r/Assistance • u/rumpeltyltskyn • Oct 03 '24
ADVICE How do I get divorced?
My wife has left me. We have been married for only a little over a year. I’m not working due to health issues so I literally have no money. I have no income and no savings, and completely overwhelmed by what I should do or am supposed to do. Does anyone have any resources that outline things in a simple way? Advice? I’ve tried doing research myself but I just can’t make any sense of anything.
Because I know people will make the assumption, I’m a woman. I’m not a man.
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u/suzymae27 Oct 03 '24
I’m in ma and filed for divorce on my own. We did not have any joint accounts and my kids were over 18. I used a website for the paperwork. It did cost some money but it was cheaper than hiring a lawyer. Let me see if I can find the website I used. Also look at your local family probate court as they will tell you what paperwork is required.
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u/FattierBrisket Oct 03 '24
Get on your county clerk's website. Download a pro se divorce packet. Fill it out. There may be a fee to file it, but you can look into that when you're ready. It isn't usually very much. I think the first time I did it (in 1997 or so?) it was like $30, the second (around 2011) it was maybe $50.
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u/Complete-Fishing7657 Oct 03 '24
Go to your local court house, to the family law department and speak with a clerk. I got divorced when I was very young and had no money. It was in California so idk if it differs much but I was approved for a fee waiver due to my income back then. I also went to a full day divorce workshop that walked us through filling the paperwork out line by line. This was almost 20 years ago but family law rarely changes when it comes to a simple divorce. You don’t need an attorney, they cost a lot of money and if you don’t have any shared property or children, it won’t be necessary. We have a shared son but our divorce wasn’t complicated. The process took about 6 months and we went to court once.
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u/rumpeltyltskyn Oct 03 '24
Okay thanks. We don’t really have any finances between us. I own a house but I bought it before we were married, we’ve only been married just over a year now and have no kids. I’m hoping it makes things go smooth. Plus I’m pretty sure she does want this done and over with herself, I think she’s just dragging her feet.
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u/Safe-Comfort-29 Oct 03 '24
Most areas have a legal aid office. They help with low/ no income people.
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u/Migraine_Megan Oct 03 '24
I forgot to add, if you can get a therapist do so, it will help protect your health with all the stress. And I focused on this quote to help get me through it (quote by Carrie Fisher): "Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." I wish you all the best, divorce is so hard.
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u/rumpeltyltskyn Oct 03 '24
I have one, don’t worry.
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u/Migraine_Megan Oct 03 '24
That's good! I called my therapist and psychiatrist about 1.5 weeks after he left, because I lost 11 lbs in 8 days. I couldn't eat.
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u/rumpeltyltskyn Oct 03 '24
This has been ongoing since the end on July. She left a month before our first wedding anniversary. So yeah my therapist has had her work cut out for her. I think I’ve gained like 15 pounds myself.
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u/writeitalldownforme REGISTERED Oct 03 '24
You might be able to file for free. See if there is a law library in your area to help. Or a court house facilitator that can walk you through the process. They can’t give legal advice, but can help make sure things are done correctly.
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u/periwinkletweet Oct 03 '24
Maybe let her initiate and pay for it?
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u/rumpeltyltskyn Oct 03 '24
I’m getting tired of playing chicken with her.
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u/periwinkletweet Oct 03 '24
I have no doubt I'd feel the same way but maybe just try and forget about it until she does something. Even legal aid won't make it free. I have a friend who let it be for years because she absolutely refused to pay for it
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u/irate_anatid Oct 03 '24
What state are you in?
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u/rumpeltyltskyn Oct 03 '24
CT
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u/irate_anatid Oct 03 '24
Have you seen this flow chart? https://www.jud.ct.gov/Publications/FM274.pdf
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u/rumpeltyltskyn Oct 03 '24
I haven’t, but I think I’ve seen some of the information, I’ll check it out more in depth, thanks
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Oct 03 '24
[deleted]
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u/EvaMae234 REGISTERED Oct 03 '24
This judgement is just unnecessary. Her finances and savings are none of your business. She stated these things to show how overwhelmed she is but it has nothing to do with how to get a divorce.
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u/rumpeltyltskyn Oct 03 '24
I’m not looking for money advice. I’m looking for advice on how you get divorced. I’m attempting to get on SSDI and I’m currently have things lined up so that I’m not destitute. I have family supporting me.y wife actually never supported me, I supported her until my health issues forced me to stop working and I had to deplete all my savings. Why did you feel the need to be so nasty?
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u/Migraine_Megan Oct 03 '24
From a legal perspective if your family is supporting you now, they will be considered to be your source of income/residence. That is why I couldn't accept help during my divorce, I would have gotten nothing. We owned 2 cars and without a car I wouldn't have been able to get to my doctor appointments, bus service was almost nonexistent there and I couldn't afford to Uber. My car was paid off too. You are "taking" anything from her, marriage means you share assets/debts, divorce requires those to be split. You should get what you are entitled to under state law. (By entitled I don't mean feeling entitled, I mean it as a legal term.)
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u/rumpeltyltskyn Oct 03 '24
By supporting me, I mean they are literally buying me food so I don’t starve. And they’re going to be moving to my house (as roommates) to pay the bills.
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u/Migraine_Megan Oct 03 '24
You REALLY should consult an attorney before having them move in. You don't want to shoot yourself in the foot. All of this will be included in the divorce filings. I had to fill out MANY forms about finances and living costs/expenses, and I didn't even have income. Both parties fill out the same stuff so the mediator and/or judge can look for any discrepancies.
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u/rumpeltyltskyn Oct 03 '24
I mean I need to make sure I’m not homeless. That’s more important to me than anything. I’m not trying to get any money out of this divorce.
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u/Migraine_Megan Oct 03 '24
YOU may not be trying to get anything out of the divorce but she may, especially after she talks to an attorney. Yes, ensuring you are homeless is critical. But if it causes you to be homeless later, it's not better in the long run. The purpose of an attorney is to protect your interests and give you a long-term view of the situation. I cannot overemphasize how important it is.
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u/rumpeltyltskyn Oct 03 '24
I do get what you’re saying. But I have no income, no savings, and no way of having even food let alone a place to live without my family’s help rn.
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u/Migraine_Megan Oct 03 '24
Rarely do people go through divorce proceedings without an attorney and those that I know who did were on really good terms with their ex during the divorce, talked frequently and owned absolutely nothing. And were knowledgeable and capable of filling out all the legal documents without help. But if one party gets a lawyer and the other doesn't, the one without gets steamrolled. You can also try the r/asklegal sub.
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u/rumpeltyltskyn Oct 03 '24
I probably will get one I just will probably have to be particular about which I use.
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Oct 03 '24
[deleted]
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u/rumpeltyltskyn Oct 03 '24
My title was “How do I get divorced?” Guess what question they never even addressed
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Oct 03 '24
[deleted]
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u/rumpeltyltskyn Oct 03 '24
You felt the need to accuse me of being codependent and needing therapy. That was completely unnecessary.
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Oct 03 '24
[deleted]
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u/rumpeltyltskyn Oct 03 '24
How do you FILE MY GUY. That’s what I was ASKING.
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u/furandpaws Oct 03 '24
you know where you got your marriage license? my state, it's the same office.
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u/EvaMae234 REGISTERED Oct 03 '24
Just ignore them girl. ❤️
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u/rumpeltyltskyn Oct 03 '24
Thanks. That was jarring af to read.
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u/EvaMae234 REGISTERED Oct 03 '24
No one on here knows you, all they have are assumptions and unfortunately this person lacks empathy. The people who matter know your heart and intentions. That’s what counts. I’m sorry you’re going through this ❤️❤️
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u/rumpeltyltskyn Oct 03 '24
Since I suppose I wasn’t clear enough: I’m looking for advice and resources on how to get divorced as someone with little to no funds. I do not need financial advice.
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u/Migraine_Megan Oct 03 '24
IWell technically because you are married, her money IS your money. Contact attorneys, I started with one of the best in my city, which I couldn't afford (and wasn't worth enough $ to be worth their time) and they gave me some recommendations. Consults are usually free. AND any attorney you discuss your case with cannot be used by your spouse, it is a conflict of interest. One person advised me to contact all the best attorneys to prevent him from using them, but he got his attorney pretty quickly (and it wasn't one of the best). Call those attorneys ASAP, so that you can have the best advice. If you have to, you may be able to get a pro bono attorney, but I would interview at least 2-3 attorneys before deciding. Mine wasn't unreasonably expensive.
I was also not able to work at the time due to migraines. As soon as the divorce has begun, she has to continue to pay all the shared bills/living expenses. I made my ex husband file, because he was the one who left and he had great insurance which I needed. As soon as he got an attorney he was told to keep paying the bills, because if he didn't it would look SO BAD to the judge if I took him to court. You can also read your state's divorce statutes, I did that so I could feel a bit less lost and I wanted to know my rights. I put the attorney fees on my credit card, which I repaid with my settlement. Once you get to the point of settlement, be aware you don't necessarily get all the money immediately. If you have access to financial documents, download all statements for the entirety of your marriage. My ex tried to leave one of his investments out of the divorce but I had all the statements.
Money will be tight until you get done with the divorce, make a budget because you will need to provide that info during the process, and it can be used to ensure she pays the necessary bills. Don't accept money from family, or if you do it must be in cash. Don't move out of the house/apartment until afterwards, she left so if you stay you won't be immediately homeless. If you are not on disability, you might want to consult a disability lawyer too. There are career services that might be able to help you with a resume. I ended up paying for help and it worked out well. If you can do a little work, you can look at temp jobs and Upwork.
When it comes to health insurance, I was on my ex's and my medical bills are constant, so I asked for health insurance coverage for the rest of the year (like 3 months at the time) to be put into the divorce settlement.
My divorce was finalized in January, we had no kids, no house, he had the income and investments. My attorney won, it helped that I came over prepared, because I expected him to try to screw me out of any money and he did try.
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u/rumpeltyltskyn Oct 03 '24
My wife has no money. She never worked, I was supporting her. I’m not trying to get anything out of this, we’re both on state insurance, I just want this to be over. I can’t put stuff on credit cards because I have no idea if I’ll be able to pay them off.
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