r/Assistance • u/rumpeltyltskyn • Oct 03 '24
ADVICE How do I get divorced?
My wife has left me. We have been married for only a little over a year. I’m not working due to health issues so I literally have no money. I have no income and no savings, and completely overwhelmed by what I should do or am supposed to do. Does anyone have any resources that outline things in a simple way? Advice? I’ve tried doing research myself but I just can’t make any sense of anything.
Because I know people will make the assumption, I’m a woman. I’m not a man.
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u/Migraine_Megan Oct 03 '24
IWell technically because you are married, her money IS your money. Contact attorneys, I started with one of the best in my city, which I couldn't afford (and wasn't worth enough $ to be worth their time) and they gave me some recommendations. Consults are usually free. AND any attorney you discuss your case with cannot be used by your spouse, it is a conflict of interest. One person advised me to contact all the best attorneys to prevent him from using them, but he got his attorney pretty quickly (and it wasn't one of the best). Call those attorneys ASAP, so that you can have the best advice. If you have to, you may be able to get a pro bono attorney, but I would interview at least 2-3 attorneys before deciding. Mine wasn't unreasonably expensive.
I was also not able to work at the time due to migraines. As soon as the divorce has begun, she has to continue to pay all the shared bills/living expenses. I made my ex husband file, because he was the one who left and he had great insurance which I needed. As soon as he got an attorney he was told to keep paying the bills, because if he didn't it would look SO BAD to the judge if I took him to court. You can also read your state's divorce statutes, I did that so I could feel a bit less lost and I wanted to know my rights. I put the attorney fees on my credit card, which I repaid with my settlement. Once you get to the point of settlement, be aware you don't necessarily get all the money immediately. If you have access to financial documents, download all statements for the entirety of your marriage. My ex tried to leave one of his investments out of the divorce but I had all the statements.
Money will be tight until you get done with the divorce, make a budget because you will need to provide that info during the process, and it can be used to ensure she pays the necessary bills. Don't accept money from family, or if you do it must be in cash. Don't move out of the house/apartment until afterwards, she left so if you stay you won't be immediately homeless. If you are not on disability, you might want to consult a disability lawyer too. There are career services that might be able to help you with a resume. I ended up paying for help and it worked out well. If you can do a little work, you can look at temp jobs and Upwork.
When it comes to health insurance, I was on my ex's and my medical bills are constant, so I asked for health insurance coverage for the rest of the year (like 3 months at the time) to be put into the divorce settlement.
My divorce was finalized in January, we had no kids, no house, he had the income and investments. My attorney won, it helped that I came over prepared, because I expected him to try to screw me out of any money and he did try.