I think I’m a secret alcoholic

[u/omxs]

I don't think I've ever said this to myself or anyone else before. But I need to try writing it down or sharing it with someone now. I’m so ashamed.

I think I’m a secret alcoholic.

Or maybe just an alcoholic. I’ve just gotten drunk again by quickly downing a six-pack of 3.5% beer. Again. I live in Sweden, and honestly, it’s a relief in some ways that I can’t constantly justify buying the latest IPA from Systembolaget’s special order catalog. I’m caught in a cycle of self-deception. I can’t seem to stop myself from drinking.

For the past months, maybe even years, I don’t know I’ve been secretly drinking around my family. I’ve drunk enough to feel tipsy, and I’m pretty sure they haven’t noticed. I make up excuses to run to the grocery store, preferably alone, so I can pick up some new IPA or another interesting beer to try. I have a deep interest in beer, which gives me a perfect excuse to always try something new.

God, I’m so tired of myself. I keep telling myself I’ll stop drinking, and then I keep finding excuses to drink more. On Christmas Eve, I made myself a promise, not to touch alcohol again. I actually stayed sober that day. But today, for example, my wife and I planned to pickle red onions. The ones we had turned out to be too old, so we decided to skip it. Yet, in my endless frustration with myself, I found an excuse to drive to the store to buy new onions, and, of course, a few low-alcohol beers. Can you even get drunk on 3.5% beer? Apparently, if you drink it fast enough. And now here I am, once again.

How did I let it come to this? How do I keep ending up here, time after time? This isn’t me.

I don’t even know what I’m trying to say with all this. I’m lying in bed now next to my sleeping wife, who I don’t think has realized I’m a secret alcoholic. The anxiety is crushing me. I need to do something about this now.

Can someone handle this kind of thing alone, or do you need to ask others for help?

[u/Fine-Branch-7122]

This is a great place to start figuring things out. Quitting was the best and hardest decision I ever tried to do. Check out all the online info on how toxic alcohol is. Make a plan and hang in there. You can do this.