r/GetMotivated • u/jmh238 • Jan 13 '24
STORY [Story] Alcohol addiction, nearly 300 days sober, life has never been better
When I was a child, I watched my uncle spiral into crazy drug addiction. To see the affect that had on my family (parents/grandparents) was horrible. A good man, taken by addiction, with no return.
I have no idea where he is now, or what he is doing, but this was the catalyst for me to never touch drugs. And I still never have.
But, 12 months ago, it was like I had an epiphany. I was a "heavy-ish" drinker of alcohol, all around social settings - but these social settings turned into 4-5 days a week. Dinners, steak nights, pubs, bards, wine bars - you name it, and I found an excuse to be there.
It got so bad, that it was affecting my life in a very negative way. I destroyed 2 previous relationships, got fired from my previous job, and quit my other job because it didn't suit my lifestyle.
But this lifestyle was quickly becoming an addiction, and one that had been brewing for a long time.
I had just got a new partner, and she is amazing. But we had a fight in March, that would not have been a fight had I been sober - when I get drunk, I get argumentative and demonstrative. To see the outcome of this, and be staring down the barrel of another relationship torched, I decided then and there to make a change.
I am now approaching 300 days sober, am in a very happy and committed relationship, have started a company that I have wanted to start for years, and am about to launch our first product (it's an app). I have read close to 40 books in the last 12 months, have not been to a pub or bar, learned to code, got in the best shape of my life, and feel extremely fulfilled.
I am about to launch a weekly podcast interviewing guests about their struggles, and started a newsletter called The Non Alcoholics of which is scaling faster than I thought.
Essentially, I have discovered, at the age of 33, that you do not need alcohol to have fun, and to be happy. For so long, I thought I needed to drink - but I don't.
I'd love this story to be a source of motivation for people reading it. But I'd also like to pose the question - have you thought about giving up alcohol? If so, did you, and why? And if you have thought about it, but not given up, why?
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u/VimtoBonBon23 Jan 13 '24
I'm six months sober as of 9th Jan. Similar to you. Grew up around addiction. Lead to me having a poor relationship with booze and drugs. Went to uni and my drinking increased to nearly every day socially. My brother died during my time at uni and my drinking habits didn't change but the reason I drank did.
Left uni and worked in London every since. Drank and used coke heavily for 5 or so years. Also in an industry where it's normalised and even celebrated.
Continuously tried and failed to have sober stints. A month here, a quarter there until summer of last year I had my thirtieth birthday and after that and some therapy decided I was done.
My entire mindset has changed, my relationship has improved, my friends, family, colleagues, mentors and acquaintances are all astounded, impressed and supportive. I sleep better, eat better, save money, feel calm.
I'm mentally, physically and financially just a better person without drink and coke and a decade after my brother dying I can truly say I've finally come to terms with my grief in a healthy way.
It's the biggest life hack ever and I feel like I've been reborn.
To anyone who has, thanks for reading 👍
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u/slend3r Jan 13 '24
Congratulations - this is another wonderful story to hear. Coke and booze are a death spiral and to overcome this is a massive achievement. Well done.
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u/AngryFace1986 Jan 13 '24
How did you finally stop? I’ve had periods of sobriety that have lasted for a few days/weeks here or there but I always end up back to drinking again. What made the change for you?
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u/VimtoBonBon23 Jan 13 '24
TLDR : constant internal reinforcement, speaking it into existence with others, understanding my triggers and thinking critically about why I felt the way I did, journalling, therapy, replacing old habits with new ones.
I had been in denial every stint I had. My inner voice was peer pressuring me constantly saying I had a handle on moderation and stuff now that I was a month sober etc. honestly I wish I had a secret but doing it over and over and battling my inner demons until my inner voice changed was the only cure.
Instead of being at an event and hearing drink drink drink, you're boring, you're sad, you're agitated, drink to forget. And then submitting because I wasn't committed.
I hear this in my head now and respond with yes but, "you aren't bored because you're with your friends, you aren't sad because you're missing nothing by adding drink to this equation, you aren't agitated you're just experiencing fomo which is fine but unwarranted because you're still here and happy" etc.
Making it known verbally and bringing it to reality by telling everyone when they asked me why I was doing it the positives of why created a support network around me too.
Additionally when I was alone I would justify anything with drinking. Happy, let's celebrate, sad, let's forget, good commission at work, drink, terrible month of work, drink. Event, drink. No event, drink.
By noticing my triggers I'd then replace everything for new habits. Bored? Gym. Agitated? Read/gym/visit friends/walk etc. a lot of the time I'm just hungry/thirsty/tired.
Thinking critically and journalling my thoughts before and after moments of weakness and having a mantra. (I chose "this is the way" as a mandolorian fan, and repeating it incessantly in my head until the urges stopped also helped.
Finally. Replacing habits with new ones is always good. Gaming, gym, cooking, working harder, reading, watching movies and series, golfing, climbing, running and gamifying the time spent sober by having a clock app I could check all helped.
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u/ThisOldArk Jan 13 '24
I've had a difficult time deciding what I need to do and sticking to it for a long time and what has been making the biggest difference is differentiating who is ultimately making the decisions in your life. Is it you, with your best interests in mind and ultimate decision making power, or is it the vices that have grown over time and have been influencing, manipulating and undermining your decisions?
I've started vizualizing myself as the man in the chair making the ultimate decision, and when the drink or weed or laziness or horrible eating habits try to sway me into giving in and giving up I see it as an influence that I can separate and reject. I know what I want and need to do, and you've been entertaining these influences and letting them tell you whats important long enough and you can choose who you listen to and when you've had enough of bad influences.
I have never had more success than when the thought of a beer or a joint comes into my head and I ask myself, "who let you back in here to tell me what to do, I don't want you here and you aren't allowed to tell me what to do" and I imagine sending that vice out the door and closing it.
I stopped just letting them in and running the place, and when I feel their presence I stop what i'm doing and I acknowledge that i'm the boss and I said get the fuck out already and leave me alone to be the person I need to be. That won't work for everyone of course, but the idea of separation of you and your vices and the absolute refusal to even bounce that bad idea around your head and sway you and instead throwing it out like an unwanted guest has held a lot of power with me
You're the boss, you know what you need and if you need to stop drinking then pick that little shit up by the scruff of its neck, say shut up and get out because you aren't welcome here and never will be again.
Housekeep your state of mind and only let in what you want to be there. The more I do this the less power my vices have, I can feel them withering away by the day with every rejection and I can isolate and crush these impulses because I know what they are and I know that they dont make decisions for me because they aren't me.
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u/mrtambman Jan 13 '24
Going to jump in: talk therapy helped me, and my therapist has background in addiction counseling. I am fortunate to have good insurance, but find someone(s) to talk to regularly (group, one on one, zoom, whatever), no one can do it alone.
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u/bayyCreates Jan 13 '24
31 years old here
325 days alcohol free - just counted
100% agree about the epiphany, happened to me
Something just “clicked” and I realized it was alcohol that was holding me back. Glad you’re prospering too!
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Jan 13 '24
[deleted]
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u/cossack1984 Jan 13 '24
You are with a wrong person
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u/RaytheonOrion Jan 13 '24
This is the tough pill that makes it impossible for most people to quit. Cutting people off, especially friends and family, seems unreasonable. But when you imagine how slowly and painfully you could descend, it’s not that dramatic.
I immigrated to make a defined change & still today don’t really have a community/ extended family like I used to. Went back recently & many of my old connections have descended firmly into their alcoholism. Makes it harder to accept when these people still have moderately functional lives/careers.
One of my close family members (someone who I trust and respect dearly as they helped me during my formative years) recently told me that their doctor told them they have the liver of a 65year old alcoholic. They’re in their late 40s.
Another close friend starts drinking at 4pm everyday. If we hadn’t made plans in advance I’d have to endure him in whatever state he was in. He was quite accommodating in that he told me that he was an alcoholic and that this was his life now and that if i wanted to see him I’d have to deal. He wouldn’t agree to be around my child though, as he wasn’t comfortable being drunk around children.
My mother in laws gardener recently got arrested for beating his wife. This man is innocent and the real story was that the wife stole his Christmas pay and drank it. He was upset and yelled at her, so she hit herself till she bruised and cried to her landlord who then called the cops on him. He has children with her, so can’t really leave her. But now he has to deal with having a case against him. He is a good man who has sent 3 daughters to university on a gardeners salary no less.
It gets wild. I have too many stories like this.
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u/jibbidyjamma Jan 13 '24 edited Jan 13 '24
Yes I must agree unfortunate as it is we make bad decisions and social cues have us ending up with people that behave like we do, and that could be it. I would have a discussion surrounding the bigger issue. if she's capable of understanding, you should be able to part amicably. It may end up just planting a seed of opportunity for her to look at her life.
One thing never discussed it appears is the fact that regular alcohol use is putting a central nervous system depressant into your physical calendar. This results in having a general lack of imagination and negative lenses, so fulfillment is not possible. I hate to give you the gloom and doom about your choice but **** happens. Importantly: You are not alone or unique with this problem. Same course may not end well as it further presents a frustration can arise wherein extremes you read about statistically happen.
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u/Vosz_ Jan 13 '24
Sparkling water is my cheat code for pubs and night outs. You might or might not end up drinking litres of it per night though.
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u/sonicsludge Jan 13 '24
Keep it up. Your brain is still healing, and it only gets better. My first year sober was the first year of COVID when my sober living shut it's doors. I just look at it as an allergy, which it is, and can be around it and even play bartender. Fuck alcohol, never again.
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Jan 13 '24
I applaud you, I am several weeks free of alcohol and now 9 days free of marijuana and I haven't felt this good in years. Yes, years!
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u/friskyyplatypus Jan 13 '24
Stopped drinking 11/22/22. Best decision I ever made. Waking up without a hangover is the best feeling and I get to do it every day. Congrats and keep up the good work!
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u/Mantooth77 Jan 13 '24
Haven’t quit but thought about it many times. I am dry this January in part just to show myself that I can.
Alcohol hasn’t affected me to the extent that it has you, but it has definitely to a degree. Just a bit more subtle. In some ways, I feel that is even more dangerous. Holds me back from achieving my life goals but doesn’t destroy my career and social fabric.
I was with some friends the other day when I turned down a drink and the reason why. One said “I don’t understand that.” Yet, never asked why.
We have our reasons, brother. Good on you and thanks for sharing!
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u/I-Call-Everyone-Ken Jan 13 '24
One said “I don’t understand that.”
And that’s ok, Ken. I find that what we do for ourselves, others don’t need to understand. They can accept it and understand, but if they don’t, they don’t need to.
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u/IGNSolar7 Jan 13 '24
I take 2-3 months off every year. And it's impossible to keep going, because I'm so lonely when I do it.
The only way to maintain a social life as a single guy in his 30s is to drink. That's what people do. Don't get me wrong, I support you. But you, like many others who stop drinking, do it for their kids or their spouses. When I stop drinking, I sit at home alone, away from alcohol. It's pure isolation.
When I try to go out, everyone else is having fun and I'm not.
That's my "why," as you've asked.
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u/SolarAfro Jan 13 '24
Hello hello! I appreciate I’m a random stranger online and can’t appreciate the nuances/intricacies of your experience. So apologies if you’ve already tried this!
I’m a single dude in my thirties who’s used to going out to bars/pubs/events alone to meet people. I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to do that whilst sober. However lots of bars etc have ‘alcohol free’ options of popular alcoholic drinks/spirits etc. Some of them taste pretty good! So I order those instead now when I go out. For example I went to a speed-dating event last night and was drinking non-alcoholic cider, and no-one cared.
Could be something to try if you haven’t considered already?
All the best!
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u/IGNSolar7 Jan 13 '24
I appreciate it, but the problem is, I actively enjoy drinking, and want to drink. So whether it's a fake beer, mocktail, or water, doesn't really matter... I still have to white knuckle it and feel like I'm missing out. It's easier to stay home.
I always liken it to going to an arcade as a kid for a birthday party and being the only kid without any tokens. Sure I can still have fun in my own way but at the end of the day I'm just stuck watching everyone do what we're there to do.
Some will say to find other activities, which is fair, but in adulthood it's much much harder to get someone to go out for a meal, watch sports, play video games, or go to a movie than it is to meet up for a couple of beers on our way home from work. No one sits around each others' houses anymore, in fact it's more inconvenient since work may be in the city center but our houses are on opposite sides of the city.
All in all none of my friends care that I drink, but they do and if I'm not, it's up to me to deal with the desire to do so.
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Jan 13 '24
Congrats! I just hit 13 months sober and, like you, grew up around it. Literally no one thought I could be an alcoholic because I wasn't like my dad and his ability to drink. But you don't have to get bad enough that everyone thinks you need to quit!
But way to turn around the page!
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u/MotoM13 Jan 13 '24
I had a couple beers for the first time in AWHILE with my dad last night. I absolutely hated life this morning lol. Was not worth it at all.
Good for you on the sobriety
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u/MizSanguine Jan 13 '24
Proud of you for making the decision to not drink every day. It takes effort every day.
I've also been sober for about 450 days. Being sober wasn't initially my choice but I've since accepted it. What started it was a biking accident that resulted in severe traumatic brain injury. Abstaining from alcohol was stressed as an important part of the healing process.
Alcohol was the cause of the accident and that gets left out of the story a lot. My blood alcohol level was high. I don't remember being drunk but I don't remember a lot for about two weeks. Prior to accident I drank to ease my depression. I drank for relief from the negative thoughts; from trauma. The negative rumination didn't stop when drunk; but if I drank enough I didn't remember them. I was under the delusion if I didn't drink in social situations people would assume the worst.
Being coerced to stop has been one the best outcomes of my TBI. Now is a great time to go sober because it's literally trending. Alcohol free beers have lots of variety and are available in major stores. While menus have alcohol beverage talking to the waiter/bartender there's some fun n/a mix drink they enjoy. If temptations get too strong I've also ordered something off the dessert menu, a treat I never did before becoming sober.
It's a daily battle to resist temptations. Holiday season is the worst. I've had to navigate a lot. It's worth it though. Not having sour days or massive hangovers have been great.
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u/North-Zoe Jan 14 '24
Thank you for the great ideas! Good point to mention ‘that’s it’s trending’! It’s a good thought to latch on to when you feel like giving into the temptation!
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u/D3th2Aw3 Jan 13 '24
Congrats! 300 days is a huge accomplishment. Life certainly never gets easy, but it's much more manageable.
My uncle and grandfather commited suicide when they were 19 and 42. My brother has had a lifelong battle with addiction and my father is struggling with alcohol himself currently. It certainly would have taken my life if I didn't successfully let it go.
My twenties were like a revolving door between psych wards and halfway houses/treatment centers. I couldn't hold a full or even part time job. I had multiple suicide attempts, totalled two vehicles, got tased once, ruined countless relationships, just pure insanity. I just turned 34 myself and will be 4 years sober in April. I am engaged to a woman who stuck by my side through thick and thin for a decade (wouldn't be alive without her), will be graduating from a decent college program in the spring, and we just closed on our first home in December.
I always have this feeling like I am one decision away from imploding my life, but as the days go by it has been easier. Keep at it, some people tolerate liquor and some people just can't. I'm unfortunately one of those who just can't and never will. Truth be told I don't miss it. I'm sure I'll be tested in the future with whatever curve balls life throws my way, but hopefully I am equipped to deal with it. Good job, you got this. And if you do ever slip (not saying you will, I did many many times though), just pick yourself back up and keep moving forward.
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u/An_Appropriate_Post Jan 13 '24
My first year sober from being a regular and heavy cannabis user.
There are days where I absolutely want a joint and it becomes hard to focus. But, those will come and I’ve worked hard enough to get where I am that no matter how strong they are, they feel like a badly tuned radio - strong but full of static. They won’t ever go away, I think, but I live life a lot more fulfilled without it than with it.
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u/the_most_fortunate Jan 13 '24
Just passed 5 years sober. I work in the liquor industry so I'm often the odd one out, but if you can get sober while being around alcohol all the time it makes you quite resilient down the road.
Good luck to anyone who thinks they are ready to give sobriety a try! It changed my life in so many positive ways. I used to struggle with depression and anxiety and getting sober almost treated those instantly (within the first year). I started eating better, exercising, read so many great books and wrote a couple of my own!
I drank 10-20 drinks of whiskey each day in a place where it's quite expensive to drink and according to my sobriety app I've saved about $30,000 CAD since I quit 5 years ago. From a financial standpoint alone it's well worth it.
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u/synonymscrolls Mar 09 '24
Pretty surreal that I'm 33 and just searched "Sober 300" of my own volition to get here.
Right on man. A fantastic idea executed to perfection.
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u/LiveFreeBeWell Jan 13 '24 edited Jan 13 '24
Worst mistake ever, didn't your momma ever teach you that age-old maxim to 'never give up', once you start something, don't be a bitch and become a quitter, see it through to the end :)
In all seriousness, props for pulling through and moving on to better ways of being and relating, maladaptively coping via self-anesthetization only problematizes matters, no matter how much you numb the pain and drown the sorrows, they will always remain until we process them, catharsis is central, commiseration is crucial, both instrumental in working through and moving beyond the pain from yesterday that is holding us back, keeping us from the better days ahead. So, respect, for keeping your head up and your heart open, and not letting the hurt get the best of you, may you enjoy the rest of your journey to the utmost and live a life of love, for the journey is the destination and love is the way.
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u/cgraves77 Jan 13 '24
Congratulations. Do not get in your head about 1yr. Do not let the disease tell you that you can manage it better now.. it’s just 1day at a time. Today is day 6,121 sober… yet, just another day. Glad you made it thru. It says what a truly strong, resilient person you are. The trials build character and perspective and the stability in sobriety builds a life. Proud of you. 1 day at a time.
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u/Jswazy Jan 13 '24
Congratulations! Being addicted to something sounds terrible. Awesome you were able to stop and it's worked out.
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u/slend3r Jan 13 '24
This is a beautiful, fantastic story of success and you should be very proud of yourself. Where did you learn to code and do you think that helped occupy your mind to keep you going?
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u/kyswyrd Jan 13 '24
Look, if I had a bard coming for a private concert, I would get smashed on that ale too.
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Jan 13 '24
Would you say some brain fog cleared up, as well as you have more energy to do everything you started doing ?
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u/jibbidyjamma Jan 13 '24
yep my pop and his brother proved to be an example of failure and extreme emotions in my earliest years. Peer pressure in my teens put me into alcohol regardless of me understanding the risk. I wanted to just smoke weed but fell to peer pressure and by 22 was sleeping underneath bridges. That was 45 years ago, never wavered. So the most extraordinary discoveries that I've made in life and pursuits that I've been enabled to have contrast against where I was going. pura vida
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u/lifesrelentless Jan 13 '24
Hey if you need a guest for your podcast. Hit me up, Im 34. Originally from the UK, although live in Canada now. Good job in your success
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u/pete1729 Jan 13 '24
Excellent, you are giving more importance to the ways you are better than the days you are better. Keep going.
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u/giraffe_legs Jan 13 '24
Mine is the opposite. I quit and have never been more depressed in life. Fully medicated. 500 plus days.
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u/ReachUniverse Jan 13 '24
still depressed?
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u/giraffe_legs Jan 13 '24
Oh yeah. Lamictal helps but to be fair it's been a pretty rough 4 months that might be contributing to it cuz I can't just get a pint and play a good video game or something. Also everything is boring now I never want to watch TV never want to play games because it doesn't interest me at all.
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u/TheBurbs666 1 Jan 13 '24
Good for you op !!! I slowed way way down on drinking. Over the past 8 months I’ll maybe have a beer or two once a month. I became a weekend warrior over the pandemic. It was never reckless but not good either.
I got so sick of feeling like shit all the time, hangovers and depleted energy the next day that it just isn’t fun/worth it to me anymore. Maybe it’s what I’ve seen what alcohol addiction can do with family history ?
But I’m lucky to have been able to quit with out much resistance. Anytime I think of alcohol now I feel nauseous. There is absolutely no desire and it feels great.
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u/mrtambman Jan 13 '24
Well done. I quit drinking when my little girl was born (4 1/2 years!?!?!?) and it saved my life. Like you, I was functional but failing, it was such a positive change.
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u/GuyanaFlavorAid Jan 13 '24
Congrats on being sober! About 9 months here and yes, I do feel loads better. What really sucked was realizing that I'm not at all a physical addict like some people, and I don't have a compulsion to drink. Coming back to my life made me realize that it's the people in it, specifically one person.....that was why I chose to cope with alcohol. I have made a lot of progress in dealing with that person, finding out how to get around their behavior and also minimize the other stressors in my life. I know that drinking doesn't help a situation, but coming back from serious alcoholism and remembering exactly why you ran away.....and fixing that major problem aaaaaaaaaand the situation is still shitty because.....it was shitty before drinking! Only now you have to deal with it straight. I gave it up hoping that would help. It did not help remotely as much as I thought it would. Just being healthy is worth it, but I still feel like I got fucking ripped off because usually in the aftermath of someone giving up something that serious (another few years and serious health problems would have kicked in, I was advised to go through a medical detox, I just did it myself) has people appreciative on the other side. And then you realize it was just a convenient thing for them to blame. And they still aren't happy, still aren't happy with you and you're fucking stuck in it. That's a hell of a great thing to come back to earth for. If you're drinking for physical addiction reasons or genetic proclivity, get into a 12 step program. If you're drinking to cope, develop different coping mechanisms. And if you aren't in too deep, get away from people who make you feel that way.
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Jan 13 '24
I've been sober for 4 months now. I am an introverted person and I don't feel comfortable around people I don't know, so I used to drink to help me become more social at gatherings. However, this sometimes turned into binge drinking because when I reached a certain level of drunk my social anxiety would completely disappear and I felt like I could be the fun, extroverted person that everyone loves. I've greatly improved my social skills since then and have challenged myself to engage more in conversations with people I don't know. I've been to several different social gatherings and have not felt the need to drink despite alcohol being present at all of these events. I don't judge other people for drinking socially, but it does feel incredible not having to rely on alcohol to have fun and also not having hangovers or feelings of regret and embarrassment the day after drinking too much.
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u/voltechs Jan 13 '24
I hit my one year mark and I’m only a few steps behind. Taking care of some duty to my nation first but been reading a lot more, getting into better shape, and finally starting to seriously contemplate starting my own business that I’ve wanted to for years. I feel great mostly, but I struggle with some waves of feeling down. I think mostly a result of burn out from giving a company everything I had for 8 years and getting the short end of the stick there.
Anyway, congrats friend. You done good.
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Jan 13 '24
I'm newly sober (won't share how long because it's still relatively new) and am currently on day 4 of 75 hard. So there you go
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u/MooZell Jan 14 '24
My husband and I put the bottle down in September 2021... best thing we have ever done! Just last night, i had the insight that giving up alcohol was an evolutionary step for me. My whole consciousness changed, and i was finally able to step out of my trauma void and begin to heal for the first time in my life. (I had quite a bit of help from psilocybin here as well).
We are also currently 14 days clean of the crutch we used to replace the alcohol in our lives. Weed was a very good friend of mine, but i need to walk away for a while, one day at a time. There is too much i want to do, and my addictive personality finds reasons to rather do nothing. I have had enough of that now.
Now, i am cutting down my sugar intake as well. And cutting down on caffeine.
This was a great post OP, thanks for sharing. I will share this on my sober community sub for inspiration! ☕️✌️🇿🇦
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u/Deepseagrasshopper Jan 14 '24
Thanks for posting, I'm currently on a similar journey at age 34. I needed to hear this.
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u/Titsona-Bullmoose Jan 14 '24
So you abused a substance uncontrollably and had negative consequences, who would have thought?
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u/Redcolt1188 Jan 14 '24
Lost my dad to alcoholism. Don’t know you but I’m glad you beat the addiction.
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u/Maldi_tof-guy Jan 14 '24
Congrats! I also struggle with alcohol that has cost me so much in my life. It has cost me my marriage of 10 years (together 17, I am 35 so half my life has been with my wife.) The divorce is literally tearing me to pieces which makes it even harder to abstain. my job has suffered as well to the point I had to take medical leave. It’s so destructive. Praying for all those still suffering in their addiction.
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u/Anchors_Away Jan 13 '24
My husband and I just celebrated 6.5 years alcohol free on the 8th. Best decision we ever made. Literally changed everything and gave us a second chance at life :)