r/kingsnottrash • u/JimmyLimmyGetBetter • Jun 07 '20
Relationships This might be a dumb question to ask, Kings, but what are your feelings about getting back together with an ex?
Let me just preface this with saying that I've always made it a point to never get back together with an ex-girlfriend, no matter how much I would want to, and I will always stick to that.
That out of the way, my recent ex-girlfriend called me out of the blue and asked me if I wanted to get back together (we were together for 2 and a half great years but she broke up with me to go to grad school and she's just finished). Another reason we broke up was our conflicting views on children, but she says she's started to come around to my side. The thing is, I don't fully believer her when she says that.
I reiterated to her about my feelings on dating an ex, and when I was explaining it I started to wonder what users on this sub thought about the practice, or whether or not my stance is reasonable?
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u/RevWest Jun 07 '20
She has demonstrated that she will break up with you when it is not convenient to be with you. Red flag alert.
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Jun 07 '20
The way I see it mate is getting back with in an ex is a step into your past, and as such, a step backwards. You gotta be taking your life forwards man.
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Jun 07 '20
You broke up for a reason.
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u/Leadbaptist Jun 07 '20
Yeah so she could go to grad school and they wouldnt be long distance which I would get. I dunno king, but that seems like an okay relationship to revisit.
Not my call tho
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Jun 07 '20 edited May 11 '21
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u/Leadbaptist Jun 07 '20
Oooooooo boy jody is gunna show you why long distance is a bad idea
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Jun 07 '20 edited May 11 '21
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u/Leadbaptist Jun 07 '20
What Branch you shippin too brotha
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Jun 07 '20 edited Jun 13 '21
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u/Leadbaptist Jun 07 '20
Oorah brother. What do you want to do in the Marines?
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Jun 07 '20 edited Jun 13 '21
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u/Leadbaptist Jun 08 '20
Thats solid man. I hope you get infantry hahahaha
It'll be good dude. Joining was the best thing I ever did. Good luck.
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u/YallNeedMises Jun 07 '20
She chose education and a career over a potential husband and children, and now she's fully credentialed as an Independent Woman. How much debt do you suppose she took on to get there? Who foots that bill if she decides to be a mother (as she should) instead of a working woman? Given the state of the market, it's awful convenient that she's starting to come around to the idea of children now. What sort of lifestyle is she going to expect based on her inflated standards thanks to that degree? How committed to her marriage would she be anyway when she always has the option to bail out and make her own living? Moreover, how is her capacity to pair-bond after all of the dick she presumably took in their time apart? u/jimmylimmygetbetter dodged a bullet the first time around. This is not a quality woman, king, this is a chameleon.
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u/LongjumpingTelephone Jun 07 '20
I’ve done this before, I cannot urge you how important it is to NOT do this, it may hurt but move on, you’ll be better before you know it
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Jun 07 '20
Every case is individual. But it sounds like your ex wanted to have you on standby while she went to do something else. Could be that you need to value yourself more than that and be your own man.
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u/inocomprendo Jun 07 '20
It’s not worth your time, king. You don’t break up with someone purely because of circumstance, if you cared then you make it work (job, school, etc.). I’ve seen difficult situations be overcome, and I’ve seen couples flake at the first difficulty.
Just remember not to dwell on this, and move on with your life. Stay hydrated.
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u/Hed0n Jun 07 '20
Depends on the case. Only you know enough about the way she is to make a judgment call about whether she's a good person to marry or not (you date to marry).
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u/js0225 Jun 07 '20
By getting back together with your ex your value as a man will decrease. Just don’t do it
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u/studboy43 Jun 07 '20 edited Jun 07 '20
Completely depends on the girl. I have exes who I don’t really share any hard feelings towards and recognize we were just young and at different points and id be down to run it back. I also have exes I neglect to give my new phone number and take off the block list.
Don’t make it easy for her, let her win you over if she’s the one pursuing you. But sure, meet up for a coffee and see for yourself what’s changed and if there’s anything there.
My pet peeve in dating, and why I can’t emotionally handle being a player shooting my shot with everyone is - don’t be too much of a fucking pussy to put your socks and shoes on and meet up for some coffee. How disrespectful is that to your fucking youth.
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u/BigGucciN Jun 07 '20
I'm honestly not sure. Dm me a physiognamy check of her face, ironically that's an easier way to tell.
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u/throwaway-aa2 Jun 07 '20
The thing is, I don't fully believer her when she says that.
What were her views? That you do want to have children, or you don’t? If she didn’t, but says she now does, that’s easy: tell her that you’re not using a condom after a certain date and make it clear.. it doesn’t matter what she wants. If she did want to have children and now she’s saying she doesn’t, yes I‘d doubt that. That being said, I think all of us kings should have kids so that we can multiply and share ourselves with the world, so to speak.
Here’s the thing: all women ain’t shit. I’m redpilled so I think differently from other people here. All women will try to get the best men possible, the same way if a girl just like your ex entered your life, and she was literally a carbon copy (personality, everything, except a bit more beautiful, you’d want her). The fact that she didn’t stay with you doesn’t necessarily mean anything. To be honest if I was in the same situation, I’d do the same shit so that I wouldn’t have to worry about cheating. What she did was smart.
A bunch of women wouldn’t have broken up with you, and instead cheated.... I’d argue a large majority. A bunch of women would have stayed with you, and not cheated, not necessarily because they weren’t tempted (and you understand how temptation works), but because maybe they don’t have a high level of confidence and they go “ok I can’t lose my last shot”, but that just biases the girls that don’t have a lot of confidence in themselves, rather than this being a girl with “morality”.
Here’s my thing. What is your gut telling you? What I mean by that, isn’t “oh she was kissing / fucking other guys” because that could have been something she needed to experience, to understand your value. What I mean is, what is her value to you? Ignore what she did (because again, I’m red pill and we don’t believe all these qualities men superimpose on women). Do you see her being a good caretaker? Do you see her being a good mother? Do you see her being a good lover? You also need to establish that she has to pay for breaking up with you in the first place. ”generally” dating an ex is a bad idea because it‘s being with a women before your transformations in life, and without effort she’ll continue to see you like that. That being said, if she’s valuable, if you really see something happening there, then sure date her again.
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u/Leadbaptist Jun 07 '20
I dunno man. Usually thats a hard no but with the information you provided it doesnt sound like a bad move. She says shes coming to your side regarding having children (and buddy, its easier to have kids then not) you could give it a shot. See if things are nice.
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u/chaosfusion321 Jun 07 '20
I think each relationship is different, some might deserver a chance more than others. It all depends on why they broke up and how the aftermath was.
Speaking from my past experience, I broke up with an ex of 3 years. We got back together after 6 months. We dated for another year, so 4 in total, and we broke up again.
Going back into the relationship at first felt great. You have your SO back, you're not lonely anymore, you're having sex again, and you have companionship. However, once the feeling of being back together wears off you start to see the issues that caused the break up to happen again. And this time it's much more resentful in opinion. Because of this, I ended up breaking up with her again, and for the last time.
I believe it is best to leave the past in the past and to move forward king. There's a reason you guys broke up, now look to the future.