Here’s a condensed version of my story: Please give me the reality check and advices too.

I have a genetic condition called Hemophilia, which causes internal bleeding in joints, severe pain, and continuous bleeding from external wounds. Since I was 12, I’ve been receiving non-permanent treatment, but its availability in government hospitals is inconsistent. Given the high cost—₹50k-₹100k per month—it’s unaffordable for my middle-class family. This has left me reliant on government aid, which often isn’t enough.

During college, I faced numerous challenges. Despite being academically strong and securing admission to a top engineering college, my branch didn’t interest me, and I struggled due to my health, a breakup, and lack of consistent treatment. This affected my performance, and I couldn’t secure a good job. Currently, I’m preparing for MBA entrance exams.

Adding to the pressure, relatives suggest marriage, unaware of my struggles. The thought of marriage worries me—I fear my condition would negatively impact my partner’s life, and I’m unsure about bringing someone into my difficult situation.

At 23-24, I have no job and deteriorating health. While there’s hope for a permanent treatment (available in the USA at a cost of ₹20 crores), it’s beyond my reach for now. My goal is to secure a well-paying job after my MBA, enabling me to afford regular injections and live independently in a peaceful place close to nature. Though permanent treatment might remain unattainable, this plan feels like the most practical way forward for me.

TLDR at bottom

I’m 27. When I was 13, I started having weird throat problems all the time. It felt like my throat had a lot of pressure in it, like a weird burning like feeling, and the only thing that helped was when I drank or ate something or swallowed. This would help then it would come back a bit later. I had weird issues swallowing saliva too. These were feelings I had never felt before. I saw an ear nose & throat doctor about this and was told my issue was acid reflux. I was prescribed reflux medication and told to sleep on an incline. I did those things for a while, but it didn’t help. Supposedly I was treating the issue and the doctor didn’t know why I wasn’t improving but told me to continue doing what I was doing to supposedly treat it. I saw some other doctors that weren’t sure either. I learned to just live like that but it was annoying and started to take over my life to the point that all day every day revolved around coping with my throat. I had bad anxiety because of it, used to avoid things, had to make sure I always had something to drink to help my throat, and felt really stressed about it all and how it was affecting me. My body also felt stressed out and anxious all the time and I just didn't know why. I knew something was wrong with me but no one could tell me why.

When I was 15, I started to feel like a brain fog on top of the throat issues. It was like my brain felt like mush all the time. Like the feeling when you sleep bad for a couple nights and your brain feels like crap, except I was sleeping plenty. I felt kind of spaced out, couldn’t concentrate as well, never wanted to do anything, and just felt kind of crappy all the time. Wasn’t severe but was definitely impacting my day to day life, in addition to the throat stuff. I went back to seeing doctors. Lots of doctors said there was nothing wrong with me and some even said that the brain fog (and even the throat issues) were all psychological. I didn’t feel like that was it because my symptoms felt so real and physical but what did I know. I was prescribed antidepressants and doctors recommended I see a therapist for anxiety issues. I spent the next couple of years trying multiple medications, seeing therapists, and making other changes but nothing helped. I thought I was going crazy. Psychologists made me feel even worse as they further made me think that all my issues were mental. In those few years that passed, I had slowly started to feel worse. It wasn't a day to day difference but a few months or so would pass and I would feel a bit worse than I did a few months earlier. By the time I graduated high school, the constant mental fog and tiredness were affecting me pretty bad. I felt stressed and anxious nonstop, both because of how much these issues were affecting my life and I physically felt anxious all the time too for what seemed like no reason. Sometimes the anxiety was so bad I would literally start sweating. I had almost no social life during high school because these health issues consumed my life and did just the minimum to get by. Because lots of doctors were telling me there was nothing physically wrong with me, I started to believe them about it being all mental. I thought it was something I was doing wrong personally. At this point I wasn’t even talking to my family about it as much since supposedly there was nothing wrong and it was all in my head. Especially when doctor after doctor were saying nothing was wrong and because my symptoms were mostly feeling tired and foggy all the time (what parents want to continually hear that), I felt guilty even saying anything about it anymore. It felt like it was a personal failure for feeling the way I did. Everyone gave me crap for seeming lazy and low energy. They gave me the impression that my issues were because of me and I just needed to change my mindset and lifestyle and I’d feel better. I need to change my thinking, my behavior, take my antidepressants, and do therapy. I did EVERY SINGLE thing doctors and therapists and family told me to do, but nothing helped. They made me question my sanity every day. By the end of high school I probably had at least 10 doctors tell me there was nothing physically wrong with me. It was hell living like this.

I was in no shape to go to college, but I did. I ended up going because according to everyone there was nothing wrong with me and I was trying desperately to believe it was all in my head like everyone was saying. So I pushed myself to go, hoping I’d sort it out soon. I didn't. I spent the next 4 years slowly feeling worse, still seeing doctors but getting no real answers. I'd go months and months at a time without even seeing a doctor as I didn't know where to turn and had given up at times. I'd also go back to thinking maybe it's all in my head, but at the same time my symptoms felt so real and more severe than anything mental could cause. First year of college I saw a doctor about sleep apnea, something I at the time knew nothing about. He examined me and did scans and didn't see anything abnormal and told me sleep apnea most likely wasn't my problem. Still, I tried one of those moldable mouthpieces that’s supposed to help with sleep apnea but didn't see any benefit from it. So with all of this in mind, I figured it’s probably not sleep apnea so moved on and forgot about it. I was so desperate, I was constantly trying all sorts of medications, drugs, supplements, and other weird things to try and help myself. I felt like I was losing my goddamn mind. My mental health was awful. Felt like crap 24/7. I literally felt stupid because my brain wasn’t working and felt so mushy. Dealing with symptoms and figuring out what was wrong with me consumed my entire life. For school, I would occasionally go to class after taking a big dose of stimulant drugs, but even those only did so much. It got to the point that no amount of caffeine pills, energy drinks did anything either. I experienced nothing enjoyable in 4 years of college and had basically no life, really no friends, hobbies, nothing. Really the only experience I had was when I went on a study abroad trip but it was terrible because I felt so awful the whole time. I had also joined a fraternity in the beginning of college but did almost nothing with them because of my health. The mental tiredness had gotten so bad it felt like I was disconnected and living in a dream. Like I felt kind of drunk. I was so mentally and emotionally numb and exhausted I didn’t even feel human. Like I physically could not feel emotions and felt super spaced out. I was also still dealing with the throat issues. I’d get random dizziness, my vision got worse like being more sensitive to light, almost no sex drive, my voice was sounding more monotone and dead. In four years, I also spent thousands and thousands of dollars on shuttles and ubers to and from appointments (I didn't have a car at the time and lived almost 2 hours from a major city), money spent seeing private care doctors, buying supplements, drugs, etc. I somehow managed to graduate college (I could make a whole separate post about how I managed this) and finished feeling way worse than when I began. I didn't want to be alive.

I spent the next year post college doing the bare minimum to get by, feeling like horrible shit nonstop. Still being told by everyone that they didn't know what was wrong with me. About a year after college (2019), I had a sleep study done and it came back with moderate sleep apnea. 17 times an hour I was having breathing interruptions while sleeping. For the first time I actually had an answer. Sleep doctor prescribed a CPAP machine. I spent about a year messing with the machine and the face mask they gave me and got no benefit. I then switched to a different machine and a mask that only went into my nose and finally noticed some improvement when I was able to keep it on and sleep through the night with it. However, this didn't happen much as it was super uncomfortable sleeping with air blowing down your throat and a mask stuck to your face. I'd also wake up a bunch during the night, rip it off without knowing, etc. But I was desperately trying to make it work. When I was able to keep it on for most the night I felt a bit better but it was really difficult to do so consistently. During this time I couldn’t really hold down a job, other than some really basic, short term jobs. And even those felt brutal. I was a complete zombie because the tiredness was so overwhelming. It was as an amount of brain fog and exhaustion I didn’t know was humanly possible. I was making myself basically sick with stimulants. Throughout all of this I was taking stuff like Adderall, Ritalin, Vyvanse, modafinil. I was so tired none were really helping and even had a doctor at one point tell me that I should get genetic testing for depression or have my brain zapped with electric shocks. I didn't go that route. By this point, I'd had nearly every medical test someone could have done.

After 2 years of messing with cpap machines and still struggling, my sleep doctor then recommended I see a maxillofacial doctor to see what the underlying breathing issue was being caused by. The doctor recommended I get a custom mouthpiece made that shifts the lower jaw forward to help open the airway to prevent breathing issues while sleeping. The process of having it fitted and made took a couple months. I even took a “real” career type job during this same time because I had two different doctors telling me that this mouthpiece was likely to help me a lot. I felt like I couldn’t have gotten the mouthpiece fast enough. I ended up messing with the mouthpiece for months and had no benefit at all. Literally zero. The dentist who made the mouthpiece said that the mouthpiece wasn’t helping because I might just have “weak muscle tone” in my throat and that I should see someone called a myofunctional doctor to supposedly improve muscle tone in the throat and tongue. I looked into that and it seemed like total quack stuff so I didn’t do it and completely dropped that dentist that made my mouthpiece and suggested this. I then saw an ear nose and throat doctor and later did a sleep endoscopy with him where I was put to sleep and had my breathing monitored with a camera down my throat. The doctor said that my breathing issues were being caused by my throat and jaw and suggested that since the mouthpiece wasn’t helping, I could get surgery or have a device called Inspire surgically inserted into my chest and neck to artificially help breathing. I held off on that cause it sounded pretty extreme and thought there had to be something else. During this time I got fired from the job I should’ve never taken in the first place because I was so non-functional and it showed.

I pretty much gave up for months. I eventually scheduled an appointment with another ear nose & throat doctor (the same kind of doctor I first saw when I was 13). I'd already seen multiple ear nose & throat doctors by this point but didn't know what else to do. Some breathing tests showed that hardly any air was getting through my nose when I breathed in. I had a really severe form of something called nasal valve collapse, which was causing both sides of my nose to almost completely cave in and block most air when breathing in, even when just breathing in a little bit. This issue is apparently worse during sleep as the body naturally tries to breathe through the nose during sleep so all night I was struggling to breathe and then mouth breathing which isn't good for sleep quality and was slowly feeling worse over time as I was never getting quality sleep. So the bad sleep every night just kept accumulating over the course of 10+ years. He also explained that my throat issues were a sign that my nose wasn’t functioning normally, which was causing airflow issues and a throat pressure feeling as a result. Nothing specific caused this issue to happen. Just the way my face and nose naturally developed over time. Doctor said this is not a common issue and when it does happen is typically the result of an injury or prior surgery as opposed to it just happening naturally. A little bit of collapse can be normal and fine but mine was a severe instance of it. Prior to having surgery the doctor had me wear a plastic dilator piece in my nose at night to prop it open which helped incredibly. Everything finally made sense for the first time ever. I even recorded my sleep and could hear myself struggling to breathe all night.

Last year (2022) just before turning 27, I had nasal reconstructive surgery and a septoplasty surgery. It took a long, long time to recover but I feel I mostly have now. I may still have to look into a revision surgery at some point as the collapse is still fairly bad when I'm not wearing the dilator but over time most of my issues have gone away since it was the crap sleep that was giving me most my symptoms. The slowly worsening constant tiredness, brain fog and cognitive issues that started when I was a young teenager. The severe anxiety/depression/stress feelings I had since I was a kid. Sleep apnea and poor quality sleep affects the nervous system and further makes the body feel stressed out and anxious. Throat issues gone. Every symptom I ever had completely gone. I don't feel like killing myself out of misery anymore. It was that simple but untreated made my life constant fucking torture. Feeling horrible nonstop, slowly getting worse over the course of more than a decade, not knowing why, being told there was nothing wrong with me AND that it was perhaps all psychological was a mental hell I wouldn't wish on anyone. I don’t feel like my teenage years and a good part of my 20s actually happened because I was in such poor health physically and mentally and was in a complete fog 24/7. Every day was about just getting through the day. I missed out on most "normal" things other people I knew were doing. I wish I had been able to see good doctors earlier, but that didn’t happen for some reason. It's also frustrating knowing that I wasn't able to make the connection myself. I think I was just so used to really bad breathing since I was young that I didn’t know it wasn't normal and didn't know any different. No doctor ever told me anything either. It's frustrating knowing that none of this should have even happened and that it was all so preventable. Fuck every one of those doctors that told me to my face that there was nothing wrong with me or that the very real horrible constant physical and mental symptoms I was having was all in my head. It's disgusting. It's wild to think that the ear nose and throat doctor I first saw when I was 13 could have prevented all of this from happening had he done his job. These issues consumed and ruined every aspect of my life 24/7 for well over a decade. My life outside of this was complete nothing. I'm doing much better now, but thinking about how much time I lost and can never get back is really depressing and surreal to think about. Through all this I've learned there is nothing more important in life than proper breathing and sleep. Such basic things the vast majority of people will fortunately never even have to think about. Maybe my story can help someone out there.

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TLDR: Started feeling a constant brain fog/crappy feeling all the time when I was 14/15. I felt stressed/anxious nonstop. Weird throat problems all the time. TONS of doctors couldn't figure it out. Slowly felt worse over the next 10+ years to the point I couldn't hold down a job. Affected every aspect of my life horribly. Missed out on life. Turns out I had severe nasal valve collapse when I breathed in that was causing breathing issues during sleep and resulted in sleep apnea which caused me to feel like shit all the time and slowly feel worse the longer it went untreated as the bad sleep just piled on. Feeling like shit consumed my entire life. My life outside of this was complete nothing. Had nasal reconstructive surgery last year. 100% better.

My dad started instilling a love of poetry in me from the time I was able to listen. He's also been writing (sometimes the same) poems for longer than I've been alive, and never fully exposing them to the world. He went to one or two poetry readings in my youth (I remember reading a poem I wrote about my pet cat at one of them, getting a rousing applause, and thinking what was HE doing wrong?)

Flash forward a few decades.

He finally began sending out a manuscript, portfolio, whatever you want to call it, of poems he'd written during the past 8 years during National Poetry Month in April. He, my brother, and I participate in a sort of round-robin poetry marathon. The theme is different each year, but the rules are the same; the poem must fit the theme, no matter how abstractly it does that.

And then he found a publisher. His first anthology of poems was published November 23rd, 2024. It's titled "Pieces of April", and although I've read a lot of these poems over and over again for almost 15 years, seeing them intentionally organized, composed, and in a tangible medium.....I don't think I've ever been more proud.

I don't know the rules about sharing links, but if you're curious, it's on Amazon.

Don't ever stop working hard at what you love. It has to pay off.

I want to preface all of this by saying I've been seeing her for well over a year and I'd assume she knows my personality, knows I have really thick skin and she is an amazing therapist. She's great at what she does. And most importantly, she is right abut this, I know she is. And I have been like this my entire life ever since a young child. And I'm 31 now. I have always been extremely lazy and had no internal motivation whatsoever. Now I want to change that.

I asked her how to change that and she sent me the stages of change chart (it can be easily googled). She said the whole time she has been working with me I have been in the pre-contemplation phase (in my view, that means I haven't been making much progress lol)...but she says I am now in the contemplation phase and that I am not only in the contemplation phase but she thinks there's a high chance I am very close to slowly getting into the next phases. Which are preparation and action. Which in my view means she thinks I am very close to being close to making some real and important changes in my life. Which seems good.

I asked her what she thinks I can do to get out of the contemplation phase and get into the preparation and action phases. And her answer was to take as many baby steps as I can to slowly but surely make as many baby steps as I can and force myself to take action whenever I can but also don't don't beat myself up too my bad if and when I can't.

Does anyone on here have any other potential advice for me on how to get to those preparation and action phases besides that?

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Also, there's a reason for my vagueness in this post. Someone asked me "what changes am I contemplating?" ...I am still trying to figure out the answer to this question. I am disabled due to my disability level generalized anxiety disorder & PTSD so I haven't left the house regularly in around 9 or 10 years. But I don't have any physical disabilities stopping me from leaving the house and my therapist seems to think even mentally I am capable of a lot more than I think I am. Although I don't think how right she is.

But regardless, I guess at this certain moment in time. I am just trying to watch the livestream for a church I want to start attending. And then I want to start going to that church every Sunday or work my way up to where I am doing that. So maybe I should have mentioned that in this post.

But that's really all I know for sure right now. That I want to start with those 2 things and then go from there.

A few years back, my brother entered a couple things to the county fair and an elderly woman gave him shit and said someone like him shouldn’t be entering. He spent entirely too much money and time working on his garden just for the county fair to come around this year.

He said “I don’t care about winning, I just want all of them old bags to lose.”

I lost my 6-figure job in November. Have been job hunting ever since. 60 applications, 15 interviews total, and 6 final rounds so far. No bite so far.

Part of me is stressed out and frustrated. But I’m also encouraged by all the positive feedback I got from the companies who rejected me. It seems I’ve consistently done things right and I just need to keep doing what I’m doing until I get lucky.🍀

But it’s hard to stay positive after so many repeated rejections. Some positivity would be appreciated. Thanks.

I miss him. I still do. It's been a year since he stopped talking to me but I haven't been able to forget him for a moment. I still remember our texts, our conversations, whatever few we had. We were friends then started a long distance relationship and for 2 years we maintained that. We didn't have chances to see each other yet I loved him like crazy. Now he's gone, I can't see him, talk to him yet when I close my eyes, I only see him. I prayed so many times to get him back, nothing happened. I don't know what to do now. I don't know if I'll ever be able to love someone again. I'm going through a devastating phase and nothing is helping me. Definitely, heartbreak is a reason, but there are many others as well. I just don't know what to do. It's so easy for some to move on and so difficult for others. It's notably more difficult for me because I'm extremely emotional since childhood. But I've decided to get over this trauma. I need tips on how to motivate myself to work only on myself. I cry every single day and it's taking a toll on both my physical and mental health. Any good suggestion is welcome! Tips on controlling emotion might be more important for me.

So I'm 32 years old and have made little to no progress with my life. I just barely graduated high school and had little desire to attend college, not that it mattered as I was rejected from a school with a 90% acceptance rate." So I've spent the last 15 years working meaningless retail/service jobs, my co-workers mainly being high school and college kids and not making enough money to live on my own. I watch these kids get degrees and move forward while I sit stagnant. I have had Sparks of motivation throughout the years but I usually quit as soon as things get difficult or uncertain.

Some Backstory

I live in a small rundown/economically depressed city where most people work in the medical field as there are 2 major Hospitals and a medical school, or they work for a big insurance company that's based here. there are some local businesses but other than that there isn't much just retail and food chains and an overabundance of hotels. There are 4 Universities (5 if you count the medical school) So I always just saw this city as a place where people get their education and then leave to go someplace else. I have never felt like I belonged here, I have tried to leave 3 times and all 3 times unfortunately I have had to come back.

My father(Who also moved away 20 years ago) was an Electrician and owned his own business before retiring last year. He made very good money and for years offered to train me, employ me, and then pass the business off to me. I always turned him down. because like the medical field or the insurance world or any trade work, I have no interest or desire to do any of it for a living regardless of money.
I also saw the toll it took on his body

So the embarrassing truth is I have always been far more interested in creative arts and entertainment. When I was around 8 years old I saw Stand up Comedy on my TV for the first time and while I didn't get the jokes I was completely amazed by it. It's the first thing I remember wanting to be when I grew up.
When I got to High school I became obsessed with Movies, acting, and filmmaking. so much so that my friends all thought I was going to move to LA after graduation and become an actor or director or something because It was all I talked about.
After High school I went to the Theatre for the first time and absolutely loved it and when I started dating my Ex we would go see shows all the time and even drive to NYC to see shows on Broadway.
These were the things that made me feel purpose that made me say to myself "That's it. That's what I wanna do."

However, I never told anyone about these dreams, I never pursued them because well, it's just not what people do where I live. unless you go to one of the colleges there is no pathway to that career here. and I was never going to be able to support myself chasing that dream by working these low-paying service jobs. So I buried it. Years went by my depression and ADHD that I have had since High School got worse and worse as I couldn't bring myself to go learn a trade or get in at the hospital like my brother did. It wasn't what I wanted and I know I wouldn't be happy at all working in those industries even for better pay. So i just stayed still and kept going through miserable retail and hotel jobs.

I have been in therapy for over 2 years and while it has helped I still haven't made any significant changes in my life. And in 2023 my girlfriend of 5 years left due to my depression and ADHD sabotaging the relationship. I couldn't afford to live on my own, so I moved back home and have been there since. I made 1 attempt to move to California for a job I was offered but the company ended up lying to me and screwing me over so I had to retreat home. I came home and couldn't even get my old job back and after 4 months of unemployment and a downward spiral mentally. I have had 2 people who I deeply care about tell me they needed to step away due to my depression and anxiety causing so many issues. The last few days I have felt numb. Sitting in my room not doing anything just thinking about my life and having some cries.

Until today It hit me. I stopped crying and with some frustration and anger said "I'm done living like this, I'm done feeling like this, I'm taking control of my life"

The problem is I don't even know where to start or what to do. Do I suck it up and just work on getting a job I know I will have no interest in or gain any fulfillment from but will at least be making money to be able to get out on my own and even potentially move out of this city? Do I see about going back to school (the city finally opened a community college so now we have 6 schools in this area) and see if that's the structure I need to get moving in the right direction? Do I figure out a way to chase my dream? Is that even possible now? I know nobody can really answer these questions but me, but still...

I am worried about losing this motivation so any guidance or advice would be helpful.

Sorry for the long post, it was not intended. I just kept typing and before I knew it there was a wall of text. that's why I also tagged it as story.

I’ve honestly just been living half a life for so fucking long, isolating myself and just having completely given up. I wasn’t trying in any aspect of my life and I can’t exactly explain why. But idk I’m just living again lately. Doing shit. Was I depressed? Who knows. But now I’m ALIVE. And yeah I still get sad but things will be okay. I went so so long without hope. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

Let me tell you about my mentor, the guy who transformed how I tackle procrastination. This dude was a legend – he didn’t just preach, he lived it.

So one day he shared his own story. He said, “I used to delay reading books for hours. Even though the books were super interesting, I’d keep putting it off until the guilt kicked in. I could have let this go on until I never touched the book again.”

“But no,” he continued, “I decided to outsmart my brain. You know how we’re wired to crave dopamine, right? If I only picked up the book when I felt guilty, it was never going to become a habit. It was just hate-fueled.”

“So, I flipped the script. I took the book and a timer. I told myself, ‘You can only read for 20 minutes.’ And then, right when I hit an interesting part, I’d stop. Every screenwriter uses this trick on us – they always cut off the episode when it’s most gripping.”

He smirked, “Why shouldn’t I use it on myself? Now, I crave those damn books because I always stop at the best part. Try it. Trick your brain. It’s a game, and you can win it.”

And that’s how he taught us to fight procrastination – with cunning, a bit of mischief, and a whole lot of grit.

Hope this story inspired you to take back control!

K

Otherwise I’ll lose my insurance and likely my place to live. My parents think I’m hiding behind my mental health and gave me the ultimatum of April 15th. I have to get shifts 5 days a week, as many appointments as possible, fix my meds, and being entirely on top of my shit. Otherwise they’ll take away my insurance and at graduation likely make me find somewhere else to live. I understand why, but I’m fucking scared shitless.

Edit: I don’t have the time to reply to all you kind people today! Know I am reading all of the comments you have left and working hard. I’m sure I’ll be back with updates!

I may be smart and intelligent I recently had a wake up call for the many flaws I have - too lazy to clean up my apartment regularly, lazy even to brush teeth, lazy at work... My plan is to do my best to not beat myself up and start working on myself instead - without self-hatred and self-pity. Can you motivate me with personal stories?

Also I still have no kids, and looking at people with families my age make me feel depressed how far behind I am...

I got laid off in January. Since then I have just totally let myself go. I’m not even comfortable being shirtless or hooking up anymore.

I’m 6’0 230, unemployed, my teeth are bad, I bite my nails very badly, my chest and back are always broken out, and I drink way way way too much. All I do is wake up at noon, maybe play a video game or get DoorDash, hang out with my best friend and that’s it.

Sometimes we go out and I’m so embarrassed at the way I look I don’t have a good time. When I go to the gym I feel self conscious bc my clothes are tight and don’t fit me.

I’m bipolar and I feel like my meds just aren’t working anymore, I’m just depressed but going through the motions. I just want something to…get me going again. Waking up early, taking the dog for a walk, not drinking; losing weight and working out. It feels insurmountable because there are so many things I am unhappy about.

I’m 29 and I feel like I’m already starting to look like my overweight alcoholic dad.

I pulled out my 401K and am living off that because I haven’t been able to find a job (im a senior software engineer, if I tried I could find one). I got close in may but got a few devastating rejections and I haven’t tried since.

I don’t know. This might be the wrong subreddit for this. But I just want to get going again and I’m pissed I haven’t been able to.

I am learning some tutorials for work with months delay because earlier in the year I had problems with alcohol... then I stopped drinking for good, but procrastinated some more because once you have already slept on something it has already become extra unpleasant to deal with, triggers anxiety, etc. I finally sat down to learn the stuff, but sometimes I get super anxious that I will fail, thinking what an idiot I am to put myself in this position, etc. and drink. Or I feel not good enough, empty or sad and drink again. Not killing myself with poison everyday like in the beginning of the year, but I drink once every few days, I have definitely broken my sobriety to pieces.

I feel as I am 34, male, no kids, issues with the job, no girlfriend (used to be good with this part, but I am still losing weight, and I am still a wreck, can't and don't need to handle a relationship at the moment) I am so late in life to fix it, I have been doing think shitty my whole life, can't runaway from the negative self talk. Even when I am sober, work out etc. I feel and can tell that I have high-functioning depression. Negative talk example: "What if you fail? You will fail this sweet job and try to find a new one AT 34?? Why did you bring yourself in this stupid situation? You will only waste more time" etc. A lot of childhood trauma from my father who beat up my family, growing up without a father figure, etc. I am sure these things have taken their toll on me...

I've got the post drinking depression and anxiety at the moment, I will now go to the spa and try to recover as much as possible and then come home and study. Can't work out as I spoiled this last night

PS a funny thing - I panicked yesterday because I smoked a little weed to numb out, but it seems that weed is bad for when I am already stressed out, although it used to calm me down

I wouldn't call myself lazy, but I had lost all my motivation in life. Even when doing the simplest things. It took so much ENERGY to reach out to friends or even respond to their texts. I wouldn't talk with my family unless I needed something, and it put me in a cycle of depression. It was wrong, but it is how I felt.

I knew something needed to change, so I started watching and listening to different influencers. They all talked about the same things: going to the gym, eating healthy, waking up early… all "good advice," but I couldn't find where to get the motivation to do these things. I could brute force myself to do them for a week, but it wouldn't last.

So instead, I put one simple task for each week. A small, achievable goal that didn't overwhelm me. The first week, it was as simple as making my bed. The second week, I decided to add a run. Each week, I added a small task, gradually building up.

Surprisingly the hardest part was ditching my phone… at first, I thought not using my phone was a small enough task but it was hard AF. I tried deleting TikTok/Instagram but I would just end up scrolling on Snapchat and YouTube which was honestly more embarrassing. So I turned my phone black and white…asked my roommate to take it every night at 6… and almost ended up trading it in for an Apple watch. It took several months but eventually, I stopped craving it.

This was the so called last piece to the puzzle. These small accomplishments added up and gave me a sense of control. It took 2 years but I feel like myself again!

I reach out and talk with my friends and family every day, not only that but I am the one making plans.

2 years might seem like a long time but I know that if I tried to do it all on at once I would still be in the situation I was in.

I hope this can help some of you that feel stuck.

Self-negative talk will lower your self-esteem. As someone who struggles with low esteem a side effect is low performance. Whenever you begin to doubt yourself. Many of us will just not try but instead accept defeat. “I’m already gonna fail, so why try”.

Replace those thoughts with positivity. You’ve only studied for 30 mins, tell yourself this “Hey what matters I did some studying instead of nothing”.

The placebo effect is a real thing. Someone can give you a placebo pill without you knowing. Let’s say he sold you the idea that this pill will make you smarter and more focused. Therefore your thoughts will begin to think that this is gonna help. So you will go in hard on your studying

This guy lost his wife in covid. And they hadn’t had any children yet. So right now he lives alone and goes to a few houses in the neighborhood as a cook. And where I’m from, cooks aren’t paid a lot as well. But despite all of this, He is literally the happiest guy I have ever met! Always such a blast! I have people around me who have been dealt the best of cards in life, but they carry the gravest face there can be. And then there is this guy! Even while cooking he would be humming and his body language, it's like there is a spring in his step! He says that being happy is his way of giving life the finger hahaha!

But I sometimes wonder if it is actually true? like what if he is just faking it or it's just on the surface? Is it really possible to remain happy in such situations?

To be honest, even if it's only on the surface, for me, he is like an inspiration to not care and just live! “Happiness starts with you, not with your relationships, job, or money.” - Sadhguru

Hey everyone,

I wanted to share my story with you all in hopes that it might inspire someone out there who's struggling like I was. Buckle up, because it's been a wild ride!

The Downward Spiral

For 25 years, I was on a first-name basis with self-destruction. Starting at 14, I smoked about 11 cigarettes a day turning into a pack then 2 by 25. Weekends were reserved for binge drinking, but things took a darker turn when I started downing three pints of cheap vodka every day off and on for a decade. Yep, you read that right, three pints a day with lengthy timelines of 7 or 8 months STRAIGHT before i would eventually put myself into detox and rehab to stop myself from dying. This started happening sooner and sooner after relapse and would always end the same, loss of job, apartment, girlfriend and possessions as well as losing someone close to me each time until the end when there was nobody left. Throw in a diet of junk food (when I ate at all), zero exercise, and a mindset clouded by anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts, and you've got a recipe for disaster.

I was homeless, aimless, and felt utterly hopeless. I couldn't take care of myself, let alone think about a future. The idea of change seemed as distant as winning the lottery without buying a ticket.

The Wake-Up Call

I'm not entirely sure what clicked. Maybe it was hitting rock bottom one too many times, or perhaps a small, persistent voice inside me refused to be silenced. All I know is that on June 1, 2023, I decided enough was enough. I quit drinking by going to detox, rehab, then a sober living house all in the first 10 months of my sobriety. Trust me, vodka didn't take the news well. I know that because she called out to me constantly during early sobriety.

A few months later, on September 10, 2023, I did the unthinkable, I quit smoking cigarettes. A previously unachievable feat in my eyes.

Baby Steps Turn into Strides

Quitting substances was just the beginning. On August 1, 2023, I started meditating for 15 minutes each morning, followed by a 15-minute full-body stretch. At first, I felt like a pretzel being twisted by a toddler, not exactly zen. But day by day, it got easier.

My diet did a 180°. Every morning since September 1, I've had a smoothie packed with:

• 2 bananas
• 8 strawberries
• 1 teaspoon each of chia and flax seeds
• 7 walnut halves
• 7 pecans
• 10 oz of coconut water
• A teaspoon of peanut butter

Lunches and dinners became balanced meals with half a plate of veggies, a quarter plate of lean protein like chicken, pork, or steak, and a quarter plate of rice or potatoes. I'd indulge in a treat now and then, a pint of Ben & Jerry's or some Vietnamese takeout, because life's too short not to enjoy some ice cream!

Sweat, Smiles, and Science

I knew boredom would hit me so I had to add things into my life. Basketball was the first and I started when I got out of rehab. I played everyday until May of this year, rain or shine. No joke, I went out during a hurricane at the end of the summer last year and I joined the YMCA when it got too cold. I still play, but not nearly as much after adding the gym to my life. The best decision I have made this year.

It was my next mountain to climb. Starting May 1, 2024 (yeah, I time-traveled a bit there), I began:

• Les Mills Body Pump classes twice a week for an hour
• Hockey refereeing for 8 hours a week (gotta love the ice!)
• Cycling and Strength classes for an hour, twice a week

At first, exercise felt like a chore. I was the guy huffing and puffing at the back of the class, wondering why anyone would voluntarily do this. But soon, I started to crave it. The endorphins kicked in, and I was hooked, in the best way possible.

Visible Changes and Hidden Healing

So, what's changed?

• Energy Levels: I went from feeling like a sloth on a tranquilizer to having the energy of a caffeinated squirrel.
• Mental Clarity: The brain fog lifted. I could focus, think clearly, and my creativity soared.
• Physical Appearance: I lost weight, my skin cleared up, and I no longer looked like an extra from "The Walking Dead."
• Emotional Well-being: The anxiety and depression started to fade. I found joy in the little things.
• Lung Function: Quitting smoking improved my breathing. Activities became easier, and I wasn't coughing like a 90-year-old lifelong smoker anymore.
• Taste and Smell: Food tasted amazing! It's like my senses were upgraded to HD.
• Relationships: I reconnected with family and friends. And guess what? I even met an amazing woman who I'm proud to call my girlfriend after 6 years of being single and convinced that I would never love again. None of this would have been possible if I hadn't made these changes.

Oh, and College!

Did I mention I'm in college now? Yep, since September 6, 2023, I've been hitting the books, and I'm currently rocking a 3.93 GPA in my second year as a Computer Science major. Not too shabby for someone who once couldn't remember what day it was!

Why Didn't I Do This Earlier?

Great question. Looking back, I think fear played a big role, fear of change, fear of failure, and even fear of who I could become without my crutches. It was easier to stay stuck in a familiar misery than to venture into the unknown.

But here's the kicker: once I pushed through the initial discomfort, everything started to shift. Healthy food began to taste good. Exercise became fun. Meditation turned into a daily retreat I can't live without. It's like my body and mind were just waiting for me to give them a chance.

Final Thoughts

If you're reading this and feel trapped in your current situation, I want you to know that change is possible, at any age, at any stage. I was a 37-year-old, homeless, heavy-drinking smoker with zero motivation and a one-way ticket to nowhere. If I can turn things around, so can you.

It's not easy. There will be days when you want to give up. But every step forward is a victory. Celebrate the small wins, and before you know it, they'll add up to something incredible.

Life is so much better on this side. I wake up excited about the day ahead. I have goals, dreams, and the energy to pursue them. And most importantly, I'm happy. A feeling I never thought I'd experience again.

So take that first step. Whether it's cutting back on something that's holding you back, trying a new healthy recipe, or just taking a walk around the block. Your future self will thank you.

Remember, you're not alone, and it's never too late to rewrite your story.

Stay strong, friends!

A few hours ago I was coming home from work and I had a front headlight out. So of course a cop pulls me over and walks up to my vehicle and does the whole can I see your license thing. I give him my license and he looks at me and he says "Sir, false identification is a penalty under law." Before I could compute what he said he asks if i'm a citizen, and at that point I realized that he thought my license was fake. I had to convince him that the picture in my ID was in fact me. I told him how I had lost 40 pounds over the past year and a half and how much my body has changed. I showed him my student ID and he held it up next to my license and he could finally tell the resemblance. He couldn't believe that I had in essence become a different person. We started talking about working out, sports, and college. A few minutes later he gave me written warning and encouraged me to keep up the good work. I never really thought about how far I have come since I decided to transform my body. Even though i'm not where I want to be, tonight just proved i'm sure as hell on the right track. I've been a long time lurker on this subreddit and I would just like to say that GetMotivated has and is changing my life. Let's keep it up!

For some background this all occured very recently about a few months back right before I was about to fly overseas to complete my education. I was raised by a narcissistic and what I would call an inhuman mother along with a father who loved me very much but was passive.

Growing up although I did indeed receive plenty of luxuries such as expensive food and vacations the reality is that I was given such luxury by my mother because of her own selfishness of needing more people for her own personal interests. Such as the extra kilos for shopping and being able to order more dishes just so she could taste more. Little did I know did my friends and as a little kid that eventually I would have to go through such a terrible disaster.

For some history, I was abused severely as a child most of the time for doing nothing virtually wrong or things that did not deserve the level of severity. I was beaten to a pulp as an 8 year old by my mother for simply not doing well on a math test and in back when I was in kindergarten. I was once robbed of lunch and was beaten past my bed time. My dad had one incident of beating me but only due to him having gone insane because of my mother. She had cheated on my father in later years and came back claiming she did nothing wrong. Eventually physical abuse would reduce to near nothing and would purely become sheer belittlement. For example, I was belittled for my language abilities as in me not "knowing" my mother tongue when it was actually my family's fault for my lack of fluency along with how I would never be successful in the future. I had also failed my whole life in school up until my last exam.

For some reason, randomly as a teenager I suddenly felt the urge to train intensively in martial arts. Why did I do so? It felt empowering and it served as a deterrence to my mother from further abuse. Why? Because the next time I would ever be touched or hit, I would strike back ten times harder. To date I am trained in Wing Chun , Judo and MMA.

The tipping point

Before I state what had occurred I would like to give a fair warning as I feel it is very graphic or morbid for anyone to hear.

One day a month before I was about to leave for my studies, I suddenly got severe gastrisis and was going in and out of the A and E for a total of three times. I was in severe pain and the doctors could not figure out why I was in such pain as it was abnormal. Was given morphine and a high amount of painkillers and was informed that this level of pain in a gastrisis patient was unseen. Keep in mind I was in severe pain for 9 days straight often not being able to sleep the whole time

Eventually on my last A and E visit, it was discovered that my gastrisis was actually stress induced and that they will not admit me anymore. Was sent to the psychiatrist the next day and given Xanax and Amitriptyline. Afterwards, was referred to a personal reccomended psychologist by my psychiatrist. It was basically an established fact more or less that the root cause of my severe stress issues was because of my mother who had inflicted severe lasting damage.

After I was discharged, she had made fun of my pain in the hospital by talking about how the nurses were laughing at the fact that my vitals were fine obviously a lie. She had also mentioned to my sister that if I wanted to kill myself that I could go ahead and do so and that she would respect it.

After more sessions with the psychologist, I started to become even more aggressive towards my mother understandably so. Few days before my flight I sat my father down and told him "So what are you going to do? Are you going to remain passive and let this woman who harmed your own son bully you to the ground? Or are you going to man up and do something about it. Why are you showing chances and allowance to someone who doesn't deserve it?" He did inform me that he would evict my mom slowly after I had left the country.

The day right before my flight my mom had to tried to punish my cat for scratching furniture by locking her outside the house. That moment I decided to myself that I would not sit back and let it happen. In my mind, to me the cat getting unjustly punished felt like me as a child but this time someone(me) would intervene. I fought with her about it and as "revenge" she cancelled my flight for my education. To me even had I known it would have happened, I would have still have stood up for my cat because I love my cat so much.

My dad was pushed to the limit and rushed back home to immediately evict her. While he was looking for new flights for me it was obvious to everyone (my partner and friends were informed) that I was destroyed. I managed to get a flight and made it overseas but it never stopped there.

I also ended up physically threatening her for what she had done because for these sorts of people I realized there is no "peaceful" method. In the past she had financially threatened me although now that's an impossiblility because everything is now underneath my father

I had suicidal thoughts and had to call the suicide helpline multiple times along with having to have gone for therapy. Fortunately, I never made any real plans to kill myself or had any complications after my hospital trip.

What I learnt and why I am posting this

Why am I making this post? I know that a lot of you have probably gone through some horrible things and I wanted to give some people hope that no matter how horrible life may have been to you that there is always a way to bounce back.

Luckily, I am currently doing extremely well in university and my future prospects appear to seem very bright. I have also taken measures to fix issues such as my language problem along with my mental health almost being fully fixed.

What did I learn? After going through this incident, I learnt a few lessons that I would keep at heart

1. To never sit back and let life bulldoze you but to be proactive and never allow it to dictate your future
2. Anyone who seeks to harm you be it your parent like mind deserves no mercy
3. Money and strength is extremely important
4. But most of all if life shows you no mercy then you show no mercy

I came from money and had all the means for much much better opportunities but had it all robbed away from me due to my mother's evilness and my dad's passivity. That level of anger stays with me till now and I refuse to let another human being harm me ever again. A person who harms you is the enemy and an enemy deserves no mercy or any sort of allowance.

I don't know about what's other's people's mentality towards such a situation but this is what I came up with and what I felt kept me going till now. I was never an aggressive individual who would ever threaten to harm another human being. But I've come to learn that sometimes you have no choice but to do so. I was furious and refused to allow such things to ever happen to me again. I felt what made the difference for me was the mental choice that I made to have zero tolerance towards this sort of treatment.

The hospital trip and the flight cancellation taught me the consequences of not taking an aggressive, no nonsense approach along with not being prepared for the worse. After that had occured I told myself " If a person wishes to harm you, stomp you to the ground and beat you till a pulp. What are you going to do about it? ". The following day after my flight cancellation I approached her in my home and scolded her till she backed into a chair making it clear I would no longer tolerate such treatment.

Just felt like sharing what had happened to me. I hope this post gives you hope that you will be able to overcome whatever problems you are currently facing in life. If there are any issues you are currently facing do not feel afraid to reach out for help. Hope you all have a great Christmas this year.

NOTE - I do not support or ADVOCATE for violence. It is not the right answer. What I do believe in is standing up for oneself and establishing deterrence.

Let me start by saying that this has been the hardest thing I have ever done - for the first 2-3 months anyway. I am 33 years old, and extremely social. Yet, every social aspect revolved around alcohol, and it was slowly destroying me. Failed relationships, declining physical health, inability to be happy, and constant bad decisions - all relating back to alcohol.

The last (nearly 400) days have been transformative and eye opening. Never did I think I would be in this position (I would drink 3-5 days a week, for 10 years), yet here we are.

For those that need that little push, here are some of my learnings to help motivate you to take the plunge.

Clarity of the Mind
You don't know what you are capable of until you go sober. Don't expect it to happen straight away, but around month 3, things sky rocket. I have never been more productive in my life. I quit my job, started a tech company, raised funding, started a podcast, about to start a newsletter: The Non-Alcoholics, am 18 months into a relationship, happy, calm and settled.

All of these are the exact opposite of where I was 18 months ago.

I think clearly, make rational decisions, and am now the person my friends and family come to for advice.

Improved Physical Health
I wasn't in bad shape prior, but I wasn't as good as I could be. In the first 4 months, I lost 10 kgs, and dropped my body fat % to the lowest it has ever been. I was lifting PBs, but also never missing the gym - I would be in there everyday (including Sunday) at 5am, and would have enough energy to do a second workout (even if it is just a walk) in the afternoon.

Deeper Relationships
I had churned through 4-5 relationships, and I had been the issue all the way along. Well, alcohol and me. Through going sober, I am much more present, I want to be closer and more loving, and I enjoy every aspect of my relationship. I am kinder, and I truly care. Just by being sober, present, and healthy, it changed my outlook on life and being able to have a happy, healthy, functioning relationship.

Resilience Through Challenges
I was always resilient, but it would only last a certain amount of time - and if I didn't get through the challenge, I would move on. Now, I have the feeling and belief that nothing can stop me. Challenges present themselves everyday to us - but I am able to rationalise through them, and come out the other side better for it. Sleep helps here also!

Rediscovery of Self
I look back, and I realise I had probably been chasing around a shadow for 10 years. Hoping to become the person I am now. But failing to realise that improving yourself, and becoming who you say you want to or will be, takes extreme ownership and planned action. By going sober, I removed the excuses, and was able to rise to the level I knew was inside me - but knowing that this is just the start.

If you have been considering going sober, even just for a set amount of time, I encourage you to try it. But make a physical note of your thoughts, feelings, and mindset now. And then do the same after a week, 2 weeks, a month, etc - you will start to notice massive shifts in yourself, and you may never want to go back.

Let me know in the comments any questions you have - happy to answer or elaborate as much as I can.