My relationship with my parents is over and I’m slowly losing my battle with mental health

[u/supbrosuppp]

Today was my last straw. I can’t take it anymore guys. I just cannot. I don’t have the strength. My dad has made me way too many promises. And when he can’t fulfil them, he gets mad at me. Cause hes guilty. He promised to send me abroad for my education and he didn’t. He promised to send me anywhere in India. And he didn’t. Cause of financial issues. I understand that now even though I was immature about it all this time. I have apologised for it. For being a brat about it. If I ask him for something he doesn’t even straight out say no. He makes it sound as if I’m begging for it and forcing him to buy it. Then he makes faces and is like do you really want that right now? I don’t know what he can afford and what he can’t. He doesn’t even say no. If he does I’ll leave it alone. He puts me through this mental torture about asking for the thing in the first place. I just can’t take it. I really cannot. I already have my share of shit to deal with. I have anxiety and god knows what else. I can’t handle it. And my mom. She and dad have horrible relationship with terrible communication. Idk what is with her. She buys me stuff and then dad gets angry at me. And I’m a loser. A huge loser. I don’t know how to keep my mouth shut. If I’m angry I need to justify it and talk back. I am only the problem I know. But idk how to stop it. I’m a fucking idiotic loser. I don’t know how to deal with setbacks. I don’t know how to deal with failed promises. Why do I keep asking for more? Why do I have such dreams? Why are they that big? I have zero support towards my dreams. How do I make myself understand that?

Someone please help me. Like I’m crying for help. I know I’m fucked in the head. I’m an idiot. But I can’t go on like this. Not with my parents. Not with myself.

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[u/chris240069]

I need answers to a few questions before I can really try and give you advice on anything... How old are you, Are you still in high school, what does your mother buy that your father gets angry about, what country do you live in? Does your father work If so what does he do?

[u/supbrosuppp → u/chris240069]

I’m 20. I don’t live at home. But still always fighting with parents cause I come back atleast once every two months and the holidays. My mom buys me clothes. I’m getting fatter and my clothes aren’t fitting me anymore. I never usually ask for clothes at all. But I have been recently cause none of them are fitting me. I live in India and my dad does coding. I know you’re gonna say I’m 20. And I should have a job. The culture is different here. People do t get jobs when they’re college. It’s a pathetic excuse on my part I know. But yeah this is my situation.

[u/chris240069 → u/supbrosuppp]

It's not pathetic You're in one of I'm guessing the most complicated situations of your life, and I can entirely empathize with that, I'm not judging you and saying you're 20 You should be doing things differently... You're a grown up now! I'm an American 50-year-old woman and one of the hardest lessons in life for me to learn was at the end of the day nobody really cares, your happiness and your well-being are on you. I don't know about your parents financial situation but mine was as such, that mine couldn't help me if they wanted to, so it really was all on me! the minute I quit expecting things of other people, I quit being so disappointed and crushed! I know it's not the answer you want to hear, but it's the answer that's going to salvage your mental health! I'm really sorry and I know it's an unbelievably lonely feeling but buddy I just need you to persevere and keep pushing through to the next day things will get better but sweetheart you're going to have to make them better! I wish you the very best of luck, I'm sorry again! 💗

[u/chris240069 → u/chris240069]

I'm not saying that your parents don't care about you, and after re-reading that I realize that's kind of what it looked like! That's not the case I'm wondering if maybe you set your father down and had a real heart-to-heart conversation with him, if that could change things is it possible Dad's just not in a financial position to do the things you're asking but really wants to do them and says yes because he has good intentions but maybe just can't?

[u/Front-Door-2692 → u/chris240069]

Great advice. Our parents (usually) want the best things for us. Whether or not they can deliver on those good intentions is another thing. It sounds like OP’s dad would really like to provide everything that OP is asking for but may not be able to. Mom sounds like she’s scraping some money together to get OP some clothes.

[u/fivelgoesnuts]

Sounds like you’re in a frustrating situation where your parents aren’t fulfilling your needs and perhaps you don’t have support outside of them. Listen, you are not a loser for having dreams and hopes.

I don’t know enough of the context of your home situation and culture, to know how to best offer support for how to change your situation. But, beating yourself up over how you can’t force yourself to feel differently or lower your expectations is being very harsh to yourself. It’s normal to be disappointed if someone repeatedly makes promises and doesn’t fulfill them - you wanting them to be different is a normal reaction and does not make you an idiot or a loser for wishing for them to be different.

I know just how hard it is to be stuck in a family situation with poor communication and little support and I’m so sorry you’re going through that. Keep your dreams in sight- break them down into some tangible goals and work towards them. Don’t lose hope.

[u/Whuhwhut]

Are you perhaps comparing your situation with someone else’s situation who has gotten to go abroad? You may be feeling envy of life options that are not available to you. It’s too bad that your parents don’t have a better relationship and that your father can’t be gently direct with you about the limits of his budget. But within these constraints, what are your options?

Make a list of what’s in your control, and what is not in your control. For the things that are in your control, you can make a list of action steps that you can take bit by bit. For the things that are out of your control, you can make a list of ways to cope.

Is spirituality or religion a support to you at all? If so, you can talk to people who are living their faith, or leaders within the religion who are safe and healthy to talk to. And pray to whomever it makes sense for you to pray to. Prayer is a comfort, if your religion or spirituality is meaningful to you.

If you are not religious or spiritual, are there any movements or subcultures that you find supportive? Some people find volunteering, or going to a book club, or joining some other activity club to be very helpful for their sense of purpose.

[u/ItWasTheChuauaha]

At age 20, it's not for your parents to buy you anything. If you want something you have to go earn them yourself. I think you're being unfair on your parents.

[u/SlowDescent_]

And I’m a loser. A huge loser. I don’t know how to keep my mouth shut. If I’m angry I need to justify it and talk back. I am only the problem I know. But idk how to stop it. I’m a fucking idiotic loser. I don’t know how to deal with setbacks. I don’t know how to deal with failed promises. Why do I keep asking for more? Why do I have such dreams? Why are they that big? I have zero support towards my dreams. How do I make myself understand that?

I know I’m fucked in the head. I’m an idiot.

I see a lot of negative self-talk. I know you are at your limit and I am very sorry that you are in this situation.

Kicking yourself when you’re already down is only making things worse. And, kicking yourself for kicking yourself when you are already down, doesn’t help either. Nobody can hate themselves into loving themselves.

Now for some concrete advice on the self-talk. Trust me, this is important.

Every time you catch yourself saying, writing, or thinking something denigrating about yourself, stop. Say something like “full stop” or “period.” Say it in your head or out loud. If the meanness returns immediately say “stop” again. If it continues say “I heard you the first time. Now be quiet and let me think.”

If you can’t say these things with self-compassion, say them neutrally. If you can’t say them neutrally then use whatever tone you can muster, telling yourself that one day you’ll be able to be neutral.

I’m going to leave this here and let others help you with other practical advice.

Sending you my very best wishes for a happier and healthier life.

[u/SnooWords4839]

Please read - Why Does He Do That PDF Free download by Lundy Bancroft - Free Books Mania

This will show you, how toxic your parents are. You need to make an exit plan and run!

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