r/dating_advice • u/Soft-Ad-4006 • 1d ago

Second thoughts??

So, I never thought I’d like do something like this, for reference me and my bf are young I’m 19 and he’s 18 going on 19 in a few days. I love him to death and we’ve been best friends for YEEAAARRRS. My bf works as a server at a (unnamed restaurant) and he referred to me as his wife to someone today. But for some reason it didn’t make me like happy. I got really uncomfortable, and idk why. Now for some reason I’m thinking about if I really wanna marry him and all that. And I even thought about a break. I don’t know why I feel this way or what caused it:( I’m super confused and idk what to do we’ve been together for almost two years and off and on in the past. Help:((( I feel so confused about everything

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u/Soft-Ad-4006 1d ago

Oh my god:( I think you might be right. We’ve been best friends since 13 and I used to have a big crush on him but he played with me a lot (he’d date me and then leave for another girl quite a bit) he’s grown and changed but maybe your right. I feel like I shouldn’t feel that way though. It took me a while to actually get into him and want to be with him. Maybe that was a snap back to reality ??? I’m so confused 😭😭 I don’t want to leave him because I feel like I’ve grown to love him but what if I don’t really love him and I feel like I have to love him??

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u/RealHonesTruth 1d ago

He sounds very manipulative. Do you believe that he genuinely loves you? Or do you often find that you have to convince yourself that he loves you?

Do you often find yourself making excuses for his actions?

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u/Soft-Ad-4006 1d ago

I do believe he really loves me he’s changed so much to I’ll stay. Stopped smoking za finished highschool got a job a car. Takes me on dates, everyday he reminds me about how beautiful I am and apologizes for the past between us. When it’s that time of the month he cooks me steak and buys me chocolate and watches shows with me even if he doesn’t like them. Not so much as in a love bombing way but genuine affection. He never lets me open a door or anything like that. I do believe he loves me. I really do he’s changed so much and matured so much. Maybe I’m just holding onto the past too much? I don’t know

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u/RealHonesTruth 1d ago

Yeah, he sounds like a great guy. So you are either holding on to the past, or your mind is wondering if the grass is greener on the other side.

Be careful and try not to let your mind convince you that a healthy relationship is too boring. Oftentimes people get bored with a healthy relationship because it doesn't keep their mind on edge. A movie is a good comparison, because a movie that is predictable is boring, but one that keeps you guessing will hold your attention and be much more entertaining.

You may have a fear of missing out on other possible suitors, but if you have a good man, maybe you should change that to a fear of losing something good instead of the fear of missing out on something better. Learn to leave well enough alone.