it was a matter of poor timing. extenuating circumstances made it appear that i was driving recklessly when i was swerving to avoid hitting something, and when i immediately got into an accident after the swerve, random strangers pulled over to scream in my face that they “knew i was drunk driving” and i belong in jail/etc/etc. Apparently they had followed me from the swerve to yell at me and saw me get into the accident leading them to scream in my face and tell the cops that i should be arrested. I was DUI checked at the scene, cleared of course, and the strangers finally left so that the other driver and i could handle insurance. i just feel awful. i should have handled it differently. i didnt defend myself at all, just let these people yell at me while my destroyed car sat behind me while i shook from the shock. i feel defeated. that car was my life i would never have treated it recklessly. there were kids in the other drivers car. i keep hearing those people screaming in my face. i’m sober and havent drank, so to hear these accusations brought a lot of feelings up for me and i truly did not know how to defend myself i just let them yell at me and now i feel awful. i also have no idea what to do next as this is my first accident. just a terrible day after christmas for me.

My dad has been abusing me for decades and after something that happened last night I finally told him I don't want him in my life anymore. The problem is I'm too sympathetic for my own good. Any advice on how to hold myself to it on cutting him out. On the good days he was the only person who was really enthusiastic about my writing. And, unfortunately, he was the only parent I had left.

I do have a place to stay and I'm living there. I had moved out months prior. So now what? Any advice or at least words of comfort?

Christmas in the gutter

Today marks my third Christmas alone after a long, loved filled, blessed childhood and early adulthood.

I had a great upbringing. We weren’t super well off, and I wasn’t popular or cool. I had some minor trama outside of anybody’s control (car accident, natural disasters, etc) but I felt like everything was cool. I was about to marry my first ever partner after 7 years. We just moved to a cool new city. Everything was going great.

After my fiancé left me for a coworker, it left me broken. Within the year it happened, I got drunk and crashed my car, narrowly avoided a dui, and severely injured both of my knees.

Since then (2 years now) I’ve had one fun fling with someone, that ended up hurting a lot too, and a ton of fun on my own. It hasn’t all been easy though. I’ve reinjured myself a few times, but one time recently was really bad, and I struggle to walk some days. Loneliness has also really gotten me too. A lot of my friends were my ex’s friends since we moved here, and now I’m just left with my coworkers as “friends.” They’re all great people but they have their own lives and friends.

Tonight I invited my ex and their new partner to hang out at a bar on Christmas. I’ve hung out with them before, and it’s mostly been okay. Tonight though, I was really emotional and I drank way too much. I got a Lyft home, luckily, but I literally couldn’t make it from the street in front of my house, to my front door. I fell down in the pouring rain and mud so many times, just trying to get 50 feet. My clothes were soaked, and I just lied there crying, unable to even make it home when I could see it. I eventually made it to my door, but I couldn’t find my keys, so I broke through the screen on my window to get in. When I woke up, I didn’t have my keys or my wallet. Thank god they were just right out front in the gutter of the street where I fell for probably the fifth time.

I hope you guys all had a great Christmas. I know I’m a hell of a lot luckier than a ton of people. I just think tonight really sucked for me.

Today was my last straw. I can’t take it anymore guys. I just cannot. I don’t have the strength. My dad has made me way too many promises. And when he can’t fulfil them, he gets mad at me. Cause hes guilty. He promised to send me abroad for my education and he didn’t. He promised to send me anywhere in India. And he didn’t. Cause of financial issues. I understand that now even though I was immature about it all this time. I have apologised for it. For being a brat about it. If I ask him for something he doesn’t even straight out say no. He makes it sound as if I’m begging for it and forcing him to buy it. Then he makes faces and is like do you really want that right now? I don’t know what he can afford and what he can’t. He doesn’t even say no. If he does I’ll leave it alone. He puts me through this mental torture about asking for the thing in the first place. I just can’t take it. I really cannot. I already have my share of shit to deal with. I have anxiety and god knows what else. I can’t handle it. And my mom. She and dad have horrible relationship with terrible communication. Idk what is with her. She buys me stuff and then dad gets angry at me. And I’m a loser. A huge loser. I don’t know how to keep my mouth shut. If I’m angry I need to justify it and talk back. I am only the problem I know. But idk how to stop it. I’m a fucking idiotic loser. I don’t know how to deal with setbacks. I don’t know how to deal with failed promises. Why do I keep asking for more? Why do I have such dreams? Why are they that big? I have zero support towards my dreams. How do I make myself understand that?

Someone please help me. Like I’m crying for help. I know I’m fucked in the head. I’m an idiot. But I can’t go on like this. Not with my parents. Not with myself.

My dad was hospitalised a month ago and following he was put under ventilation for around 3 days. He is back home for around 7 days now and requires 24*7 oxygen but is slowly improving. His rehabilitation will require at least 3-6 months. We have spent everything we have for medical expenses.

However my dad is getting agitated, he wants to go out, walk, etc right now. Evert time he is getting agitated the oxygen support needed also increases. We are afraid he might get so agitated that he takes off his oxygen mask and harms himself. We haven't even told him that that he was under ventilation & how much money has been spent.

Please help.

The other week me and my partner had sex. I'm not on birth control but he had condom on and he did finish in me ( but in his condom). That night I was about to get my period and in fact my period did start the next day alright! Now it had been 6 days since and my period is over. My anxiety is if the condom slipped or anything could there still be a risk of pregnancy or is it completely safe since I got period immediately after and all the blood would have washed everything out?

Sorry if this is silly. I'm 30 but a late bloomer who just started being sexually active last year. This is a moment I'd go to my mother but sadly I don't have a safe family nor any female figures to confide to in my life. Also in my country there was no sex education really. Thank you for taking time reading. I'm a bit anxious right now so please be kind.

hi,

I know this is a strange post, but my (14f) mom is very sick (not sick enough to be hospitalised; but still ill.) She has been for about 10 months now. We’ve been to countless doctors and hospitals, and they all says she’s fine & needs to manage her symptoms at home but it’s still insanely stressful.

She suffers from severe GERD and has GERD episodes daily. It’s extremely, extremely stressful because I’m often woken up to her coughing or having an episode. She’s also lost a lot of weight, she is severely underweight right now. I have to take care of her during these episodes.

We’ve been to a hospital. We’ve tested her for cancer. They just say she needs to continue with antibiotics. I’ve called an ambulance on her before when she was having an episode & they got pissed and told me that nothing was wrong with her. I literally don’t know what’s going on anymore. She’s also extremely stubborn about going to her doctors appointments when she needs to, I’m always the one who needs to remind her and force her into it. She literally won’t go unless I scream and cry and beg her to.

I’m not allowed out of the house without her and she doesn’t want to go anywhere so I’ve also been stuck in my house for months. I have no family to help. It feels like nothing is ever gonna get better. I’ve been taking care of her for ten months. I just want to rest. I want to cry my eyes out, but whenever I cry Infront of her she calls me dramatic.

My (30f) mom and dad (60s) are both possibly mentally disabled and undiagnosed. They have no emotional regulation skills or common sense. My older sister (f32) is severely intellectually and physically disabled and has multiple diagnoses. Her brain development can be likened to that of a toddler. Ten years ago allegations of neglect were made by an outside party, and my sister was removed from the home. There was a legal process and she is with a really wonderful caretaker now, and has some part time caretakers who also help out. My parents still get to see her as much as they want, but have said that although they love her, they no longer want her back. All of this is kind of important to give context and background about my family.

When I was very small, my mom relied on me heavily for emotional support. She would tell me about issues with her marriage, sexual traumas, all kinds of very upsetting topics. The earliest I remember this happening was when I was in grade 1 (so age 7/8). She was the type of person to cry and have meltdowns over everything, both small and large. She wouldn't let me get a job in my teens because she wanted me at home, and would wail and cry when I brought it up. She would wail and cry when I got older and wanted to go out with friends more than once a month. She hated my friends and tried to tell me I should cut ties with them because they weren't Christian enough. She was extremely religious and would do strange things like rub oil on my forehead while I was sleeping to "keep Satan out". If I developed an interest in a band or a video game that she didn't like, she would take it away because it wasn't Christian or God-related. She homeschooled me for 2 years and completely isolated me from the world during that time, we almost never left the house. She used to say strange things, such as that she had two children because she figured at least one of them would want to live with her forever. She was very possessive and controlling and cried on my shoulder my whole life. She is the type of person to trauma dump on a cashier to try to garner sympathy. Because she is like this with everyone, she's alienated most of her extended family and cycles through friends very quickly. She hasn't had a job in 30+ years and doesn't intend on getting one.

My dad is an alcoholic who drinks a flat of beer every night. He is avoidant and spent most of my childhood in his den in the basement drinking and smoking. He didn't help my mom with my disabled sister at all. Sometimes he would get extremely angry and fly off the handle over small things. Then, he would throw things, yell, and occasionally try to hit me (twice that I remember). Both those times I was able to run away and stay away until things calmed down. He works in retail and then comes home and drinks, he doesn't do anything else. His side of the family is completely estranged from him. I was very afraid of him as a child and none of us could go to him for support. He is unpredictable, and uninvolved in my life (he texts me maybe 2-3 times a year). My mom would always talk to me when I was little about how he was going to burn in hell because he wasn't Christian. She would talk about wanting to divorce him but not having the money to do it.

Essentially, I never knew what emotional support, encouragement, and safety felt like until I moved out and found my people. I have a wonderful circle of friends, a wonderful husband, and an okay job. I feel that I fought hard for this life.

At Christmas this year, I went to visit them with my husband. We both find the visits very difficult, but I feel obligated to remain in their lives and try to keep up a monthly visit. Their condo is a hoarder house that reeks of cigarettes as my dad chain smokes every day all day. My mom delved into some upsetting topics. She told us that one of my sister's part time caretaker had hit her, and my sister had been removed from that person's care. Then she said, "it's understandable that she hit her, [sister] is difficult."

She also said something else concerning. My mom's cat has been diagnosed with diabetes due to my mom severely overfeeding her. The cat is legit like 35 lbs. I've been begging my mom to reduce her food intake for years but my mom has always said she can't because "the cat demands it". At Christmas, my mom said that she thinks the diabetes diagnosis is false and everything is fine. No reason for her to think this. My mom is the type of person who can't take accountability and will just pretend in order to feel better. Essentially she is delusional and I think she is gonna keep overfeeding the cat to death.

I am starting to realize my mom might be a legit child abuser and animal abuser. Back when my sister was removed from their house, I felt it was unwarranted. Now, I am grateful some adults stepped in and ensured my sister's safety.

My husband and I tried to smile through Christmas. When we got home, my husband told me I would be justified in going no contact. He was horrified that my mom was okay with my sister being abused by one of her caretakers, and he feels that I was emotionally abused too. I have always felt that my parents are likely mentally ill and struggling. I have always felt that they didn't know better and couldn't do better. They both have sad, traumatizing pasts and I have always empathized with them. But my husband pointed out how hard it is for me to see them.

I tried to message my mom about some of these issues and she told me that she tries so hard and feels like she can't do anything right. That I need to "come back to Jesus". And that she will always love me no matter what path I choose.

I feel like the only thing that would make me feel better and safe is to not have them in my life anymore. I would like to go no contact but it feels harsh because my parents are probably doing their best, even if their best sucks.

Sorry that this is all over the place. I know there are a lot of topics and separate events in this post... I'm hoping it makes sense and my feelings aren't crazy. Would appreciate some support/advice. Thanks for reading if you got this far!

I, 15F have been going through it for the last 2 years now and I need outside opinions and advice on where to go from here. It feels like ever since I turned 13 my life has just gone downhill and my parents have stopped loving me. For context, my parents got divorced when I was really young and even though it's meant to be joint custody, I reside with my mom and hardly see my dad more than once a year. As the years have gone by, my mom just seems to have gotten more erratic and it feels like she's just completely lost her mind and I'm just so scared and confused because I dont know what I've done to her to make her hate me this much. As I'm writing this, I'm currently upset because my mom had another "episode" last night and she's just tried to kill me for the second time this month.

She took my phone (I'm on my backup atm) and saw that I was using her laptop and got so mad she started trying to hit me with it and kept throwing it at me and I kept telling her to just stop and goodnight go to sleep which angered her further and she threw a microphone at me made of metal and some sharp plastic material. She then took the curtain rail thing down from my window and started trying to hit me and jab me with it. I locked myself in the closet to avoid this but she overpowered me, opened the door and succeeded in harming me with it. Eventually she left me alone in anger and I have a huge wound on my arm, i dont know if it's from the microphone or the railing but either way it doesn't matter. Earlier this month she threw a bottle of baby powder at my head, and the hard portion hit me square on my forehead and I had a huge bump, some minutes later she tried stabbing me with a pen while repeating over and over "I wanna kill you, I wanna kill you!!" I genuinely feared my life that day.

This isn't the first time I've sustained physical injury from my mother as she's beaten me with literal whips and metal parts of belts that left me limping for days. She's thrown sharp objects at me and tried to stab me with scissors as well. She constantly tells me she hates me and even blames me for her diabetes which started out gestational and just never left. I tell her all the time that I didnt choose to be born but oh well. She never lets me relax either, she's always starting something with me. She has also sat me down several times to have talks with me about my behavior and the most recent one we had stuck with me the most. In that talk she said, "Look at the way I tried to kill you. Anything could happen. I know one day I might succeed and I'm scared of what I might do to you, so you should just go live with your dad."

Now, you may be thinking "why don't you just go and live with your dad?" But my dad also has his flaws. He can be aggressive and angry. Yes, he gives me more freedom. But when you put the whole thing into perspective he really isn't much better than my mom and they were perfect for eachother. My dad is weird and I just can't see myself living with him longterm. I hate my life so much. I have nowhere to turn. Both of my parents are weird, so i don't wanna live with either of them and I don't think i can wait 2-3 years to move out, I just don't think I'll last that long. My friends have told me this is abuse, this I know. What do you think I should do? What are my alternatives? My options? I need an escape. Thank you!!

My grandpa is slowly dying of cancer, my grandma will tell my mom everything and my mom... well, I just realized that even though I am an only child, I will never be the first priority to her. I love my family, but I don't think I can talk to them. So maybe some internet strangers can be the comfort that I seek.

First thing is that even though I think I love my mom and she sometimes is helping me, I still resent her for things she did when I was younger. When I was 14 and wanted to start ballet she told me that I was too fat and that nobody could lift me. I was 55kg and definelty not overweight and I am still feeling guilt when someone's picking me up or when I am laying on top of someone because there's always the thought of "I am too heavy" (currently 57kg).

Then in my early 20s there were a few times I went out to party, but when I did I wanted to feel pretty, so I put on makeup. Whenever I wore red lipstick my mom told me that I look like a whore, yeah not really great for my confidence.

And recently she told me that as long as grandma still lives my mom will:
1) Always miss my birthday if I don't come to my grandma (me and her share the same birthday), because when I was a child my grandma had to "sacrifice" her birthday to spend the day with me. And I usually don't feel like going two hours by train after I worked, so I spend my birthdays alone.
2) Go on vacation two times a year with my grandma. When I asked her if she would go on vacation with me every few years she told me those two times with grandma were very important to her. So no.

I feel bad that every once in a while I just wish I had a different mom. One that I feel would love me unconditionally. Or maybe it was my fault. Maybe me, not being diagnosed with autism until now, was just too much for her. I can't imagine it was easy for her, my teens sure were hell for me.

And lately I have this feeling that I am not using my life correctly. That maybe I should have chosen a different job. Or maybe I should have studied something to change the world. Maybe I should have socialized more when I was younger. I don't know what exactly I am feeling or if this is normal with 31 years, but I am feeling like there is something missing. Something I am not doing right.

This year I have met a wonderfull man. He is lovely and caring and I have never been treated this well before. And while we are not really in a relationship, it made me think that maybe I could be loved and maybe I could have a relationship.
And for all my life I have been so sure that I didn't want children. But now I'm beginning to think "What if I do?" How do you know that? How can be one sure if they want children or not? And what if I'm not sure until later. What if I want one in my mid 30s, would I be too old?

I’m 23F and the middle child with 4 other siblings. My mother is physically handicapped so she needs care most of the time. Ever since my father left I have stepped into his shoes and taken over everything he used to do. The whole family is financially stable with no jobs so we all have a lot of free time.

I plan every major holiday, every birthday, while also taking care of my mother full time and having my own household to take care of as well including my animals (13 dogs/cats) and girlfriend. My siblings do not contribute to much, especially what has to do with my mom. Meanwhile they act like they do and just blame my mom for why they haven’t been there. I am the only one who visits, cleans, and cooks because she is unable to. But, she does not acknowledge my efforts let alone say thank you. She constantly asks about my other siblings and states how depressed and lonely she is because they don’t see her or talk to her(She also has made it very clear I am not her favorite). She puts all her efforts into anything that has to do with my siblings but can’t even make an effort for my birthday(and I quote “thank god you’re planning your own birthday party”). I plan every one of her birthdays/Mother’s Day and then she proceeds thanking every other sibling who did nothing but show up and thats just a few instances to cover her. My siblings do me even dirtier…..

Keep in mind I also plan every single one of their birthday parties and get their gifts that are from my mom to them. They thank my mom every time while they are fully aware I did everything. I cook every holiday and birthday with no help and they complain straight to my face about how terrible it is They complain about all the gifts and about how lame everything is all the time, including my mom. They get each other meaningful Christmas and birthday gifts but I get nothing from anyone.

But for the last 4 years they haven’t include me in siblings activities or bother mentioning that they are all hanging out. Then when I see them they blame me for not being around or visiting them. I ask them to hang out and every single one of them flakes and then meets up at one of their houses after canceling with me. They constantly talk shit on my appearance and I am the butt of every joke.

Ive been internally struggling with the thought of cutting them all off for the past 2 years only because I know my mom with not be taken care of properly or she will be forgotten by them completely.

Is this enough means to ghost all them?

hi internet parents!

weird question: but how do you get rid of hunger pangs most effectively? i am moving cities with my disability's help and cannot get a foodbank hamper until i move.

i unfortunately don't have the funds for groceries and am no contact with my abusive family so i live alone. i have tried free food groups on facebook but its been hard because i need things delivered.

i have been trying to sell pet portraits but its been a bit slow going : so i am just wondering on how best to get rid of hunger pangs? i appreciate any advice but please believe i have tried things. 💜

thank you so much in advance.

I 28 (NB), moved to a new city last year for grad school and made a really close friend (33F) from my program.

Some background if it's relevant: I am AMAB but have a partner. I'm NOT romantically interested in my friend and only see her as my big sister. I was identifying myself as male and only recently came out to my friends as NB.

We are not the stereotypical friendship you could imagine but we just clicked and have been friend since 1 month into the program.

We graduated this November so we haven't seen each other often since the course ended but we've always been chatting pretty regularly on Instagram or text and we still live in the same city. We haven't physically met in a while since I was visiting my hometown for 2 months so August was our last meeting.

In early December I asked to hangout and she said she couldn't that week but definitely next week. So I followed up next week asking for a good time to hang out and she left me on read. That's the last conversation we had.

I sent her another message 2 weeks ago asking whether she's free during Christmas since me and my partner (she's a good friend of her) planned to have a party. This time she didn't even read my text. Prior to that the longest it took was a few days for her to reply.

A couple days before our final conversation she told me she has a bitter impression of our city and she'd tell me in person when we meet, so I understandably toned down and didn't text her as often (I only texted her twice in nearly a month). In those texts I told her I'll treat her next time we meet and I hope she feels better and tried to cheer her up telling her she's my best friend.

I'm really worried that I did something that offends her and now she's ghosting me to avoid contact.

I know she said she will push clingy people away because that's how her previous relationship ended with her ex so I've been extra careful not to be too much.

She told me before that I've been a great friend and never once complained that I'm overwhelming so I'm extremely confused and hurt.

I think she's well because I just chatted with her twin (also my friend), and she did not mention anything about her which I assume means things are normal.

I'm really worried that I'll lose my best friend and the only person I'm comfortable sharing with.

tldr:
Does anyone have advice and or the steps they took when getting a piece of furniture?
-> ISO small sectional or love seat, ideally good warranty / quality for longevity, consideration of pets

-

I am finally at a point in my life that I can get a couch instead of using a preowned, gifted ottomon and cleverly arranged pieces of covered foam as makeshift living room furniture. My apartment is pretty small, but I have plenty of room for a loveseat-- and ideally would want a small sectional or something that guests could sleep on somehow/some way and there being some ability to move the items with some ease. I also have 2 dogs and a cat to consider in terms of fabric/color.

I have a somewhat flexible budget and am ok with spending extra for something that has some level of ethics and/or warranty that is substantial.

as a ex-victim (unwilling host?) of bedbugs and the awareness of how populous they are in my city, I do not want a used (fb marketplace/ craigslist) couch, though consignment is something I would look into. In that case, I am interested in learning brands to keep in mind when thrifting or consigning.

i was looking at LoveBird Brand sectional, but they felt kind of like "fast-fashion," type couches. Another option that i am considering is Koala sofa bed since it is a B-corporation.

There is an ikea in my area, but i am not sure if that is going to be something that has longevity and i would prefer quality over quantity and a couch will come with me whenever i move!

what does a person look for when spending so much money on a single item?

how do i decide on a couch? why do i feel so uncomfortable about physical locations? and how do i make the decision to just start going to them and trying stuff? How do i make a decision on a couch ive never put my being onto -online shopping? ( idk if the autism is impacting the going to new places, but the texture and comfort of a couch is so important to me but i am overwhelmed by furniture stores.)

edit to add - not sure what flair to use, hope this one makes sense <3
edit2: grammar

We dated 9 years ago, but he was emotionally unavailable, so I cut things off. He tried getting me back for YEARS, and we started seeing each other again in January. By mid-March 2024, I (34f) moved in with him (38m). Everything seemed perfect until it wasn’t. I went on a two-week vacation/work trip in August, and when I returned, behaviors I saw when we first reconnected had resurfaced.

I work long days and he wasn’t working so he would be left to his own devices often just sitting in the room high as a kite.

He’s both a Marine and Air Force veteran, and had been out of work for nearly two years after a work injury. He was suing his workplace, just like he had done with his previous job for another injury.

When we first got back together, he was under 125 lbs, frail, and mostly surviving on ramen. Once I started cooking for him, he gained at least 30 lbs and built muscle. He used to be a body builder.

Casually mentioned to me he has tried steroids, Molly, X, mushrooms, adderrall. He also smoked weed 6x a day, immediately upon waking up.

He would talk to himself out loud in a threatening tone in the mornings. Would often refer to “the American people have no idea”

At first, he only slept 2-4 hours a night, usually waking up at midnight and staying up the rest of the day. Once I moved in, his sleep schedule normalized, but it all changed when I left for my trip.

I found Narcan, tinfoil, and a burnt spoon one day. He also had mail from a substance abuse center, but I never questioned it (stupid I know)

He constantly dozed off after just waking up from a long nap.

I once wiped white powder off his nose, and he nodded off with a smile, swaying while standing as if high.

He complained about cold sweats, constipation, and an itchy face and nose. He was always coughing with mucous in lungs, had the biggest boogers I’ve ever seen in my life. I found used tissues in the trash that suggested he was pulling out his stool?

He went through muscle relaxers ridiculously fast (less than a week for a month’s supply) and claimed his pain meds for his injury from over a year ago didn’t work because they weren’t strong enough.

He became paranoid, assuming random trash in the driveway was left by a “hater.” He isolated himself from family and friends, avoided going out, and kept a messy house. He insisted on having motion sensor lights inside for “safety.”

There were moments that really concerned me—he choked me in his “sleep” multiple times yet was extremely apologetic and embarrassed once he “woke” up.

While both on the couch he started mumbling and rocking back and forth, saying “no” over and over while he self soothed by hugging himself I rubbed his back and reassured him, “It’s okay, I’m here,” he snapped out of it and said, “Oh hey.”

He pinned me down while I slept and penetrated me where I woke up and then just left the room once finished.

One time, I was coming to bed with my phone flashlight, and he jumped up to attack me, only stopping when he realized it was me.

After the one and only fight we had, he yelled over me that he was talking after asking me something and not allowing me to answer which left me confused. I packed my things and moved out the next morning. I’ve blocked him since.

I know there were many mental struggles that were clear but I feel like all the signs are there that drugs were involved but I don’t want to believe it.

I went for full panel sexual testing after everything, and luckily, everything came back clean. I can’t stop wondering what drugs he was on, and how I didn’t want to listen to my own intuition/missed so many signs!!!

I keep reminding myself could have stayed but I chose to leave and I should be SO proud of myself because it could have been much worse. I cannot stop over thinking about him though and it breaks my heart. I know I am not his mother nor therapist but knowing he’s burned so many bridges and probably spent the holidays alone but it’s also not my place to fix him if he can’t show up for himself to get help for his mental struggles and substance issues. I didn’t come to the realization of the substance issues and behaviors until AFTER I left him. He basically harassed me with calls and texts where he was very manic and not making any sense for a month after I left and he’s since been blocked.

I have since got a new therapist as the one I had told me “you’re doing great you have all the tools you need…you don’t need me anymore” yet I had just mentioned to her I was having flashbacks and night terrors.

Hello all, I’m feeling a little bit confused about something right now. My (25M) friend (27F) had texted me that she felt like I didn’t want to be her friend anymore. She had been oversharing about some stuff in her life with me, but I hadn’t been honest with her at the time about how it felt like we were just going in circles about it. That had obviously affected our friendship.

I responded saying “I wasn’t honest about how it felt like you talking about your breakup so much had began to make me feel tired of talking to you. I’m sorry for not being honest about it at the time. I do genuinely think you’re a good friend, and I don’t want you to question whether I want to be your friend. Going forward, I’m going be better about being honest when I want a break about talking about something and having better boundaries about it, so you don’t have to question how I feel about our friendship”.

I had thought that the direct route was the better way to address it. She has recently been through a bad break up, and part of that was her ex telling her she overshared. I realize now that it would have been better for me to be more gentle about it.

I’m left sitting here feeling very very confused about how to feel. To me, this seems like a really big red flag. I understand that she is in a sensitive space, but he having such a large reaction to me establishing a boundary makes me feel… weird.

I should add for context that she had been talking about all the shitty things this dude had done to her for eight months leading up to their breakup. I was there the whole time for her because I wanted to be someone that would listen to her, but by the end of it I had began to distance myself. I was emotionally drained and had waited too long to say anything. I had began to dread talking to her because I knew the topic would come up.

I also know that if I brought it up while she was with him, she would absolutely have stayed with him because she would have felt like she lost one of the people who would listen. I don’t want to lose her as a friend, but I am also oddly at peace with her stopping talking to me now that I know she is safe.

So I heard of toxic families as a teen but always thought mine wasn’t that bad. I was never abused or anything but as I’ve gotten older and met other people’s families from college and such I’m realizing I think mine might not be normal so I wanted to get a second opinion.

My parents divorced 15 years ago and since then things have been a bit crazy. I’d have visitation with my dad who lived with his parents and both my mom and dad constantly talked shit about each other. They used me and my sister to communicate for them. My mom would send him aggressive emails and my dad would get his whole family to stalk her and my social media and look for info about him.

My dad would randomly bring new girlfriends to our visitation without telling us. He had two kids with one of them and didn’t tell us for a whole year after they were born. My aunt and grandparents on his side I’m pretty sure are narcissists and I haven’t talked to them for years. Like once my aunt swam into the middle of the lake pretending to go drown herself because she didn’t get her way.

My mom was a stay at home mom and never really adjusted from the divorce. She let trash pile up at home and stuffed it in drawers. Appliances stopped working and she never fixed them because of money. Our dad let the house get foreclosed on and we were evicted.

My mom struggled to make money ever since and let us get evicted from our next apartment because she couldn’t afford it. We lived in basement apartments for a while until me and my sister moved for my grad school. My mom came with us because she couldn’t afford the apartment without us contributing. Fast forward to me graduating, and she lost her job due to automation 6 months ago then was caught shoplifting shortly after because she felt bad for not being able to help out with groceries and rent. She and her brother (my uncle) also got in a fight which was my uncles fault but now we don’t really talk to them either. I feel like I don’t have much family left.

Now my mom is starting to see a guy for the first time and is inviting him over. She asked us for permission and we said sure but not overnight because we don’t know him well enough and we share a house. Well she didn’t listen and let him stay overnight and is pissed at me. I tried to talk to her about boundaries that work for both of us and she kept trying to walk away and avoid the conversation. We also recently discovered she’s been buying alcohol somehow and getting drunk. Well come home from work and she’ll be forgetting things and slurring and such and I was honestly worried about early dementia until my sister found the alcohol.

I don’t know why I’m posting this… I guess I just want to see if any of this is normal. I start to really feel all this around the holidays seeing friends from college having normal big family gatherings and I don’t have any of that.

So we’ve been friends quite a while. Our moms knew one another and she moved to my area near high school. I was 16 and she was 14, (ex I was a junior she was a sophomore when she should be with the freshmen due to how her mom registered her for school as a kid).

As a 16 year old I didn’t really party or ever try substances and some of the friends I had started to do that so we grew apart. I naturally got close with my best friend. We stayed close until college. When she suddenly just changed a lot, she now cared a lot about having a boyfriend and was never telling me what was going on in her life. I felt really left out. She also kept it a secret when she had other plans. Ex: we made plans for Friday, she’d tell me Friday morning she actually has plans with others.

Also when we hung out it used to be more fun and stuff, I figured college is busy but she’d seemingly only hang out with me for 40 min, we’d walk and talk. And then she’d go. It was like clockwork and I didn’t really hang out with her that often anyway. I tried so hard to ask about herself. Wouldn’t tell me. Randomly I was scrolling TikTok and found her account where she posts these blogs. And she’s trying to get views and stuff because she tells people to share. So I said oh it’s cool you do that. And she said she didn’t want to tell me because she knows I do that too.. but I got sad because I share these things with her and she shuts me out of her life.

Also I asked her to go to the movies recently, she said no. I asked her if she wants to grab coffee, she said maybe. It’s like she doesn’t want to follow through. She previously said she’s bored of never doing anything fun but it’s like she doesn’t want to do it with me?

I am jealous of so many people and I can't tell if it's innate. Seems like the moral of the story is that jealous people deserve their misery because they are so hateful. Can I overcome my jealousy or do I deserve this? I don't even know how.

i (18) met him (19) a few days ago and i got his contact info like i do with all my friends. we started out talking and sharing stuff about our lives but since we’ve started talking more he’s been saying things that are weird. like saying goodmorning with a heart??? and indirectly saying i’m cute??? i’m in a relationship and i don’t know how to let him down gently. i still want to be friends and i don’t want to be harsh. i have cut all contact with him since the heart and the cute thing out of respect for my relationship. the problem is that ill still have to see him at work eventually. i was thinking just ignore it and post something about my boyfriend because i honestly just want to avoid the awkward conversation at all. but im not sure that would do anything??? please help me i’m so lost in this situation.

ALSO i have not responded since the indirectly calling me cute. how do i even respond to that first. is it wrong for me to ignore it? i typically avoid confronting things like that because it really does make me uncomfortable. i really don’t want to have to address that ://

TLDR: in a relationship but a coworker seems to be flirting with me. how do i let him down gently and not ruin our work environment.

I have a lot of stuff on my mind, but don’t feel like making a full post just this odd melancholy that has characterized the last few days.

So any wise words? words of encouragement? Wise quotes? Advice? An experience you had that hopefully I can learn from?

Hi mom, how are you doing? I don't miss you because you've failed time and again to be there for me when I needed you. But I want you to know how much I hate dad. Dad arrived and said you're fat and basically sounds like he's not attracted to you anymore. Dad said he doesn't want to divorce you because he made a contract to stay married to you even though he never took you out for your birthday or brought your flowers or got you a card or just made any effort in your life. Dad thinks that occasionally saying that it's good that you're outgoing and that you organise everything and that you look after him but also hates that you're always on your phone even though ironically he never initiates conversation so what's the point in hanging out with him...

I took dad to Camden town for lunch and to find him a scarf and gloves that he needed and he didn't want to try anything or eat anything. I haggled down the scarf and he complained that it's too big and still expensive even though it was £15. He didn't eat anything because he's not interested and he "confided" in me that he gets no excitement from visiting places and eating food. So basically I take that as there's no excitement in spending time with me.

I have a boyfriend now! We've been together for 6 months and I love him but I struggle to connect with him through basic conversations because I don't know how to ask good questions or have normal conversations. I feel like I'm wasting his time and he should date someone more interesting. I planned for dad to meet my boyfriend but I think I've scared my boyfriend into meeting him because he pulled out but really it was because I told him how dad didn't have one good thing to say the moment he landed in my country. So mom? Should I even bother to let dad meet my boyfriend? Most likely scenario, it will be awkward and dad will make my boyfriend uncomfortable by saying that going to nice food places is a waste of money and making my boyfriend depressed by talking about how he was raised in poverty and he thinks rich white people are bad and how he's white but can't relate to white people because he's actually brown inside and poor. God mom... I just want someone to tell him to shut the fuck up and stop being ignorant and just to tell him what a joke he absolutely is and that he's 100% white as fuck and the audacity to say such ridiculous shit in public. My boyfriend is everything he is not, he's loving, he's thoughtful, he's fun, he's outgoing, he's human. Can someone please explain to dad how lucky he is to be able to even say dumb racist shit in public and not have anyone lash out at him. Fucking fuckhead.

Mom, I'm so epicaricacious that none of my sisters care to talk to him at all. He deserves it. What a fucking asshole sperm donor. I'm the only daughter left who tries but mom... I'm so tired. Dad will ruin my relationship with his pessimism and "deep conversations" that he thinks means he's smart and wise. Dad is an idiot and I don't want my boyfriend to feel stressed out trying to interact with dad and be pleasant when he literally depresses people with his "I'm a victim and I have abandonment issues because of my shitty neglectful childhood". And yet he's too self obsessed to notice that he's gone and recreated the cycle and now has 0 relationship with his children and wife.

Mom, how do I tell my boyfriend I don't want him to meet my sperm donor because why would I? Should I do it out of principle even though I don't even want to be there for it? Mom, what the fuck would you do?

I (23M) am a gay guy who grew up in the Appalachian/Bible Belt region fo the US. A relatively small town, rural, conservative, traditional, Christian area - essentially, even though I came out when I was 14, I've never been in a relationship or been on a date or, honestly, have never been pursued romantically in my life.

Which has been fine. I'm not a very extroverted or social person to begin with, so I've become very independent and used to being single/alone, and while I've sometimes wished to be able to experience love, I've surrounded myself with close friends and family who are able to somewhat fill that void in my life.

But, then....enter E (29M).

He joined my office about three months ago for a temp position and we immediately hit it off. When I say hit it off, I mean I've never felt so comfortable around a guy before. I grew up with all girls for friends, was raised by a single mom and a grandmother - I've never been comfortable around guys, but E is different. I could almost immediately be myself around him, which is a feat in itself, and our interests/personalities just mesh so well. I was honestly happy that I could have maybe found a new friend.

I didn't realize it at first, but E has been very flirty with me from the get-go. At first I just thought it was teasing or banter, but my friends and coworkers were all like "no....babe, he's like, flirting heavy." And every time I'm around E, there's so much eye contact between us. It almost put me off at first because, again, I've never been super sociable and have always hated eye contact. But with E, it had this....pull to it, like this intensity that I've never felt before with eye contact. A coworker who I'm super close with said that whenever I'm talking, E is focused so intently on me that there's almost a spark in his eyes. When I changed my appearance a few weeks ago, another coworker and I went to E's office to chat, and even though our other coworker was standing right in front of him talking to him, he was looking right at me off to the side the entire time - at my new hairstyle (it was a perm, so it definitely was a big change).

That's always been the case with E, even now - his temp position's time came to an end but we still keep in touch and still hang out. We were hanging out all the time before the holidays; my best friend said I see E more than she sees her long-term boyfriend. I've caught him checking me out at least once or twice, I believe. He remembers the craziest little details about me and has pointed out small physical things about me that no one else as pointed out before. He's very chivalrous - holds doors open, cleans up trash for me after we go out to eat, always offers to hold my bag when I go to the restroom - but he's also ex-military, so I don't know if that's just a respect thing he's been taught or not.

The one time he came to pick me up for a hang-out, he came up to my front door and rang the doorbell and waited for me on the front porch. I've never had a friend do that before. Everyone else has always parked and texted that they were there. I swear, I felt like I was being picked up for a date.

Hell, a few weeks ago he sent me a post on Instagram that read "I don't flirt, I just say every thought I have and hope for the best." I didn't think much of it at the time, but now I'm wondering if he sent that as some sort of message? All my friends say no straight guy sends that to another guy friend - their straight boyfriends agreed.

And because of all this, of course I've grown feelings for him. He's always on my mind, I always get so excited when his name pops up on my phone. I never wanted to act on them when he was a coworker, but because I was ignoring them, they've festered into this beast.

But here's the issue: E has never explicitly said he's into guys, but I've never explicitly asked, and he's openly talked about women to me before - both exes he's had and women who've caught his attention and, again, funny "meme" posts on Instagram that also talk about being with women. He knows I'm gay and I've talked about being gay once or twice with him, and once his response seemed very....personal? He wasn't talking about himself but it was almost as if he was talking from experience. Again though, that's it. He's never made any physical advances outside a few friendly touches. He's also not a big texter - more often than not, he leaves me on read unless I'm explicitly asking him a question, but he's expressed before that he's not great at texting. We do keep in contact at least once a day, usually by sending each other stuff on social media.

Also, about a month ago when I was really telling myself "he's straight, he's straight, get over yourself" I was open with him about being active on dating apps. During this time, it did feel like he somewhat pulled back from me a bit - we still kept in touch, but it felt like we lost that spark we had in the beginning. However, recently, that spark came back in full force - especially the last time we got together. I swear, it felt like something between us was starting to shift toward something more than friends. But then the holidays hit and I haven't seen him in just over a week, and it might be another week or so until he's back in town, so I don't know if what I felt was a fluke or not.

So I don't know what to do. I'm getting to the point where these feelings are real, big, and consuming, and all the mixed signals (if you can even call them that) are so confusing.

I've told myself that I can't make a first move, because I don't want to scare him off in case I'm reading everything wrong and I'm really starting to value having him in my life. E has also told me, on multiple occasions, that he isn't good at picking up hints - usually he doesn't even know someone is interested in him until after the fact because someone else saw the hints and told him. So I believe me trying to "drop hints" myself won't be productive.

So.....do I sit back and wait it out more? See if anything really develops? Or should I start thinking about, well, not making the first move so to speak, but just opening up the conversation between us? If so, how does one even do that?

Thank you so much in advance for any advice!

TLDR: My (23M) new-ish friend (29M) gives me mixed signals that he might be into me. It's caused me to grow feelings for him, feelings that are starting to become real/more than a crush I think. On the one hand, he has shown enough "interest" in me that other people have picked up on it; on the other, he's never explicitly said he's into guys, though I've never outright asked him. What do I do, if anything, about this?

Hello there, you all can call me Puggles, Puggies or anything of the sort and i turned 18 back in mid November, today I'm here to ask you all for some general help because I have no fucking clue how to get a job

I'm currently trying to obtain a job because I don't wanna live with my parent and siblings anymore, don't get me wrong they are very kind for the most part, especially my adoptive mother, but like many people I want to have a place that I myself can call home, well the issue is whenever I go out and try to get a job I'm either ghosted or rejected even though I've made sure to call back and reapply during times when companies will be wanting to bring in new hires during holidays and also just sometimes in hopes that maybe they'll see it, for reference it's ussaly a entry level job and I have no clue how to put together my resume

If your curious I currently live near Kansas city Kansas, where job opportunities can be few and far beetween, I've done some job searching in the nearby cities but to little success, even with those small victories quickly got shatterd by the cost of living in those areas, pair that with the anexity of living in such a crowded city makes me wanna find the nearest trash can and barf.

Now pair that with the fact that I have no clue how to file taxes or any of that sorta stuff on top of having dogshit handwriting and being on the autism spectrum to some degree I need some help...

Now with all that being said I asking for your help since I don't know where or who else to ask for this sorta help, I'll try my best to answer any questions relating to the topic ASAP and any help means the world to me, thanks for reading.

Hi everyone, I feel silly posting this, but I really don’t have any experience with bars outside of this one nerdy arcade-bar type thing. In this bar, QR codes are at every single table and barstool, and you are expected to order from the website on the QR code. No one will come by to talk to you unless you use that code.

Anyways, this bar is pretty far out of my way, so I want to start going to the one in my own neighborhood. Problem is, I highly doubt they use the same QR code process.

I think I have a pretty good idea on what to do if I go to the actual bar area: sit down, wait for the bartender to come up to me, order, tell them if I want to close my tab, etc… But I guess my biggest concern is what happens if I decide to go sit at a table to drink and eat? Does somebody come by to take my order? How do they know I’m there if there’s no hostess seating everyone? Can someone just tell me the process here?

If it matters any, this bar has a pretty fun and chill neighborly vibe based on what I’ve seen online.