This is something I've been thinking about a lot lately in regard to my own relationship and what I see on here (for cis-hetero relationships). I think a lot of the good and bad relationships can be boiled down to this, on some level.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a few months now. We’ve been sexually active since the beginning, and I’ve always been a very enthusiastic partner. And yet every time he goes to take my panties off he asks “is this okay?” and it’s SO HOT. I absolutely adore that he still asks for my consent and makes it known that I never have to do anything I don’t want. It turns me on even more knowing that my comfort and enjoyment matter to him.

We’ve all heard “stopping to ask for consent kills the mood” and we all know that’s a lie, so it’s nice to be reminded that there are good men out there that actually listen and care. Not to get all “not all men” on y’all, I just felt like contributing a positive anecdote amongst all the nightmare fuel that involves interacting with men.

You always hear that trope about how women are too emotional to be in positions of power, women are weak, etc.

But I've been watching some TV and movies and it seems like it's the opposite. Men absolutely lose their ever loving minds if they lose a loved one (wife/girlfriend/child). Have you noticed this too?

In the TV and movies, men absolutely go off the deep end. They become violent toward random people for no reason, they become completely irrational and unstable, they make wild decisions that completely destroy the plot of the show/movie/story. They don't follow directions and they intentionally do things that put other people in danger. They have no regard for literally anything other than their own grief which they cant properly deal with.

I wanted to discuss this observation somewhere! Thanks.

So here I am, I've bought some new sanitary towels, and they're really comfortable, I've got nothing to complain about, but why have they scented the pads? I'm autistic and very sensitive to just about everything, and I really don't even need to open the towel to smell it, but why do they do that?

Am I the only one who minds scented towels? And does anyone know why they do this?

(I'll make it clearer this time to help you understand the post. I am an intersex girl AMAB (a male at birth) we discovered recently that I have functional female reproductive organs)

So yesterday I'm talking to my mum and she says "now that you're a girl you'll be able to confide in me more than in your dad" and then she goes on to say "we could even go shopping together", apart from the fact that it's totally cliché and the fact that even if we went together I'd certainly be criticised for dressing too masculine...

Anyway, today I had my period and I wanted to do what she told me, which was to confide in her, but I didn't even have time to tell her and I got kicked out of the living room where she was.

I don't understand her, she tells me that even though I'm a girl I can confide in her and when I come to her I get kicked out, that's really not cool. I don't really understand her, I can't even tell her I'm having my period, shit I still have to keep everything to myself and suffer alone in my room.

And what's more (I'm not sure but this is how I feel) she compliments me a lot more when I wear dresses and skirts than when I wear my usual clothes, I really don't know how to understand her...

Is there a problem with the way I dress? Maybe I should get my ears pierced and wear dresses more often, that would certainly please her. Honestly, I don't know, I don't know. I'm totally overwhelmed by my situation and how my mum has changed the way she sees me.

So this happened a few years ago but I still think about it because it made me realise how blind and openly accepting (ig brainwashed) I was to things I was basically fed on the internet as a kid.

I was watching TV with my middle-aged father and he was trying to find a decent channel to watch on his cable when he switched to this music channel that had a Kpop girl group performing onstage. I thought nothing of it and was waiting for him to change the channel when I noticed he was perplexed. He asked me, “why are they wearing school uniforms? Aren’t they like 20?”

Since I practically spent 1/3 of my life on the internet it didn’t strike me as weird since I know a lot of people like to think of the Japanese school uniforms as an aesthetic and try to mimic it in their outfits, and I’ve seen twitch streamers dress up as one or in a maid outfit for fun.

So I said “a lot of people like to dress up in them for fun or because they think it looks cute, and it’s basically a popular trend in Japan where adults think they look cute.” That’s when he replied with “but why do they think it’s cute? It’s just an outfit that children and teenagers have wear to school as discipline. Why are adult women wearing it and why do people like to see them in these children’s clothes? It’s weird and creepy.”

I had no words because it never occurred to me until then that school uniforms are so prevalent in Asian media because of the amount of pedophiles that exist and basically inhale this kinda stuff. It really made me rethink about how brainwashed some of us are into blindly accepting things as okay or even righteous because thats what we were fed when we were young and impressionable, and how parents should be more involved in the stuff their children are consuming. Like I shouldn’t be rethinking everything I thought was normal all these years at 20 years old. Yeah I was dumb to not realise this sooner, but I learned about the whole uniform craze when I was like 15 so me being young and naive just blindly accepted it.

EDIT: I’ve been reading the replies, and I have to say my heart goes out to everyone who has dealt with traumatic shit related to this by men, especially your own fathers. It really sucks that you can’t even feel safe in your own homes and y’all are incredibly strong for being able to deal with them.

I also want to explain that I mentioned “Japan” because that’s the most common example I’ve seen, and because the K-pop idols were wearing Japanese/Korean uniforms. The issue is undoubtedly everywhere as pointed out by several people mentioning issues related to the West such as Britney’s uniform in hit me baby, and isn’t exclusive to Japan or East Asia.

On the bright side, I believe my father will be delighted to know that he now has a women fan club on the internet based on a conversation that he won’t even remember.

This I’ve experienced both in person with things like communicating with work clients, colleagues, job interviews, anonymous uni work…but maybe online it’s been much more instantly glaringly obvious.

I’ve gone from being a longtime lurker to posting occasionally over the last year or so. I recently finally changed my avatar pic on Reddit from the generic anonymous one to one in a koala onesie with longer hair (I mostly participate in very feminist or pop culture subreddits so I didn’t think it would surprise anyone that I was feminine).

And I am getting SO MUCH more hate and derision and general disagreement than I was before. Total strangers on Reddit have been happy to vehemently disagree with me before (and I disagree with them too so whatever) but very noticeably the content and calibre of response has dramatically changed now that my avatar is feminine.

It’s so depressing but confirms exactly what I’ve found in the real world. Once people see you’re a woman (and I’m POC too) they strengthen their ideological stand against you without even understanding they did that.

I remember disagreeing with a male student in my first year of Law and he went onto a huge tangent and tirade about how men at the edge of the bell curve were scientifically stronger than women. After I told him in class I didn’t care, he sent me a three page email and copied in our DEAN about how I was wrong (with sources…YouTube dude bro ones ofc 😂)

I would fine it pathetic, embarrassing, and funny if I wasn’t forced to interact with this people, oftentimes who have direct or indirect power over me. And then people will tell me I’ve lived a privileged life and I’m imagining racism/sexism like I’m just insecure…no dude I’m pretty sure I as a brown woman know better than you, a white dude, on what racism looks and feels like.

Any of you that have similar stories I can commiserate with?

Abortions are up slightly since Dobbs, and you know the GOP will put an end to state laws, medications, and interstate travel that allow women and girls to access healthcare.

I guess this must seem like a stupid question but I genuinely had never thought of it before: Is there any culture where men wear engagement rings? I recently proposed to my boyfriend, so of course he's wearing a ring! But we've had several people bring it up and ask if we're already married because I guess men generally don't wear engagement rings? I genuinely didn't realize. I also think that's pretty fucking dumb lol. Why would a woman be expected to wear one but not a man?? Goes back to us being seen as property I suppose? 🙄😒

I used to remember every single dream I had. I used to have fun in my dreams, process in my dreams, cry in my dreams, all the things. I went full no contact 2 weeks ago with the very abusive ex and last night I had such a lucid dream I woke up at 2:30am. And slept until 10:30 am. I realized I couldn’t recall the last time I had a dream. Is my nervous system already healing??

I have to go back to very very basic communication because of custody of the kids but I have been absolutely loving my calm life. And I hope I can keep dreaming

Curious to what this means or if it’s happened to anyone else. I was in that relationship for nearly 9 years

Im 26yo she/they

In middle school my first boyfriend broke up with me because I said no to sex.

In high school my best friend turned boyfriend just stared at me and gaslit me as I sobbed about my insecurities as a teenage girl after watching him blatantly flirt with another girl in front of me.

My relationships from 2016-2019 included sex by coercion (lots of it), manipulation, cheating (not on my part), rape, assault, control. You get the picture. And this wasn't all just with one person. No this was MANY attempts at dating.

From 2019-2024 I was single by choice. No sex no dating. I CHOSE to be single because EVERY SINGLE MAN I tried to date hurt me. I tried dating two women who broke my heart as well, but at least they never assaulted me.

Mid 2024 I was raped and assaulted and ended up filing a police report and getting a restraining order. This resulted in me meeting my current boyfriend (obviously not the one who raped me).

And omg? He is SO good to me? He LISTENS to me? Respects me as a person? He's a whole functioning adult capable of taking care of himself in every way? Doesn't pressure me for sex? I knew good men exist I just never thought I'd have the luck to be with one. The relationship is still new but already SO different from my previous ones. It's making me look back and realize how bad the shit I used to put up with really was. He is so kind and caring and NORMAL? I'm constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop but so far it hasn't so for now I'm going to enjoy this. I'm not going to spend this time worrying that one day he'll snap or show "true colors" because good lord I would lose my shit. So I'm going to choose to believe that there ARE good men out there. And that I finally found one.

I am a senior in college entering my final semester. It is a small college and while I am so grateful for my group of friends and my partner, they’re all men and I noticed I feel very dissatisfied when I’m around them. Not in like a I hate them way, just in a ‘there’s some things they will never be able to understand and connect with me about’ way. i have one or two female friends but since i’m so reserved i haven’t really branched out of my friend group since sophomore year. if it isn’t broke don’t fix it i guess, but i think i’m the broke one.

i’m on winter break and my partner and i have kept in contact ofc, and we were texting last night. he and another friend in the group went to a huge party in their city. it made me sad but in a weird way. i hate parties, and crowds make me anxious. so it wasn’t a feeling like i wanted to be with them, not at all. in fact i was excited to be away from them for break. but it did make me want friends of my own, separate from them. i realized ALL of my friends are also my partner’s friends. if i hang out with them, he’s usually there. even if he’s not we talk about him. he has his own thing and has no issue with it, and i’m trying to find my own thing and my independence after a long time of not being well.

it’s not like i don’t have things to connect with people over- i’m a cs major, i’m an artist, i love gaming, i read a bunch, etc etc etc. like i have more hobbies than he does, but i don’t really have anyone to share those hobbies with. like the thought of having a dnd session with a bunch of friends, where my partner isn’t involved makes me want it so bad; he wants that for me too, and has encouraged me to start trying to reach out to my old high school friends to maybe start there. but also we are going to be getting an apartment once we graduate, likely in a diverse city, and i am desperate to make friends.

i just don’t really know how? like i guess being autistic makes me more nervous about being perceived weirdly but like i don’t think things are like grade school where you can just say “can we be friends” lol. i’ve heard of using bumble or discord but i’m still not really sure how to try and make friends. it’s like my dial is 0-100. like either i don’t know you and i never speak to you or i consider you my best friend and spit out everything in my brain. i had this issue where i assumed this girl and i were friends and she viewed us as acquaintances and it was awkward to find out. idk if i can fix that tho since i know it’s just being autistic but still

sorry if this seems lame. i just want friends, and tips on making said friends on my terms, without my partner involved. how do i do that?

We were at dinner [steak place] table of loud men talking negatively about women, swearing and talking about sexual things, mocking women, etc. Finally asked the waitress to talk to them as the family with two small girls were noticeably bothered. They responded with classic what, we were just laughing. So I stood up and said it was me who took issue. I leaned over and said i heard what you said, and I get you're drunk and don't have your women here to keep you civil, but you should be ashamed, and you are disgusting."

What did they say? Cursing, morning chub/masterbation comments. Who is touching their dicks. One guy laughing at teasing his friend for getting a pixie cut, breaking up w her boy friend and buying a Subaru har har har, asked her if she is switching teams. Another dude bragging on his chance to golf a men only club 250k membership. His comment "if no women are allowed at all, who cleans the place?" All of them erupted laughing. And so many other comments. 30 year-old s, not kids. Eight of them. Husband's. Father's of little girls. Lutheran church members.

So after I said what I said, quietly with a sneer on my face, a guy right next to me said:

What don't you go vote for ka-MIL-la.

That is when I lost my temper.

They mocked and jeered as i walked away. Our 200$ meal at 630 on a Thursday ruined. They at least heard why I didn't appreciate it.

Edit: I absolutely agree that I should have asked for the manager. I never in my life complained about fellow patrons before. It was my server i asked, not theirs. I also waited until they had paid their bill. But I won't make that mistake again. Thank you for the feedback. I also left my server a huge tip.

NSFW because of TW: Death of mother and twins

A woman I knew from my childhood and her twins died because of pregnancy complications.

I'm not looking for condolences, I didn't know her super well, we weren't very close growing up, and we didn't keep in contact after we went our separate ways in life... But this tragedy is weighing on my heart. I just want to share this. 

She had a high risk twin pregnancy. She was a day away from delivering them via a scheduled C-section when she had a serious medical emergency. She was found unresponsive by her husband when he came home from work... They rushed her to the hospital and her twins were delivered in an emergency C-section. All three of them were put on life support, and the prognosis was very poor for all of them and they didn't get better. 

They were/are being taken off life support today and all three of them are likely to have passed or will pass soon. 

Pregnancy is so dangerous and can turn dangerous or deadly in an instant... So many people think it's an easy thing and that women should be forced to go through with it if they get pregnant, no matter what caused the pregnancy... This is why Roe vs Wade is important. 

It's not a walk in the park even if it's a normal uncomplicated pregnancy, delivery, and recovery... It's hard and dangerous! Pregnancy can literally kill you, and this isn't something people want to talk about... If someone doesn't want to risk this, they shouldn't have to. No one should be forced to go through with something that can/will cause great bodily harm and/or death. 

This woman, who planned, wanted, and loved her babies lost her life. Her two babies lost their lives... Her husband lost his entire family. She was willing to take these risks to have a family, just as any woman that chooses to get pregnant... I chose to take those risks when I got pregnant with my daughter. But we really don't think of the worst happening to us, "that happens to other people"... She was only 30.

I feel for their families and friends who are grieving. Three lives were lost this week... 

This is a reminder to me to be grateful for the life I have, and the child I have... Life is short. Hug your loved ones tighter, tell them that you love them. Make sure that they are appreciated because they could be gone tomorrow.

I won't actively be responding to comments, I just wanted to share this... 

I’m a divorced woman in her 40’s. I’m finally at a great point in my career and mostly enjoy work. Today a man came into my store and yelled at me and my female coworker over a misunderstanding earlier that morning that he was not even present for. We literally had no idea what he was so upset about. The incident upset the both of us. I mulled it over most of the day. I realized that if there had been a male presence in the store that he would not have behaved like that. I live in Florida, I don’t mess around with angry unhinged people. I always try to deescalate confrontations. This man had us apologizing to him in an attempt to get him to leave quickly. This left me profoundly disturbed. It made me think of all the other times I have had to tolerate misogyny. I had just started dating someone new, and thought it was going well. I dressed nicely for our date and he complimented me. He then followed it up with the comment “Don’t let yourself go. That’s what happened in my first marriage, she let herself go.” I didn’t say anything at the time, but we eventually broke up when his misogyny became too much. My own father is probably the worst offender. I was flying high with pride after closing a very big sale. (We have a family business) I jokingly mentioned that this may bump me up to favorite kid status and he said “well, only if you give me a few grandsons.” I am 44 years old, and bearing a child is not going to happen. Does that somehow make me less than? And lastly, I was speaking to my ex-husband and he asked how my grandmother was doing. She’s 90 and in excellent shape. He made an offhand comment about my future life expectancy looking pretty good due to all the “old bags” in my life. I didn’t know what to say. My grandmothers are the most elegant, kind soft spoken lovely woman I have ever met. To have them reduced to such a degrading cliche made me so angry. I don’t know where this post is going, I just wanted to share. Feeling a bit shaken, I guess. My romantic life, my family life and my professional life have been affected and I’m a bit demoralized. Thanks for reading.

Background: Married for 35 years. Last 15 his behaviors increased - not physical, but mental, emotional, financial, sexual abuse. The last 2 years he never said one positive word to me. Everything was negative or nasty. l was having daily fucking panic attacks, and put on Buspar and Klonopin. l sobbed hysterically every day. l had the therapy. l read the books.

Still loved him. Left after giving ultimatum of 3 things, l needed changed, but he made no effort. Two could have been done immediately with a little mental effort and no physical or monetary cost. l left when my deadline came with no change.

The third turned out to be unfixable in the way that l wanted, and if he'd made the effort for the little things, maybe we could have worked through it.

He had an affair while stringing me along for months, saying he wanted to save our marriage. l was devastated. l thought l would die from the pain and humiliation.

It's been 4 years since l left him. l hadn't seen or talked to him since the month after our divorce was final.

He called and said he got a bill that was for me.

Went over there to get the bill. He wanted to chit chat. He was so sweet and kind and pleasant, he was the guy l fell in love with. After all I've been through, l could see why l stayed, it was the hope that THAT guy would come back and love me again.

l cannot ever go over there again. lf he ever calls again, I'll send my son to get whatever it is. l can't ever let myself be with him. He would slime his way right back into my heart and l would literally die from the inevitable mistreatment that would come from him as soon as he knew he had me suckered in.

l hate that l stood there and chatted with him. But l'm glad that l know this "nice guy" is a facade, that he is a nasty POS, and he would fuck me over again, given the chance. And that l know l'm so fucked up that l could see myself doing it. Except l know l cannot. Will not. And plan on never seeing him again.

It’s literally just women trying to make a living, trying to earn something extra after saving just enough for bills. They see how the economy is and how difficult it is to even get a day off from part time jobs and still decide it’s your fault for trying to pay rent. Or god forbid you dare to have an aspiration and want to get promoted, do they not consider “career women” want an occasional break too? Why act like for every women there is a Lord Farquaad when everyone you know is barely middle class. Why act like a husband can give a woman the world when barely anyone can afford a house. Two people working so their child can afford college but one of them gets blamed for it, and not to mention single mothers. How do you even expect security in a marriage without love?

I don’t want him to ever talk to a woman the way his dad talks to me. I don’t want him to ever lay his hands on a woman, the way his dad does to me. This boy, he’s so sweet and precious and I brought him into a world of anger and chaos. What am I to do

I'd not seen this before and just... Ew. Lol

"I've never been happier. I've never been sadder. I've never been anger" ??? Wtf bro?

Admittedly, I believed his "positive masculinity" persona. I did notice a few annoying things in his behaviour on the podcast clips I'd watched but nothing that was bad enough that made me think he was fully fake. This definitely would have icked me if I'd heard about it before, though I'd probably have treated it the same way as the minor stuff on the podcast.

Dude has always given off a bit of main character energy, but it came across as pretty minor.

Like, I know I don’t actually in reality want that for my life. I don’t and will never have the capacity to be patient with them, have the energy to care for them appropriately, have the selflessness to give up things I want to do, etc. I am certain if I actually had a kid I would be miserable and I would lose my mind and probably be horrible to them. Which is why I won’t be having one. But when you don’t have them the fantasy seems so nice! And no one I’m close to really wants them either, so I can’t just fill the void by being the cool aunt.

Specifically also I feel so sad for my mom. She’s wonderful and she’s an amazing mom and I know she wants to be a grandma and would be such a perfect one. She mostly refrains from guilting me lol but I know. And it feels so sad that I like kids and probably would want to have them if I was just a slightly different / less neurodivergent sort of person. I have two brothers (who are likely not having kids) and I doubt they feel this way :/ The holidays are getting to me obviously, haha. Have yall ever felt this way?

As Professor Farnsworth's says, Good news, everyone!

So… he got the more thoughtful/better gift! And I’ll be saving the other for his bday coming up soon. My gifts were really nice, and considerate. A few things made me remember some random-ish questions he’s asked, trying to see if I’d like this or that.

He loved his gifts, the main one (I always do little trinkets/things and a grand finale lol) his smile, ugh made my heart so full🥹 he was so happy, and excited. Kisses galore 🥰

I didn’t give him both gifts for the sole reason that I didnt want to out do him and make him feel guilty or anything, since he did ask how much I spent, how I even found it etc, and he said that I shouldn’t have because I surprise him with random things all the time as he was looking over everything I got him. My response was basically that I do what I can to make the people I care about happy or their life easier. If I got it, we got it.

Finally Yes, I did tell him later in the evening about this “plan” and the why, and before I could finish he said “given what you me told me about your ex’s, I don’t even blame you for doing something ridiculous” and we laughed and went back to talking and watching tv. So although I get why some ppl said “THIS IS SO TOXIC!!👹” I truly hope you never understand the feeling I was trying to avoid. If you go back and read the comments, I explained more for those who actually wanted to listen. And I had every intention of telling him at some point either way because we’re pretty open with each other when it comes to our pasts and how it affected us.

And with that, I admit maybe I’m a bit crazy 🤪 but if it keeps me from being let down or hurt, again, then I’ll take being called crazy over crying in my apartment with my cat trying to rationalise why someone’s inconsiderate adult son didn’t feel the need to think of me, or why he didn’t get me anything at all during the most wonderful time of the year.

I hope everyone had the best holiday they could. And cheers to 2025!

With the way holidays went and the way women seem OVER IT, this article seems appropriate.

"January is known as Divorce Month for a reason. Here's how women in particular can protect their financial future, especially when going through a gray divorce."

Basically what it says on the title. Yes, it must suck to have a 3 year old who doesn’t play with their peers and/or begins developing significant disability. Yea, the other moms probably do judge. No, that does not mean it had to have been done to them in some way, it’s the result of a confluence of genetic (your weird uncle who collected vintage bottlecaps, anyone?), epigenetic, and random factors.