Its aspergers not assburgers

cross posted in r/autism

Hello everyone! To make a VERY long story short after 10+ years of mental health struggles I’ve had multiple providers say that I likely am on the spectrum + ADHD but they do not have the qualifications to formally diagnose me. It’s recommended that I get a formal diagnosis so I can apply for disability (unable to hold a job down due to this and severe PTSD). I live in a very rural area in a very small state, and there are no providers in my state that are qualified to diagnose adults with autism. At this point, my primary care provider has been sending referrals out of state with no luck. If anyone here is on the East Coast that knows of a provider who performs autism assessments and who is a female (no male providers due to trauma history) I would greatly appreciate it. I’m willing to travel anywhere along the East Coast and I’m at the point where I’ll just pay out-of-pocket if they do not take my insurance.

What is it like to age with Asperger's? Is aging with Asperger's different than aging without it? For people on the spectrum, they often don't have a lot of social connections. They may not have a spouse, children, or friends to help them in their old age. They may not speak up if anything there is something wrong such as a medical issue or if they need something.

It is no secret that autism is often associated with being childish and liking things that aren't usually meant to be liked by adults, as evident by TikToks and memes about "autism sampler meal". I am curious, how much truth is there in it and why such stereotype exists in the first place. I have a few thoughts on that issue.

It is said that autistic people seemingly don't care about others' opinions, fashion and trends. From my experience and what I saw, it is more likely that autistic people have their own value systems, that don't always follow that of shared societal values. This could mean that ALL people might like childish things, but convinced themselves to suppress it under societal pressure.

Meanwhile, when unmasking, some autistic individuals can indeed show preference to childish things, toys and so on, because they still fascinate them and due to reduced social awareness, they aren't afraid to be frowned upon by larger society.

But there's one flaw in this hypothesis. Today it isn't really frowned upon. Gen Z and millennials are often criticized for liking childish things in general, and the fact they indeed like it is evident by the popularity of adult cartoons and children cartoons among adults (Gravity Falls, Adventure Time, My Little Pony, etc.). Why are autistic adults singled out then?

What are your thoughts? Do you like childish things? Did I misunderstand this stereotype somehow?

Sorry in advance, but I need to vent.

I’m a 20-year-old guy with long natural hair that forms a large afro, and honestly, I hate how it looks. Every few months, I get it twisted, and I mostly wear it in that style, which I do like for the most part. The problem is, I absolutely despise detangling my hair. The whole process gives me so much anxiety and stress that I’m starting to think it’s just not worth it anymore.

I think my autism might be a factor here because the sensory aspect of detangling is overwhelming for me. I’m also terrible at doing it myself, so I usually leave it to my hairstylist, but I can tell it’s a real struggle for her too. On top of that, these frequent detangling sessions are costing me way too much money.

While I love how my hair looks in twists, I can’t stand the afro and the hassle that comes with maintaining it. I’ve thought about using relaxers or texturizers to loosen my hair and make it easier to manage, but the health risks (like the potential link to cancer) make that a hard no for me.

At this point, I feel like my only options are either cutting my hair short or getting dreadlocks. Dreads would let me keep long hair without the constant need for detangling, but I’m not sure if that’s the right choice either.

I feel like my only options are dreadlocks or cutting my hair short.

What do you think? Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

I'm away in another country with my partner and in-laws, and a few days before Christmas one of my parents received a diagnosis for a terminal illness. Its a strange situation, there's nothing anyone can do about it, and it was clear to all parties to finish the Christmas holiday/break with the in-laws and 'get on' with things when back home.

I have always hated Christmas, large groups were overwhelming when I was younger and in my teens, and through my 20s and now early 30s I find them awkward and depressing.
A few years ago I did have one of those all-American/Hallmarks magical movie kind of Christmases when I spent it with a friend and his family, and its hard to know if that experience makes other comparable Christmases even harder.

I am *NOT* at risk, not planning, not anticipating, not actively thinking about unaliving myself, so please don't scrap this post - I just want to share - that I am having that thought passing through my mind almost all day long for most of the trip so far. I'm doing a decent job of hiding it from everyone (not so much my partner though), but inside I'm wanting to just disappear.

Unfortunately my in-laws are well-meaning but utterly infuriating people (my partner understands) and it makes this get-away almost as stressful as home, living in a major city. I have a prescription for beta-blockers for anxiety attacks, and I'm sad thinking about how I need them several times a day to both get through the day with regards to my in-laws and my parent's looming demise.

I've already decided to get back into therapy in January to work through all the thoughts and feelings I have, because the situation with my parents and my experience of it is going to be pretty rough this year.

I'm trying to get time and space for myself, but my in-laws don't understand that and continue to be intense and 'offended' when things aren't about them all the effing time. I'd agreed we'd spend New Years Eve together and the 'cross-over' into 2025, but even the idea of that makes my skin crawl. I'd rather be by myself, or on a long walk - but if I did that I'd ruin NYE by being selfish and dramatic in their eyes.

Help :(

As the title says, I am a recently diagnosed male at 31 years old. The main issue I am finding trouble with is that I am having a hard time managing my daily life as an adult. I’m trying my best to tough through it like I always have and been told to do so but I feel like I’m falling apart from the inside. I’m also having trouble with negative emotions feeling like a failure, and the anxiety I feel when I have to “perform/mask.” Trying my best to navigate the health care system which it seems to be lacking in support. I’m not sure what I can do to alleviate these problems I’m facing, and I’m trying my best to not off myself. Sorry for the rant in advance.

As a kid I was very but very fascinated by Christmas lights and concerts lights.

Also moving water and electronics, so washing machines were amazing for me.

Anyone else?

NOTE: Throughout this post i try to be as objective as i can with a serious outlook on it. I'm genuinely just confused as i do *not understand these things. I have tried immensely but i just cannot get behind it. So please, if it reads as very negative, it is not my intention, just to clear that out. Also, this is written in a very weird way, so i apologise. I'm not a native speaker.*

I'm not sure how to get my thoughts into text form but I am unable to empathise with things such as family/life achievements, but strictly connected to family.

A little background, M20 here, I come from a neglectful and abusive family, so family as a concept is very distorted to me as i have no good experiences with it. I'm always surprised if the parents of someone treat their children as normal parents should.

As a child, I was always the "black sheep" and outcasted from all conversations and interactions, always disregarded and considered stupid or "too young". So no surprises why I have some resentment towards the concept as a whole.

Now here's where the "problem" lies. Let's say, my half sister just gave birth. Why am i expected to be happy for her and jump around her as of an outer worldly miracle just happened? I don't feel anything. In my mind, it's just a normal human process of life, just as idk, excretion, I mean, it doesn't take much to become pregnant, just need a man to "nut" in you and there. Not so "special" when you rationalize it.

I'm also the type of person who will not pretend to appease other people for their own ego. Maybe because I despise lying and liars. I'd rather be honest than pretend to be something I'm not.

Back to the giving birth thing. Everyone is so surprised when i just shrug my shoulders when I'm asked information that i couldn't care less for. "Oh how many weeks, this, that?" I don't know??? Why am i supposed to know these things? Why should i be interested just because it's a normalized societal thing? I don't even really have contacts with my half sister as we're way too different in age and everything, really. I just couldn't care less what people do in their life. I just subconsciously seem to pick apart things that are "interesting" and "boring" and store them in my memory. Then again, my memory is filled with so much stuff that the average person might find useless if they're not centered in such field of interest. (Art, history, biology, etc.) I try not to be eccentric (I'm an artist) but it still comes out that way. I just wish to be normal at times.

I'm really confused. I always have to tread on eggshell whenever i have to speak just so i don't say something wrong or in a wrong tone or with a wrong facial expression/gesture. It's tiring.

I genuinely feel like a robot with "learned" emotions but heavily lacking empathy in certain areas. I tend to rationalize things more than "feel". Maybe that's why i suck so much at it.

Does anyone else experience this? High empathy in one area and little to no empathy in the other? How do you cope/work with this?

I'm happily open to any discussions on such topics.

Some people are shy and introverts, I am too, but the second somebody talks to me, I immediately unleash. I get so excited, I talk and I talk, if it's over text I send constant paragraphs explaining what I need to say with great detail and emphasis. I am sure not to brag about myself unless they ask. I never talk bad about people or vent negativity. But a basic conversation, I can't help but talk/ text so much.

For example, I ask how somebody's day was. They say "Good, hbu" and I start on a whole paragraph breaking down my day from the second I got out of bed to that moment.

I have tried, SO hard, but for the life of me I can't just be "dry" or "normal". Is this a part of my personality and who I am? I don't want people to feel like I don't want to talk to them. Is this an issue? How do I fix it? I have tried the advice of "only share to the level that they share" but it never works for me. I don't think ghosting everybody would be a very smart option.

Hi I know it's sound maybe mean.. but I don't want to look like I'm mean.. I like my family, but I feel so much distance of them.. like I only love my mom and I know she's good and safe person. But being with my family for holidays is always like being with strangers.. I don't know why I feel like this.. I don't want to be mean really, but I just don't even talk with them so much at holidays (they don't like to talk with me and I'm too scared to join in the conversation) I'm so curious if anyone of u have it too, so please tell me in comment, thanks and have nice day c::

I asked them multiple times what my IQ is and they always said average. But yet I consistently scored below average/low average - average in every category they tested me on, even the ones I was best at.

I know that doesn’t technically count towards your whole IQ. But you can’t tell me I have an average IQ with such low scores, there’s just no way.

I don’t think they were being honest, I think they were lying to try and spare my feelings. But I’ve been respectful towards them this entire time, I don’t see why I can’t just know the truth. Tell me if I’m dumb or not, I can handle it, and I’d like to know.

I’ve been told this on more than one occasion by more than one person. I don’t fully understand why they feel this way though, just because I’m not doing everything that someone would like doesn’t mean I completely lack empathy towards them.

That's a shame. He had a great cult of personality among young people in Taiwan, which is extremely rare for autistic people to have such. He has repeatedly claimed to have aspergers syndrome,and also has acted ND plenty of times publicly, like roasting hongkong to boost tourism of taipei, or stating that he was going to burn a watch gifted by a Foreign organization because he didn't like it. Sad he became corrupt.

My therapist said there's a aspect of my personality that bothered her which was my urgency to get certain things done and she said she felt it and then I guess she started being urgent with me. Has this happened to you with a therapist before?? I was a bit hurt. but she did hug me when I asked for a hug cause it hurt my feelings so much but I feel this almost took the hug away metaphorically

Anyone want to chat about their experiences or w.e I’ve never had any friends on the spectrum before, would really like to find some people to chat to that are similar to me. When did you find out?

Hey, hope someone can help me here.

So I've likely got autism, along with OCD, anxiety, and mild Tourettes.

I was in RCIA at the beginning of this year, but pulled out a few weeks before I was due to be baptised, and have again reached out to my priest to enquire about conversion.

I've struggled with pinning down my religiosity since I was 14, but recent years have been consistent between Catholicism and wandering agnosticism. I find myself in a weird cycle of self doubt and criticism which leads me away from a religious life that does truly bring me satisfaction and a sense of closeness to God, and then I swing the other way into extreme piety and devotion.

How do I break this cycle and stick with it? Any converts / cradle Catholics who have struggled with this?

(To clarify, I mean things like common physical illnesses that aren't chronic or usually fatal, like the cold and such.)

I find that I don't handle getting seasonal illnesses very well. Usually even the cold puts me out of commission for several days when I catch it, and the flu basically leaves me bedridden for some time. The first time I caught COVID along with everyone else in my unit I had it the worst out of everyone around me. I know a lot of this is pretty normal, but I've also noticed that people around me seem to handle getting sick better than I do and also comment on me taking it harder than them.

How about you? Do you handle illnesses better or worse than people around you, and have others noticed or commented on how you handle it?

There’s not a ton more to say other than the title but yeah.

You can’t reproduce (it will mean your kids will have the same condition if not a worse version)

Forget about reproducing, because your odds of finding someone who you could even do that with are scewed massively against you on every level

Some evidence of the last point https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2024/02/14/incels-more-likely-to-be-autistic-involuntary-celibate/

And making friends? Making genuine connection with people that goes deeper than the surface? While that’s not impossible it’s basically improbable, and you’ll have to do almost all of the work anyways, because most people don’t want to be around people with extreme social deviances.

Life is just endless suffering with slim to no hope for a better future, meaning that stopping living legitimately might be a net positive, as it significantly decreases suffering

Some people jsut say “talk normally” others say “oh be charming”. Idk how to be charming and have that persona. Usually I jsut talk to everyone like usually.

Does anyone else get scarily angry during a shutdown??

It is making me so angry and I find it very dismissive of what I experience every day. I tried to explain to them that many people with bowel cancer experience constipation, but that does not mean everyone with constipation “is a little bit cancerous” !!

I cannot explain how it feels to have my routine disrupted as they say “no one likes to have their plans change”.

Is it time to start limiting my interactions with them??

i get so bored quickly whenever i just scroll on social media. switching different apps back and forth all day long with no real friends watching strangers on the internet be happy and have fun while i’m just depressed and lonely

sorry for the rant i just need someone to hear me.

does any one have a free ebook of this?