r/GetMotivated • u/Kozchey • Jul 07 '24
STORY [Story] Anybody in mid 30s trying to improve their lives/Already did it at that age?
I don't wanna say I need to "fix my life" as many people say and you can fin many posts on different subs that sound like this. Or "turn my life completely". That would be too dramatic, I think. My life is not in the gutter, I am totally far away from rock bottom, but the truth is at 34 *turning 35 in four months) I am far from three years ago what and where I imagined I would be 3 (or more) years ago.
Basically, I need to
1. finally stop drinking alcohol (just beer in my case) completely.
(I have alcoholic tendencies, and was a functional alcoholic at some point an year and a half ago, that levelled up the depression and anxiety I was going through at that time.)
2. finally get back to the body shape I had prior to covid lock-downs.
(I have always worked out, but point 1. is getting the way of following my dietary plan and not skipping a work out)
3. Finding another good job/studying for this purpose
(I currently work in IT as a IT support, but a very niche type of support, it is my first job in IT, I made a transition 3 years ago when I was 31, but due to issues with depression and alcohol, that I mentioned in 2., I lost too much track of the learning material and generally even if I did not did this, I still feel I want to do something different in IT, but as I don't have technical background I might need to spend the next year in learning another branch of IT stuff from zero which makes me angry at myself about the mistakes I did and a ton of other stuff*)*
4. get back to dating after completing 1. and 2.
(I used to be a somewhat good looking guy and now I don't have even this superficial thing (women being attracted to me) s a source of confidence and feeling I am good enough.)
I wasted the last three months with procrastination, doubts, drinking from time to time and made zero progress in job finding or losing weight. I turn 35 in four months and I promised myself that in four months I will look back and be happy about the progress I made; I promised myself that I will not put the next four months to waste. And having this progress over the course of four months I could welcome my 35th birthday with some accumulated pride and confidence which I will use s fuel to continue further.
There is no point to wallow in a pool of self-pity and think how I more or less wasted the last two years, how, as I have done all of my life - I look at most people my age and see that they are married, have kids, have money, etc. - 35 is not super young, but if I continue like this I would be the same miserable person at 40 too. So better start today, I can't change the past and there is no use of being angry at myself for screwing up my current job that back then I was so happy that I landed and thought that NOW I am about to level up, yet I did not... yeah, I failed in a way, but if I did it once, I can do it again. Quitters are the only losers.
Alcohol is obviously the thing that stays in my way of improving my life. I don't get smashed every day like I once did, I even had a completely sober period, but then started to drink again although less then during my depression period. And I think it is not just alcohol, but in general I have an issue with quick gratification and wanting thing NOW and quickly, procrastination is the same drug as alcohol.
The thing is, I was going to be kinda sad to turn 35 even if my life was good enough, but since it is not, turning 35 makes me way more miserable. I guess I also need to practice the right mindset and ditch the mindset of a loser - yeah 35 is not 25, but 35 is not 37 or 45 either. I have enough time to drastically improve my life if I am consistent and focused. Also, I feel that the soft life I had the last few years made me always go for the pleasure and choose the easy path, hence I get angry by the thought I may have to spends months or a year and more in order to make up for my mistakes and fix them. Maybe I have to start viewing obstacles as what they are - a essential and normal part of life and I should welcome them and not be angry at myself that I can't focus on planning fancy trips abroad (had my fair share of fancy trips abroad so why not focus on some work on myself now, right)
So this is what I have on my plate at the moment, this is where I screwed up so far, this is my plan for the future. If anyone is going through something similar, or already went through it successfully, feel free to share your story, tips and thoughts. I am motivated enough to do what I ought to do, but hearing other people's successful stories would be still motivating for me.
76
u/ehladik Jul 07 '24
Sometimes I feel we should do a sub for this, people in their 30s trying to better themselves, I know there are several things I want to do and improve.
17
Jul 07 '24
Let’s get it going man
20
u/ehladik Jul 07 '24
Give me an hour, I actually have the sub, I just never did anything with it. But yeah, let's do this.
3
8
u/ehladik Jul 07 '24
r/OneYear is the sub I was talking about, I had it as a way to record what we wanted to do in a year. I feel it fits the criteria, since we can write what we want to do, and from there share and show support to anyone who also is there.
1
82
u/NorthernBibliophile Jul 07 '24
I quit booze and got healthy this year. I’m 43. My life is genuinely unrecognisable!
12
u/Kozchey Jul 07 '24
so happy for you my man
29
u/NorthernBibliophile Jul 07 '24
Sober life is great - I sleep so damn well! I took up running, kayaking and am reliable at my job. It’s been the best year of my life so far. Highly recommend!
2
40
u/SlowThePath Jul 07 '24
I just turned 37 and last year I took a paycut in order to go to school. I'll graduate around 40. Feels late af, but whatever, no reason to stay working shitty jobs the rest of my life. I'm a little bit worried about getting employment after school as I'll be twice as old as my competition, but I'm confident I'll be able to get a better job.
I really wish I had done this earlier, but I have no doubt it's the right move.
7
37
u/littlekingoj Jul 07 '24
I tried to kill myself at age 31. I'm now 34 and 3 years sober from alcohol. I lost 70 lbs through yoga and strength training plus eating way healthier and just moving more. I got into some healthy hobbies (cooking, gardening, houseplants, foraging). Next I'm working on the dating thing. That's harder as I tend to prefer to stay home and I'm a tall female with tattoos and RBF so I don't get approached much in public. I also don't like dating apps. I'm not super worried about this facet of life yet, although I would love to share life with someone.
I realized I was living as if I got a 2nd go at life. I had to start thinking about how we only get to do this thing once. And I wasn't happy with how I was doing it. That and learning to be patient, the change needs to be slow and steady. I journal nightly and I often go back and read my old entries to relish in the contrast of my mental and physical being.
1
u/debfsc Jul 07 '24
This is super inspiring. Sending you lots of good energy & hope you achieve your goals 💪🏻
1
u/redundanthero Jul 07 '24
I'm sorry you felt that way, brother, but I'm glad you're here! Love from the UK!
48
u/Deinococcaceae Jul 07 '24
Absolutely. I'd say early/mid '30s is one of the most common times that people start making a conscious effort to take care of themselves, it's when you really start noticing that you can't just coast by on bad habits anymore.
13
u/-Darkstorne- Jul 07 '24
This.
37 years old, never been overweight, but realized I wasn't able to stay perfectly slim without effort anymore. Also got interested in the long term health benefits of fasting (autophagy if anyone gets curious enough to look into that) since I'm now realizing youth is behind me, and wanted to finally put on some kind of muscle for that Brad Pitt in Fight Club look we're all old enough to remember as the figure to aspire to for our generation.
So now I live an 18/6 diet, waiting until 12 noon for a high fibre breakfast, and then eating dinner around 5pm with the wife and our young kids. They're in bed by 7pm at their age, so early dinner works out really nicely. No eating after 6pm. Food choices are all uber healthy but I get to eat whatever I want after dinner and before 6pm. Calorie intake is usually around 2,000 or less so now I'm back to a super slim physique. Dumbbells, press ups, and sit ups, have done WONDERS and are all you need to start looking great. No need for a gym if you aren't looking for a pro weight-lifter body. Alcohol is also gone from my life, but coffee is my one passion you'll have to pry from my cold dead hands.
47
u/rickal Jul 07 '24
Relax my man. You’re a healthy young male who’s probably fat or out of shape and enjoyed one too many beers. Just only drink beers on the weekend and start exercising. Sign up for the local gym and go once a day. Just spend a hour in there. Do something. Start light and make it a habit. Once you have success there it will roll over to other parts of your life and you will slowly build back confidence. This will allow you to achieve your goals in other aspects of your life like dating and work.
Don’t think too much about. One day at a time. Start with one thing. I recommend going to the gym. Limit to one beer a day. Also meditate. Everyday. Start with five minutes. Eventually you’ll get to twenty.
Enjoy brother.
13
u/forestsloth Jul 07 '24
I did it at 49. The covid years turned me into a couch potato and I finally decided that fat and weak was no way to go through life. Aging is hard, but aging with no muscle mass is even harder.
Signed up for a personal trainer twice a week and over the course of a couple years that turned into working with a trainer 5 days a week and seeing a dietician every 2 months.
I’m now a 52 year old female with a desk job and I can easily bench press my adult children. I saw a friend for the first time in years and her first comment was “You’re aging in reverse!”
Cut my drinking from every night to once or twice a month helped hugely as well.
If you start in your 30s, you’ll be fucking Superman by 50. It’s never too late. Do it.
13
u/bozy09 Jul 07 '24
Will you start "one day"?
Or is today "day one"?
Idk where I heard that but it got me Hella motivated lol
11
u/Cris_eng Jul 07 '24
Your post is quite reflective on my situation as well currently 32 and the idea that I spent a big part of my life with the wrong friends(which currently leaves me with almost no friends anymore) and procrastinating without being able to find even a decent partner for many years always gets me depressed. The only thing I managed to succeed in is my work, but still not enough to compensate the depressing feelings..
8
u/Jb1210a Jul 07 '24
I haven’t really recognized my progress until I saw your post but I can definitely say that I’ve turned my life around as well. In my early 30s I was a low paid, overweight, single dad with a ton of debt and was depressed by an ex who replaced me in my house literally two weeks after cheating on me.
Today at 45, I’ve done a complete 180 and am expecting a child with my girlfriend.
For me, the results came from being as consistent as possible with my habits. Trying my hardest to be the best I could be became my mantra and my obsession.
I wish you the best in your journey, progress is not linear and it may take a long time but focusing on yourself as you plan to will work.
9
u/jxxv Jul 07 '24
33 and after a recent and heavy anxiety attack (my first ever) the last 20 years of my life started to flash before me and all the mistakes I made. I got completely sober off everything, which doesn’t work for everyone but it’s the path I chose. In 1 month I started to realise that I have so much more to give people. And not to make myself feel better but to do nice things for people because I actually want to. To love a stranger. Seeing people smile around me. Active listening and Being present. I like to think about this stage of my life as the mother fucking COMEBACK. An unstoppable force. To become undeniable.
6
u/BabbageFeynman Jul 07 '24
Yes! You can improve your life in your thirties! It's easier to learn about what works and doesn't for your health and make incremental changes.
5
u/CrowDrinkingJuice Jul 07 '24
Oh yeah! It’s never “too late” for self improvement in my eyes. I’m going through a really big turning point right now.
A lot of my teens and 20s was spent struggling with my mental health. Once I was in my mid 20s improving it was a big focus for me. It was a lot of work, and there’s been some ups and downs. But I finally, at 33, feel like I have the capacity to focus on things like my physical health, my career, my finances etc.
I’m going to heavily focus on myself for awhile. But I know eventually I’ll try dating again.
Due to my mental health problems, I really didn’t think I’d be around to see my 30s. So I feel a bit unprepared and behind actually being this age.
You may be interested in radical acceptance. It sounds a bit “woo” but it’s a legitimate distress tolerance technique used it cognitive behavioural therapy.
It’s designed to help prevent pain, from turning into suffering. To help us from getting stuck in the past, especially the “what if’s” of the past, and focus on the present and future.
It came to mind when reading about the anger you feel when thinking about how much time it may take to reach your goals. Which I can totally relate to.
Best of luck on your journey!
6
u/HermitDamsel Jul 07 '24
Due to my mental health problems, I really didn’t think I’d be around to see my 30s. So I feel a bit unprepared and behind actually being this age.
Hey... Can I give you a virtual hug?
4
u/CrowDrinkingJuice Jul 07 '24
Your comment hit me harder than I would have expected it to. I like instantly teared up a bit.
Yes you can. Thank you kind stranger.
3
7
u/Dramatic-Respect2280 Jul 08 '24
I met my now-husband at 36. Got married 2 months before my 40th birthday. Went back and completed my BA at 41. Started a new career at 41. Took my first trip to Hawaii at 46. Built our first home when I was 49. Promoted to Director at 50 in the career of my choice. Currently enrolling in a Masters program at 52. Why? Because I can and because I want to.
Point is…35 is just a number. I still didn’t even know who I was at 35, or what I wanted in life. Things happen when they happen. I will say… rather than focusing on how fit you are if you are looking to meet someone, focus on being a good person. Looks aren’t everything, and at 35, substance should matter more. Look to be someone who is attractive for who he is rather than what he looks like. Women who are attracted to you will be a dime a dozen, but what can you offer her once that initial attraction wears off?
You’re always going to be evolving as a person. You won’t be the person you are now when you’re 40. Stop focusing on the number and just focus on who you want to be.
4
u/ryrich89 Jul 07 '24
I also just turned 35. I also feel like my life isn’t quite where I want it to be and deal with anxiety and depression like you do. I don’t drink for this reason except for on rare occasions because it is definitely the number one contributing factor to making my anxiety and depression worse. I have a good job and make good money but I still question myself and lack motivation some days. With that being said I think no matter where you are in life you can compare yourself to someone else and make yourself feel like you aren’t where you are meant to be. Based on what you wrote it sounds like you have thought a lot about this and have outlined exactly what you need to do. I think it’s all about just taking action now, one day at a time. Start today, day 1 of no drinking. Have that mindset every day that it’s day 1 then before you know it you will have 1 week with out drinking and then 1 month. I guarantee you that you will feel the difference after a week in your mood and your anxiety and depression. Start working out, do something simple every day. Heck just walk 10k steps a day and then progress to doing some pushups and sit ups. You don’t need to make it complicated. You just need to start doing something every day and commit to it. These small wins will build upon themselves and you will exponentially start feeling better. You will eventually get addicted to keeping your streak of not drinking and working out daily that it will give you the purpose you are looking for. If you need help with setting up good habits I highly recommend reading or listening on audible to the book “atomic habits” it’s a really good book and gives great advice on setting up systems to form habits to achieve goals rather than setting goals for ourselves and not doing anything about it. Good luck to you brother and know you’re not alone. A lot of people in the same boat and we’re all rooting for you and know you can turn your life into how you envision it to be
4
u/DrSewandSew Jul 07 '24 edited Jul 07 '24
ETA: I’m responding specifically to pt. 3, career changes:
I started over at 36 after finishing my PhD. I still loved the research but I realized I hated the culture of R1 academia, and I didn’t want to spend any more time working for poverty wages (postdoc). And that, even if I were to have gotten a tenure track job after that, I didn’t want to spend the next 7+ years fighting for tenure. So I didn’t apply for any post docs or go on the academic job market. Instead, I put all my eggs in one basket and tried to make my hobby into a career.
It was the scariest, best decision of my life. The next couple years were uniquely challenging, but now I’m department head at a small art school. I get to teach what I love, and really get to know my students. I’m so glad I’m not stuck lecturing uninterested students about supply chains, in 300-seat lecture halls, in buildings that look like prisons.
Making big changes is scary, but worth it. The hardest but most important thing (IME) is trusting that there will be a time after your current period of fear, self-doubt, and growing pains. It’s there! You have to trust it even if you can’t quite feel it or fully imagine it yet.
In the meantime: Ask for help. Be gentle with yourself. Stay off social media - you’re pupating. You’re not obligated to share that messy process with the world. 💙
5
u/mrspacely420 Jul 07 '24
I just want to say that every stage of your life is important. For all we know this is all we get. We do what we do. If you want to be better, you will be. Enjoy your life. Enjoy your healthy body. Enjoy this beautiful world. Try to help others.
3
u/NihilisticClown Jul 07 '24 edited Jul 07 '24
Not sure if this’ll help but I’m 33 years old, and in May I measured my weight at 203lbs. I saw how close I was to being below 200 for the first time in over a decade, and I decided right then and there that I was going to completely change my diet and commit to losing weight.
Initially my goal was to just get below 200, pretty short term, but now I’m sitting at 189lbs in as little as 5 weeks down from 203, and I don’t plan on stopping. I cut out all soda, junk food and essentially calorie dense foods, and replaced sugary snacks with high protein alternatives. I plan my meals every day because I find it fun, I went from rarely cooking my own meals to cooking every single day, and I make sure I stay at a good caloric deficit. I dropped down from wearing XLs to Large, very close to comfortably wearing Medium, and my stomach is rapidly losing inches.
At the same time, I started weightlifting 4 times a week at home and seeing regular strength increases week to week. To most people, and even to myself, this was a very sudden change. I went from no exercise to regular exercise 4 days a week, I went from binge eating without a care in the world to meticulously counting calories, but the biggest surprise was that I actually enjoyed it, to the point where I have over 40 days in a row logged in my calorie app.
I enjoy going outside more than I used to, I feel better looking at myself in the mirror, I started taking care of my hair more, my beard, my teeth. I’ve gone through a massive change in lifestyle and in general feel much happier than I ever did, spurred on really by just a whim I made one day.
I would say I turned my life around but I seriously only just got started, and I think anyone can do what I’m doing, but I’m not sure how to replicate the sudden urge to change I felt, since it was very much out of the blue.
4
u/pierosg Jul 07 '24
36, in the past year I have obtained the best shape of my life.
Got a nice job last year also and got promoted.
About to get married in September.
Up to a few years ago I was a party animal, drinking, drugs, smoking etc.
Cleansed my body since COVID.
So yeah it's doable, you just have to do it
4
u/wdkaye Jul 07 '24 edited Jul 07 '24
Yea, I was there. I quit a dead-end job the day before my 35th birthday and went back to school (community college -> state college) for a CompSci degree. Led to an internship and a 10-year career.
Throughout it all - the studies, the workload, the budding and broken friendships and romances, the pandemic - I’ve had to rebuild myself over and over again, and I’ve come to accept that I will keep doing so. Therefore my advice may be shit, take it with many grains of salt:
What has worked for me: - Sobriety (of course). I’m not one for permanent abstinence, but I recognized it was a problem, so I challenged myself to take longer and longer breaks from it. 1 month. 2 months. 3, 5, 8, etc. There are so many reasons to back off the hooch and not many good ones to keep at it. - Journaling, which represents self-accountability. Logging every hour of the weekday to know exactly where my time is going. - Reading, as in, a book. Because without new ideas coming into my eyeballs, I’m stuck recycling my own bullshit thoughts or being fed by some algorithm. - Strength Training. You’re under 40, your body’s ability to gain mass should be peak, and it is surprisingly easy to do so. Find a squat rack, read the Starting Strength method or something else based on Novice Linear Progression. Adhere to a strict 3-day a week regimen with ample rest time. The attention to nutrition, confidence, boost, etc., should just happen as a result. Definitely be wary of alcohol disrupting the training.
[Edit, re: dating: keep showing up, keep being a friend, stay in the world with other people. Don’t let this urge for self-improvement keep you from social situations, because that’s where the best relationships can be found - maybe not right now, but maybe later? In other words, don’t wait until you’re Superman to introduce yourself to Lois Lane.
Best of luck to ya
3
u/Daddy_Deep_Dick Jul 07 '24
I just restarted my life at 30. I sold 2/3 of my properties and spent every last cent to open a pottery business. I am still in the early stages, but I'm hoping to have commercial space within a year. If this doesn't work out, I'll be about 33-34y/o with absolutely nothing to my name.
3
u/jaimemamaman4ever Jul 07 '24
Changed city and career at 31. Stopped drinking. Started taking care of myself at 37, lost 45 lbs, got promoted at 38. Wish I started a few years earlier but Covid was really tough mentally for me. I’ve never felt better/looked better and really excited for 40! Starting is the hard part, then everything starts being a lot easier.
3
u/kawaii_ninja Jul 07 '24
My 20s were a mess and I spent almost that entire first half of that decade no-life-ing it, just working at a dead-end job and playing games and watching anime every waking moment that I wasn't working.
Then at 26, I met my girlfriend (now wife) and started going back to school.
At 30, I was a broke grad student trying to finish my didactics while living 3 hours away from home.
At 31, I moved back into my parents house as I finish off my clinical rotations locally in the city.
At 32, I finished my degree got a job almost immediately and finally started making good money.
At 33, I finally moved out of my parent's house and proposed to my girlfriend of 7 years.
At 34, I got married.
At 35, my wife graduated as well and now our income has increased 1.5x. This is where I'm at currently.
Now we're saving up for a house, have an international vacation (basically our late honeymoon) planned for 2026, and hope to have children 2026 and beyond.
2
u/holomorphic0 Jul 07 '24
Yeah me. Im going to be 31 soon, have decided to do what i should have at 25. motovational content on youtube has helped me, especially Late Jim Rohn (may he rest in peace). The best time to improve my life was 10 years ago, the next best time is today. Saw a yt short today where a dude aged 35 said, if there is a door A and a door B and Door B has more risk behind it, take Door B. A lot of regret of people in their old age comes from Not taking that risk. I'm all in, still procrastinating and fapping all day because I my life situation is fucked and Im coping but I'll start tomorrow.
2
2
u/copper678 Jul 07 '24
You can improve your life at any age. Make a list of outcomes you want, back out the steps you need to take to get there…and do that daily. 👏🏻
2
u/bgalli Jul 07 '24
Biggest driver for me to stop alcohol was counsellor pointing out one drink made me depressed for 3 weeks. There is no difference between beer and liquor.
Mid 30s divorce and all that.
Biggest advice: small changes, self compassion when baby steps fail, and don’t be scared to reach out for help
2
u/Fearfultick0 Jul 07 '24
I quit smoking weed and I think this is a good approach that should probably help with alcohol too. Pour all of your alcohol down the drain. People like to collect liquor bottles, etc, but if you’re serious, just pour it out. You need to create a cost to prevent relapse and create a barrier to relapsing. It’s one thing to have it in the house and fight the temptation it’s another thing to commit to getting rid of what you have and having to go get some in order to relapse. If you do relapse, pour what’s left over down the drain and keep going. Not always easy in the short term but it works
2
u/alpler46 Jul 07 '24
My experience with alcohol and life was similar. I found therapy incredibly helpful to start unpacking my emotions. Drinking was a form of self medication for me, and men in general struggle with identifying the types of support they need. Soberity is a huge step and it's important that we focus not just on diminishing vices but also learning what functions those vices serve. Unpacking ones coping strategies can go a long way at making changes more robust, because willpower falters, but understanding lasts a lifetime.
Keep up the amazing work, and don't be too hard on yourself.
2
u/standtall893 Jul 08 '24 edited Jul 08 '24
It's a long road, but I've been where you were and I was able to overcome everything and make it out the other side and I couldn't be happier.
I was 28, 10 years in the military, drinking every day, single, with no goals since the military basically just points you in a direction and let's you go for twenty years. I found out rather dramatically that I'm epileptic and was promptly medically discharged. I had no education beyond what the military had given me, I was a functioning alcoholic, but now I had lost that safety net of the military.
At some point I made it to where you are now and realized if I don't make changes no one is going to do anything for me. I enrolled in school, and got my bachelor's about a year and a half later, stopped drinking, switched jobs to something I had an aptitude for and enjoyed, and kept pushing through. I'm now 36 and I've got an MBA and a PhD, starting another new job and have progressed immensely in my career since I started.
What I learned from my experiences are the following: - no one else is going to do it for you. Whether circumstances are your fault or not, how you respond is up to you. - quitting drinking is hands down the best thing anyone can do for turning their life around. It's a crutch that lowers your inhibitions, takes up valuable time, costs a ton of money, and hinders progression. Quitting will likely be difficult and it will likely take a toll on your social life, but trust me it's for the best. -there are plenty of opportunities for advancements in your career if you just decide you're going to do it. Certifications, formal education, professional development, etc. get creative, there are a lot of self paced programs which I'd recommend like those from WGU as you can make a ton of progress in a very short time (and for cheap) and get that instant gratification, which will help with your motivation issues. (If you're playing games or anything they are just a proxy for this type of gratification in my opinion). - I realized dating was pointless until I could better myself. If you aren't confident in you, why would you think any potential partner would be? Before I bettered myself I only ended up dating people who would take advantage of me and I never felt good enough. It was all a mess. Recommend focusing on building yourself first and then the dating will come much easier later. -i lost something like 35 lbs during this time and I've been able to keep it off. Everyone is different but intermittent fasting worked for me incredibly well, and I'd recommend looking into it if you want to lose any weight.
The changes you're looking to make don't happen overnight, but rber you're going to be 40 in 5 years either way, might as well be the best version you can become in that time.
Good luck on your journey. If you find any of the above helpful, happy to help more if you reach out.
Dr. C
2
Jul 08 '24
Woww You are awesome 💯👏 Not everyone can do this but I really believe when we reach the lowest point of our mind this is what happened. Change for the better Everything will align what's for you little by little. .. Well I'm not in my mid 30's but next year I'm about to be 30. . After turning 29 i felt unmotivated ,no courage to do life but I can't afford to give up I have people who depend on me. I needed to consider a lot of things before giving up but I just cannot allow that as easily as I want . But then it kept hanging in my mind so I decided to resign after 9 yrs.. I don't have a plan yet to act but I have already decided what I needed to do. The resignation of I have been wanting for a long time . It gets clear in my mind that this thing was holding me. Sometimes we just need to do something by not looking at what the outcome is cuz the outcome will eventually happen when you are present of it.. risky but Im glad I did it. I don't have advice to share yet but then I'm looking forward to myself for the better and to those people who are about too. Good luck guys 😁
2
u/zombie_teeth Jul 08 '24
I think you have done one of the harder parts of changing your life already. You’ve identified aspects of your life with which you are not satisfied, and how some of your actions/habits are possibly reinforcing or creating these problems. I similarly needed a change early in my thirties, and now at 40 I am in a much better place in all aspects of my life. This is the only advice I would feel capable of offering in this situation: take whatever final goal you are going to work towards and break it down into a set of goals that you can begin to work on and start now. Beyond that, be kind to yourself and understand that this is a process/journey which will not be completed by tomorrow. Take pride in what you have been able to improve, and be honest with yourself about how and why failures happen. The hardest part for me was patience and being kind to myself (still not good at it). I don’t know if this is a helpful addition to what people have already written. Best of luck to you.
2
u/IGnuGnat Jul 08 '24
I have to start viewing obstacles as what they are - a essential and normal part of life and I should welcome them and not be angry at myself
This is a genuinely healthy way to look at life. We all face obstacles, stranger. It's sort of like living in a big city, and driving somewhere and being upset at the heavy amount of traffic. Firstly if you're on the road, I have news for you: YOU ARE TRAFFIC. Secondly it's a choice, it's not the traffic that's upsetting you, it's that you're making a choice to allow it to upset you. We're all just going for a drive, if we make an effort to enjoy the ride, well really obstacles are actually just interesting things which we encounter along the way.
Be of good cheer, be kind to yourself, set small, regular, consistent daily goals in order to create a habit of being successful, and be kind to yourself if you don't accomplish everything.
Onwards
2
u/coop2k7 Jul 08 '24
I'm currently 35. In 2021 I was severely obese and unhealthy. I started going to the gym. Now I've lost 140 pounds. I have returned to school and have purchased my first home. I realized you choose your suffering so why not suffer to better yourself
3
u/BurntPasquale Jul 07 '24
I've been doing 1-3 for the past 9 months, 33 years old. My life before was not a mess, I was fairly successful in the field I was in and was fairly healthy, but I had been getting lost as I knew it was not truly what I wanted to achieve - I know I am capable of amazing things. I'm finishing up studying for the career I want, have been doing a crazy amount of exercise and lifting this year, stopped drinking, massively reduced my sugar intake, reduced vaping, focused on self-care. My personality has not changed at all, perhaps I'm a little more focused (although all of the above + taking supplements that I'm deficient in has probably improved my mental acuity). One thing I've noticed which is a nice confidence boost - women have started looking at me as I walk along the street, which hasn't happened for a long time. It's been a tough journey, and I feel like there isn't really an 'end point', but I look at where I was a year ago and remember that I made a positive choice to succeed then, and I am going to continue to honour that. Have tried number 4 a little, but the women in this location aren't the type I'm looking for, so planning on starting that when I move in the next few months.
2
u/action_lawyer_comics Jul 07 '24
Good on you to start change. The best time for that is always now. You probably won't be a tech millionaire that gets to sell their company for a billion dollars and marry the girl you loved in college, but you can absolutely make 2024 better than 2023.
I got sober at 28, and went back to school at 35. I was already happily married at that point so that was one less thing to worry about. But I was so glad I did it. Now I'm 40, making a decent sum of money, and am reasonably realized on all of my goals.
Maybe I have to start viewing obstacles as what they are - a essential and normal part of life and I should welcome them
What helped me as I got sober was realizing that obstacles are just that. They're not immutable forces of reality that are cutting off that branch of your future, but something that makes it more challenging but is often surmountable with enough effort. I used to think I was stuck in the career path my degree dictated. And even when I got fired, I still needed to look for the same job that made me miserable. I had to get sober before the radical idea of looking for a different kind of job occurred to me.
You have a plan and some goals, that's great! That's more than I had when I was working on fixing myself. Go ahead and make it happen!
2
u/fuckgoldsendbitcoin Jul 07 '24 edited Jul 07 '24
I'm 33 and I'm just starting the process of trying to get my life turned around. I spent basically my whole life after high school on pause, just working low wage no skill jobs and living with my mom in a codependent relationship and then having to take care of her when she got sick. She passed away last year and while I wish things could have gone differently, I'm now realizing just how much this has freed me. The real catalyst, though, was my friend. He's 4 years younger than me and we met while we both worked a crappy minimum wage job. Then he got a promotion at his current job and he was making double my earnings in a salaried position with real skills he can take anywhere and I was still just working a basic warehouse job. It made me feel depressed like I've never experienced.
Then I got a formal diagnosis of anxiety/depression, got on Welbutrin, and things have been slowly turning around. I'm going to the gym regularly and have lost 25 pounds so far. I'm in class to get my commercial driver's license and looking to start a new career. I'm slowly getting myself out of debt. My apartment is clean and organized for the first time in years now that all my hoarded junk is gone. I even finally lost my virginity at 33 (I paid for it but just having gotten that off my back feels like an accomplishment and I think will help boost my confidence if/when I'm ready to actually get out there dating). And I think most importantly, I don't spend most days thinking about how much of a loser I am. I think in a year or two I could basically be a completely different person.
1
Jul 07 '24
This sounds similar to my situation except I am 32 and continued to workout through the covid years and after. I made the decision to stop drinking for the after the 4th of July and even just 3 days in I can feel my mindset starting to change not just towards alcohol. It bleeds into other areas of your life you don’t realize and I recommend talking to some sober people to see the multitudes of ways it improves your life and overall lifestyle choices.
1
u/Codlatach Jul 07 '24
I signed up to a 12 weeks fitness plan with photoshoot booked at the end as additional motivation. Personal trainer arranged it all and did a complete food plan so I didn't have to think about anything just turn up and stick to the plan.
It's hard at the start when progress is slow but the end results are amazing and I even enjoy exercise now.
Being fit has had a great knock-on effect too. Feeling and looking so much better, meeting new people with similar goals and my favourite is that my house and garden are finally looking good too because I have so much more energy all day long! Also, better quality sleep.
Best of luck!
1
u/nicimichelle Jul 07 '24
My husband and I both have. I did first, followed by him. He still sometimes drinks alcohol but mostly avoids it because he feels so much better on a daily basis. I just had bloodwork done (I’m 38 now) and I went from prediabetic to absolutely perfect bloodwork. That’s not quite as exciting as being ripped and not thinking twice about a bikini, but it’s pretty freaking great to know everything is functioning optimally in there. Start now, it’s possible and once you do, you will not look back.
1
1
1
u/xxxpressyourself Jul 07 '24
I removed myself from the party scene at the end of my 20s by moving far away and starting grad school. I had done it unconsciously because it was a lot worse that I realized. I got a proper mental illness diagnosis that explains a lot about the issues I had before. I also learned how to communicate and empathize with people through grad school and therapy which is a huge achievement for me.
I’m at the end of grad school right now fighting for my life and sanity. I was eating healthier and getting exercise pre pandemic and then grad school got to me so I’m like a limp noodle rn. I also have 2 friends where I live and both of them don’t have time for me so I am lacking in the human interaction department.
I’m planning to start living healthier once I am done with grad school and spending a bit of money on myself since I’ve lived dirt poor the last 6 years. I’m also planning on moving countries for we’ll see but I am reinventing myself soon whether I am ready or not. And finally I plan to make friends and lasting connections with people which is easier said than done but I’ll still try.
1
1
u/meteoraln Jul 07 '24
Try reading a book. What you learn is permanent. Pounds will come and go, and you feel bad or great on some days regardless of alcohol. Knowledge is permanent, and you will never lose it or have it reset. I was 35 years old when I got into reading. As with many things, it’s never too late to start.
1
u/finnanigans Jul 07 '24
I'm 33 and definitely felt stuck in this weird limbo the past three years. Like I was stuck in a ditch and my wheels were just spinning. I had convinced myself I was fine but it was clearly not getting better. The biggest things that helped me were:
1. Finding a good therapist. It took a couple of different ones but I've finally found one that has been extremely helpful. It's hard after some sessions, especially when my therapist confronts me with some of my habits or challenges my mindset, but it's also been very eye-opening. I have gotten to a point where even though I know I have a long way to go until I'm no longer just surviving, but thriving, I know that I'm going to get there someday.
2. I got on medication. Not everyone needs this but I really think it's worth talking to a doctor you trust if you feel like you need help. I had convinced myself for years that my anxiety was normal (because everyone has anxiety!). It wasn't until I had two full blown anxiety attacks and was awake half the night with a mind that wouldn't turn off that I thought "hey, maybe this isn't normal." Talked to a friend who is a doctor who encouraged me to talk to my primary care. Both had the same opinion of "this sounds like it's having a large impact on your life." Got on medication and the difference has been astounding. It, combined with therapy has really changed a lot for me. It's still a journey but it has helped so much.
3. Starting with small lifestyle changes. Making a huge change can feel daunting and that's why we tend to put it off. You don't need to change all of those things at once. Start with what feels comfortable and sustainable. I wanted to get into better shape but the idea of getting a gym membership felt like putting a lot of pressure on myself (if I didn't go 'often enough' I'd feel guilty and demoralized and then the negative feelings would compound). So instead, I started walking around my neighborhood. It gets me outside and I'm getting exercise and it's low stakes if I don't go one or two days and I'm not measuring myself against any metrics. I just go for the sake of getting my body moving. I mapped out myself a 2-mile route with some different options so I'm not always doing the same thing. And it's worked really well. Even just after a few weeks of doing it, I feel better about myself, physically and mentally, and I look forward to taking my walks.
I'll tell you what my doctor told me which is you should be proud of yourself for recognizing you need to change. You're gonna have good days and bad days but you can do it. Don't let a few missed workouts or a couple of beers one night derail your journey. Because that's what it is; it's a journey. There's gonna be peaks and valleys. Some days it's gonna feel like no progress is being made. And that's okay. It happens. I try to think of those days as less of a 'back to start' and more of a 'putting things on pause.' Giving myself the room to trip up occasionally. Because no one is perfect. Expecting perfection is a great way to set yourself up for disappointment. And you shouldn't feel disappointment in yourself. You should feel good and proud of your progress.
1
1
u/MyRoad2Pro Jul 08 '24
I think that instead of always criticizing yourself of your past mistakes, it would be better if you can practice praying for your wanted improvement. It wouldn’t be God or any deities, just something like “I pray that…” it would help you focus on your tasks.
Science shows that praying helps focus your mind and liberate your thoughts. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6369522/
1
u/saltefries Jul 08 '24
I’m late 20s and was smoking so much weed that I was avoiding social functions and almost all of my responsibilities because all I wanted to do was smoke and sit around alone and I ate way too much and gained a ton of weight. I was irritable and not fun to be around most of the time. I recently quit smoking and took up running and signed up for a 10k race this fall so that I have some accountability and am forced to stick with it (I’ve been known to be a bit of a hobby hopper and I’m not good at sticking to things). I’m starting counselling and trying to work on my relationships. I’ve lost almost 20lbs, can run way further than I ever thought possible, and have more energy and motivation and just generally feel happier day to day. Life isn’t perfect by any means, but it’s much better than it was even 5 months ago and I’m so thankful for the improvements!
1
u/Icy_Fly444 Jul 08 '24
I am currently 38 and within the relocated and returned to school. Anything is possible. Set the goals and just go for it
1
u/lazenbybestbond Jul 08 '24
myself (F31) and SO (M49) both quit drinking a year ago! best decision of our lives. we read the book Atomic Habits that also encourages me to get 1% better each day. small changes compounded over time = big results
1
u/elixaduiii Jul 08 '24
Hi, I stopped drinking at 33, 5 years ago. My date is 8 August actually so nearly an anniversary. I was feeling pretty miserable at the same time and I did not find much improvement in the first four months. I was hungry all the time, I couldn't sleep properly, and I was still miserable but now I was sober and miserable.
When I went to my first AA meeting a guy said to me "it will never feel this bad again" and he was right. In the beginning I didn't necessarily feel good but I didn't feel worse. I wasn't a very far gone alcoholic? My experience sounded similar to what you're describing.
My life has improved immensely now. I took one thing at a time. Give yourself more time than 4-5 months to measure improvement. But if you start now, this is the worst it's ever going to be.
1
u/willytk Jul 08 '24
Get a fitness watch, like a good Garmin with sleep tracking, new or used, does’t matter. Start monitoring your sleep patterns, fitness level and body battery. It’s a great coach and a great way to getting fitter, where consistency is the one main ingredient. Find something you enjoy doing and stick to it, preferrably at least twice a week. I recommend a mix of cardio and core training, like all the wonderful programs at www.darebee.com. Use the checklists. Take 30 days at a time.
Once you get into the routine of doing this, it can take 3-6 montha, you’ll feel an itch of not doing the exercising. That’s wherw you want to be.
As a consequence of seeing and feeling the progress, other parts of what you wish for will come naturally, like confidence to talk to other people, sex appeal and extra energy to take on other challenges. You’ll also be motivated to share your wisdom on how you got there with others. Good luck!
1
u/thebeanshadow Jul 08 '24
always had well lower than average testosterone but waited until 31 to have kids and started TRT.
best thing i ever did. having normal hormones helps out more than you could ever imagine.
sometimes you don’t need “motivation” - you just need to be healthy and the rest will just come.
1
u/SaltCompetition1372 Jul 08 '24
30s? Mate, I can promise you that 35 is nothing, I was the same, alcoholic problems, hormones were mangled, lost an 11 year relationship/marriage, no confidence, sick psychologically and physically,
22 stone.
At 41, I’ve lost 7 stone, love the gym and go eod if I can, don’t drink unless it’s a special occasion so the next special occasion gives me weeks if not months to work and be with my new partner who I proposed to after meeting last year after going to primary school together 35 years ago and having no contact really even though we’ve lived 5 mins away for nearly a decade now,
Lost home with marriage and business that I’d taken approx 12 years to learn and to get experience before going out on my own,
Lost friends,
But I never lost faith, even in my darkest moments, I didn’t want to die yet, so my faith and wether your religious or not is up to you but my faith and praying (which was hard because I have an underlying condition to this day that is like intrusive ocd, the time I’ve lost to procrastinating and being reactive instead of proactive……crazy.
But, join a local gym you know you like, if you’re working and not living off family and whatever welfare is available,
Then you’re already 3 or 4 steps in the process.
The right person is out there for you, join online dating apps and you’ll have to wade through some no replies until you feel like it’s a waste of time,
But if you keep it short and sweet, and personal without going into the negative stuff until you can see things you’re telling them from your pov and know they’ll be ok with little bits of life experiences at a time that they’ll/you’d probably want to know about them,
And my biggest bug bearer, I still need to work on, looking people in the eye again.
If you can do that and just motivate yourself to take the initial steps, you’ll be fine.
I’ve 7 1/2 stone off my heaviest and it took work but you’re nowhere near far gone or old mate,
I’m healthier than I was at 31 and 21 and I pray to God that I’ll be healthier again at 51.
Age is just a calendar, there are 30 year olds with the biological age of a 38 year old and v healthy 60 year olds that are healthy and have the biological age of as low as late 30s,
Try not to rely on medication for support and think about what you’re eating without going on a “diet”, make changes so your eating is just better and long term.
Get your testosterone checked.
Don’t beat yourself up but try not to look to the internet for all the answers,
I’m trying to warn you of pitfalls I fell into despite getting better and tbh, reading this,
makes me feel so much more grateful and not at your expense, it puts me back to the place where I need to make the most of every day/opportunity and not to take the ppl you love for granted.
(Btw both of us, myself and my partner still go clubbing and I mean real clubbing, not the edm faux dance music, and neither of us feel or I hope anyway, look old)
Oh yeah, also meant to say, get a good skin care regime on the go now and you’ll be grateful later.
And remember, be grateful, faithful and no boogie man or anything that can hurt you, is coming, it’s just yourself holding yourself back.
Peace ✌🏻
1
u/Smooth_Reward_6919 Jul 08 '24
I joined a community called MTC Education and it’s changed my life.
Everything you have just said… I finally quit alcohol, drugs, got into shape, healthy routines, reading, studying, making more money… it’s been amazing.
Surround yourself with the type of people you want to be like…
1
u/Spyder73 Jul 08 '24 edited Jul 08 '24
Martial Arts is what you seek - will get you in shape, reason not to drink, fun hobby, learn to fight, builds confidence and self worth, ect ect - it has literally zero negatives aside from being physically sore after training and I'd argue that's not even a negative. Some gyms can be pricey I guess is a negative
I joined a kickboxing and taekwondo gym at 39, best decision I've made in forever.
1
1
u/Ambitious-Tea3635 Jul 08 '24
I’m in a similar situation, 34 almost 35. Only I don’t drink, I reckon I’d be worse off if I did.
I work in a dead end job. I’m no where near where I’d always thought I’d be by this age. Other people’s comments get to me like lately someone in my family made comments about me getting older and not being in relationship/ having kids. A friend said I’ll be hitting retirement by the time I finish studying. These comments and perceptions get to me sometimes. I’m a good person and I do a lot for people but yet I’m judged mainly due to not having my own house/partner and kids.
I didn’t finish my first degree due to covid and my father dying. Instead I went for what I wanted for years and applied for the guards. I put 100% into training and studying for it and 2 years later I’m still in limbo with it. So I’ve decided to move on from it. I volunteer with at risk youths and I’m good with older people so I decided to apply for Intellectual disability nursing and Social Care. I got offered Social care as a mature student but I missed the test for the nursing. I don’t think I’ll qualify with my L.C or QQI because I don’t have all the subjects they look for in each category. So I accepted the Social care. Now I’m hearing things like stay away from that, the pay isn’t good and things. Really can’t win! My main goal is to get a job that I’ll get satisfaction from and have to the option to grow and climb the ladder.
It seems like things all come together because then a neighbour of mine said her company are looking for staff and the pay is good if I wanted to apply. I’m debating whether to go for it and save for another year and apply for the nursing course early next year. I might just wait and see what going back to uni will cost.
The way I look at things is that I’ll still be working in my job for the next 3 years going no where. Instead I can study by day and continue to work in the evenings and work on improving myself. Then down the line move into work that I’ll find more satisfying and have the opportunity to continue learning.
I put myself out there by taking part in sports mostly just to meet other people and have fun. I go to the gym a few days a week and the sauna/hot tub after where I chat to some of the regulars.
I’m reading books on how to communicate better and improve my self confidence. I suffered with anxiety for while after I was attacked so it really knocked my confidence and self-esteem. I got help with that but I still feel I need to build my confidence up.
I also took up running and a few weeks ago and took part in my first race. It was pretty cool and I felt great after completing it knowing my hard work paid off.
I cut out a lot of crap food and started eating more fruits/veggies. I’ve been learning how to cook new recipes but I will still enjoy eating out or getting a takeaway sometimes.
For the last few years mainly since Covid I learned about some savings techniques and paying off debt. I paid off my car early and my student loans. I’ve 0 debt now and building my savings. I’m also trying to learn more about investments and pensions etc for my later years.
The main thing I’d recommend is making small changes over time, don’t try to do it all at once because motivation will fall and it’s easy to go back into old habits. Do the things that are best for you and be open to trying new things.
I recently tried Reiki group sessions and found it to be so relaxing and accepting. We practiced gratitude journaling, candle ceremony, card pulling and meditation. I prob would’ve laughed at this before and thought moving energy was just nuts but now I’m more open to trying things. You meet all sort of people going through different things and there’s no judgement.
I’m much happier in myself by doing my own thing away from the people who are so quick to judge me. I also noticed I’m more confident doing my own thing. I finished school and went to uni etc because of pressure from others when I knew myself I wasn’t ready and I didn’t have a clue what I wanted to do there. I felt like while I did learn a lot and it opened my mind up I still wasted some of my time and money just because I was pressured into it.
All of the things I’m learning and improving on I watch YouTube vids, listen to podcasts and I read/listen to books.
I wish you the best of luck on your journey and I hope you get to where you want too :)
1
u/Taliesin_Chris Jul 08 '24
Went through this like 20 years ago.
Alcohol. Thank Daniel Radcliffe for me on this one. Realizing that it's OK to just not be into it even when everyone else was let me go "Hang on, this isn't what we're supposed to do?" I didn't just stop cold turkey on it, but it did kill it eventually as I just stopped worrying about having drinks with people, meeting dates at bars, or trying to 'get out of the house' by going to a bar.
Good luck! I'm not quite there yet, but I also never really got back in shape after surgery in my 30s, and I'm about to turn 50. I try sometimes, but work on the nerves in the spine are hard for me to get past as I just don't have full functionality anymore.
Just start taking IT jobs and work on your own stuff at home. Do you want to do hardware, software, networking, etc? Network with people you know, and keep at it. Every one of my IT jobs I got (without a degree amazingly) is because I met someone who recommended me at the next place. Who you know matters a lot.
Do it now. Dating is something that takes practice. Maybe don't worry about your first pick yet, just get out there and go out with some people. It will go horribly, and you will have some great stories. With a thicker skin and better self value after parts 1 and 2, start going for people you're really, really interested in.
Tips to help:
Take a shower every day. Maybe twice. Even if you don't think you need one, it's such a mood lifter, it's worth it.
Find a workout that speaks to you. I like Martial Arts for that. You'll have to find what one you think about when you're not doing it. It should excite your brain as much as your body. So, like, weightlifting doesn't do it for me, I'm just not interested in the minutia of how to get better. But with Karate, I think about new drills I could try, different ways of just doing it at the house, etc.
Find a buddy. Guy, girl, dog, doesn't matter. Someone to talk to on the regular. If it's a person, set aside time you're going to hang out. Even if it's just online gaming. Let them be someone you can be open with, and vice versa. When you have a bad date they go "fuck them" and then go blow something up in what ever game you want. Or what ever you do for fun. Fishing? What ever.
Failure is part of the process. When you have a bad day, or miss a day, that's going to happen. Be OK with it, but then get back into it the next day. Forgive yourself a slack day, but push it the next to make sure slacking isn't the habbit.
Practice doesn't make perfect, it makes permanent. Just keep doing what you want to be, until you are. It's not any harder than that. The energy to do what you want? Oof. That's a tough one.
Corollary to 4. If you find yourself at the end of the day, and basically blew it. Do one situp. One push up. One... something. Don't let yourself feel like the day is a waste completely.
6.5 You'll find you rarely actually do just one. Doing one makes you go "well, I'm already started, might as well do a little more" a lot of the time. And when it doesn't, you must really need the break. Take it.
1
u/improveMeASAP Jul 08 '24
I’m 38 and Id love nothing more than to become a beloved, respected gamedev and/or writer but when I sit to try resistance gets in the way and I dont know how to stop it. Lets both win together
1
u/PracticalControl7464 Jul 09 '24
From a 52 year old- please be gentle with yourself. One step at a time, and no offense, but dating needs to be the last priority. I was in the addiction field for many years and one rule of recovery is not to date unless you have a year under your belt. Feeling your feelings, learning to love yourself and examining what the alcohol does for you are key. Many people need help to get into recovery and there is no shame in that game. Look inward at yourself and give yourself grace. Looking at other’s lives and accomplishments gets you nowhere- and you really never know their full story anyway. All the best to you! Hugs!
1
u/antonboomboomjenkins Jul 09 '24
Turn 40 this year. At 36 I quit alcohol, lost 90lbs, moved out west and started school in a health-related field. You gotta be motivated, persistent, and consistent. I didn’t get in a hole in one day or one year so don’t get frustrated when things aren’t happening as fast as you’d want.
1
u/Glad-Speech-7733 Jul 09 '24
I’m 33 almost 34 and I stopped drinking a year ago. I lost almost 40 pounds and finally had the time and energy to prioritize my mental health that I had been ignoring for my entire adult life. I am by no means perfect and I am still trying to figure out what to do with my life but I told myself when I stopped drinking to give myself a year of not putting any added pressure on myself and to just try to be happy and healthy. I think a lot of people try to do too much at once. Give yourself grace, stop the booze first, let your body and mind heal. Do it for yourself and not to live up to societies ideals of what success looks like. Rely on the friends and family you have that will love and support you and if you don’t have that AA is a great resource to find people who will do that.
1
u/ZoukDragneel Jul 10 '24
At 37 I hated my life from 9-5. Felt stuck and ashamed of my 9 failed businesses. I knew I wanted more but the truth is I was not uncomfortable enough to do anything serious about it.
I decided to give it one more shot. I got a business mentor and a Mindset coach. I learned sales and marketing. 5 years later ai had my first 6 figure year.
Now I work about 3hrs a day. And last week I just booked the flights for my 3rd vacation trip of the year with my wife.
It wasn't easy but I'd do it again to get here.
You can do it too! At 30, at 40, at 50, even at 70. Just start and don't stop even when you still can't see the results.
Books like Psychocybernetics and Atomic Habits will help you get started in the right direction.
1
u/BlackberryNeither989 Jul 10 '24
I would recommend starting to listen to some podcasts... there's a lot of really transformative information and practices out there. Some of my favorites are Diary of a CEO, Rich Roll, and Joey's Performance Tune Up. The key I find is to apply what you hear, don't just let it live as information
1
u/BreedleBri Jul 10 '24
You are doing something I lime to call "improvement in retrograde." It is not an astrology thing beyond meaning that you are looking at the wrong perspective to see yourself moving forward. The fact that you're addressing it at all is walking in the right direction.
I flipped my worldview, and then my life came together. In that order. As long as you see yourself moving backward, you will be unmotivated to change at all. You are measuring yourself to other people's standards, so throw that out the window and reassess what's important to you for your reasons. You have already started, and I'm already impressed. It takes a lot to admit something needs to change.
Step 1 for me: find a way to keep yourself accountable. I got a councilor, but I know that doesn't work for everyone. Make a goal chart. Ask a friend to ask you about progress monthly. Keep a journal of your progress. Whatever it takes to see what you are doing to move forward and what you're willing to change as you do.
Step 2: irreversible action. I applied to college and declared it out of my hands. What's done is done, and it's no longer my decision. Then I was told what the schools thought and went from there. If you're out of school for 5 or more years, then there are ways to get credit for years of work experience, and there are programs for mature students. Don't measure yourself to fresh high-school graduates cause that's the wrong perspective for a 34yo. You could also apply to fantasy jobs or just different jobs that you don't nessisarily think you'll get but it's always worth it to ask and if you get a "no" and the opportunity to talk then ask why. Find out what needs to change to get where you want to be.
Step 3: "Not in shambles" is not a good standard for finding a way to be content. Raise the bar for what you're willing to live with and what you want. You're not happy with where you are, but then you're not motivated to change cause it's "not that bad" or "could be worse"
Step 3: Find what doesn't work. You won't find what makes you happy until you try stuff. You will find shit that sucks more than you will find shit that's awesome, just statistically. Not every solution is a good one, but don't give up after one try. Your life isn't over, so you still have time. Use it. Accept some things suck and move on.
Step 4: Happiness is not the goal. Living with yourself contently is the goal. Happiness is fleeting moments that are awesome. Being content is a state of being and consistency. You will be sad and angry and happy, and you will be able to live with it cause statistically your life is positive. Hopefully. If not, change something.
That's what works for ma anyway
0
u/redRabbitRumrunner Jul 07 '24
This is the path of every 29 year old. By 39, you realize your life path is meaningless and go back to embracing vices. You find the acceptance of self is itself rewarding.
-7
u/chevalierbayard Jul 07 '24
Just note that you're in your mid-30s now and in shape is going to look different than in your mid or late 20s. Your metabolism has changed. I'm arguably more fit than I've never been. But sometimes I look at my silhouette and it just looks... different. Almost unfamiliar. It doesn't look bad, just different.
4
u/Kozchey Jul 07 '24
my Team Leader/direct manager is 42 and definitely has a young posture. But I know what you mean, and I am aware. When I am not fat and have no belly and just a bit bulky from working out I look the best regardless of age.
202
u/SweetNewSunday7 Jul 07 '24
I started my whole life over at 30 - moved, went back to school to obtain a different degree, changed jobs, etc. All my friends had finished college by this time and were getting married, moving forward with their lives, whereas I felt i was going backward. It was a crush to my ego to say the least.
During this time, I was plagued with self doubt and had to remind myself of the bigger picture - what it was I wanted to achieve - a life for myself that could afford me the ability to not depend on anyone or anything.
When the days were rough, I kept reminding myself of this mantra I had read somewhere, "Be happy with what you have, while you pursue all that you want."
I apply this to not just career driven goals, but to my overall goals for life in general. It is called "the pursuit of happiness" for a reason. The path is ever-changing.