After over 130 alcohol free, I had a dream that I had a few shots of whiskey. In the dream, I remember thinking that I wasn’t going to reset my counter on here because I felt buzzed and I didn’t like the way it felt so I wasn’t going to drink anymore.

That’s a good thing, right?

IWNDWYT!

You’d think this far in I wouldn’t be struggling but I suppose the holidays have some demons we can’t fight off easily.

I sit there and I wonder to myself why I can’t have a drink or two or three or ten? Why can’t I get drunk like they are? Why can’t I unwind with a bottle of rum? Why can’t I be fun and chatty without a glass of alcohol in my hands?

And then I remember, ah…because you’re an alcoholic.

I see people get drunk and wish that were me. I see people even plan to do it and wish it were me. I see them prepare their drinks and I wish that were me.

I hate how lately I been missing it. I hate how work makes me wish I never quit. I hate how people can just do it and not be labeled as alcoholics. I hate how it controls my life.

And I especially hate how hard it is to not be able to just feel bad about it and cry because you don’t think you deserve it because you’ve caused enough damage and been enough of a bother when you were actively drinking.

It truly is the loneliest journey. I see people in my life try to be there for me. But the way they approach it I can tell they don’t understand it. I am grateful they even try and are even there. But sometimes their pep talks just frustrate me because I know they don’t know what it’s like to not be able to just not do it or not want to do it. I know they got too much self control to understand and that makes it harder to want to open up because fuck man…

I turned to candies as a way to help. And everytime I notice myself crave it and not be able to not just have one or two, I realize how much of an addict I am. I notice how binging goes beyond alcohol and drugs. I hate that I struggle so much to control myself in these instances…

But we made it this far, I guess.

Anyone else struggling please know you’re not alone. I wish I could hug and cry with you all but for now I’ll just pretend I’m okay. I’ll be okay for everyone else so they don’t have to go back to worrying about me.

I hope your holidays are going well, and if not, you’re not alone. Proud of how far you’ve come, even if just a day, we all start somewhere.

IWNDWYT

I am very lucky that my rock bottoms have been pretty high. A few weeks ago, I got drunk at a bar crawl with my mom and sister and came home while my toddlers were still awake and felt a huge wake up call. I didn't drink at all for 10 days then had 2 beers on Christmas night.

I was able to stop at 2 and felt good about it.

Last night, we drove 4 hours with our two toddlers to get halfway to family's house for a second Christmas today. We grabbed a 6 pack to share with my BIL and SIL. I had 4 beers in maybe 2 hours. I wasn't drunk, only slightly tipsy at the max which didn't last long.

But this morning, I'm kicking myself. Why did I feel the need to drink anything instead of just playing with my kids and putting them to bed? Have I missed out on time with them having a few beers on more nights than I wish I had? Have I given them all I could while having drinks some evenings?

We don't drink every night, but it's been more frequent than I would like over the last few years since having kids. Neither of us ever get even tipsy while the kids are home. I know we drink because we are home bound and bored, but for the last few months, the shame anytime I have anything to drink is screaming at me. Clearly, it's a sign that it's time to call it quits full stop.

Hello SD Fam, I don’t post often but today I wanted to share something that has helped me make it through a number of special events/occasions. This year will be my 5th sober new years. Every year has its own story and challenges but one thing that continues to be true for me is that the more events and holidays I make it through sober, the more sober memories I have to combat my idiot brain that keeps trying to sell me a shitty lie that drinking was more fun. I am stocking my brain memory shelves with tales of driving wherever and whenever I want, eating all the foods, taking naps, playing games, reading awesome books in my blanket nests, leaving when I want, helping clean up, playing with the kids, walking the dog, making a holiday feast, being available to help with someone else’s sadness. You get the picture. The more sober memories I make the fewer times I pull the “I wish I could” old dusty and dirty and sticky and full of shame book off the shelf. It still happens. Not going to lie. I think about drinking sometimes. But it happens less and my new memories of being sober are around to remind me of my wins. So, if this is your first or your 50th sober new years, you are making your future memories and I’m so happy for you. 2025 is going to start with or without us :) I hope you find your strength and peace and joy as it settles in. IWNDWYT. 🌟

The link isn’t working. Can someone give me directions to reset my badge to day 4?

Thanks 😊

So, my second day. And I am used to smoke weed and drink beers, probably 12 tall boys a day for the past couple of years. I have oxazepam for withdrawals, because I am shaking like a mf’r. However I am so bored and I keep looking in the future and see no pleasure and it makes me depressed. I have no confidence whatsoever and am constantly doubting myself and always looking at everybody and all my idols, day dreaming I was them. then I understand I ain’t and can never be I will always be this way and I feel bad tbh, like real bad. I have literally no friends because past two years I fucked all my relationships up. I can’t watch television all day and play video games, i can’t even sit still anyways because I have no fucking inner peace.

What is something I can do before I go out and by two packs and rip blunts cause I am weak. I am not just talking myself down because it is true

Man, I used to drink in the airport so I’m not being judgy. I hear/see myself in all the people I saw at the bars today. I had a long layover and my husband drinks/we wanted to eat so we went a couple places.

I saw myself in the guy who ordered a drink and then chugged it to go upstairs to the AmEx lounge cuz it was his turn on the waitlist, and drinks are free there.

I saw myself in the over-served girl wearing sunglasses inside and talking too loudly at 11am about how shes so “good at smart” (tongue got twisted on the vodka) while pointing to the television and explaining football, the chiefs, and her (incorrect) understanding of the new NFL kick off rules.

I saw myself in the older lady who was calm and drinking a double Bloody Mary exclaiming “I love airports you can drink any time”

I saw myself in the 21 year old that had a mini tantrum because he couldn’t be served as he only had a picture of his ID

I saw myself doing all of these things and then I thought about the rest of their day. Maybe they continue drinking, maybe they have a normal relationship with alcohol and have a couple and walk away. Maybe they ruin their lives today.

Not me, today I’m not drinking with you. Anyway, I just felt compelled to share. Idk why. Life is better sober, I think that’s why. Iwndwyt.

Thanks for being a safe space for me to just get this out

It’s been posted here before, but figured it would be worth posting again around the holidays.

Edit: not an addiction specialist, but will page for a “friend of Bill W.”

Edit 2: USA only apparently.

I'm 30 now and have been mentally battling the fact that I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol for at least the last 6 months. My drinking has slowly escalated over the last four years. It started with a few beers on the weekend, progressed to a few beers after work each night, and is currently at its worst with 2-4 drinks after work each night (sometimes more) and probably ~15-20 drinks over the weekend. It has been particularly bad the last week with friends visiting for the holidays. One day in particular I purchased a 1.5L bottle of wine, drank it, and then doordashed another 1.5L bottle of wine.

I've started buying alcohol for my hotel room when I'm away on work trips. I find myself actively planning out how to drink / when to drink so it doesn't affect work the next day. I've gained so much weight that I had to purchase pants in a larger size - since then (6 months ago) I've continued to gain weight to the point that my new larger pants almost don't fit as well. I've started keeping Tums in my bedside drawer because waking up in the middle of the night with acid reflux was a nightly occurence.

I woke up at 2 am this morning with acid reflux again, found this subreddit, spent the last two hours reading it, and have finally decided it's time to stop drinking. I'm tired of feeling fat and bloated, exhausted from poor sleep, and wasting mental energy planning out how to keep drinking without feeling guilty about it.

Wish me luck.

I started drinking around 18 and have consistently abused alcohol up until about a month ago when I decided to quit for health reasons. I’m 41 now so that’s a solid 20+ years of using alcohol in most social situations, and honestly, with a drink in my hand, I could always make conversation and really surface level connections with people easily.

I’ve been sober about a month and I’m starting to realize that I think I have a severely stunted social skills or even the ability to be tell a story or keep a topic interesting in sober interactions. I’m not sure if it’s entirely me or if it’s because my audience for a lot of my life have been other drunk people who are easily amused, but it’s been an enlightening bummer to discover.

Right now I’m figuring it’s like a muscle I’ve never worked before so the best exercise is to just go out and practice sober more to get better, but I’d be lying if I said it’s not super tempting to just go back to the easy way.

Anyway. I think I’m boring. But staying sober. Thanks for listening.

Been sober since around the 16th now. The DUI was Halloween. I was daily, stopped, started, stopped, started (I know in such a short time) I was daily. But, I’ve now stopped completely. Fuck I’m only 26. I have a problem though.

Shit out of luck. 0.378, yeah, that’s a problem.

Anyways, do not drink and even what comes forwards with me (had 1 court date and prosecution wasn’t ready or something)… it’s my own actions. Now, I’m getting a lawyer (not by my choice).

I have several medical issues, and being in jail will be terrifying.

Don’t be like me.

Anyways, 11 days. See yall after jail!

Often in posts or comments I'll see something like "I only have 7 days" or "I know it's only a little time but..."

Bullshit. ALL amounts of sober time count. Whether it's a month sober, a week, an hour, you earned every second of that time and all of them are an accomplishment. However long it is you've been sober, that amount of time is always something to be proud of. Don't qualify it with "only".

The fucked up thing about sobriety is that it's not like a video game where you start out on the easy levels and progress to ever more difficult ones as your skills improve. No, with sobriety you step right smack dab into the hardest level on Day 1.

I hit 5 years sober this month and Month 60 is a fucking day at the beach compared to Month 1. Month 1 has the potential to be the hardest month of your life, and often is for many people. That can be daunting but the good news is that if you can make it through that, you can make it through anything.

Congrats to everyone for the time you have under your belt, however long that is. And an extra special and sincere congrats to the folks that are at the beginning of their journey. Happy holidays and may you all have a fantastic 2025.

Today a year ago i decided to change my life and my health. I was stupid drunk all the time,my memory was so bad I couldn’t tell what I did the day before, drunkenly telling my life story to any one who would listen, I was getting blackout by myself in random places, barely escaping dangerous situations, and having no idea how I got home. I hid all of this from family and friends, and didn’t realize the extent of how bad my body was screaming for me to stop drinking. And then i did. And now it’s been a YEAR! I truly can’t believe it. I’m so glad I did and I’m still doing it. Here’s to more years of health and joy and not being hung over 💙🫶🏻

I drank Christmas and yesterday for the first time in a few months. First day back at work and hungover. I didn’t even really enjoy the drunkenness either. This stuff is not worth it, even if i didn’t have a hangover.

It’s so eye opening for me. I feel embarrassed at times.

On Friday night, I hung out with some friends who pretty much do nothing on the weekends except drink. I was always drinking with them whenever we’d hangout.

I didn’t drink with them this time, and all 3 of them were shocked. They thought I was just taking a break for a bit and would jump into a drinking game later.

When that didn’t happen, they started asking if I got a DUI or something happened that I’m hiding from them. I told them that I just didn’t want to drink.

One of them actually asked, “Is this like an early April Fool’s joke?” 🤦🏽‍♂️😅

God… How bad of an alcoholic loser was I that people are perplexed when I say I don’t want to drink?

This isn’t even the first group that was shocked. The other 2 dudes I chilled with last weekend were surprised but they didn’t question it too much.

IWNDWYT, folks. Here’s to ending 2024 without any drunken episodes through the New Year. (Non-alcoholic) Cheers!

I’ll toast a glass of water to everyone 💧

I was gifted a gift basket with 12 international beers on Christmas day. (I talked about this and my struggle that day. You can find it in my post history). Well, yesterday I took my child out to spend some of her Christmas money and decided to pick up some NA beer. (Which i was I'D for and thought it was weird but showed my ID without issue. This later led me down the NA beer history on Wiki and its legality.) Fun fact: minors can purchase and consume NA beer in Texas but it's completely banned in places like Malaysia. Anyways, back to yesterday...I come home and put my NA beer in the fridge, consume some and go to bed. Fast forward to ~3:30 this afternoon and I get a craving for some beer so I get a NA beer from the fridge. While doing so I'm looking for those 12 international beers. They are GONE! I asked my husband about them and he said "i drank a few" and he just left it at that. I dont know...i didnt see him drink any, there were no empty bottles on his end table, no empty bottles in the trash. I have no idea what he did with them and I'm afraid to ask any further....Honestly, I just don't need to know. After that conversation, I told him I only have two NA's left. This man got up and went to the store to get me some more NA beers but he didnt get just the one kind I asked for but 3 different brands to try out! Once I expressed my full intentions to quit after my last drinking event, he's been completely supportive!! He is my lifeline!! Stay safe everyone!!

I (29f) quit drinking for the final time over 6 months ago. Back in April, my husband (35m) decided he wanted to take a break from alcohol- something we had both talked about every single Sunday or Monday for the last 9 years. We have always been weekend drinkers. Once or maybe twice a week we’d let loose and drink way too much. We thought we were so much fun. We thought we cracked the code on married drinking buddies lol. Well we went on our first vacation and drank damn near everyday for 2 weeks straight (as you do on vacation so we thought?). When we got back we were both begging for a break and he took the leap and I joined. Initially he was talking about quitting forever, party is over- done. I quit with a goal of 30 days to support him. We both ended up making it into the 40s and drank. We decided to quit again, except this time is stuck for me and I never went back, but he only lasted a couple weeks.

I know I quit and he didn’t, but his actions directly affect me. I love being around him when he’s sober, but he’s gone from drinking twice a week to 3+ and it’s getting harder for me to accept that this is my life. Not only is he drinking more frequently, he’s drinking primarily alone at bars which is not something he has ever done. I feel lonely. And I just wish he’d join me in sobriety. I don’t want to drink, but I’m worried I will get to a point where I don’t want to be married to a drinker anymore. That both scares me and breaks my heart. I have had countless conversations voicing my concerns and he makes empty promises and goes right back to the same behavior.

I love my sober life. It’s everything I always wanted, but it’s missing my favorite person. I guess I’m just struggling. Any advice is appreciated 🫶

I was called on to share at the meeting this morning. After the meeting, a guy came up to me and said, “Jane!! I’m so happy to see you here!!”, and gave me a huge hug. I did not know who this person was, and assumed it was someone I knew or met while blackout drunk. When we got outside, it clicked. It was someone I had worked with at a restaurant almost 10 years ago. He lost a ton of weight and has a mustache now. It was so great, because I know we both belonged in the rooms a long time ago, and here we both were. At a 7 a.m. meeting, both with our sponsors, both not hungover and in good spirits. Grateful to be sober today. IWNDWYT!

Somehow I survived the booziest week imaginable without taking a single sip.

We had a two-part vacation this week, 3 nights in Upstate NY with family and 3 nights in Canada for a quick getaway with my dad. Annoyingly (and not surprisingly) alcohol was one of the stars of the show. I can't believe how often it was discussed, brought up, planned, etc.

BUT I did not have a sip. I sat through every event without drinking anything. I had a few mocktails with dinners out and stuck to my iced teas.

I'm really proud of myself. I know I'm just approaching 3 weeks but I never thought I could do Christmas AND vacation sober, and I did them both. I hope it gets easier (I didn't feel tempted but I did secretly get annoyed how much people focused on it).

I checked in here every day and you all gave me the strength to stick to my guns - thank you! ID(id)NDWYT and IWNDWYT(omorrow)

The wife and I went to the pub last night and met up with friends. This morning (6.50am UK time) I have woken up and am ready for a 2.5 hour drive down to Portsmouth to see family.

This sober life is so much better. I would have been dreading today if I was drinking last night, but having a few Guinness 0% did the trick.

IWNDWYT

Today I’m 1 month sober. I was feeling so proud of myself and all I’ve been able to do this month. I thought my relationship was improving. But Christmas night I got into a huge fight with my wife. Found some really inappropriate texts on her phone. She proceeded to attempt a Tylenol OD so we spent the last two days in the ER. Her liver was very close to shutting down with the amount she took. Then I went to take my dogs on a hike to try and clear my head. They got into a fight with another dog. I broke my hand in the process of trying to stop them. So here I am again, back at the ER. Alone and sad. I keep thinking of getting a bottle when I leave. This has been my first sober Christmas, but also the worst several days of my life.

Of course I had to get loaded during Christmas with at least 10 beers and 4 shots. Then of course the next day, I continued. Sneaking shots in the kitchen when I am pretending to clean it. Pathetic.

This needs to end today. It’s been far too long of my life where I have wanted to quit and havnt. I’ve always wanted to have a great body as well, but with this habit, that will never change.

I just came across this quote today and it stood out to me. I will repeat it everyday if I have to. I got this!!!

“If I can’t handle this, I don’t deserve what I want.”

I’ve had a somewhat problematic relationship with alcohol since I was a teenager; although, I’ve only realized that in retrospect. My habit of nightly drinking started after the suicide of my little brother, three years ago. I decided to start drinking regularly to cope with the grief. Being tipsy was fun, crying about my dead brother wasn’t. The choice was obvious at the time.

A sobering (literally) blood panel recently revealed elevated liver function, and something clicked. I stopped drinking and haven’t had a drink since I got the news about my lab results. It was so hard to hear the damage I have done to myself. I was consumed with shame for a solid 48 hours, but I have stayed sober through it. I sat with the bad feelings and I survived.

I don’t have anyone to really celebrate with in real life- my husband still drinks- so I’m sharing here. I’m proud to not drink with you all today.

Hi 👋🏼

I’m (31F) one year sober today, from alcohol and nicotine!! We are california sober which I do understand some folks don’t agree with.

My husband and I have been drinking and smoking on and off for 20 years due to a very traumatic childhoods & unsafe environments in Chicago. We used to be weekend binge warriors. As our relationship progressed, we realized many things. We didn’t want to become another statistic nor become like some family members. My husband & I would fight when we drink. Otherwise we are the biggest love birds. I threw up yellow bile for 2 days straight the last time I drank. That was a sign from God. It was time to quit for good.

I can’t believe we did it! My husband and I have started this path together as he’s in recovery as well. We got married this year, eloped, it really helped us push each other to keep moving forward on our journey.

Im so excited to share this milestone and this sub has been beyond amazing with support & advice.

Before/After Pics - https://imgur.com/a/iQfMMNM

Edit: Thank you everyone! I’m grateful for the support, in tears. IWNDWYT.