r/GetMotivated • u/jmh238 • Dec 26 '23
STORY 256 days sober and my life has drastically changed [Story]
I see a lot of posts in here of people asking for advice, or talking about themselves in a situation they can't see themselves getting out of.
I was that person 12 months ago. I am a pretty fit, healthy, ambitious 32 year old guy, but I had a big problem with alcohol. This problem wasn't your traditional problem, in terms of just relying on alcohol. But a problem that I hated the person I became when I would drink.
For me, drinking was the thing the social occasions centred around. I live in Australia, and pretty much every time I would catch up with friends, it was around alcohol. Bars, Pubs, clubs. It is a social problem, well it was for me.
It got to March, and after a big summer of drinking way too much, I looked at my life. I turned 32, had a good job, but my life was heading down a path I did not want to be going down. Relationship after relationship failed. Friendships sometimes fractured. And a constant cycle of living for the fun "drunk" nights. It came to a a point where I got out a piece of paper, and wrote down every bad thing in my life or negative action. Every single one of these things I could relate back to alcohol. So, essentially, every negative moment in my life I had been drinking, or alcohol was involved. It blew me away.
I knew the person I wanted to be. A calm, driven, fit, motivated, and "good" person. Someone who can be relied upon, and who people looked up to. I didn't want to just "fit in", and be like everyone else. I knew my life would continue to self-destruct, and I would constantly disappoint people.
So, on April 13, I gave up alcohol for good. And my life is beyond my wildest dreams now. I am in the best shape of my life physically. I quit my job, and started a tech company I have wanted to do for 3 years. We are now about to launch, and we have 8 employees. I have a stable and fulfilling relationship with my girlfriend. I am structured and disciplined, and spend quality time with close friends and family, with no alcohol involved. I started writing, and now write a newsletter called The Champions Journal, and am about to launch a podcast. Both of these are about my journey, and talking about the journeys of others.
And the best part, I feel happy, driven, and like I have. a purpose. No longer do I feel like I am wasting my life, or self destructing. I am the person a lot of friends and family come to for advice or for an open chat. But, all of this is due to giving up alcohol. The change it has made, and can make for people, is beyond just the "health" benefits.
I would love to hear others stories, or desires to do the same.
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u/potreefer Dec 26 '23
Congratulations! I had a similar experience after quitting drinking. It’s the best move I’ve ever made
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u/jmh238 Dec 26 '23
The best ever - extremely hard to do, but once you do, you'll never regret it
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u/Datkif Dec 26 '23
It really is a life changer. Being sober really makes you realize all the pain and suffering you cause on yourself and those who matter the most.
I was getting drunk nearly every night for the last 5 or 6 years. It took a reality check that made me go without drinking to make me see the pain that I had brought to my family because of Alcohol. I'm 35 days sober, and I still struggle to forgive myself for who I was, but it's slowly happening the more I work on healing
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u/MrMittensSlave Dec 26 '23
Congratulations! Life gets even better as your sober years continue, I promise. Not to say you won’t have bumps in the road of life, it will be how you overcome these without going back to old habits.
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u/jmh238 Dec 26 '23
100% - there are still bumps now, but without alcohol, I am so much better positioned to tackle them
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u/AsheronRealaidain Dec 26 '23
Quit opiates 8 years ago. Quit alcohol a year ago. I’m at the lowest point I’ve ever been in my life. Glad you mileage varied lol
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u/SoundLogIcalReasonIn Dec 26 '23
Hey man you might feel low right now, but imagine how terrible you'd feel if you were still using/drinking.
Stay strong, don't pickup and stay the path. Nobody ever regrets getting sober.
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u/AsheronRealaidain Dec 26 '23
Tbh the mental part is the worst. I’m so low that for the first time in 8 years I’m really considering using opiates again. Like exponentially closer to using than I’ve ever been since I quit. Because they are the only thing that gives me some* form of reprieve.
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u/AmazingEntrance484 Dec 30 '23
You’ve got this! If you can get through your darkest times sober, you can do anything. Never be afraid of asking someone you’re close to for help
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u/PoolboyC Dec 26 '23
Love this post and congrats man! I’m curious how you dealt with your close friends where it’s a given you’re drinking when you get together.
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u/jmh238 Dec 26 '23
This is still a work in progress. I quickly learnt who my true friends were. There was a small group that helped me, by not pressuring me to drink. But still, the social aspect from friends is limited. Invites to things slowly start to not be extended. But, in saying that, I have grown closer with other friends who understand why I am doing it.
Sometimes I think it would be easier to just go back drinking, and I would have all these friends around me again. But the negative trade off is too big.
Need to find the friends that respect and support you, and lean into them. A lot more coffees, runs, walks, and casual dinners.
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u/Stumeister_69 Dec 26 '23
This is a big one and probably the hardest challenge for me if I were to ever quit drinking.
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u/the_intransigent_one Dec 26 '23
Congratulations man takes real courage and consistency to overcome your demons and you are miles ahead in the race which is truly inspirational
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u/Beav710 Dec 26 '23
Congrat man, great accomplishment. I think it's about time I do the same. I'm feeling stagnant and lost currently. Out of curiosity, what does your company do? Don't need to respond if you don't want to share something that personal, obviously. You're an inspiration either way!
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u/jmh238 Dec 26 '23
Thanks mate! The stagnant and lost stage I don't think ever wanes. We just all need to work out what we want out of the next week/month/year, and chase after it, day after day, with purpose.
It's a fintech that will lean into automating a lot of personal finances for people, especially around recurring payments. Think of a tool that can help find you better deals, give you warnings on spendings, and ultimately save money in a smart way by reducing unneeded or forgotten costs.
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Dec 26 '23
Congrats! I'm 155 days in, started going to gym and I'm almost in same shape I was 15 years ago when I was actively weight lifting.
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u/Acceptable_Aioli_870 Dec 26 '23
I’m so happy for you, congratulations! Thank you for sharing your story, very inspiring.
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u/No-Car-8624 Dec 26 '23
Great stuff! How much were you drinking per week / month before you quit?
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u/jmh238 Dec 26 '23
At least 4 nights a week, sometimes 5. 3-4 drinks was enough for me to start to know I wasn't in the mindset to be making decisions, and this is where I would give into temptations. And of course, having a hangover, especially late in the week or weekend, the next best thing to do is head to a pub or bar and have a drink - which led to countless nights of "let's go have 2", and that 2 turning into 12.
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u/Bludiamond56 Dec 26 '23
Been sober since 88. Best move I ever made. Did it cold turkey. It was hard. Broke it's spell after 6 months.
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u/mortonr2000 Dec 26 '23
I have been sober for 3 months, after 30 years of drinking. This was my first Christmas, alcohol free. Others were drinking around me, but I didn't join them.
The desire to have a drink is fading.
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u/mtness999999 Dec 26 '23
It gets better and better. I am 7 years sober after 40 years drinking.It is like a different life is granted good luck!
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u/jmh238 Dec 27 '23
My first Christmas too, and to wake up the following day early and fresh was the best! Well done on 3 months, especially after that time. As u/mtness999999 stated, it gets easier. 7 years is also huge! Well done
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u/seanyp123 Dec 26 '23
I've got the same thing but with marijuana. I really desire to change that habit for good in 2024... Limiting it to micro amounts isn't enough
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u/jmh238 Dec 27 '23
Micro always leads back to the habit. Cutting and being clean is hard in the short term, but hugely rewarding in the long run
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Dec 26 '23
What is socializing after alcohol like? Where do you go to meet your friends? I’m curious about sober living.
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u/jmh238 Dec 27 '23
Really hard initially. When trying to not drink, and then being around drinking, you feel like an outcast and awkward. But as time goes on, it gets easier, and then your friends do accept that you aren't drinking, so the pressure disappears. Also, I have become closer with some friends from it, and these friends we now do different things. Walks, coffees, runs, sporting events - more connection based as opposed to alcohol based.
But, the feeling of each day waking up fresh and clear beats any temptation to go back to old habits.
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Dec 26 '23
This was an absolutely fantastic post. I've cut and pasted your comments into my notes for the year. Thanks for the inspiration. T.
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u/jmh238 Dec 27 '23
Thank you for your kind words! Use my story as inspiration, but also document your won journey, either by photos or writing, and you will become your own inspiration, I promise. You won't regret it.
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Dec 27 '23
I (56M) have had plenty of triumphs and continue to do so. A documentary was even made about my family. But I was just incredibly inspired by your story and loved every moment of it. Thanks friend.
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u/GreasyPeter Dec 26 '23
I lived a traumatic childhood so the problem I had is every bad and good memory I had involved alcohol. My memories before alcohol I was either constantly stressed because of my father's anger, or simply a boring person who literally did nothing except go to work and come home to play video games. For 8 years. Alcohol allowed me to crawl out of my shell and learn to socialize and meet women and become "normal". Unfortunately, it also gave me a capacity for doing or saying embarassing things and I have mostly cut it out. I'm fortunate that I'm not having as much trouble doing that as many on here, but it still sorta sucks because now I'm back to living a boring life. I'd do a hobby if I actually ended up enjoying any of them but I don't even enjoy video games now. The more time I spend in this state the more convinced I am that I actually do have ADHD (or a Trauma-induced condition similar to ADHD) and being sober and alone has shoved that fact into my face a lot more than normal. I'm probably going to go get tested here soon, maybe getting medicated will help.
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u/jmh238 Dec 27 '23
That's an interesting scenario you have, and I am no expert. But I have gone through stages of that, even over the last 10 years. I felt alcohol was my gateway to being social and being accepted by friends. But what I have focussed on since becoming sober is my WHY, and also what I genuinely love and what's important to me. And by doing that, that is now what I double down on. For example - running and exercise, spending time with my partner, growing my company and newsletter, starting my podcast, catching up with friends for walks and coffees, and playing sport. These are things I love, and thus thorugh myself at, and socialising actually comes with all of that. I find my people in each aspect, who have similar wnats and goals, and that then is my social vice.
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u/ASMC1995 Dec 26 '23
Ahh yes actually having resources to use once sober......
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u/Reduntu Dec 26 '23
This post does give off "Everything is perfect except I'm drinking too much during my very successful and regular social outings with all my friends, so I quit drinking and now everything's perfect!" vibes.
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Dec 26 '23
Right on! Giving up the drink currently and it’s a struggle. Not a big drinker but socially I’ll have too many.
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u/horrorqueen92 Dec 26 '23
31f and I will be at 1 full year sober on the 2nd of January. I am also Australian in Perth and completely agree. It’s been a wild year, realisations, friend loses (funny how you stop drinking and don’t get invited anymore) and how clearer my mind is without it. I was similar to you, I didn’t like who I was and what I would do on alcohol. I don’t miss that person at all. Quite happy with who I am today. 🤗 it hasn’t been an easy ride but it’s been worth it! Yay for us!
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u/CaregiverNo2642 Dec 26 '23
When you feel that pain in your right side just below your ribs and a sore shoulder, you know your lover is in trouble and it's time to change.
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Dec 26 '23
I've been really trying to quit alcohol. Don't really have a huge problem with it but I just don't like how it makes me feel. When I drink it I just think of what it's doing to my body. The next few days after drinking I feel anxious and my mind isn't all there. I feel depressed sometimes and only feel happy once I know I'll drink again. Longest span without drinking I went was for 3 weeks because I was away from my regular daily routine but once I got back I had a drink. All my friends drink and they're idea of going out and having a good time always involves alcohol. I really want to quit and start to focus and the things I really want to do but I keep falling back to it. I want to go out and just have fun, with out alcohol, and wake up the next day ready to take on the day.
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u/e3mpty Dec 26 '23
Congrats for taking the first steps op. I’ll be celebrating 1 year December 30th. Never felt better. Never had a problem per se but didn’t like that all social interactions whether it be meeting friends, attending weddings, funerals etc. it always involves alcohol. It’s not just a change of one habit it’s a whole mindset and lifestyle overhaul.
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Dec 26 '23
Quit booze last Christmas. Much better and more consistent parent. Down 45 lbs, in the best shape of my adult life. I feel proud of myself, more confident. I’m self employed and my desire to work so much really dropped. It took a couple months of financial fishtailing to restructure my work stuff, but I’ve got it down to where I really only have to be one the job about 26 hours a week. I enjoyed and abused alcohol for 20 years and I had a world class time doing it, but it feels so good to be clean of it that I wish I could see what it would have been like without it. Never too late though, and my kids are still young enough to not remember seeing drunk dad. Best decision, with the biggest results of my life.
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u/jmh238 Dec 27 '23
You have an incredible WHY and purpose, and I am so glad reading that. I have the same feeling (without the kids), and had a great time drinking, but would like to look at an alternate reality if I was sober 10 years ago.
But, I am enjoying the trajectory and way of life now so much more than the thought of going back.
Well done on the results and the outcome! So good to hear.
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u/TroyMcLure963 Dec 26 '23
It's funny because at first thought "staying disciplined" means not drinking. But you realize that not drinking makes you more disciplined in almost every other aspect of your life. Waking up to do things. Doing things without feeling poorly. Not binge eating on bad food because you're buzzed or drunk.
You become more of your true self, and set yourself up for your best potential without it. I stopped just because I didn't want to with wanting to focus on finishing my masters degree and training for a marathon with a two year old at home. I drank on the day I graduated and I don't miss it. It was easy to go back to not drinking and didn't have a drop during Christmas either. I hear and feel you OP. Now keep being the best OP you can be!
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u/jmh238 Dec 27 '23
This is absolutely spot on! The discipline you develop is beyond imagination. Life becomes better. Clearer. Fuller. You start to believe you can do so many things, and if you couple it with good eating and exercise, you become a completely different person.
The true self is spot on. I've had comments from family members who are blown away in the change in my personality and attutude, and to be honest, that is a enough motivation to keep going with this lifestyle.
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u/Tazzari Dec 27 '23
Happy for you. I’m coming up on a year sober, but have a lot of issues to still work through. Alcohol was the emotional crutch, but at least now I can think much more clearly.
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u/jmh238 Dec 27 '23
Being able to think clearly is the catalyst to moving in the right direction! Well done
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u/sciatic-nerves Dec 27 '23
Well done. I'm in similar situation. My alcoholic neighbour once asked me how come I am drinking during weekdays.. it made me think. It's been 4 months now. I have six pack for the first time ever. Now I run 15k just because I feel like it. Last year 5k run would be a painful thought. My sleep is fantastic. My mind is super clear , started reading many books and I am looking at starting my own business next year. Keep it up and inspire people around you with your example.
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Apr 14 '24
Dude its april 13 and ive found myself here hopefully i can do the exact same oddly enough. Maybe ill visit australia once i make it a year :o
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u/happychoices Dec 26 '23
i guarantee that all this sh!t didn't come just from quitting alcohol
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u/jmh238 Dec 26 '23
What do you mean? Giving up alcohol is the single best decision I’ve made. It’s helped me become clearer in making life decisions, and kept me on a consistent path to achieve what I have in the last 9 months. It isn’t the reason, but not drinking has been the catalyst.
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u/happychoices Dec 26 '23
im not doubting that
im saying you were on track for a lot of greatness already. and quitting alcohol just helped a little bit
also fuck all you idiots who downvoted me
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u/jmh238 Dec 26 '23
Ah, got ya - understand your statement now.
You could say, yes, I was. But, I honestly don't know. The alcohol just had a way of making me make really bad choices. So I just needed to remove that temptation to gain back control and eliminate the risk.
Appreciate your perspective of course
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u/_FoodAndCatSubs_ Dec 26 '23
I get what Happy is saying, it’s almost a defense for alcohol. I, personally love to drink after work but it took me 15 years of finally getting home from work at 12:30pm, have a beer or 2 with an after work snack, then walk over to the store and buy ingredients. Afterwards I will have another beer while making dinner then usually milk or juice with food but I’m proud of myself after many countless stupid nights that social drinking is a dilemma for me so I drink at home in front of the tv and will have a few drinks out of the house, only beer or wine, and smoke a little weed.
Congrats on shelving it completely though. My problem is I’m single but if I’m with someone I love, that’s a natural high
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Dec 26 '23
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u/No-Orange-9049 Dec 26 '23
Good for you OP! I hope your life continues to flourish the way you visualize and seek it. Oh, and Merry Christmas :)
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Dec 26 '23
Hell yes dude! I feel the EXACT same way. 35M here, quit a little over a year ago. Its like living life with cheat codes. The mental health improvements are DRAMATIC. I've recently started a new fully remote job that I love for a software company, while increasing my pay 50%. I'm working on developing a few side projects now that who knows, may turn into something bigger. I feel unstoppable now
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Dec 26 '23
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u/CapPlanetNotAHero Dec 27 '23
My brother, I’m struggling today with a potential relapse at 90ish days. This I believe will pull me through it.
Thank you so much.
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u/Traditional_Arm1668 Dec 28 '23
6 years 7 months sober. Best decision I’ve made. Congratulations on your sobriety bro
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u/SharpySharp Dec 26 '23 edited Dec 26 '23
256 days is a huge accomplishment! I’m (42m) at 46 days alcohol free. 70-ish without tobacco. For me I’ve found that I can’t be a drink or two here and there person. I start and I don’t want to stop. This led to me drinking most nights and fuzzy many mornings. It wasn’t how I wanted to be for myself or for my family (18 years married with 17 and 15 year old children).
At the time I stopped drinking I also joined a local gym and have been going 3-4 times a week. I’m still super up and down emotionally many days but that’s getting a bit better.
My head isn’t a great place to be see many days. Meditation helps when I do it.