I have made respect for you guys

[u/AdvancedPen4908]

I just wanted to stop in and say I have mad respect for you guys and gals who step up and become step parents. I've seen a lot of great scenarios where 2 new beings come together to create a beautiful family and are able to prosper.

I thought I could do the same. I thought I could step up and marry a woman with 2 daughters and help make their life better and be that missing piece of the puzzle.

But after 10 years of trying I've realized there is just no way in hell that I will ever be able to satisfy these 3 that I care very much for. My wifes ex husband caused them to have a very rough life prior to meeting me. Mind you I am not like him in the slightest but because I have something between my legs I must be as evil as he was. Instead of rising up from the past and deciding to move forward my wife and her oldest (19 y/o) continue to play the victim role to a) try to make excuses for their behavior b) continue to abuse me verbally mentally, emotionally. Financially etc each and every day I have known them.

I see so much potential in all 3 of them if they applied themselves and took ownership of their past and present. The youngest is the most sane at (15 y/o) because her dad won parental rights and has her 98% of the time.

I love them so much and wish I could continue to be there for them but this year I have come to realize that I have lost all happiness and desire to live. I have to be selfish and choose myself now or I will become even more of a shell or I would regret the actions that I may feel forced to make. I need to admit when I've lost at the game of life and walk away and file papers for a divorce. We've tried counseling multiple times and she refuses to even try what the counselor tells us to do, I try talking to her telling her what I need in a relationship and it falls on deaf ears. There is no other way out of this, it has to end and I have to do it now in hopes that someday I'll be able to become that happy person I once was.

If you've made it this far in my ramblings thank you for sticking along for the ride and I hope yoire able to ride the waves of life better than I can.

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[u/Vegetable_Elevators]

It sounds like you’re making the right decision for yourself

[u/AdvancedPen4908 → u/Vegetable_Elevators]

I know in the end it will be the right decision but in the meantime I feel like such a failure. Like, so many others out there are able to push past it all and make things work. Why can't I? What is wrong with me that I can't?

[u/No_Intention_3565 → u/AdvancedPen4908]

Stop it. You were set up to fail right from the start. 10 years of hell is a long time. You should have or could have cut your losses much sooner.

Stop it. Stop beating yourself up.

Instead, think of all the life lessons you learned and all the happiness that is waiting in store for you.

[u/NoInteraction9168]

I feel for you. I sometimes wonder if I'm in a similar situation. I, 37 F, am almost 6 years into a relationship with 2 SK; SD 11 and SS 12. It's been tough, their BM loves them to death but isn't the best parent (as far as teaching them); both bio parents were very young also. I've been the one in charge of schooling, hygiene, manners etc because BM sucks at it. Bio Dad (my s/o) only backs me up when I have an anxiety attack or start yelling repeatedly because the kids haven't listened the first 4x I told them to do/not do something. I've had to be the one that says the kids need therapy because of their developmental disabilities caused by poor child rearing by both parents; mostly BM because she's had primary custody until I came into the picture. I've succeeded with getting SS only into therapy/medicine to be able to focus. SD has started puberty and is behaving far worse than her brother a few years ago. When I entered this relationship I agreed to help raise the kids. Not take over as a full on step mother. Especially since we're not married, no legal ties between us or the kids and myself. I could absolutely walk away but I feel like someone needs to shape these kids better than what their parents have done for them so far. Like we're still he l mastering wiping butts here at 12/11 y/o.

[u/AdvancedPen4908 → u/NoInteraction9168]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. My wife and inare never on the same page in regards to parenting. I'm more of a traditionalist and she is more of a let's be our kids best friend so they love me more than they love their bio dad type of parent. Taking care of business and teaching respect and basic life skills always comes last in regards to her plan and we fight over it every day.

[u/No_Intention_3565]

Self preservation. It is a MUST you choose you. Cut the dead weight and move forward without the shackles of dead weight holding you down.

2025 is the year of YOU. Claim it and don't be ashamed to choose you.

Good luck!

[u/Texastexastexas1]

Have you found a place to live yet?

[u/AdvancedPen4908 → u/Texastexastexas1]

I've owned the house longer than I've known them by about 5 years. She's told me in the past when we have argued that she could leave any day and her rich family would help her live again just like they did before she met me. I'm sure she will try to fight me for something but at the end of the day any price is worth paying to gain my happiness back.

[u/DeCreates]

Do it. I'm rooting for you you sound like a good man. Sometimes we learn the hard way we cannot save people. We have to walk away. And who wants to be around a bunch of victim minded people, sounds miserable. Do it.

[u/AdvancedPen4908 → u/DeCreates]

Thank you for the kind words,they seriously mean a lot to me.

[u/regretinlife]

I've been in this role less than 3 years but I've come to the same conclusion, my needs are ignored too. We tried couple's therapy but he managed to win the therapist over, so she never saw my point of view. I'm tired and I know there has to be better options for me. If not, I still have myself and my peace of mind.