r/Assistance • u/katenaatebate • Oct 18 '24
EMOTIONAL SUPPORT My dad is dying.
I’m 25. My dad had a brain bleed or a stroke or both (I don’t know if those are the same thing), was found by his girlfriend unresponsive. He’s intubated, his kidneys are failing, doctors said something about DKA, even after weaning sedation he’s not responsive. He’s not doing good and I’m not medical, but my mom is and when I told her what’s up she just told me to prepare myself because my dad is probably going to die. He’s having neurological fevers, body temp was stuck at 104 degrees and wouldn’t come down at all for a day and a half, they got him cooled down with ice packs. But his temp keeps spiking. He’s on dialysis. He’s not good.
I really want to hold out hope that he might get better, my mom is a pessimist. I don’t know what to do with myself because I don’t want to latch on to false hope but here I am doing it anyway. I don’t know what to do and I feel like I can’t get a break from tragedy- I don’t know what to do.
I think this is safe to say these last two years have been the worst two years of my life.
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u/lulu-52 Oct 18 '24
There is always hope. My father had sepsis and they didn’t think he’d survive. He pulled through. They then said he had end stage cancer and would only live 3 to 6 months. He ended up living for more than 15 years
I hope your dad pulls through.
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u/izabitz Oct 18 '24
Ugh. I'm so sorry. I don't think you can ever be ready. I hope he gets better and you are able to spend more time with him. In the meantime, I would take the opportunity to tell him everything you have always wanted to tell him. Believe that he can hear you. You may not have another opportunity, even if he recovers. Sending you positive energy and internet hugs.
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u/katenaatebate Oct 18 '24
Thank you <3 I wrote him a letter earlier with everything I wanna say and I’m going to read it to him today. I hope he can hear me, even if he can’t respond.
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u/ComprehensiveMath235 Oct 19 '24
From someone that works bedside in healthcare, he can hear you. Whatever the outcome, he can hear you. You’re in my heart and thoughts.
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u/katenaatebate Oct 19 '24
Thank you thank you thank you thank you. I just saw this, I don’t know what else to say other than thank you.
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u/smithsunny Oct 19 '24
The hardest part of my life so far was losing my mother and I've had a particularly difficult life which was tumultuous bc of my mother. When she died a year ago I had the most unexpected yet kind of globally expected experience. I hated and loved her. The doctor told me she was going to die in 12 hours so I called the medical hospitals that were looking for donor bodies. Then 12 hours later the nurses told me she's being released from the ICU to the hospice care. While this may sound like a place for people who are out of it, she was so lucid she could've and would've corrected my grammar.
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u/smithsunny Oct 19 '24
I'm wholeheartedly wishing you the best that life has to offer. I'm so sad that you're experiencing this horrible thing. It isn't fair but you're loved and everyone is pulling for you and we are all ready to help answer any questions you have.
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u/JTA_1982 REGISTERED Oct 18 '24
Wanting/ wishing for a miracle might seem silly to some, but nothing wrong with it! I hope that you might get one, prayers to you all 🙌
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u/Some_Ad_530 Oct 18 '24
I can't imagine what you must be going through. My positive thoughts are with you. Please continue to be strong and be with your Dad if it's feasible, the presence of a loved one even under these circumstances has valor.
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u/BossTumbleweed Oct 18 '24
What a difficult situation. I hope he pulls through and you have more time with him! There is never a good time for problems like this. I lost my dad years ago, and a piece of me will always be with him. I like to think that makes him happy. Sending prayers and well-wishes your way.
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u/kosborne17 Oct 18 '24
I’m so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I lost my dad unexpectedly two years ago when I was 26 and it has been one of the hardest things that I have ever gone through. While my dad passed unexpectedly (heart attack), his health had been deteriorating for 5-6 years. He had multiple mini-strokes and was completely dependent on my mom at the end (his mind was all there - his body just couldn’t keep up). I wish I had some words to make it better but I don’t. Don’t lose hope that he will get better - miracles happen more often than we think. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to reach out.
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u/katenaatebate Oct 18 '24
Thank you so much and I’m so sorry you lost your dad, this type of thing is really really horrible.
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u/PattyLeeTX Oct 18 '24
Please don't just give up your hope on a "maybe" he'll die. You can deal with that if and when. Meanwhile, share your love with him however you can and keep hoping. Losing your first parent is hard, and you don't need to bring grief on any sooner than necessary. Best of luck, I hope dad does really well and is ship-shape in no time!
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u/SuzyLouWhoo Oct 18 '24
I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I lost my mom in 2020. She was in the hospital for 2 months up and down every day, but I thought she was going to eventually come home, even if she needed a lot of care, I was prepared to have to figure it out.
I wasn’t ready for her to go. It was a shock. Which I know is crazy.
I don’t have any good advice. It sucked being unprepared for her to go. But I still say keep hoping for the best. I don’t know how it would have been different if I thought she was dying, but I like to think she knew I was there and taking care of her.
Just be with him if/when you can. He knows you love him. You’re a good kid.
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u/katenaatebate Oct 18 '24
Thank you. I’m not great with words but you saying I’m a good kid means more to me than you know. Thank you, and I’m so sorry for your loss. This type of thing is horrible and I never thought it would happen to me but here we are.
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u/Classic_Midnight3383 REGISTERED Oct 18 '24
Same here my mom died eight months ago and she also was in the hospital
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u/Yurian888 Oct 18 '24
Hey, really sorry to hear that... I wish you all the best and if you need someone to talk to, hit me up anytime. All the best to you and your family! <3
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u/Prestigious-Book-253 Oct 19 '24
whats ur dad's name? if its okay with u i wanna say a prayer for him
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u/Glamorous1978 REGISTERED Oct 20 '24
Sending you hugs and yes it is a Harsh reality , sorry this is happening and you have to go through it - I had to pull the plug on my husband of 22 years … passed about 7 months ago , it is certainly never going to be the same but do pray - sometimes miracles happen.
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u/FunnyNegative6219 Oct 21 '24
Sorry that you are going through this. I will say a prayer for you and your family.
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u/Neither_Shelter_2794 Oct 19 '24
I’m SO sorry - sending you all my positive energy and a massive hug xx Look after yourself 😘 xx
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