Question from expats specially in US?

[u/Free-Ad-5341]

I am 30 M. I married to US Citizen girl 3 years ago. We have M.A very cute son. We are good as couple. I love her alot and my son as well. Our relationship is very good too. We are very good when we are in pakistan. She is very supportive and a good wife. I moved to US recently. Its been few days. And tbh i am not liking this country at all. I feel like homesick always. I am being anxious and stressed all the time, missing my home (back in Pakistan) my family, mother friends everything. I have been trying to move on with positive vibes and for good of my son and wife. I pray 5 times a day. Reciting Quran, praying even tahajud to make peace with this new life and country. But i ve started feeling tired and question my decision, always have this knot of anxiety and stress inside my heart. I clear up my mind that i want to live here. I cant move back now. But suddenly a wave of sadness comes and make me feel stressed and anxious. Sometimes because of weather, sometimes because there is no mosque nearby. No desi community. Roads are empty. I dont know if i want to go back, although it would be too selfish and can ruin my wife's normal life too. I am trying hard to not feel this way. Trying to live in moment, praying and reciting duas all the time. But its hard i think i ll get sick.

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[u/r4mb0l4mb0]

Ofcourse youre gonna feel home sick, its only been a few days. Eventually everything will work out my man.

[u/Free-Ad-5341 → u/r4mb0l4mb0]

I wish. And i realy want that day to come eariler. Because i am tired of feeling this way always. I never felt this sensitive in all my life.

[u/r4mb0l4mb0 → u/Free-Ad-5341]

Its only been a couple of days, .. hit the gym, go for a walk, keep yourself busy.

[u/Gullible-Double-8011]

Your son will have better future opportunities to succeed . That should be the primary goal. You’ll get used to it. Maybe try moving somewhere closer to more desis like the east coast or Texas

[u/Visible-Ideal6403]

It looks like you don't have a job yet, and you feel like you are living on your wife and her parents' money. Living in America is not easy, especially if you are not equipped with the right education. In Pakistan, you can live your whole life in your parents' house without even having a proper job, but in America, you have to work hard to survive. There will be at least 10,000 Pakistanis to take your place to get to the America with legal papers.

[u/Forward_Fig_5265]

I read the entire post. What exactly is your question?

Life is hard. Anything worth having requires hard work. Sometimes that means long hours at a difficult job, other times it means doing something outside your comfort zone. You’re missing your family because it’s only been a few days. It takes years to make a new life. You’re not alone. You have your wife and child. That’s your family. Start there.

I’m not sure where you are in the US, but there’s always at least a small mosque. You may have to drive a little farther.

I assume you’re used to having a “ready made” life that your family provided for you in Pakistan, complete with friends and relatives. But that’s your job as an adult now to do for your child.

[u/Free-Ad-5341 → u/Forward_Fig_5265]

I am in wisconsin. My question was is it fair if i ll ask my wife to move back with me. Or i ll leave them and work in my home country and she lives here. And see family few months like UAE/Arab expats do? I know its too selfish. But sometimes i feel like i can work through this. And suddenly wave of sadness comes and make me like i can not even function.

[u/Forward_Fig_5265 → u/Free-Ad-5341]

At this time, it’s not fair to her and it’s also not fair to you either. You haven’t given this life a chance. You’re trying to make a decision that’s rooted in fear. You fear the unknown. Give yourself at least a whole year to get to know the “unknown”. Have a conversation with your wife now about how you feel, then discuss it again in a year.

Wisconsin in the winter time is definitely a big culture shock, so I can understand why you feel like this. Spring and Summer will be different. There are also many parts of the country that are much warmer during the winter. If you are both working remotely, you could have the option of moving to another state. You’re young with a young family, you have a lot of freedom and options about how you want your life to be here.

Bottom line: a few days after a major move halfway around the world is not the time to make any major decisions. In your prayers, ask for patience and an open mind. And please skip a few tahajjuds and get some rest. It will help your anxiety a lot!

[u/Free-Ad-5341 → u/Forward_Fig_5265]

Thanks. I realy apreciate this. I hope i ll get through this.

[u/laevanay]

This is the burden every 1st gen foreigner faces. You are not along. You will long for home, your friends, the adulterated food, polluted air, mama's parataas and carefree environment (no responsibilities of your own) and gap shap with friends but your friends and family envy you for moving out and securing your future.

No one cares if you pray tahajud or recite the Holy Book, nor should your religious obligations be advertised. Your religious duties are for your betterment and are between you and the Almighty. Only He knows how sincere your actions are and whether they hold ANY value or not.

Do you work? You have too much free time on your hands that is why you are complaining about mundane things. Your focus should be towards your family. You married a foreign woman to better your and your family life.

Apologize for being direct and harsh but that should not lessen the reality of what I am trying to convey.

[u/Free-Ad-5341 → u/laevanay]

When i say i pray i meant for peace of mind and to make my heart feel ease and patient with change and what is ahead.

Also, i have good career in Pakistan. I have good job and salary. I am still doing job on remote. I know US is consider good for lifestyle and things. And ALHAMDULILLAH i do shukr to ALLAH that i am resident. But it does not mean i wanted to or want to live here permanent.

[u/Free-Ad-5341 → u/laevanay]

Also, i have this remote job. Which is paused for now. Because i took break for few days.

[u/Old_Bus_9481 → u/laevanay]

Ok that was very uncalled for and rude. Hope you have a better day tomorrow then whatever happened to you today. OP probably said that to rule out the comment that some people might bring up ke its probably because you're not doing xyz.

u/OP You're doing great man, talk it through with your wife and see whatever arrangement works with both of you.

[u/Foreign-Ad4643]

You gotta man up my dude.

[u/Cyber-Homie]

Moving to another country is not for everyone especially not easy for those who have to leave their families behind. But now that you have moved so face the reality and find a hobby and make your mind busy so you can think about the difficulties less and opportunities more. Start by exploring nearby places; the US is humongous, explore the culture. Constantly thinking about moving back or “I wish this was that” won’t be helpful and ultimately distract you from your goals.

[u/SignificantFold277]

Its going to be hard, you will have to move closer to mosque and make friends. I am not sure how much muslim community is in Wisconsin, you will have to do it for future of you son.

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[u/Free-Ad-5341 → u/[deleted]]

I have job already.

[u/Sea_Food_7655]

Instead of moving back to Pakistan, can you try relocating to a state with more desi residents from Pakistan with a bit warmer or bearable weather conditions.

US is such a big and diverse country. It has everything for everyone. Keeping urself busy in stuff other than job is also useful.

If you feel very nostalgic than may be you can get more frequent trips to Pakistan instead of permanently moving back.

The idea is to find a happy medium for urself and ur wife where you can keep ur soul happy but also not neglect your responsibilities towards her as a husband.

[u/khumi01]

I think you should've discussed it thoroughly with your wife beforehand. Because right now it will come as awkward, I mean you agreed to come to the US. As far as the religion is concerned it's pretty obvious it's not a muslim country nor the culture is remotely similar to Pakistan. There's an old saying 'When in Rome, do as the Romans do'. What people don't realize when you move to somewhere else you might gain financially or have a better lifestyle but there's still a price to be paid. Although, it depends entirely on that person what he or she values more in life. What I can tell after reading your post is that what you value isn't in the US maybe. Unless your wife is comfortable having that conversation going to Pakistan, I don't think you can do much here.

[u/Tasty_Sheepherder_44]

Homesickness is a horrible thing. It won’t get easier for a long time, but then slowly it will.

But people are right; it’s literally been a few days, life if tough. Deal with it.

[u/DefiantClue3405]

Dear Brother I feel your pain and anxiety as I have gone through this myself but 31 years ago when I came to New York myself. This is natural and happens to most people. Please be patient and live through this tough time and you, believe me, will overcome this. Your wife and your son are your strengths and you are a source of encouragement for them; bear these times for them. Keep yourself occupied with some activities and job so that homesickness is off your mind. First few months will be hard and things will get better eventually. You are lucky that you are able to escape Pakistan where almost all people want to leave but cannot. I am in DC Metro Area and let me know if I could be of any help. If possible, go to your local masjid and attend their programs so that you can make some local connections.

[u/Free-Ad-5341 → u/DefiantClue3405]

Trying my best. But its too hard.

[u/Justsomerandompk456]

If you don't mind me asking, why did you get married to a U.S. citizen? Didn't you think this might happen?

The real answer is that you have to talk to your partner and see sort of agreement or compromise you two can come to.

[u/Free-Ad-5341 → u/Justsomerandompk456]

Initially she wanted to move back to pakistan too. But later she got settled with her job. And we never discussed in detail our life here permanent. Deep down i knew we can always move back. I had thought that benefit of green card is i can always go to my family instead she visiting me always. Plus i loved her not this country. She is also from Pakistan moved here 7 years ago.

[u/Justsomerandompk456 → u/Free-Ad-5341]

Well you should have that conversation now. Where you guys see your futures. She's your partner. Work it out with her rather than strangers on Reddit

[u/StrangerNo9431]

Is being an Adult and having mental Maturity not a thing anymore? People from South Asia have been coming to the US since late 1800s... I have no idea what on earth your trying to achieve by having a foot in both places. Pick one and ride it out, no 50/50.