r/family • u/Calm_Explorer_1117 • 19h ago
My dad is dying
My dad has been ill for a few days now, after being depressed for some months, upon retirement. Yesterday we got news he’s got stage IV lung cancer, more tests to come to assess situation and have info to make decisions. But we were told with treatment, 6 months tops. After 6m is rare. Not dying is miracle. Im not surprised by the desease as he is a heavy smoker, im shocked at the speed to which he has disappeared. Mi brother leaves abroad and had to break news to him yesterday over FaceTime, my mom is of course destroyed, his companion for +40y. I have been crying non stop. This has only been day 1 of knowing. To make it worse my dad is a doctor so he knows whats coming, he treated bone tumors, and i don’t think he will take treatment. I respect that, but it sucks. Can’t stop crying. Just wanted to vent. Already called a tanathologist, and will review that everything is in order with his legal papers etc etc.
Just that. Love your parents while they are here. At least we get to say goodbye and pray for a miracle together…
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u/Wonderful-Joke-8451 19h ago
Much strength to you and your family!! God bless!! May the almighty listens to your prayers closely and answer them !!!
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u/BeanCrusade 19h ago
Sorry to hear, I have seen a lot of people go through cancer and chemo, some lasted years, some months.
If he feels good enough, convince him to make a bucket list of places he wants to go, things he wants to do and do them before his time runs out. My grandpa talked about things he wanted to do, said he was gonna do them before he was too sick to and he never did and eventually had more bad days then good days. He died at the age of 83, pretty bitter and mad because he felt cheated he didn’t get more time, and then got mad at family for not seeing him every week or calling him daily his last 6 months. He actually changed his will over it at the end.
But make the memories you can with him. Make something with him or let him know of something you want of his that will let you remember him by when he’s gone etc. absolutely don’t talk about inheritance or expect anything, I have seen so many fights caused by that, family members fighting over money and stuff before the family member passed, I saw it with both my grandpa and great uncle at the end, my grandmas was much more civil because nobody fought over anything.
Anyway, sorry you have to go through that, just be as supportive as you can without pestering him. My aunt and cousin pestered the crap out of my grandpa before he passed, constantly starting drama which burdened my grandpa at the end and wasn’t a blessing for him.
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u/jello-banana 17h ago
Good words of wisdom. Time is short. We must make the best use of what we have.
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u/Lveicht 17h ago
Sorry your dad is sick… my mom was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer in July of this year, and passed away the end of September. Best advice I can give is just spend as much time with him as you can. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself also, it’s an emotional ride and things declined rapidly (in our case anyway). If you have any questions I’m happy to provide guidance.
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u/JuniorFIVENINE 17h ago
You must mentally prepare yourself. I know it's hard I know it is I lost my dad to brain cancer he was gone within 3 months of his diagnosis. It's not supposed to be easy. But you must be willing to accept everything that's to come. If your having extreme emotions now, that means you are strong enough to handle anything!! You are your dad's successor no matter how you look at it. You are the one who has to carry his name and legacy. Your not alone, it's so hard losing the one person who taught you everything. Stay strong my friend...
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u/No_Football_9232 19h ago
I’m not an oncologist. I am an NP. And I don’t know the specifics about your Dads situation. Who agave him this 6 month figure? And where has his cancer spread to and how extensive is it?