r/stopdrinking • u/Federal-Ask1617 1836 days • 18h ago
Got rejected tonight
Hey folks, I’ll keep it brief here. Hoping someone can relate to it maybe. Before I got sober I struggled with being able to confront people or topics that are a bit touchy, unless under the influence. Be that with women, or be that with my parents or whatnot. That went for everything besides work. My business revolves around rejection ironically enough. But, being rejected in my business never made me subconsciously question my self worth I guess. Anyways, point is - emotions, communication… all of it was a struggle unless intoxicated. Of course the intoxication lead to the numbing of “feelings” and would allow me to be “brave” enough to say whatever I “wanted” to say. Granted, it lead to mostly bad things.
So, after five years, I’ve been slowly building myself up to doing things sober and boy has it been tough but worth it. Be that dancing in a club all the way to asking a women out. Today, I asked someone out that I liked but was unsure if she liked me back.
She rejected me …. It sucked, and it stung a bit, but I did it. Sober. Didn’t need a drink to ask her out. Didn’t need a drink to numb the emotions of being rejected. And I didn’t lash out in drunken anger neither. Kept it polite and all…
I don’t know why, but it feels like a win…… but I should be sad? lol. Maybe I am a bit sad that I got rejected but I’m also kinda happy I was able to do that. I mean I’ve dated in the last five years so it’s not the first time I’ve asked someone out and got rejected sober. But it’s the first time I really stopped and realized that I did that… sober.
Alright hope that helps someone and if not… thanks for listening and allowing me to vent. And of course, thank you everyone for keeping me sober tonight.
Iwndwyt
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u/stealer_of_cookies 654 days 17h ago
Total win! Alcohol and drinking represented my inability to face difficult emotions, so to me the outcome is secondary sometimes to knowing that I did the right thing the proper way. Like the adult I should be and am finally realizing. So be proud of yourself, I am proud of you!
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u/Federal-Ask1617 1836 days 17h ago
Thanks , I could relate to this completely. Spot on. It’s like there is a way…. To feel and deal with it? Who would’ve thought ! lol. Thanks for being proud of me. I’m also proud of you!
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u/Indotex 131 days 17h ago
Better to have asked and been rejected than to have always wondered what she would have said had you not asked her!
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u/Federal-Ask1617 1836 days 17h ago
Funny, this is literally what my best friend told me before I asked 😂
thanks for this!
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u/kramllink 16 days 17h ago
It’s the $20 bill idea. You get that bill dirty, wet, ripped, whatever- value doesn’t change. Same here- your value and who you are don’t change. Your perception can change but without the drinking you stayed away from associating your value with the success of the interaction. Thank you for sharing!
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u/Federal-Ask1617 1836 days 17h ago
I like it….. thank you for commenting and congrats on your 16 days !
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u/Shanster70 63 days 17h ago
Winning. If you don’t try, you regret not trying
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u/Federal-Ask1617 1836 days 17h ago
Thank you. This is the mentality i walked in with. “What’s the worst that happens” you know?
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u/z_broski 242 days 18h ago
that’s awesome that you are able to see the positive in this situation. i don’t know you well, or at all for that fact, but i can tell you’ve come a long way. IWNDWYT
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u/Federal-Ask1617 1836 days 18h ago
Thanks man. I appreciate that. It’s one day at a time. Try to stay positive always. Also I like your reddit name : BROSKI!
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u/waitingforpopcorn 1651 days 17h ago
I definitely seem to take more chances now that I'm sober. It's actually much more enjoyable too.
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u/Federal-Ask1617 1836 days 17h ago
I feel that way too since I’m able to handle them much more appropriately. I don’t have to regret any actions the next morning you know?
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u/Direct-Spread-8878 7 days 17h ago
Wow you are incredible :)! Way to give it a shot! You never know unless you try, so pat yourself on the back for doing something scary, even if it did hurt a bit. Rejection is one of the hardest things in life I think.
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u/Federal-Ask1617 1836 days 17h ago
Thank you. It stung , won’t lie to you all or myself about that. Though, I think it’s better to have tried than not to. And to have done it sober …. I’m proud of that for myself.
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u/EfficientVariation20 65 days 16h ago
Yep you did good mate. It's a win, whether good or bad when you mange to deal with these things sober. Def be proud mate.
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u/Special-Bit-8689 2 days 16h ago
I’m so proud of you! It’s really big to put yourself out there as you are. And I’m sure the rewards overall will be better regardless of some losses.
I can so relate to using alcohol to be “brave” to say things I couldn’t say without it, thinking the alcohol was just tuning me into deeper truths. Instead of it actually tainting everyone to look mistrustful, make me righteous, or that regular person seem way more glorious or better for me than they actually were 😆
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u/Federal-Ask1617 1836 days 5h ago
Thank you so much. I’m happy there’s someone that can relate to it. 🙏
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u/CDBoomGun 15h ago
It's empowering to know that you can handle negative emotions. At least you know. That's power too. Now you have a choice to move forward as opposed to being stuck and not knowing, but being too afraid of rejection. That's growth dude! Dating is hard.
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u/e1p1 297 days 15h ago
Total win. You did it all without the alcohol, even felt good about it. And, she did you a favor telling you right off the bat she didn't feel the same. Didn't waste any of your time. It feels a bummer now, but nothing like it would have if you had dated for several weeks or months and then she told you.
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u/Meat-Head-Barbie89 11 days 15h ago
That’s great! I tend to ask for a lot of things, even if it’s slightly unreasonable because I want to be told no enough that it doesn’t devastate me or even hurt my feelings. I’m glad you’re working up the courage to do all the scary things. It makes things that much better when you take the leap and you make it.
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u/Federal-Ask1617 1836 days 5h ago
Thanks and I agree. The more rejections the less intimidating it is !
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u/N3WDay 12h ago
Being able to lean into an emotion sober, feel it, be sad and not drown it with booze was life changing for me. The world will not end if you cry or get humiliated, even if everyone else sees.
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u/Federal-Ask1617 1836 days 5h ago
You are right. It’s something I’m coming to terms with. Not everything goes your way and it’s okay to feel it. Life keeps on going
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u/dalittle 11h ago edited 11h ago
Dude. That is such a win on so many levels. You shot your shot (without alcohol messing you up) and that is all you have control over. My wife (and son) of 20 years still make fun of my ex girl friends (long story, but I had 5 with the same name) so IMHO it will work out eventually if you keep on keeping on. If nothing else, some random internet guy is rooting for you.
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u/Federal-Ask1617 1836 days 5h ago
Thanks for this. And thanks for being that random guy rooting for me lol!
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u/Bright-Appearance-95 578 days 8h ago
Proud of you for staying sober and for being able to go with the mixed emotions. I can't help but feel this experience makes you stronger. Nicely done. IWNDWYT.
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u/NotTheMama73 195 days 18h ago
Sorry it did not work out for you but happy you are staying sober. You should be proud of yourself!