r/kingsnottrash • u/Asexual_barbie_boy • Dec 21 '20

Question How do you console someone who is grieving or struggling?

A close friend of mine has a close relative who is in ICU after contracting covid-19. They're really heartbroken and scared, understandably. What are some ways to be there for them and help them feel better?

43 Upvotes

92% Upvoted

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19

u/someone755 Dec 21 '20

My greatest mistake is I have a very problem solving train of thought. I need to find solutions. So when presented with another's problems, I offer possible solutions.

This is pretty generic and not necessarily specific to your case, but: Don't do this. A grieving person doesn't want your advice, they want your compassion and the assurance that you are there to catch them if they stumble, and a pillar of trust if they need support.

9

u/Realistic_Mushroom Dec 22 '20

Be safe and just listen.

I buried an infant child and one of the best things that helped me was one person who just listened, understood my feelings, and asked me questions. I was able to be brutally honest and they didn't judge, even as I said stuff I was feeling at the time that was contrary to my normal personality and worldview.

Then, just follow up. If you're going to help, just do something. Saying "Let me know if you need anything" put the responsibility for caring for me on my shoulders. Seems backwards and ended up making me feel more alone. Bring coffee. Send a card. Send a gift-card with a note. Just do it.

I know I said it already, but follow up, even if it feels awkward. A text letting them know you're thinking about them can mean so much; I know it did for me.

Let us know how it goes.

2

u/alphabeta1982 Jan 11 '21

Same as the post above, just be there and listen, but... bring something to eat or drink

1

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