can keep the convo going but starting one no, if it doesn't happen it be that way, going on for 10+ years.
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u/joeyjusticeco man 1d ago
The comments on this thread are so strange to me. I see this fearmongering about "don't talk to a girl anywhere because she'll ruin your life / embarrass you / get you arrested" almost every single day on social media.
Not sure if it's bots (let's be real, this is Reddit, it's mostly bots), just excuses these men have made up in their heads, or what.
Silliness.
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u/Upstairs-Farm7106 man 1d ago
Feminists ruined it for everyone.
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u/Adventurous_Ad182 1d ago
I am old. Happily married 37 years feminine, slim, a dream wife, 2 of my sons have been f over by 2 western women, going thru divorces. If I was a young bloke I wouldn't go near a western woman. Toxic nightmares
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u/Upstairs-Farm7106 man 1d ago
It’s only getting worse. Young women nowadays have no form of responsibility or self-accountability.
God bless the husbands of those in r/twoxchromosomes.
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u/Portal3Hopeful man 1d ago
Usually not unless it’s explicitly the kind of thing where that happens (bars, for example)
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For the men… do you/ would you ask out a woman if you’re just out and about and saw someone you found attractive in some way?? Oo and has a woman ever asked you out?? If I find the guts.. I would love to ask a guy out next year.
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u/vcreativ man 1d ago
Few do. I do. Not all the time. I let my subconscious guide me. And sometimes I'm like. *That* one. And then it's like. Lol, might be awkward. Here goes nothing. ... Hey.
> If I find the guts.. I would love to ask a guy out next year.
Do. It's an incredibly liberating experience. Don't expect anything to work. Just aim at doing it. Aim at any sort of interaction. Aim at a conversation informing both of you if you might want to go out with each other. The more you take the other into account. And the more you can make a conversation happen. The smoother it'll be.
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u/AlexSanderTheGrate man 1d ago
I would. I've been married for a few years, but I had way better luck in-personn those evil dating apps.
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u/Mysterious-Relation1 1d ago
Men and women have asked me out. I’ve never asked anyone out. Not an ego thing, it’s a shy thing
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u/Wise_Put_2560 man 1d ago
Yeah. I’ve done it, my friends/family has done it, etc. A lot of dudes are not good at asking women out. Whether they are doing it for the wrong reasons, they feel like they deserve a yes, or they have their ego on the line. I imagine women can tell either consciously or subconsciously. Plus, a lot of dudes are terrible at advertising themselves aka seeming interesting.
If you think a woman is interested and cute, you can talk about what your interests are, you should be clean and well put together, and you have basic social skills, you can for her number and she will probably give it to you if she seemed interested in you.
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u/fiftysevenpunchkid man 1d ago
This was many years ago.
I went to Burger King one day to get some unhealthy food. On the way to the counter, I saw a woman sitting reading a book. It was a book in a somewhat obscure series that I had read.
While I was waiting, I debated saying something to her. Honestly, I was more interested in talking to someone about the book then a date, but I wouldn't have a problem if we found we had other things in common.
But I recalled that many women complain that they can't sit and read a book in peace without being bothered. I was also in clothes appropriate for making a quick run to Burger King. I wasn't a slob, but I certainly was nowhere near my best.
In your opinion, should I have approached her?
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u/Wise_Put_2560 man 1d ago
There’s plenty of time in my day to day life where I see something like that and I make some kind of comment. Like in that situation, I would just say something like,”How are you liking that book so far?” or something like that. Just saying it with no intent or expectations. If she seems uninterested in talking, it’s whatever.
But, there are times where that comment turns into a conversation, and that conversation turns into you asking them out.
So, yeah, I don’t think there is anything wrong with approaching someone to talk about a book.
I think what a lot of dudes have messed up is that they’ll would have approached her at that burger king, but they have it in their head that they are approaching women in general to sleep with them/go out on dates. Maybe you can have that mindset, but I’ve seen dudes make it painfully obvious. It’s can seem strange when women do it too. They just don’t to it a lot lol.
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u/fiftysevenpunchkid man 21h ago
It's not a matter of wasting my own time, or my own feelings if she doesn't want to be bothered, it's about imposing on her and bothering her if she doesn't want to be bothered.
It may be "whatever" to me, but it may also ruin her afternoon. Why would I want to do that?
And this is not social media talking. This was back when Myspace was barely a thing. These were messages I was getting from mainstream media. It was made very clear that women do not want to be approached in public.
Now, the fact that they were not speaking for all women is true, but I don't know which women were being spoken for. People just say, "Listen to women!" and then proceed to speak for women.
There are women who say that they do want to be approached in public, but they are not pushing back against the women who say not to, they are just saying that they are the exceptions. The fact that there are individuals who are exceptions to the rule doesn't mean that it's okay to break the rules in hope of an exception.
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u/PappaSmurphy 1d ago
I've always been a coward when it comes to talking to women, so it's always been difficult for myself,and yes, once I've been approached and it was the best relationship I've ever had. I was stupid and ruined that. Man, if I could go back.....
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u/jonathantaylor1967 1d ago
I do if it's someone I've seen around town a couple times or if we happened to have had a chance to exchange a few words somewhere....nothing ventured, nothing gained right?
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u/Think_fast_Act_slow man 1d ago
my sister hooked me with a girl in a get-together 18 years later, happily married now.
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u/Hot_Friend1388 man 1d ago
Only women I already knew socially. I have been asked, but only for a casual thing.
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u/antzcrashing man 1d ago
Very surprised by the answers, although I guess I shouldn’t be. I have asked women for numbers randomly at bars, and know many other guys that do it. We get numbers and sometimes they turn to dates.
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u/MelodicAd3038 man 1d ago
I used to when I was younger about 8-10 years ago. Nowadays, nah. It's just not worth it.
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u/GetDownClownInTown man 1d ago edited 1d ago
Nope. The only time I've ever had success with women is when they have made it obvious that they want to be around me and have sought me out. Any other time when I ask women out, it doesn't work. I'm not that guy. Truth is, most dudes don't do well approaching women and asking them out. You have to be pretty damn good looking to do that.
And yes, I have had women ask me out and it was awesome. It's the only way that I will do it. Just the other night I had some woman accuse me of staring at her when all I was doing was trying to watch a band. It's just not worth it anymore.
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u/LengthinessMammoth89 man 1d ago
I would if I were interested in dating. After my second divorce I’m focusing on my children and my own happiness. When I decide it’s time again, I’m going to be me and if a woman isn’t into it, whatever. No sweat off my back. I figure if I ask a woman out and she sees me as a threat for something so innocent, then I just dodged a bullet.
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u/Photononic man 1d ago edited 1d ago
I have been married 15 years now. I am 59.
I met most of the women I dated in public parks. Many approached me. I have not needed to take the effort since I turned 40. Most of my peers, do the same.
Even being married, I get approached from time to time. I politely show my ring. I am not sure the how To handle it better.
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u/AuthenticDepth man 1d ago
Have asked where it worked and have asked where it blew badly.
There's definitely a bit of social suicide involved so I would have to find a bit of social isolation if we're not in same groups or workplaces etc.
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u/penitantstruggler man 1d ago
Nope. Not in public, not out and about. I might ask over facebook or via text.
In public, no. I have been accused of being creepy five too many times.
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u/Ok_Turnip448 1d ago
Not really. Because women turn down men who ask them out while they are chasing the guys out of their league who gives them a casual fuck now and then.
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u/nope132465 man 1d ago
I was at the gym earlier today and there was a girl I thought looked nice, she is above average looking. But I'm average, and the gym has lots of good looking above average men. It made me feel hopeless. Guts are a big issue.
The guys who just want to smash and don't care will have no problem asking, and neither will the good guys with guts, but they will probably be taken cause they already asked someone. Which leaves the rest of us.
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u/Plenty_Patience_5491 man 1d ago
Don't live and die by the sword of what these womens expectations are. Live and die by the sword of your own expectations and you'll have better luck. De-construct that cage you've built inside your own head bruv.
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u/Captainofthehosers man 1d ago
Why bother.. no ROI or even a polite no.
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u/ResistParking6417 1d ago
What’s the investment?
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u/Captainofthehosers man 22h ago
The courage to go ask the woman out.
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u/antzcrashing man 1d ago
Its free workout motivation if you get turned down!
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u/Captainofthehosers man 22h ago
The scenery at the gym of whom I never approach is free motivation without the pain.
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u/ChunkyBubblz man 1d ago
Men still ask women out. Incels blame feminism and would rather play victim.
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u/Alternative-Basket53 woman 1d ago
I think this is real I’m a woman and I’ve definitely been asked out and also asked people out but reading that the mentalities exist of most of the guys in the comments is insightful
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u/Plenty_Patience_5491 man 1d ago
We shouldn't. Women always say "Hey leave us alone." Can do. I have 2 women that I have a situationship with and that's really all I need. Sorry, you want us to leave you alone, we men as a whole should listen and they watch them cry and bitch and say "No we didn't mean that."
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u/GreedyShip2580 1d ago
No i dont ask women out as im too lazy and im not really in a position to date and also i kinda like being on my own.
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u/AggravatingIssue7020 man 1d ago
If it's a bland "invite me to restaurant" then I don't bother.
It has to be cheaper than an escort, food price and my time calculated, else there's no way I'll do it , I'm lucky I don't have to, I get approached by women all the time, so that answers your other question. Sometimes they stare and are paralized by fear or shyness then I just open up, a smile and a hi or hello(Lucifer Morningstar has a very good style for this) and off we go.
The rapper in me is coming out:
I am very glad this is the case, as I am not willing to do the chase.
Really, if women could come up with any any anything a bit more original than let's go restaurant, I'll do it, hell even a drink or drug night out straight up is better, at least that's guaranteed fun.
Or let's do some sports, that'll win me over I once met one and asked her let's do something, and since she knew I was on my jogging route, even though I knew she never jogged in her life, I did bite.
The restaurant thing gives all the red flags I don't want to see and I am on a strict diet and don't really desire to destroy my diet and the woman can certainly open her mouth without a meal in front of her, right?
And hellno it's not romantic being cramped in a restaurant like sardines and everyone can hear you chatting.
Now , your questions, yes, if they signal interest, I will approach, I never do if they don't, in reality, women always do that first step. If a woman sends not a single signal and a guy tries, them it's cute, the spirit is there but he's probably read to many how to get laid books.
If a woman approaches me, I will always be super friendly, simply because she tried, no matter what, as I know it takes guts. I appreciate the attention and I find it original, as you might have noticed , I like original women:-)
Just do it, you will be well received. Men aren't very complex as far first contact goes.
If you're afraid, do a test run on one you don't fancy or use any stupid reason.
Imo the the best any woman has approached me ever, she asked me if I have a cigarette and she was already actively smoking one haha:-)
Really, can't go wrong and you'd have a massive advantage over all the women who'd never dare or who are stuck in the past century. I understand we have equal rights and all that, just do it, you'll feel great aftereards
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u/PayNo3874 man 1d ago
I have done. And it has gone well. But in most cases it just isn't worth it. Social suicide a lot of the time