r/stopdrinking • u/omxs 730 days • 2d ago

I think I’m a secret alcoholic

I don't think I've ever said this to myself or anyone else before. But I need to try writing it down or sharing it with someone now. I’m so ashamed.

I think I’m a secret alcoholic.

Or maybe just an alcoholic. I’ve just gotten drunk again by quickly downing a six-pack of 3.5% beer. Again. I live in Sweden, and honestly, it’s a relief in some ways that I can’t constantly justify buying the latest IPA from Systembolaget’s special order catalog. I’m caught in a cycle of self-deception. I can’t seem to stop myself from drinking.

For the past months, maybe even years, I don’t know I’ve been secretly drinking around my family. I’ve drunk enough to feel tipsy, and I’m pretty sure they haven’t noticed. I make up excuses to run to the grocery store, preferably alone, so I can pick up some new IPA or another interesting beer to try. I have a deep interest in beer, which gives me a perfect excuse to always try something new.

God, I’m so tired of myself. I keep telling myself I’ll stop drinking, and then I keep finding excuses to drink more. On Christmas Eve, I made myself a promise, not to touch alcohol again. I actually stayed sober that day. But today, for example, my wife and I planned to pickle red onions. The ones we had turned out to be too old, so we decided to skip it. Yet, in my endless frustration with myself, I found an excuse to drive to the store to buy new onions, and, of course, a few low-alcohol beers. Can you even get drunk on 3.5% beer? Apparently, if you drink it fast enough. And now here I am, once again.

How did I let it come to this? How do I keep ending up here, time after time? This isn’t me.

I don’t even know what I’m trying to say with all this. I’m lying in bed now next to my sleeping wife, who I don’t think has realized I’m a secret alcoholic. The anxiety is crushing me. I need to do something about this now.

Can someone handle this kind of thing alone, or do you need to ask others for help?

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u/freetofocus 2d ago

Firstly know it’s not you, it’s the substance that’s the problem.

Yes people can do it without help, but everything is easier with help. You have us here in this group. There’s a lot of helpful posts, insights encouragement and reminders.

You could try this first and see if you need more …

You can do it.

I will not drink with you today