r/howtonotgiveafuck • u/throwaway_bonylegs • 16h ago
How to deal with coworkers who like everyone but me?
I started here three months ago. I’m a fairly outgoing person who is eager to interact and likes to make small talk. My patients love me, and I’m often described by others as bubbly, but a few of my other coworkers give me the cold shoulder.
I don’t know why. I do favors for them, ask them about their day, bring in food, do my job well, etc. But while they are interested in everyone else they act offended when I talk to them. They will engage with other people and try to befriend them. But they will ignore my existence unless I talk to them. Idk what I did or how I am coming across since they can’t tell me what their issue is. I’ve asked them before and they said nothing. But whenever I speak to them, even about work things, they act like I just spat on them. If I knew what I did wrong I’d apologize and try to work it out.
I have many ride or die friends, a loving five year relationship, and a large amazing family. All of them say I’m great so idk what I’m doing so wrong. I’ve never treated someone like this in my life so I just don’t understand.
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u/VillageSuitable9589 16h ago
It sounds like they're jealous of you. The best thing is to just ignore them, focus on your job, then follow them home after work. From there you can sneak into their house at night and rearrange the furniture. They'll eventually feel unsafe and have to move to another town. No more rude coworkers.
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u/archit07ect 15h ago
Your situation is very relatable. I’m actually in a similar position, but I’m the coworker giving the cold shoulder. Here’s the advice I’d give to my bubbly, extremely gregarious coworker:
Sometimes, I feel like she doesn’t match my energy. She’s always at a level 10, which can be a bit draining. Often, she shares a lot about her life to engage me, but I find myself thinking, Could you pause and ask me meaningful questions instead? It feels like a one-sided conversation, almost like a soliloquy, and it’s hard to keep up with that every day. I can handle it occasionally, but not constantly.
It’s important to remember that some people have dog energy—always excited and seeking interaction—while others are more like cats. Unlike dogs, cats don’t need constant attention, but they still value it in their own way. You have to be patient and let them come to you on their terms. That’s why I sometimes pull back; it’s not personal, just a way to manage my energy.
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u/QualiaRedux 16h ago edited 14h ago
You gotta let go of whether coworkers like you, I find. It helps, for sure, and it's awful when you don't let go and aren't liked, but some people and work cultures love love love holding it over you and making you try. Makes them feel important. Just do your thing and if coworkers like you, that's a nice benefit.
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u/allgrownzup 8h ago
Experienced this at my first job. Really bothered me because I was younger but I eventually ran out of fucks the longer I was there. If I have to use up all of my energy to make you comfortable then you’re gonna have to be uncomfortable.
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u/ForestCityWRX 16h ago
It sounds like you might be a little intense. When you’re new to a job, treat people like baby deer. Don’t be too loud and let them come to you for the first while you’re there.
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u/throwaway_bonylegs 16h ago
Haha yeah probably. I just really like talking to others.
Good thing I barely see them in a day. I’m usually on the floor for about 9 hours out of a 12 hour shift.
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u/bluffyouback 14h ago
Hey. You will have this pretty much at every job. Some will treat you like shit regardless and some will be decent normal people. The more you pay attention and stress yourself out over these miserable coworkers, the more they have the upper hand and the more you will start to resent your position the longer you stay.
Don't give them any more power. Focus on your job and the rapport you have with your patients and other staff. By all means, speak out when those miserable fucks do anything to violate your worker’s rights, but with cool and collected mannerisms. Try to build rapport with HR.
I'm in the same boat, except I've been here for 22 years. (26 including other nursing positions) It's always few staff/management. These things always happen. I love my patients and limited few co-workers. My patients like me too because I chat up a lot and have been on their side too (as a patient myself).
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u/modscientist87 14h ago
They are gossiping about you. They've made their connections through vicious gossip and live by it. The only thing that gets them through their day is talking terribly about people they don't know, and making up stories about who they "think" you are without taking the chance to get to know you. People like that will always choose to follow the pack because going against their clique will potentially get them individually singled out from the group and treated the way they treat everyone who isn't in the pack.
When you talk to one of these people and they seem upset, or are giving you the cold shoulder, or short direct answers, avoiding eye contact, it's 100% because they could not handle being singled out from their clique the way they do other people. I worked in a hospital for a number of years before changing careers and I can tell you for a fact they just have a bond that's based in negativity.
If you show up to work the next day and make no initiation to speak with them they will come running to you in the following days in fear that you may have some negative information on one or more of them, and will be asking if everything is ok. ( Is everything ok means " what the hell did you find out!" )
From my experience working in that hospital years ago it seems to be an exaggerated version of highschool, and they're gossiping and mistreatment is no different from bullying.
When you understand the behavior of people like this, it becomes incredibly easy to not give a fuck. They are toxic and are actually doing you a huge favor by not dragging you down into their negativity cult. Go to work make your money and live the life you love outside of work.
In simple terms, fuck them.
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u/AgreeablePollution7 16h ago edited 16h ago
Maybe they think you're too nice. Honestly what you're describing from your coworker is how I've treated people who I felt were going way out of their way to be friendly. I didn't trust them, and something about excessive kindness just irks my nerves.
I could be way off I'm just guessing. If you want to be true to not giving a fuck, stop talking to them, stop trying, and ignore them unless they speak first or you have to interact for work.
EDIT: I'd like to add that doing things in order to be liked is seen as deeply unattractive by a lot of people. It's going to be obvious you're doing this stuff BECAUSE you want people to like you... stop doing that, or at least don't do it unless your actions will be reciprocated.
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u/throwaway_bonylegs 16h ago
Idk I’ve always been like this. I don’t really change my behavior for anybody. I’m someone that will have a conversation with a complete stranger and help them out lol. That’s why I am in healthcare. One of my favorite things about my job is helping those in need and just listening to them. Most people complain about bedside care and customer service but I ADORE it. It’s just something that is an inherent part of my personality.
I don’t really try to manipulate people or get something out of them since I don’t really want anything from anybody. So I never have ulterior motives. Im just really extroverted. If im not talking to people face to face im having like 6 text conversations on my phone.
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u/obnub 16h ago
What’s your profession?
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u/throwaway_bonylegs 16h ago
CNA/Student nurse
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u/QualiaRedux 14h ago
OOOF, it's because you're in healthcare. That truly is it. People are cold and they're bullies in nursing, and that's just nursing. You'll get more popular 5-10 years on the job, but for now, the absolute consensus is that being a new nurse fucking blows. It's actually a huge cultural problem in nursing. It ain't you.
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u/ladyzee87 12h ago
Sometimes people with your energy can be draining and exhausting. I have a friend like that . She's constantly on her phone texting and when she's not she wont shut up. It's draining even to me who's an extrovert. I don't feel the need to fill silence constantly.
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u/throwaway_bonylegs 11h ago
I’m usually not in the break room tbh. And these coworkers will either gossip, talk, or will FaceTime people.
When I am in the break room I have learned to be quiet, it’s not a welcoming atmosphere
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u/Big_Animal585 12h ago
They’re threatened by you; or
You have some type of issue where you misread body language and see neutral body language etc as threats; or
There’s a pre existing clique that’s hard to penetrate
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u/DiggsDynamite 11h ago
It's really hard when coworkers act like that, but honestly, it probably says more about them than it does about you. Try not to focus on them too much. Instead, put your energy into the good relationships you do have at work and in your life. Maybe stop trying so hard to get them to like you – you deserve to have connections that just happen naturally. Just keep being your bubbly, kind self, and don't let their negativity get you down.
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u/LuxidDreamingIsFun 10h ago
It's a power play. You come off as nice and open. Like a push over. Maybe not that extreme, but you know what I mean. I would not be mean to them, but just go in and do your job and don't over share. Don't give them ammunition to gossip about (although I'm sure they'll find something). Start making them wonder if you like them anymore. Be content, but do your best impression to show you don't give a fuck even if on the inside you do. Don't let anything they do whether it be gossip or leave you out, affect your emotions. If it does, pretend it doesn't. Leave people wondering if they've earned your respect. If they show you kindness, don't assume you're in, they're probably testing boundaries to see how much you care about what they think.
You're only three months in, you're still new and feeling out the vibes. It'll take time but you'll get into a groove and see who you mesh with. But trust no one! Never get comfortable enough to reveal anything personal even if they ask you straight up details about your life. It may not be out of kindness and getting to know you. It's to be nosy and find something to gossip about. Reveal as little as possible. Let them prove they're worthy of knowing you. Although as it stands, they're showing their character already and it's not very good. Friendly, but arms length and you'll be fine.
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u/no-yourenot-hardcore 8h ago
There is this awesome book (cheap on kindle, a quick read) by Rene Godefroy called How to deal with Negative People in the Workplace” or something similar. I read it and it helped me instantly. He has a great perspective on this. It’s not you.
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u/0000001meow 7h ago
I’m in the same boat - no one likes me, the only person I actually get along with is my boss, and now he is wfh. I mostly try to ignore them the best I can and get on with my day
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u/MalsPrettyBonnet 5h ago
Interact when necessary, but don't go out of your way to ask to do favors for them, etc. Keep them at a distance. It's how you remind yourself that they are peripheral characters in your life, not the main acts. Chat if they seek to engage you, don't if they don't.
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u/Salt-Ad2636 7h ago
Don’t do “nice” things for ppl so they like you. This sounds like childhood trauma. Stop seeking validation from coworkers. They’re not your friends. Usually the second they leave work, they stop thinking about you. Keep doing your job, and have fun. You’re too focused on them if you’re posting this after work. Get a life.
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