this was during an endoscopy, I think. I have never really tolerated partial anesthesia well, and ironically, my larger surgeries with full anesthesia have left me feeling more comfortable and mentally sound. it’s the partial ones that make me feel a little traumatized afterward.

they were hovering over me suspended in this dark void and illuminated in this disembodied, dim light. i could hear them talking about their co-workers, about how a patient’s mother brought one of them back chocolates, how most patients always picked the fruit punch scented anesthesia (I was in a children’s hospital at this time, 17-18).

partial anesthesia may be for less intensive/invasive procedures, but it is such a mindfuck