I think I’m a secret alcoholic

[u/omxs]

I don't think I've ever said this to myself or anyone else before. But I need to try writing it down or sharing it with someone now. I’m so ashamed.

I think I’m a secret alcoholic.

Or maybe just an alcoholic. I’ve just gotten drunk again by quickly downing a six-pack of 3.5% beer. Again. I live in Sweden, and honestly, it’s a relief in some ways that I can’t constantly justify buying the latest IPA from Systembolaget’s special order catalog. I’m caught in a cycle of self-deception. I can’t seem to stop myself from drinking.

For the past months, maybe even years, I don’t know I’ve been secretly drinking around my family. I’ve drunk enough to feel tipsy, and I’m pretty sure they haven’t noticed. I make up excuses to run to the grocery store, preferably alone, so I can pick up some new IPA or another interesting beer to try. I have a deep interest in beer, which gives me a perfect excuse to always try something new.

God, I’m so tired of myself. I keep telling myself I’ll stop drinking, and then I keep finding excuses to drink more. On Christmas Eve, I made myself a promise, not to touch alcohol again. I actually stayed sober that day. But today, for example, my wife and I planned to pickle red onions. The ones we had turned out to be too old, so we decided to skip it. Yet, in my endless frustration with myself, I found an excuse to drive to the store to buy new onions, and, of course, a few low-alcohol beers. Can you even get drunk on 3.5% beer? Apparently, if you drink it fast enough. And now here I am, once again.

How did I let it come to this? How do I keep ending up here, time after time? This isn’t me.

I don’t even know what I’m trying to say with all this. I’m lying in bed now next to my sleeping wife, who I don’t think has realized I’m a secret alcoholic. The anxiety is crushing me. I need to do something about this now.

Can someone handle this kind of thing alone, or do you need to ask others for help?

[u/Wobs9]

Look, for me drinking was a weekend sport. Then a daily one. Wife didn't approve, seeing me getting drunker each week so i started to secretly drinking rum...daily...a lot. For everything.

Almost lost my marriage when i got caught. Its a mental disease, alcoholism.

I quit cold turkey, got a week of fever and shivers, alone. Then i rise and have been sober since July. Never felt better, never been better, will never come back.

Hope my little story helps and supports you on the right (and sober i hope) path.

Will not drink with you today. And note to yourself. Others always know when you drink. Want to know why i know? I can smell booze on someone's breath miles away today and its nasty.