r/stepparents • u/bookyface That bitch who is at fault for it all • 1d ago

Vent I’m still angry

Posted here a couple of days ago about how DH invited SD and SS over to our house (separately, because these kids hate each other other) for half of my break from work without asking me and deleted it, because I thought I should just get over it. SD is leaving the house today to go back to her Mom’s, and I figured SS was supposed to come over this evening/tomorrow. Come to find out that SS is due to come over tomorrow and the day after, leaving me three whole days of no kids. On a 12 day break from work.

DH seems to think that everything is fine, I’ve been playing well with SD and I told him that he’s welcome to bring SS as he’s already invited him (and just ignored me) so it would be rude to SS to take that back.

I’m a door mat. Spent this whole time with SD cleaning up after them both and fuck me, I guess I should have said no to SS but then I’m the bad guy. Again.

John and Julie Gottman talk about resentment being one of the four horsemen heralding divorce. Wonder how many years I’ll be putting up with DH just making plans with his bratty kids before it gets too much.

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81

u/katmcflame 1d ago

Reformed doormat here. Nothing changes until you change yourself. So, step back. Do your own thing. Make arrangements to travel/ be busy elsewhere. Leave your SO to handle his kids & their mess.

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u/regretinlife 1d ago

I get that It'sa good solution, but what is the point of a relationship like this? When my SO has his son and we can't do anything together I wonder, what do I get from this? I'm not trying to be rude, I just want to know your point of view. Thank you

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u/poisonivy-29 1d ago

Just a question for you, not trying to be rude, why does one HAVE to do things with the SKs to define a relationship worthwhile? I don't. Happily married, living apart together over here. I'm a former SK myself and would've given ANYTHING to have my BP to myself when I visited.

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u/bookyface That bitch who is at fault for it all 1d ago

That kind of gives me hope. I’ve always been afraid of being the “evil, selfish stepmom” (BM loves to portray me as much) but if there’s a possibility SKs would prefer just time with Dad, maybe I wouldn’t be as bad of a person as I’m afraid of.

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u/seethembreak 1d ago

No offense to you, but why wouldn’t they prefer that?

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u/bookyface That bitch who is at fault for it all 1d ago

No offense taken! I honestly don’t have a good answer. DH always made it seem like they valued having me around, loved me, etc. I guess I believed him. Now… 🤷‍♀️

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u/katmcflame 1d ago

The simple truth is, everyone in steplife has their own agenda. Our partners, their exes, the kids - they all want things to be a certain way that benefits them. This is why we can’t blindly rely on our partners’ perceptions. Believe in YOURSELF, OP. Trust your gut & put yourself first - because nobody else will.

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u/LiveGarbage5758 1d ago

Difference is a spouse has the right to have their spouse to themselves sometimes. I don’t think kids really have that right. The kids are the ones that are supposed to learn to act independently and have their own life and their own motivations for succeeding

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u/niki2184 1d ago

Kids do have a right to have their parents to themselves sometimes what???? Even bio parents who are together spend one on one time with their kids.

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u/LiveGarbage5758 1d ago

They’re not entitled to it at the expense of the spouse is what I’m Saying