i had to put my baby Callie to sleep last night at the age of 20. i lost my other baby Lulu last year and that was hard too but she had an aggressive oral cancer so the decision to euthanize was more clear, whereas i felt like i had no warning or ways to prepare to mourn Callie. we were having a normal evening of cuddles on the couch and then she had what appeared to be a seizure. the emergency vet thinks it was likely caused by a brain tumor / stroke, and she was weak, unsteady, and sort of dazed.
i'm struggling a lot with my decision - it took me an hour or more to keep thinking while at the vets. they said maybe she could go on pain and seizure meds and that she'd likely have this happen again but who knows when. it was horrifying to see at home and i thought she'd die in front of me and i didn't want her to go that way so that's what ultimately led me to my decision. but it's still hard because maybe i could've taken her home and had more time with her...
Callie has been with me more than half my life and she is truly my baby. she became so needy (more than her normal) in the last few years and would always follow me around wanting to be picked up and held like a baby, or cuddled in the crook of my arm on the couch to sleep.
she only got one of her Christmas treats and her electric heated pad hasn't even arrived yet. i can't believe she's gone and i just feel empty without her. the house feels empty now too with the loss of both my babies. i keep thinking i hear a meow but it's just my brain playing tricks on me.
this loss is so hard. i've just been crying and i feel sick. my only comfort is knowing that Callie and Lulu can be reunited now and give each other cuddles and comfort until i can see them again 😞💔