r/family • u/Fabulous_Proposal550 • 21h ago
Men who want kids - would you abstain from alcohol/coldcuts/raw fish while your wife is pregnant?
Cold
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u/Shartcookie 21h ago
Ask your wife. I’m the kind of person where it would actually make me uncomfortable if someone gave all this up just because I can’t. Like, why should two of us suffer?
That said, it shouldn’t be used/eaten excessively or irresponsibly. That’s shitty.
To me, there’s a big difference in having a drink or two and getting blitzed around your sober, pregnant wife. My husband did that at his best friend’s wedding while I was very pregnant. Black out drunk. I was enraged b/c God forbid I’d gone into labor early he was totally unable to help. Just a very bad look. Also I had to take care of him and I was freaking exhausted (we were both in the wedding party). Not cool!
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u/Colorless82 20h ago
Hope it was just the one time! Tho once is enough to get a good yelling at!
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u/Shartcookie 15h ago
It was an issue on and off for several years. Therapy was acquired. He’s now pretty much sober. We def had to fight for the marriage. Doing great now!
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u/pambean 19h ago
I know the question is for men, but as a woman who's been pregnant twice I don't get the question. Why should he abstain just because of me? Seems a little entitled. And since when can't we have coldcuts? This is the first time I've heard that one.
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u/Ashequalsninja 17h ago
I agree that it’s dumb to ask, but cold cuts are a big deal if you get pregnant again. There is a risk of listeria, which can cause a termination. It’s like the one thing I did not duck with when I was pregnant.
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u/defenselaywer 13h ago
IMHO, if one person has dietary restrictions for any reason it really helps for them to have a support system within the household. For example, if I'm trying to lose weight, and my family is feasting on my favorite foods, it's going to be really tough for me to keep to my diet. The point isn't to make them suffer, it's to support me
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u/WickedShadow99 21h ago
I didn’t have any issues with my man eating those things but he wouldn’t without me 🥹
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u/thosmanus 20h ago
I stopped drinking during my wife's pregnancy. I never thought it was fair that she would automatically be expected to be the DD in every situation. I think there were 2 or 3 times where she would tell me to have a few drinks with friends or family, and she didn't mind driving us home. We never really drink at home either.
I don't really eat lunch meat or fish to begin with.
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u/Colorless82 20h ago
If the smell makes her sick, then yes if she's around, but it's unreasonable to cut out everything, even if she's not around. I had a meat aversion when pregnant and my husband is mostly carnivore so when he cooked it smelled like death. But he had to eat and I just had to live with it or go somewhere else. Same if I wanted eggs, since he has an allergy but it was one of the only proteins I could have. Sometimes I boiled eggs outside in a special cooker.
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u/grandmaratwings 21h ago
I don’t understand this mindset. I mean,, if cold cuts are the go-to lunch for a couple and now one of them can’t eat it, you find a new lunch go-to. But. If the office is hosting a lunch of sandwiches, why can’t dad partake?? I’m allergic to shellfish. Back when I could eat it we had shrimp probably once a week. I developed an allergy, my husband didn’t. He still likes shellfish, I will cook it for him, in a separate pan and while wearing gloves. I don’t expect people around me to accommodate my dietary needs, pregnant or not. I know what I can and can’t have and I’m the only one responsible for that.
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u/Pennypacker-HE 19h ago
If she asked for it absolutely. You got to. I mean…..to gots to for real. No real choice here unless you’re a total dick. Luckily my wife has never had any morning sickness or major food aversions through any of her pregnancies so I really should STFU cause I had it easy.
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u/K1mTy3 19h ago
We have 2 children - I only asked my husband to not get completely off his face once (not to stay sober, just not get plastered), when he went on his brother's stag do a couple of weeks before my due date.
He's a grown man, capable of making his own decisions. I wasn't going to stop him drinking, he chose not to get drunk.
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u/iKiNG_81 17h ago
I literally gave up something with each pregnancy (I have 3 kids). This last one I grew my hair to help humble myself more. (I cut it as soon as she was born). But I don't smoke anymore, I don't eat red meats and I only drink maybe 5 times a year. And that's great, considering I was an obnoxious, alcoholic weed head who was only humble when I was high. Your kid can feel their mother's every emotion, from joy to pain to everything in between. When my friends tell my kids how I used to be, they're just at a loss for words because they can't believe it. And I have to nod my head in shame, but I thank them and their mom for helping to make me a better person. Like T.I. said on a verse in a song, " You think I'm bad now, you should've seen me before I had children." Now my kids think I'm bad ass because I'm a maintenance tech at an apartment complex that can fix anything and then come home and continue to fix stuff, and to me, I like that bad better.
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u/MrsTruffulaTree 16h ago
We have 3 kids. The only thing I ever banned from our house was Rotisserie chicken because the smell made me nauseous. As for drinking? I was fine being the DD since I couldn't drink anyway. He never gets sloppy drunk anyway.
Eta: I didn't see the point of both of us abstaining from things we enjoy because I'm pregnant. Unless something made me sick, he continued whatever he was doing.
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u/Frozencanuck69 15h ago
Instead of having a beer I would have ice cream because it's something she could have with me and then we're both all right
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u/Blissboyz 14h ago
I don’t know why you have to abstain from those items, but if it’s something that you are concerned about then just ask your partner. If she’s reasonable then she probably doesn’t have a problem with any of it minus the alcohol in moderation.
My wife took me out to sushi a couple of times through both of her pregnancies and she would just order cooked fish or something else off the menu. She can always heat up cold cuts if she wants a sandwich. It is just the unfortunate part of being pregnant.
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u/OkCheesecake7067 13h ago
I'm a mom and I personally don't think it's fair to ask someone else to stop eating something just because you can't eat it. That being said: If you really couldn't stand watching that person eat that then it would be more fair to say "Don't eat that in front of me" instead of "Don't eat that." Just tell them to eat it when you aren't in the room. Or to eat it somewhere else instead of bringing it home for you to see.
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u/TraditionalScheme337 13h ago
My wife didn't care about the meat or fish thing when she was pregnant but she did ask ne not to drink case I had to take her to hospital which I did.
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u/KiwiandCream 13h ago
As a mother of four, what’s the benefit to him abstaining as well? The alcohol part I get, it’s not good for you so skipping it is always a health boost. But raw fish? Him eating raw fish won’t cause harm to the baby
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u/abandit91 9h ago
Yes it certainly can and it has. Raw fish is known to have parasites. Any type of foodbourne illness can cause death to a baby. That's also why deli products (listeria) and unpasteurized products are warned against.
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u/KiwiandCream 7h ago
None of that is specific to the wife being pregnant though. If the husband doesn’t want to eat raw fish because of risk of parasites, that’s something that would affect him equally before, during and after pregnancy. The guidelines are for the pregnant person not to eat these foods, not for her entire household and family
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u/Autumn_Forest_Mist 21h ago
I’m not a man, but I would pressure my son to abstain in solidarity with his pregnant wife.
I also abstain in solidarity when the men in my life have to go without for a medical procedure. That is what family/friends are for - support and solidarity!
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u/scoop_booty 21h ago
If she asked me to, yes. She's doing the hard work, carrying the child, dealing with hormones, swelling....feet...it's the least I could do. Same with after the birth. I don't know about the rest of you guys, but I did all the night feeding so my wife could get some rest. It was a really good time of bonding. I wouldn't trade it for the world. Guys that don't do this miss out in my opinion.