r/facepalm 'MURICA Aug 28 '24

🇲​🇮​🇸​🇨​ i'm speechless

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u/Mega-Eclipse Aug 28 '24

So how come it works in other countries where health insurance and a living wage are standard for employees? The gods there isn't more expensive.

Becuase most modern European countries are somewhat unified. America is 3 racoons in a trench coat.

Things like healthcare, education, roads/transportation, etc are all part of the social contract. Everyone pays into it, and everyone benefits. The costs are spread out to everyone.

In America, everyone pays their own way. And the goal in America is make the most profit possible. Which means the highest prices people will stand, with the lowest wages people will stand.

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u/BadTaste421 Aug 28 '24

Three raccoons in a trench coat is the best analogy I’ve heard yet.

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u/DarthDread424 Aug 28 '24

Yea too bad America isn't as cute as three trash pandas in a trench coat.

Signed, an American

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u/jarejay Aug 28 '24

Yeah, it’s more like 50 possums in a Hefty bag

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u/2pissedoffdude2 Aug 28 '24

Possums are cute af

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u/OhEstelle Aug 28 '24

Yo stop dissin’ possums. They’re messy but fairly placid as omnivorous wildlife goes.

Otters. Weasels. Cute, but vicious af.

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u/anaserre Aug 28 '24

You’ve never been cornered by a hissing pissed off possum .

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u/CommissionFeisty9843 Aug 28 '24

Grab them by the tail, they can’t get to you that way. I remember the first time my dad handed me a screamin possum.

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u/OhEstelle Aug 29 '24

This is true, I have not. I’ve witnessed them mooching food from feral cats though. No one of either species was uptight about sharing a free meal. I can’t imagine raccoons being so chill if … I dunno, a groundhog … moved in on their supply.

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u/anaserre Aug 29 '24

I never have had a problem with raccoons I’ve encountered, but they always had room to escape. I parked in my apartment space which had a kind of wall halfway around it , the possum was caught between me , my car and the wall so neither of us had a way to escape except for me to back up ..which I did .as quickly as possible without spooking the poor thing more than it was already . My son was right behind me and I almost fell on top of him while trying to get away but not scare him either . Did not want to get bit by a possum that night .

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u/OhEstelle Aug 29 '24

Oh dear, a possum that didn’t want to play possum!

I surprised one in our trash can one morning when I was taking out the kitchen trash. It didn’t move. Husband and I made some noise. Possum was still motionless. I put the trash bag down by the door and went back inside. Went back out 20 mins later and tried again. Possum was still curled up in the bottom of the can. I called animal control to report a sick - or possibly dead - possum. AC dude came over awhile later and found it still curled up. AC dude tipped the trash can on its side. Possum remained motionless. AC dude whacked the bottom of the can with a broom. Possum took off like a bat out of hell. AC dude set my trash can upright and said “And that’s why they call it playing possum.”

Raccoons en masse are terrifying little gangsters. About 10 years ago my sister-in-law was living with us. Our house had a walk-out basement, with an outdoor flight of steps going to the back patio and the yard beyond. It was suburbia, but a liminal space, with a big tree-filled lots, and some undeveloped lots, and conserved areas and a fishing creek and trails all within a couple hundred yards of our house. The kitchen door also opened onto the patio, maybe 20 feet away from the steps going to the basement. We were used to wildlife passing through, and aside from feeding and TNRing the aforementioned feral cats, we let the rest do their wild thing.

So one summer night my sister-in-law went out to the patio to have a smoke. She sat there for maybe 20 minutes, looking out over the yard, enjoying the quiet and the night sky. Then she turned her gaze toward the basement steps - and on the slate wall dividing the stairwell from the patio sat a row of raccoons like a chorus line, maybe a dozen of them, looking toward her, with their little forepaws held up like they were begging. She gasped or said “oh!” or something and stood up to go back into the kitchen - and they started chattering their clicky little raccoon teeth at her.

She sort of backed up to the kitchen door, came inside, and told us about it the next day. She said she’d never been so creeped out by something that wasn’t human.

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u/nocturnalcat87 Aug 28 '24

They also eat ticks and are a lot less likely to be rabid because of their high body temp. Unlike raccoons, which I will admit are a tad cuter (they are one of the wild animals most likely to be rabid)

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u/GloriaToo Aug 28 '24

Put 50 in a bag and they'll stop being cute really quick.

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u/Aanar Aug 28 '24

That bag isn't going to last long, haha.

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u/scottb90 Aug 28 '24

That does make sense since opossum are blind an thats what it's like being the average poor American

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u/BitchesLoveCumquat Aug 28 '24

More like 50 Chihuahuas with Karen Owners in a hefty bag.

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u/Rubeus17 Aug 28 '24

that’s better

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u/Jackson88877 Aug 28 '24

100 rats in a trash can.

Oh I’M SORRY. I thought we were talking about the Senate.

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u/DarthDread424 Aug 29 '24

That's a compliment