Another rant

[u/Remarkable_Pay7550]

So Christmas was horrible. Yesterday my MIL asks ME via text how the last day of Christmas was going. If SS has slept in his bed and if he has vomited again (he vomits if he doesn't get what he wants ) First question in my head was : why is she asking me instead of her son? Well I'm over the "I have to play nice and if everything is fine" so i answered that it was horrible, that ss slept AGAIN in our bed. That I was awake since 5.30 because SO and SS had played with his firealarm and were yelling because there was a "fire". That SS had another day of no correction or guiding.
So now, she doesn't answer me while she would have an ongoing conversation for hours if I would have played the "everything was wonderful" game. She was obviously annoyed from SO and SS when we were invited at her house on Christmas and even suggested (in a very nice way) that SO has to parent more and be less of a buddy for his child. So now I suggest I'm the mean one again for saying things out loud that everyone is thinking. 😂

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[u/PollyRRRR]

See I wouldn’t even answer her. Not your job, kid not your responsibility. It’s your partner’s therefore she should be messaging her son, the kid’s bio father.

[u/Remarkable_Pay7550 → u/PollyRRRR]

Oh I was petty at that point and answered her for a reason :

I wanted her to have the perspective of how I was experiencing days with SO and SS. Because SO will 99 of 100 times tell her that everything is fine. He even told her lately that the sleeping situation is improving and she was soo proud of her son acting like a normal parent while the sleeping situation was totally not improving because he simply let's his son sleep on my side of the bed whenever he says that he wants to sleep there. So he isn't even struggling to put him to sleep in his bed because it's simply not happening. Not even the try. And MIL tends to be obviously annoyed with ss and so but doesn't say anything and when she actually tries to talk with SO about how he allows SS to behave then it's in an almost lovely, defensive, weird kind of way. So it was almost a pleasure to wrote out what everyone around is thinking and don't let SO and MIL have another moment of " oh look what little angel and his glorious father have accomplished "

But you are right. She should have messaged him. But it's overall a very tricky family dynamic.

[u/Coollogin]

So now I suggest I'm the mean one again for saying things out loud that everyone is thinking. 😂

You are giving her silence the interpretation that works worst for you. You should try to stop doing that. To me, her silence is probably a reflection of her embarrassment and disappointment that her son isn’t a better parent. She doesn’t necessarily want to talk to you about her son’s failings as a parent, so she remains silent. None of it is about you or you being “mean.”

[u/Nardling]

I may be misreading your post, but it sounds like MIL isn't acting like you are mean one, but rather calling out her son for not setting boundaries in your household. Even if said in a "nice" way, it's being put on blast by your mother, which may resonate more hearing it from her than from you. And do you really want to talk to MIL for hours anyways?

[u/throwaway1403132]

he vomits if he doesn't get what he wants? wow...that is quite the skill. i set a fairly firm boundary at the beginning of DH and i living together, 99% of my communication with MIL is in a group text. when/if she asks questions about SKs (how school is going, what size clothes they are if she wants to buy them something, etc) i call out DH in the group text and remind her that i don't know the answers to those questions, because i truly don't. my MIL and i have a very good relationship, have known each other for more than 20 years, so that helps, but she did have to unlearn the old school thought process that just bc i am a woman that means i am now the stand in mother or go to parent - i am very strongly neither lol.

[u/Horror_Blueberry_516]

My SO has an emotional vomiter also. And then cue the screaming and wailing for at least an hour bc she "doesn't feel good" but then is magically fine later to go do whatever fun activity and ask for ice cream. I feel like I could set a clock to it and yet I'm somehow the only one that sees it?!? Oh yeah and I'm the mean one also bc I have zero sympathy for it and now that I no longer live there (thank God) it's my cue to peace out and leave then to it 🤣😂

[u/Remarkable_Pay7550 → u/Horror_Blueberry_516]

Is this a thing ? I thought this was our special weird thing.... he vomits. Then cries. Then smiles when he gets what he wanted initially

[u/Key_Charity9484 → u/Remarkable_Pay7550]

My SS18 can make himself vomit at school cause he knows that they will send him home.

[u/Remarkable_Pay7550]

I didn't think this way. Thank you all for your perspectives. I'm not mad with her at all. And I will give her time to process all of my above written. Even if she don't choose to have THAT talk with her son... I am glad that I choose a real, honest answer instead of sugarcoated bs.

[u/Shallowground01]

She might not be thinking you're mean at all. She clearly understands there's an issue in her sons parenting and after reading your response she might be gathering her thoughts/talking to her husband about how they should handle having a proper firm talk with their son. She might be taking that time to work out how to help you with this.